Really Stinky!!!

Hi H.,
As far as it being really stinky, I have to tell you that with my 3rd daughter we experienced the same thing. She also had problems with potty training that my other kids did not. She has had problems with constipation since she was a baby. When it has been several days since she has gone and it has been inside of her for that long there is a terrible smell. I am certain that her potty training issues are related to her constipation problems, when we finally started to deal with the constipation problems the other things got better. Just something for you to consider, maybe it should be brought up at a doctors appt.

First, I applaud you for trying to potty train a child! Especially when you've never done it before and you don't have children of your own. Second, although you think his poo smells really bad, you are not being judgmental. I have a 24 month old son and I think his poo smells really bad!! The older and older children get, the worse their poo smells. However, I can understand why the previous comment was mean-spirited. As mothers with children, sometimes we are offended by comments or actions or other women without children. We have to remember not to judge the other women because they don't have children so they don't know, but their comment/actions may still sting.

The problem seems, from the little information that I have, to be that his parents are apathetic to him being potty-trained. Perhaps they are because they are busy and don't have time to deal with it. Or perhaps they are because they've already established a bad habit of putting him in diapers and it's difficult to fix. Or perhaps they're relying on you to do all the work. Either way, they do need to get involved.

My son is 24 months old and he's potty-trained. However, we still use diapers when he goes to sleep and when we go out in public (Because when he has to go, he HAS to go. He can't wait until I park the car and find a bathroom).

Have you tried using the Pampers Pull-Ups? That may not be what they're called; it's the diaper that children can pull up and down like underwear.

I'm not sure why the previous response was so mean-spirited. Your message did not seem the least bit judgmental to me. My advice is simply to encourage your nephew's parents by telling them you are working with him at your house and that he is doing well. You could just ask them what is happening at their home to "compare notes".

Even still, it may not go well. Even if they are working with him at home, he may behave differently in the two settings. My daughter is just over 2 years old. She does great at our daycare provider's home, but resists using the potty at our house. She doesn't even want to sit on it!!

Good luck!

Some kids take longer than others - my daughter wasn't potty trained until 3 1/2. We tried before then - believe me. She just wasn't ready - so we gave it a rest. We tried again over Christmas Break when I could be home from work and devote more time to it. and we did it!
If it's getting so bad that you can't take it - maybe you should give them a deadline..like..."after his 3rd birthday - you guys really need to potty train him. I want him potty trained and I need you to help at home. If you can't help me out with this, maybe it's time to find someone else who can accomodate you" Good luck

Hi, H.!
I'm afraid you are out of luck on this one. If the parents are not wanting to potty train then you are indeed fighting a loosing battle. I can tell you there is a lot of info. out there on potty training and there is an entire school of thought on how you shouldn't do it until the child shows a certain number of signs of readiness. I bought into that with my first child and finally, showing almost NO signs still, at 3 and 1/2 years old I forced him to start potty training. By then he was determined to keep the diapers and he pooped in his underwear every day for a month. I stayed strong and when the month was over he was potty trained. When my second child came along, I abandoned that theory and did things the old fashioned way. I started placing her on the toilet at 18 months when it was time for her to go potty. She was completely potty trained and making it through the night by 23 months. All kids are very different so each is an individual case. Please know the amount of information impressed upon parents these days is overwhelming and I am sure your relatives truly believe they are doing the best thing for their child. If they are people who are open to new parenting ideas maybe searching for some literature to support your case is something you could do. Good Luck!!!

I know your intentions are good, but you are so young and not a parent yourself there is one thing you need to realize when dealing with other people's children....and that is it's not your decision to choose when to potty train a child that is not your's. I have 3 kids and they have all been different and boys are sometimes a little harder to train because some of them are not as ready until mid-three's. If you think his poop smells SO bad, then try sticking your nose in the toilet after you go and see if it smells like fresh baked cookies or something.

If the parents are not ready to take on potty training, that's their decision, not yours. It's their child, they get to decide when to potty train.

You have a lot of nerve judging another person's parenting....especially when you have no children of your own. It's a different feeling when they are your own kids....not just caring for someone else's child.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you can't make them potty train him if they don't want to. Some parents take much longer than others. But what you can do is continue to be very encouraging. Search on the internet for potty training tips, and signs that he is ready to potty train. Hopefully giving it to them in writing will be the nudge they need. Most children are ready around 2 and 1/2 to begin so he has definitely passed that age. It will save them money on diapers maybe that would be a nice incentive. Or if they are interested in having him do any kid programs...church preschool, sports, gymnastics or anything like that...usually for pre-k groups in specialty classes it will say age 3 and potty trained. Good luck...being a caregiver has the frustration of the child not being your own to make the decisions for...but it also has the reward that it is not your child to make all the decisions for.

Since he's not your son you really shouldn't worry about it. My oldest was almost four before he was potty trained, everyone does it in their own time, encouraging him is great, ask him, he's old enough, if he wants to use the potty, if he says yes, talk to his parents but he might just be using it to make you happy, not because he really understands the whole concept, relax, he'll be fine

H.,
My son, who just turned 3 in July, is still in diapers and has the same very smelly bowel movements also. As much as I hate the smell I am not pushing him to potty train because I can clearly tell he is just not ready. He has not interest in sitting on it or even going in to watch someone else.

I learned a valuable lesson from my first boy...I was agressive with potty training him when he turned three and it actually delayed things...he wasn't fully trained until his 4th birthday. It was a frustrating battle that I should have just given up on it. Good thing was that he was trained in about a week when he decided he was ready!

Don't worry, he won't be 10 and still wear diapers! Boys seem to take longer to train and you just need to let them decide when he/she is ready.

L.