Same problem with our 4 year old. New baby, lots of changes in our house = bad structure for the first born. (bad mommy )o: ) The way we take back control (takes about 2 weeks) -- but we make every battle equally important. He says "No" to me once, it's in time out. He doesn't listen = time out. NO idle threats. THEN, once the day to day authority was understood by him, we did night time. he could have a night light & read for a bit, but otherwise lights were out, and he could no leave his room except to go potty. If that was being taken advantage of, he had to have a pull-up on. If he came out of his room the door would be closed (he really doesn't like that). If he threw a fit with the door closed, I'd tell him from the other side of the door to holler for me calmly when he has settled down and is back in bed and the door would be opened again. This process was about 3 hours long for 3 nights, but now we are GOOD!! He also gets a sticker for each day he sleeps in his bed, and gets a small Lego set at the end of the week if he has at least 5 days. (Understand, there will be off nights. Life happens, and you've got to be reasonable).