Hi moms- i just had carpal tunnel surgery on my hand 5 days ago and ever since i am feeling rejected by my 3.5 year old daughter. I am recovering quickly and learning how to live life with my non-dominant left hand, however i have had to rely on my others to help out lately. My daughter wont cuddle me, tell me she loves me, spend time with me etc... I keep trying but keep getting pushed away. Has anyone else experienced this after a surgery? any advice?
Thanks so much for your encouragement. Things definitely got better with my 3.5 year old and she has now grown closer to me than ever because we have had so much cuddle time and not the typical distractions of cleaning house, work, errands etc... The turn around happened pretty quickly after I wrote my post because she caught a little virus and was feeling sick with a bad cough. Of course the morning it hit...she came right to mamma to make her feel better. We have been back to normal since!
Have you asked her if she is worried about you? It sounds like she may be uncomfortable because she is unsure of what has happened to you. Talk to her about it, help her understand, bring her into your life.
Is she feeling angry because you were away from her for a period of time? Try to find out what she is feeling, and just listen to her. She may even think that somehow it was her fault that you had to have to have the surgery, or some such thing.
I'm sure it won't last long.
How old are you? I am 29 and have major carpal tunnel in my dominant hand, but am very reluctant to have surgery. Would you recommend it? What do you think of your results so far?
I haven't read the other responses so I hope I don't repeat....Maybe your daughter doesn't understand why you have the bandage on your hand. Or maybe she does and doesn't want to hurt you. The mommy she loves and adores has a big owie. She may not know how to react to that. Have you tried explaining what the bandage is for and why you have it? And that it doesn't hurt and that the bandage is helping it heal. And, most importantly, that your still the same mommy who loves her more than anything? You could also tell her that big hugs and kisses from her will help it get better faster too. If she won't let you talk to her maybe her dad or grandma could explain all this to her. Good luck. Try not worry too much I'm sure she just doesn't understand and doesn't know how to express her feelings. She loves you lots that's why she's struggling with this.
It could be that your surgery scared her more than you realize. Kids at that age are really in tune to what goes on around them, even if they don't vocalize it.
You are still the most important person to her, so she probably is dealing with some very "adult" feelings of fear, anxiety or worry- and she probably doesn't know how to deal with it yet.
I would suggest checking out a couple books at the library that are aimed at children and coping with illness/surgery. If you can educate her on what happened to momma and help her feel at ease that everything is OK, then I think she might come around quicker.
Rest assured though that you ARE loved by her and she cares deeply for you. :)
I would give it some time. I went on a vacation with my husband when my daughter was 19 months old and we got the cold shoulder for awhile when we got back. She was upset that we had left her (with Grandma, but still) and didn't know how to verbalize that.
I also had surgery in January of this year and was in the hospital for 3 days (no children allowed at the hospital). My son, who also happened to be 19 months old at the time, was VERY attached to me when I had to have this surgery and I was really worried about how he would handle not being able to see me for days on end. I also wasn't allowed to lift him for 8 weeks, so this was going to be a MAJOR adjustment. When I came home from the hospital, I was still pretty sore and was really afraid that if he saw me he was going to want me immediately. Well, it was quite the opposite. He acted like I wasn't even there. It hurts, but in this case, I was glad that he wasn't screaming for me ot hold him because I wasn't able to anyway. I will say that this changed our relationship a little. He has learned to be dependent on someone besides me. Before the surgery, he would cry and have a fit even if I left him with Daddy. Now, he's such a Daddy's boy! While it's still sometimes hard that he doesn't seem to want me (this is my last baby and I secretly loved being the favorite even if it drove me nuts sometimes), I think it's good for my son to have become a little more independent and resourceful.
The bottom line is that you shouldn't push it. Try coming alongside your daughter to play with her and don't force her to become physically affectionate. Just start doing what you can for her and play with her, do art projects, etc. She'll come around. Tell her often how much you love her and I bet she'll be "loving you back" in no time! It really does just take time. Don't take it personally. At that age, they are just occupied with getting their needs/wants met. If you aren't able to do specific things and she knows another caregiver can, then she will work that angle. I know how hard it is not to take it personally, but please realize that it isn't and that she will always love you, you are her Mommy!!
Good luck and I wish you a speedy recovery.
