Relationships - Houston,TX

I have the opposite problem. I want it but my husband seems to tired and just cuddles me. I can tell he isn't into the cuddle but he does it to let me know hey I do love you but not right now. I am thinking of having the grandparents come for a weekend and watch little guy while we go for a romantic night away. That way no child to think about and we can focus on each other.

Good luck and I will watch the post to see what advice you get. It might help me.

Hi!! I had the same problem.... but what I realized works best for me, is to make myself feel sexy. If getting my nails done or buying a very sexy pair of shoes does the trick, then go with it. If it painting my toe nails or plucking my eyebrows (because we all know with kids there is not always time for that stuff) do it.I have been with my husband for almost 7 years and it really did work for me. I hope it works for you too!!!

J.: I like you had the same loss of my sex drive. However, one thing that has worked for me is I ask my husband to give me a full body massage and he will start at my toes and work his way up. This helps aleaviate the stress of the day and the tiredness and by the end of the massage you feel so good you just can't say no. It is a great mood changer. Hope it works for you.

Hi J.-
My husband and I have been married for 9 years, together for 15 and now have 4 children. I understand your situation, as we experienced something similar in our marriage last year. We are Christians and we read the book Red Hot Monogomy. It really helped us. But even if you don't read the book, here's what I/we learned.

1. Men are designed to need sexual release every 72 hours - so, once a week doesn't cut it.

2. We weren't spending enough DAILY uninterrupted time together. We committed to spending an hour together every night after the kids were in bed. I know this is hard to do, but do it for the sake of your marriage. Sometimes, we had our time together when the kids were awake. We just had tell the kids that mommy and daddy needed some quality time and lock our door. Your kids are very little, so you should probably do this after they are in bed. So, NO TV. Just communicating - sometimes we read a book togther, sometimes just talking. Doing this really fullfilled both our emotional needs to communicate and it often naturally led to great love making.

3. Men and women have different views around sex. Sometimes we women see it as a chore. Men see it as a way to show their wives how much they love them. I read somewhere that wives who keep sex from their husbands, for whatever reason, makes men feel the same way a wife would feel if her husband refused to give her a hug for comfort! That really floored me when I read that.

My husband and I spent a minimum of 1 hour with each other everynight for about a month and it RADICALLY changed our marriage. The more time we spent, with each other, the more we wanted to be with each other. The passion in our marriage was just like it was when we first met, but better because we were so much more in love. I discovered that I now desire my husband every 2-3 days, which is just as often and he requires that physiologial release. Well, all that passion led to the conception of baby #4, born August 1st of this year!

If doing this doesn't help, then may I suggest you and your husband go on a romantic getaway for the weekend. It really helps when you can just be J., the lover. Not, J. the mommy, wife, cook, maid, nurse etc.

I hope this helps you.

First off, congratulations for asking for help! This is something that a lot of people are embarrassed by and keep silent on. As you can see, this is a BIG problem. Stress is a HUGE libido killer, as are hormonal disruptions, and then there are psychological issues as well....everything else is on your mind!

Next, sorry that this is a long post. I am going to give you a lot of my thoughts, because I have recently been making this a priority in my own world as well!

Let me reiterate what so many have said, you should begin by talking to your husband and your doctor. You need to find out if there are any medical reasons contributing to this. You also need to identify for yourself and your husband factors that you already know contribute to the problem. You referred to needing time in the evenings to wind down--find a way (with your husbands help) to manage the evenings. Baths are great to relax, but that's not always so sexy and only get you so far.

Here are some other things that haven't been mentioned but might help:

Try and dress in a way that makes you feel sexy. It can be sexy lingerie, a special outfit, jewelry, perfume, whatever works for you. The point is that it makes YOU feel good about yourself, as a woman, a sexual creature. Put it on in the morning and wear it to work (if appropriate). Then, it becomes a part of your whole day. We often need a bit of foreplay to be in the mood, don't always get enough time when at home, so build it into your day. Give yourself the foreplay. Periodically, make yourself think about whatever you are wearing. If there are things that your husband can wear that you find sexy, suggest he wear them from time-to-time. Don't necessarily tell him you think it's sexy--it can be your little secret, and then there aren't strings attached to him wearing it.

