Relationship/health Question?

Since you are asking such a personal question, I will answer you like I would a close friend...these are some SERIOUS red flags. I think you need to address these issues before you continue talking about getting married. Being married is supposed to be forever. And it sounds like you are having serious intimacy/connection issues AND anger issues, not to mention the health concerns about his heart and controlling his blood sugars.

I would DEFINITELY get into premarital counselling. If your SO puts up a fight, then he really doesn't see himself as part of the problem. He will continue treating you this way because it "obviously wasn't bad enough that you didn't marry him."

You should be in a relationship with your best friend. Your intimate partner. Someone who loves you and supports you no matter what. You deserve unconditionally love. NO MATTER if he's having a bad day, low blood sugar or stress at work - he SHOULD NOT take it out on you or your kids.

Now I'm not standing on a soapbox saying I have the perfect marriage. Of course we have our "bad days", argue or don't feel like being intimate (hey I'm a mom of three, one of which is an infant who's breastfeeding). But I am here to tell you I NEVER wished I married anyone else. I believe I am married to my best friend and someone who will always be there to support me. That said, when we do argue or snap at each other, we both know that we can say, "Time out! I don't deserve this. Walk away from me, right now, I need some space." That "wake up call" reminds the other one to CHECK their anger and apologize right now.

Just because you love him, doesn't mean he can treat you that way. It's great that he's an amazing Daddy to your kids and that he has a great extended family. HOWEVER, he needs to start working on how he treats YOU. YOU deserve and intimate life partner who makes you feel like a queen.

Here's a quote from our wedding readings:
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians

I always try to remember that verse when I get frustrated, angry or upset with my husband. I start by going into any conversation with love. Don't be rude, but do stand up for yourself and what you deserve. LOVE

Hi DV
You sound like a great Mom and smart woman. You protected your kids to wait for the right father-figure for them. He never does all this bad behavior in front of them, only loses his cool with *you* (stick with me here); he does everything right except for how he treats *you.*

First, let me say, no guy's perfect. Understood. But wouldn't the "perfect" father for your children *also* be the "perfect" husband for their Mom? Don't they deserve that too?

He's got some serious medical concerns: that sucks. But he needs to address his concerns and fears regarding his health: and he needs to be a grown-up and deal with them so he can continue to be your intimate partner (even if the sex is "modified" for him).

And to totally lose his cool with you. Yeah, maybe he's gotten away with "blaming" his blood sugar with everyone, so it's his excuse; but does that make it okay? (I have known plenty of diabetic people, --working in hospitals: never met ONE who totally "lost it" anger-wise because of low blood sugar).

I'm NOT telling you to dump him; but if things don't start to work themselves out, please think, again, about your children.

Take care.
t

I have three suggestions for you:
Premarital counseling! Do it. It's worth it. Don't get married without it. I wish I had done it!

He needs to see his doctor. Diabetics are known for rage issues if their blood sugar levels are not well adjusted. It also very common to have erectile problems. He would not be the first man to find all sorts of excuses because he can't face the fact it he cannot produce a satisfactory erection. Both problems might be addressed by medical treatment.

Good luck!

My late cousin was a diabetic...she had juvenile diabetes... it runs in my family and is a very serious disease...and it caused her to die at an extremely early age...stroke then brain anurism. ?sp?

The only thing I wanted to add was...I hope you figure things out so you guys can enjoy each other...while you have the chance. I am sorry this sounds so depressing, I don't mean it that way but its a serious consideration with people living with diabetes.---I miss my cousin every day and was not prepared for her passing.

Maybe you do what you can to be gentle and the person doing the leading/work in the bedroom? Be honest with him...even if he has trouble getting it up, you could still have fun playing with him while he tried...maybe he'd go for it? I know sex is very important but their are lots of things you guys could do in the bedroom that would be easy on his heart:) I am sure you will figure something out...maybe you'll have to buy yourself a toy and he can help you play with it!?

I don't know about the diabetes part (but I learned stuff from reading responses--thanks, moms!), but in general these seeem like red flags. If you will have premarital counseling these are issues that should be raised. Even if your church doesn't require it, it might be a good idea. If he won't go--another red flag. Then you go yourself, to help you sort things out. Good luck!

K. Z.

One of the side effects of diabetes is erectile disfunction. This may be the reason the intimacy problems.

Next, do NOT marry this man. You have a lot of things to work out before you should even begin thinking about marriage. You need to resolve the intimacy issues. If he won't talk to you about this, what else won't he talk to you about?

When blood sugar is not regulated (too high or too low), a person's behavior can change, sometimes dramatically. In this case it shouldn't have lasted all day.

You mentioned he has a bad temper, but not in front of the kids. It sounds like it's only a matter of time before this temper is shown to the kids. Your kids will feel and know when you're both angry with each other.

I repeat, do NOT marry this man. Give it another year and see if you can work out your problems.

Good luck.

sorry you have to go through this. The first thing you should do is check to see if he is taking his medications. some diabetics will stop taking them because they thing they are fine without them. If he was able to get an erection in the beganing then maybe his medications just need to be adjusted or he may want to discuss medications for this with his md. the second thing you need to think about is the posibility that he is using illegal drugs. This could account for the mood swings and lack of sex drive also. does he check his blood suger at home? what is his hgba1c reading. His HGBA1c reading should be below 7, but below 6 is better. Please think long and hard before you marry anyone with an anger problem. I dated someone in the past with an anger problem and it just got worse over time. They are sweet one minute and evil the next. I broke up with him beacuse his anger was out of control. I too though that I would never find anyone else. I stopped dating for almost a year, but I now have a wounderful fieance and we are trying to have a baby. he is sweet, loving, a hard worker and most of all he does not have any anger issuses.He loves me and my pets. Trust me when I say my pets can be a little demanding but he never gets angry. He even carries my doggie out to the grass every night to go pee pee because she does not want to walk on the cold cement. lol. I am telling you this because I want you to know that you deserve to be treated better. you may thing that he is the love of your life and you cant live without him , but I am here to tell you that you can find someone who treats you better and returns you love. You do not want your kids around this type of behavior. He may one day decide to hurt the kids to punish you. IF his sugar is out of control and he will not see a doctor then run fast. You can and will find someone better. please write to me if you need anything or just want to talk. My thoughts are with you.