I have a 5yr old & he will not stay in his room to go to sleep!! Some days are are good, but most are bad. He has a routine & I put him to bed at the same time every night. I used to sit in his room, but that didn't help, I have taken away morning cartoons, I have given him come out of your room tickets. He had 10 then we went down to 5 & now he has 4. I have tried alot!!
Now let me tell you one thing that I think is the drive for this & all of his other behaviors...He wants to have control!! I want to take the control back, but I don't know how!!
Any help?????
My oldest was this way it was like he was afraid he was missing out on something- I started advance notice- " hey in a little bit you need to go get in the shower and get ready for bed" - Ten minutes to shower and bed- shower time then pick the book you want to read I will be right there- I cant say why it worked but it did.
Why don't you stay with him until he goes to sleep? I do that with my son and it's really nice. We cuddle and he goes to sleep in a calm, loving way. If you were 5, would you like to lay in a dark room by yourself while mom was up doing her thing?
Well, if it's about control, I'd look closer at the bed time routine and see where you can fit in some choices for him that you can live with. You say he has a routine, but is it his or yours? My kids have sort of modified the routine. I'd rather they both go into the bathroom and brush teeth together since we have two sinks but they distract and bother each other, so they take turns. It's not something I dictated, but rather what works for them. So can he choose to dress first then use the bathroom, or vice versa? Red Pjs or trains? This book or that book? Should I turn off the light now or wait until you have the covers just the way you want them? Etc... the more he feels like he gets to design how it goes, the more in control he feels, even as he is going to bed at a set time.
Well, we used this on a 2yo not a 5 yo, but... We took a safety gate and put it across the doorway and on the 1st night (to keep him from climbing over) we put a 2nd gate stacked above the 1st gate. After that 1st night we only had to put the one gate up. I think that he actually grew to like it...made his whole room like a crib. But again, this was for a younger kiddo. Yours is probably stronger and more imaginative. Good luck!
Give him choices in his bedtime routine....which pajamas to wear, which book to read, etc. I would stop the come out of your room tickets. The goal here is for him not to get out of bed. Make sure he is not getting any attention for getting out of bed. No hugs, no conversations just him going back to bed, otherwise he is getting something from getting out of bed. My son did that around 4 and I read the Love & Logic book which really helps. We had a conversation that he doesn't have to go to sleep but he does need to stay in his room and be quiet. Sometimes he will stay in there and read a book or play quietly with his stuffed animals but it is rare that he will come out of his room because all he is going to get is me pointing him back to his room. Just be consistent and this too shall pass. Good luck!
Change your strategy. Reward the good behavior and not the bad. He is getting attention for the bad behavior. If you turn it to where he gets a stamp on his calendar for each night he stays in bed and works toward a goal, then he will be more likely to stay and it's a more positive system. If he gets out of bed, you remind him he doesn't get a stamp in the morning and he's not getting any closer to his goal. This works for most things... It's not really about control but about them learning to make better decisions.
Good luck!
Same problem with our 4 year old. New baby, lots of changes in our house = bad structure for the first born. (bad mommy )o: ) The way we take back control (takes about 2 weeks) -- but we make every battle equally important. He says "No" to me once, it's in time out. He doesn't listen = time out. NO idle threats. THEN, once the day to day authority was understood by him, we did night time. he could have a night light & read for a bit, but otherwise lights were out, and he could no leave his room except to go potty. If that was being taken advantage of, he had to have a pull-up on. If he came out of his room the door would be closed (he really doesn't like that). If he threw a fit with the door closed, I'd tell him from the other side of the door to holler for me calmly when he has settled down and is back in bed and the door would be opened again. This process was about 3 hours long for 3 nights, but now we are GOOD!! He also gets a sticker for each day he sleeps in his bed, and gets a small Lego set at the end of the week if he has at least 5 days. (Understand, there will be off nights. Life happens, and you've got to be reasonable).
My youngest did that for the longest time and we figured out he was scared. He would not go to sleep alone. And it was hard to come to that conclution. But he would not do it if his brother was in there goign to bed too. We had to have a night light and we just tried to make him as comfortable as possible. Also depending on what time you are putting him to bed he might not be tired yet. We used to put him to bed at like 7 when he was little and that was hard. He would not stay then we finally pushed back bedtime and he does better. Still wanted someone in there. WE would pray with him too that God would watch over him and let him have good dreams.
Good luck and God Bless!