If you can get a babysitting coop together with some other couples, it can do wonders.

Another thing (someone talked about reading romance novels), you can write your own little stories (or ask your husband to). It helps to fantasize and imagine. In fact, it's imperative. You must think about sex. Make it a part of your psychological background (quick or not-so-quick thoughts throughout the day).

Think about how you would like to be touched (if at all) then tell your husband what to do. Most men would love to hear from their wives what turns them on, it is a huge turn on for men to know that they are skilled with their partners.

If you don't want to be touched, then restrict him while you touch him. Be fully clothed, and you can touch him when he is undressed or partially dressed. If you love a certain part of his body, trace the lines with your fingertips, or kisses.

Bottom line, get creative. Have fun with it. This is an assignment, you need this to make your marriage fulfilling. But noone ever said homework has to be boring!

Good luck and God bless!

Dear J.,

Your story is all too familiar with me. I have a 16 month old son and have been with my husband for 6 years. I am 35 years old and have the same problem. I was thinking I was the only person feeling like this but after speaking to many other mothers out there and with close friends, they have experienced the same issue. Yet, many others have not.

My husband really tries and I mean REALLY tries but I am not motivated at all but also know how important it is to maintain that relationship with my husband. I too work full time and find I have no time for myself. The house, laundry, groceries, etc. keep me going all the time. My only time to me is unwinding with a shower.

I am planning to mention this to my ob/gyn as I thought it would only be a phase. It all started during the time I was pregnant and remains the same until now. I try here and there but it is not the same at all and we were very active and "normal" before the baby. I miss our intimacy.

If you do find anything out there or check with your physician first. Wishing you only the very best and know you are not alone. I would find a sitter and try a bit more as you are still very young too. I think just the pressure of everyday makes things seem difiicult and we are very tired at the end of the day. Men are never tired for anything :)

J. M.

I am going through this very thing myself and would like answers as well. I am a 39yr old mother of 4. When I married my 2nd husband 7 years ago our sex life was great and I had no problems but then we had my two youngest right away and after that I now have no desire to be touched. When we do have sex I just want to hurry through it. My husband is real understanding but I know he gets frustrated about this. I hope someone gives you answers to help.

There is a supplement called Femtrex (www.femtrex.com)that has worked for me and I have a very low estrogen level. You might have your doctor check your hormone levels and maybe prescribe some bio-identical hormones for you....you will probably need to find a doctor who specilizes in that.

It sounds like you are busy to say the least. Women have been known to pull back when feeling stressed. You and your husband might want to try going out on dates or just spending some time together doing fun things. That might help you relax and feel better. You might consider vitamins if you don't take them already. Stress can change everything in life. You might try to do something you like, such as a hobby, going for walks or even growing flowers or gardening. When you have young kids you sometimes lose yourself in taking care of them but you are a person too with needs and wants. Try to tend to something for you every now and then too.

Please discuss this with your doctor!!!!!!!! You have had two pregnancies within a very short amount of time. You need to get bloodwork done to make sure your hormone levels are ok, that you're not anemic, that you have proper thyroid function, etc. You don't mention what type of birth control you are currently using - some types of birth control are death on the libido. After that, you need to figure out what can be handed off to your husband to do, and/or what can just wait to get done so that you have some down time. Stress is a huge sex killer.

this can be more than just your mood, there could be a hormone imbalance or something. you should talk to your OB/GYN about it! tell her you have no sex drive but WANT to! she should be able to run bloodwork and figure out what's going on

Same here. You can't wait until you're in the mood or it will never happen. You have to make time for it. Schedule it. The spontaneous stuff will start to happen again. But, with small children, if it's not scheduled - it rarely happens.

first of all this is perfectly normal i've done a survey with many of my girlfrieds i went through it myself after having my son 1st of all you need to get a lil extra help so that you have time to yourself and your husband yea right i know thats what your saying but but i hired a meme who came to my house took care of my lil girl and cleaned my house so in the evening i had that extra time to spend with my kids and family and it's the same price as any daycare and it took that load off of me and gave me that extra energy thats what you need

Working full-time and raising the kids will do that to you. Maybe you could set aside at least an evening on the weekend for you and your husband. If you don't have a babysitter, perhaps a local church has a Parent's Night Out. That's what we do. :-) And maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself. If you just think of it as date night and not so much sex night, you won't feel so pressured to perform. It would be good to just start to reconnect with your hubby. Anything else will likely follow when you start to relax and feel better.

I think all of us have a hard time switching hats in a short period. It is hard to go from Mom to sex kitten. Relax. I set up "date" nights at home on Saturday nights. We either order in or we cook. Take a bath while he reads the stories and puts the kids to bed. Give the kids kisses before you get into the tub. You don't want anything to break you out of your sex kitten vibe. Wear something he thinks is hot and go spend time with that man like you did before the kids came along. Relax and be J. and what's his name instead of Mom and Dad. You will find that once you are able to see yourself as something other than "Mom" and all the yucky unsexy things that come with that title; your desire will come back. Good luck to you! I can tell you that the thirties are great! It is true about the prime of your life thing.

Believe it or not, birth control has a lot to do with it. I was on it for 14 years before being forced to get off for blood pressure reasons. Within a few months, I noticed I started thinking about sex like a man, all the time. I also read Harliquin Romances. My husband has noticed a 100% improvement. In fact he will aske me periodically if I need any new books. Nothing weird or no role playing, I just notice him more often and am more aware of him as a man.

J.,

I have never experience that, but I can image how even that can be stressful. I just read a book called "Sheet Music" by Dr. Kevin Leman. It is a christian book about sex in marriage. There is a chapter about not having the desire. I didn't spend allot of time on this chapter, but maybe there is something there that will help you. I would also check with your doctor. There are so many things that change after children. I wish you the best.

You are not alone as you can see. our children are 10 and 13 now and I just got my spark back about 2 years ago. Up to that point we did schedule things, however I dreaded Saturday nights. But it did seem like once the ball got rolling things fell into place, it was just getting to the point each time. It sounds aweful, but it felt more like a chore to keep him from pulling away from me. He was very understanding and we talked to other couples who had been through the same thing that reasured us that it would pass in time. Best wishes to you.

You mentioned in your "a little about me" bio that you work full time and you have 2 toddlers. It might just be that you are too tired and lack the energy necessary to even consider getting yourself in the mood. Do you have to work full time? Do the kids get to bed early, like 8pm or so? Have you tried focusing on just pleasing your husband? You might want to start with a nice warm bath, just for you, while your husband tends to the kids and gets them off to bed. You might have to focus on the task at hand, think intimate thoughts, and basically go through the motions in the hopes that you will restore some intimacy. I would also talk to your doctor. If you are on birth control maybe he/she will suggest switching to something different. For the sake of your marriage though I would not say no to your husband and as hard as it might seem I would force yourself to initiate at least part of the time. Also talk to your doctor about your diet and exercise program. If you don't exercise you might consider starting. Nothing is worse for the sex drive than being tired and out of shape.

Are you taking any birth control pills... because that could be a major side effect of the pill and may cause you to have no sex drive. If this is the case, talk to your doctor. It could also be a hormonal imbalance... which again I would recommend you to talk to your doctor about this. I hope your husband is supportive of your situation and that he understands the changes in a woman. Specifically, after having children... hormones change, etc. You can still have a loving relationship in a different way. Love is not all about sex... Love comes from within and I hope you still have that in you. It could just be hugs and kisses, a massage anything special that you do for him to let him know that you do love him with all your heart. Good Luck and Best Wishes.

Hi J. I can realte to your story, the same happend to me, some times I can be that you are so busy with your kids , that you simply can't concentrate to have intimacy, but in my case (besides my 3 children and full time job) I seek medical advice and I was a put on a mediation to help me, maybe you want to try that, on your next obgyn visit. good luck!

Well lets see. For me it was stress. Anxiety over everything real and UNreal. Money, future, me dying, kid dying, dad sick, husband cheating, grandparents dying. You name it I could loose sleep over it just imagining the worsed. I was getting very little sleep already and would just lay awake desperately trying to clear my head or would fall asleep and dream dread. I needed re-assurance which I am sure my husband got tired of trying to supply. But I expained myself in that I really wasn't choosing these feelings rather they just are there, most of the time, especially at night. I wasn't getting enough sleep, or water, or good nutrition, or me time. There was no pampering, or hot baths, or massages, or time for me. Everyone needed something from me. Baby, work, parents, sister, friends, bills, house, pets, yard, flowerbeds, car, and husband. So sex was really low in the priority and held no value for me. I kind of resented the level of importance in held for him and I resented the freedom he seemed to have away from all these responsibilites. I didn't believe that what I needed mattered to anyone. The man seemingly can use sex as a stress reliever and him time yet but to me the demand added to my stress as just something else I was responsible for and was him time not me time.

It's hard to say exactly what happened because it was a little of everything. I quit caring so much about what my mom thinks(that cleared alot of brain space, HA). I quit helping my sister with her work ( part of the mom thing). I pretty much let the housework go(not the best in the longrun but helped then). I had been having a growing dental issue that was visible when I smiled and it was actually bringing down my self esteem so I spent the money to fix it(I usually didn't spend money on me). I colored my hair and started taking care of my skin again. I bought me some clothes I liked(another mom thing). My husband agreed not to try and get me in the mood if I gave the slightest inclination that I was not interested or felt bad. We got a vegetable juicer and started juicing everyday together(carrot/apple/beet/parsley/celery). We also made a shake called a dopamine shake(protein powder/apple/almond/flax seed/water/molasses). It helps set the sleep cycle(melatonin/seratonin stuff). I felt better continually as each of these things kicked in. Eventually I was feeling much better sometimes great. As time went by I had a sex drive. It is much easier to be in a sexual relationship with someone when you feel connected emotionally and you feel that this person is really there for you. Before this was impossible for me because my emotions were way off kilter due to chemical imbalances. You can't feel good or even think straight if your brain can't even fire properly. Emotional junk, sleep, and nutrition all play a role I believe.

I hope this will help you.
Maybe you can see similar events for you.
God Bless
D.

honey i know exactly what your going through. i have a 6 month old and since he was born i have had zero sex drive! well i take that back there was a few times after he was born that i wanted to but it was still before the period when i was cleared to have sex by my dr. once i got to that point where i was given the ok to have sex, i got on birth control(went with mirena) since that time my husband and i have had sex about 3 times. its killing him but its just frustrating me. the most frustrating part is his attitude. all he can do is gripe about how much hes not getting it and how much he wants it. i hear about it several times a day! it doesnt bother me in the least to not have sex right now. honestly if i did have a sex drive, most of the time i am too tired to have sex anyway so i dont know that things would be different. i dont like the strain it puts on our relationship but i am at a loss as to how to change it. i cant help that my hormones are off or my emotions wont cooperate with his desires. i dont let myself feel bad about it because i cant just turn a dial on my back and instantly have sex drive. i have come to think it is probably the mirena. i have never been on birth control before this so its a new experience for me and my body. may just take some getting used to or i may have to take some hormone supplements. all i can tell you is that you are not alone. my husbands frustrated by lack of sex and im frustrated by my husbands attitude about it. i wish i had a solution for you and me both.

You might have a hormone imbalance. There are natuaral hormones you can try.....they are in a cream form. Several of my friends have used them with good results. You need a prescription for this so you will need to speak to your doctor. This commonly occurs after having children but it is not normal. Your doctor can order blood work to check your hormone levels.

Good luck to you.

You already said it...you don't have time to unwind.
You have shared your body for a few years now and understandably don't feel like "it" I certainly was like that after two babies, and nursing for as long as I did. Even after I quit nursing having two kids clinging to every move was very tiring, I love my husband very much, but just couldn't get there.
I started to have "ME" time everyday, even if it was ten minutes after he came home from work, LOCKED in the bathroom, I made it time just for myself...it seemed to help, slowly at first but after it caught on with the family that mommy was a lot more happy and relaxed...they really enjoyed giving me my time...
And now my husband are very happy....with no complaints...
I have heard about some suppliments but don't recall waht they were, or if they worked...
Good luck. Go take a bubble bath...

Hi J., for 4 yrs I have used some drops from my homeopath. The brand is "Dr. Recommends" the drops are called Psy-Sex. They stimulate the creative psychological sex brain. They do not have side effects as they are all natural and herbal. There are others like Amazon Woman which some women find helpful, but didn't do it for me. Look into your health food store supplements. Many people need support in this. If one doesn't do it, keep trying until you feel better. It's worth it. ;)

Dr. Laura's book, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". Seriously, go to the bookstore, buy it, read it!!! It will CHANGE YOUR MARRIAGE AND CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!

girl I know the feeling... you are not alone... no sound advice here, because I am also a very stubborn person so that is not a good combination... my poor hubby deals with my ridiculousness, but how i wish i could be "in the mood" as much as i used to be... i'll be reading your replies to see what everyone says... good luck :)

I saw it mentioned already, but are you on birth control pills? One brand the doctor put me on totally killed my sex drive. After I got off those pills, my libido went back to normal.

try belly dancing. Not only is it a great way to get in shape, but it helps to rekindle sensuality of self and your surroundings. I think that Belly dance encompasses everything it means to be a woman: Sensual,mysterious,feminine. There are some great instructional dvds. One of my favs is Sensual Belly dancing with Blanca.

J.
Believe it or not this is natural By the time you take care of everyone and work you are exhausted and sex becomes a chore. First relax and realize you are not superwoman Talk to your husband and tell him how you feel. Maybe a little romance like dating will help. Does he help with the children? I don't believe in supplements but your hormones could be messed up. Have you talked to your doctor? Don't think of sex as a chore or something you have to do THe more you stress over this the worse it gets. Do something for yourself then it should come naturally.

Hey I am in the same boat if anything helps you let me know my youngest daughter is 5 mos and my son is 3 yrs. I have tryed different kinds of BC to see if that helps.

this happens in most marriages, I think. It certainly did with ours. Time will bring your sex drive back. Are you, by chance, still nursing? All the physical contact of nursing makes sex unimportant. I'm all for extended nursing, but it can get in the way of intimacy.

The longer you stay "out of the saddle" the harder it gets to get back in. I say just let him have it once a week. You can't really expect him to be faithful if you do not. It destroys their self esteem and they get sexually frustrated, emotionally frustrated. They still have all these sexaul feelings but no outlet.

It is great that he is understanding, but you have to be understanding, too. It seems like you are thinking correctly. You just have to do it. It doesn't have to take that long, so maybe once a week make it a point to not watch TV after the kiddos are asleep, leave the dishes till morning, don't fold laundry and just ask him for a back rub. Or give him one.

You'll probably like it, right? If not, hey, it is one of those little sacrifices you make for your marriage.

It does change. I promise. I personally am against taking drugs to chage something perfectly normal. I think this is your body's way of saying you can't handle another child right now so it keeps you from being put in that situation.

good luck

I know that you have gotten a lot of good advice already, but I never truly understood how much men needed sex until I went to a marriage conference. They said that men need it just like we need to eat!! That put it into perspective for me. (I have to eat all the time!!!)

Scheduling times to be intimate may be necessary and they told the women that we needed to write "T.S" on our calendar on those days for think sex! One pastor's wife told us that sometimes as moms we just need to get away from it all and can't be intimate if the kids are needing us. She told us of a time when she and her dh rented a hotel room and she was dressed in a mini skirt and heels and were only there for a couple of hours! That way she could concentrate on him w/o the kids!

Also, DATE again. It is very important!! Take time for just the two of you w/NO kids at least every other week, weekly is best! That has really helped us and I have 5 little kids, (ages 9, 8, 6,4,and 2-just had his b-day in Sep)!!!

Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

Dear J.,
Hopefully you have a good gyn - if not get a referral to one. Not all Doctors are knowledgeable in this area. Your problem is more common than you might think. It's partly a hormonal thing, besides being tired. I too was too tired and truly just not interested in sex for years and it had devastating results on our marriage. A light bulb went off in my head and I realized just what had happened. Too late, but it isn't too late for you. Get medical help, and openly discuss the issues with your husband. I'm sure he loves you enough to be patient and help you through this period. Good luck J..

Welcome to the club!!! Ha! Seriously, this is an incredibly common problem, especially in women our age - mid 20s. And having two kids certainly doesn't make things easy - you're tired, they need your time... I've found this out through similar experiences and pleadings of my own. But having said that, I know that doesn't make your husband feel much better in bed. SO the best advice I can give you is to just stop thinking about it so hard. Focus more on what it takes to get excited. It's all psychological for you at this point. I've found that more often than not, I have to force myself to do something with my husband because I just don't want to. But then a lot of times, once we get started, I do enjoy it. And enjoying it makes you want to do it more often. I hope you can figure this out. Good luck! And if you get any better advice that works out for you, please let me know!! ;)

It sounds like you're very busy and just too exhausted at the end of the day. I recently found myself in a similar situation. I too saw my husband becoming frustrated and feeling unsatisfied with our marriage. For me, I just felt like we just weren't communicating enough and not spending enough time without the kids. We decided to have an evening alone at least once a week. Most of the time it was just a matter of turning off the tv and unplugging the phone once the kids were asleep; but we also have tried to go out once a month. For the most part we spent time talking and just holding eachother. That was really beneficial because it helped both of us remember why we got married and what we love about the other person. After sometime, for me it was a month or two, I felt more relaxed and was looking forward to spending those quiet times with my husband. My sex drive did come back. It's not that I didn't want to spend time with my huband; but I was really in my routine of turning on the tv, chatting with friends on the phone, and getting some work done on the computer when the kids went to sleep. I was constantly on the go and just couldn't relax enough to feel like being intimate. I noticed that you have 2 young children. Do you have anyone that can watch your boys one evening? Maybe another mom you can trade babysitting with?

My advice...it may sound really absurd; but you'll have to stay open-minded. Schedule some time for you. About 15 - 30 minutes each day. You may have to get up before the kids; but it will help give you time to reflect on the previous day and get focused on the tasks that lay ahead. You may also want to schedule intimate time with your husband. Sounds crazy; but if I did not pencil it in to my agenda, then it just wasn't going to happen. Eventually you will feel more relaxed and taking time for yourself and your marriage will be something that comes more naturally. Things won't change overnight; but it will happen. Just be patient.

After reading some of the posts, I want to let you know not to freak out. I read an article last month that said women have lower sex drives when they have younger kids because they get all of the affection from their children. We get lots of hugs, kisses and expressions of need. Add that to every day pressures and obligations and no wonder we have no drive.

I started experiencing this after I started breastfeeding...sometimes you just have to give in even if you don't feel the desire:) My husband and I have an unspoken rule...If he doesn't say anything by 9, he's out of luck as I usually go to sleep between 10 & 10:30. Our sex life isn't has much as it used to be, but I haven't let it become non-existent.

wHY DON'T YOU BOTH TRY A COUPLE OF SESSIONS WITH A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR OR A SEX THERAPIST? I'VE HEARD THAT CAN HELP IN SITUATIONS LIKE THIS.

Hi J.!

I understand what you are going through because I experienced the same. I had 3 kids! Now I am 47 and though the kids are grown, I go through the same periods of not thinking of sex for a minute! The good thing is that you know and own to what is happening. How can you be in mood after working full time and taking care of the kids, the house and everything else? Perhaps you can make some changes which may include getting a babysitter, asking a relative for help, making time on the weekends for you! You have to love yourself first before you love anyone else! My husband is still with me after almost 25 years of marriage. I guess I've done something right! Yes, try vitamins, eat right and try to exercise. When? you might ask. I started walking with my husband in the evenings and I'm getting in shape.
The very best to you! It will all be better, I promise.

Hey I am in the same boat if anything helps you let me know my youngest daughter is 5 mos and my son is 3 yrs. I have tryed different kinds of BC to see if that helps.

Just a thought. When I was taking birth control pills and then a birth control shot - I had no interest. Then I took myself off and the interest came back. Talk to your doc about your birth control methods being a culprit and see if there is another method that works best for you.

i just had my baby 3 months ago and sex is still kind of painful, but the desire is gone! i went and got some books that touched on my feelings..they are written by sex therapists, still reading them but it sparks a different way of thinking for me, nd seems to be helping... next time you get out to a book store browse through the love and sex section and see if anything looks interesting.

Unfortunately I cannot offer any advice that would help. But I can tell you that you are NOT alone. I have felt this way since I was pregnant with my first child. I think it must be a miracle that I got pregnant with my second child, due in about 5 weeks. It definitely causes arguments. I don't want to lose my husband either, but I just have no interest in being intimate.

Hi J., honestly I feel like I'm reading about myself! But maybe you should see your docotr and see if you might have some sort of hormone inbalance. I found out during my pregnancy that I have Hyperthyroidism and I had to have my thyroid removed as a result! But, he even told me that one major side effect is no sez drive, but as things even out it will come back. They haven't evened out yet, but I still try. But if you have a blood test done....ask for a T4 to be done and that is your thyroid levels. You have to ask for it to be done, they do not do it normally. Good luck and if you need help with a docotr, mine is fantastic, he's helped me a ton and very nice man!

are you using a safe and reliable method of birth control? i remember feeling less than excited about the possibility of getting pregnant right away after the birth of my daughter. with your sons being 2 & 3, you're working full time and overwhelmed at the end of the day sounds like it would be difficult to want to be intimate. have you talked to your husband about the way you are feeling - not in the heat of the moment, but in the evening after the boys have gone to sleep? and of course the best advice of all is check with your gyn dr. what you are experiencing is pretty normal, but you need to seek the reasons why so you can figure out how you want to handle it. wish you luck - but it can happen, i'm proof of that.

I dealt with this also. I sometimes still deal with this. I find that I get so exhausted I am not interested. I too have two boys, 4 & 5, and work full time and go to school full time. I found that I have to exercise, take supplements, and pick earlier times (like first thing in the morning). Here are some links and try googling natural sex drive or herbs to boost libido. Here are a few I found

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/libido/libido.html

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m0820/is_2000_July/...

I've got some advice on this. I understand but I hope you are open to this. One is everyday that you first see your husband kiss him and I don't mean a peck, half hearted, I am busy kind of thing, but a put the baby down, put your arms around his neck and give him a soft, loving, sensous kiss everyday until it works,(could be a week,day or month but don't give up). If it doesn't do anything for you it will do something for him and that is remind him of your special womanly touch.Also, do random acts of kindness for him without telling him, he will see this and know that you care. I see that being a mother of two toddlers is quite taxing but one day those children will be leaving you and it doesn't cost a divorce but if a man doesn't feel good about hisself it could cause a lot of other problems. Two books I highly suggest, One- "five languages of love"...it'll help you both understand what show of love can be felt by the other. (eg. If you think that a back rub is the way your husband understands the showing of love and it is actually vebal praise then you could be missing the boat or you he could think buying you things is how to express love to you but yours actually is service(doing things for you) thenyou can see how you would be on the wrong track.) the other book is "The Power of a Praying Wife"-Stormy. These help me look past me and onto him. Things are always better when we are focused on others, especially our better-half.
God Bless

I wish I could offer you a solution unfortunately I am in the same boat as you. The only difference is I had no sex drive before I had children. I am 35 and seem to have lost my sex drive about 5 years ago. The only time I have been interested in sex in the last 5 years was when I was pregnant, but who really wants to have sex when you're pregnant even if you are in the mood! HA. I would maybe suggest going to see your doctor. It's possible they can do something to help your situation. I haven't tried only because I have no insurance. Also, try having sex every night for as many nights as you can stand it. In the past this has helped me get back in the mood. Sorta gets your motor started again. It can be grueling getting to that point though. Good Luck!

I have the same issue! If you get some good advice, please share it!

One thing that I tried is just to try and change my attitude. I bought some lingerie that helps. Just try and do things that make you feel sexy...whatever you do, I'm sure your husband will enjoy it also!

You may be triggered into thinking his every touch means he wants to have sex which is why you are rejecting even the slightest physical contact. Maybe you could have him try some non-sexual touching like have him massage your feet. Also, is your husband doing enough around the house and with the kids? If you feel overwhelmed, the last thing the body wants is sex for a lot of moms.
My hubby and I used to slather baby oil on each other and give full body massages. It really wasn't about sex but it always led to it. Recently I bought a new sex toy from Adam and Eve. Its a vibrating cock ring! I'm not in love with it but it made everything exciting and fresh.