I am so frustrated with the whole marketing thing lately. Toys for movies like Toy Story 3, for example, marketed to his age group from movies I'd never let him watch. (Toy Story 3 is seriously dark and scary). In fact, Toy Story really was a bit too much for him and I've decided to tuck it away until he's older. He's super into super heros right now, thanks to the DC SuperFriends and my husband happened across batman or something (the classic from the 70's or something) on TV and thought he'd like it but it was TOO violent.
I find this so frustrating, because it really makes it difficult for us parents to determine if something is appropriate for our children and encourages/allows friends and family to give age inappropriate gifts.
He's nearly 3.
Does this bug you? I'm for sure not deferring to toy manufacturers to decide what's right for my kid but it makes it WAY harder on us as parents to limit their exposure to stuff we don't want them to be exposed to.
I'm sorry but this is not an issue of "censorship". No more than putting ratings on video games is censorship. Simply having some integrity in advertising and marketing. There are some wildly inappropriate dolls for young girls, etc. This is simply something that makes parenting harder. Yes I would have them target an age group for whom the toys are topically appropriate. For example, at a friend's house, he has ALL of the DC SuperFriends toys complete with Batman and Joker the Penguin. His grandparents bought the toys for him. Now, should I not allow him to go over there because some of the toys I don't think topically are age appropriate? Despite the fact they say ages 3-8?? This is a rhetorical question because AGAIN, I will make the decisions for my child...but simply put it is frustrating that these dilemmas come up more and more. As a parent, I would say 5 and up topically. Does that mean you can't buy them for your kids?? NO. So if you think your kid is old enough then fine...your choice...but there are a lot of people out there who buy toys for kids who don't HAVE young kids and don't know what would and wouldn't be appropriate. Which means when my friend's son rips open a gift on Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa and it is a toy his parents might not approve of but he's SUPER excited about, that's an unnecessarily difficult parenting moment.
Thanks for everyone's responses. I appreciate the dialogue and input. I looked up the website that one person cited: www.commonsensemedia.com and found it to be perfectly on point. It recommends Toy Story 3 for age 6 (maybe 4 depending on the kid) and Toy Story to be targeted towards age 4. This is not about me throwing up my hands in Target saying "Oh gosh I don't want him to have this toy buy since it's marketed to him and he's shown interest, I'll buy it." This is about saying that there is a culture of exposing children to things they aren't ready to deal with too early--and there is a ton of research that speaks to this being incredibly detrimental to children. I have to say I am surprised at the responses that are so defensive of Toy Story 3 and encourage you to read the bullet points on scary scenes for children: http://www.kids-in-mind.com/t/toystory3.htm. The look up "cartoon violence and children" and read the many studies on point that show how detrimental it can be. Children even display symptoms of ADHD following one episode of SpongeBob Squarepants. So, you can call me over-protective for not wanting my not-yet-three year old watch movies that he can't possibly cognitively process properly, but a 3 year old is not going to get the "moral of the story" when it comes to the misfit toys, no matter what you'd like to believe. I spend a lot of precious time at home with my son, raising him, teaching him and guiding him. I'm not interested in flushing that down the toilet just so he doesn't get labeled "sheltered".
I think I'm far from overprotective. I sat and watched Toy Story with my son after he showed interest in it, and gauged based on his reaction to Sid and the mangled toys whether he was ready for it or not, and he was not. He was in his own words "very scared" about Sid and the "scary toys". He has a very vivid imagination and had a hard time sleeping for several days. In speaking with other parents their children had a similar reaction. I remember a young girl I was a nanny for years ago wetting her pants when the hyenas killed Simba's dad on Lion King. I don't think 3 year olds are old enough for that kind of thing. I really don't. That's based on how they react, not on what I just think before testing the waters.
Furthermore, in speaking with the instructors at various child care places my son attends (nursery at church, child care at the gym, and drop-in child care places for parents night out and things of that nature) I consistently get feedback that he plays well with all the kids, doesn't hit bite or fight, shares well, etc. In other words, he may just be a sensitive kid who generally doesn't like "mean, scary or violent" stuff but he is a rough and tumble boy through and through who makes his dinosaurs eat his "guys" and knocks down buildings and crashes cars...but frankly I don't see why he should be exposed to hand-to-hand combat or bad guys blowing things up or anthropomorphic toys being tortured by the sadistic (sociopath) kid next door.
There is a great website where parents get to rate movies: kids-in-mind (dot com)
They break down the categories so parents can rank them (i.e. sex, violence, profanity)
I hope it helps! :-)
All the branded toys period...I don't like them, I generally don't buy them...so no, I am not frustrated with this.
Why not? Because there are plenty of blocks, baby dolls, kitchen play-sets, coloring books, etc. on the shelves. I buy what I want!
We as parents have a choice as to what we buy, age appropriate or not. If I don't like something they don't get my money, period.
I find the concept that Toy Story 3 is "seriously dark and scary" to be a bit -ridiculous. Sorry, but you don't have to buy the toys or let him see anything but the Teletubbies until he's 10, but my 3 and 5 year old boys haven't had any issues with any Toy Story movies, superheroes (they don't get to watch the adult and teen versions), Scooby Doo or anything else. I like the toys. I'm glad they're there -don't buy them if you don't like them. I'm sure the toy manufacturers think you, as an adult and a parent, should have enough sense to decide what your child is ready for and what he's not. Your child is going to be exposed to SO much out there -don't sweat the toys!
Uh... IMO, you're being WAY over-protective, but just because I disagree with your methods doesn't make you wrong, so I don't mean any offense by saying that... I just think you're being a bit extreme and no, toys don't bother me. If I don't want to buy them for my kid, I don't. It's really that simple.
No, this doesn't bug me. I consider it *MY* job and *MY* job alone to decide what is appropriate for *MY* children. No one else! Especially NOT the toy/movie marketing group whose only mission is to make a profit! What exactly would you have them do instead? Older kids (and some 3 year olds) are able to watch and play with Toy Story toys and not afraid of the Toy Story movies but just because your child isn't ready for it, it is wrong for there to be commercials and toys in the toy aisle? I am sorry but this is confusing to me. Is it really that hard for you to tell your children no they can not have a toy or see that movie....or too hard for you to watch something before your child so you can decide if it is appropriate for him? I am sorry if you feel that it is 'WAY harder' on you as a parent... but that's the way it is.
~I am sorry if this came out as kind of crusty and mean! I am overly sensitive about the concept of censorship!!
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I just love it when you take time to answer a post and the person fills in the 'So what happened' and tries to argue with your opinion! As far as I am concerned I read your post as such: You are morally or ethically or whatever opposed to something (marketing toys/movies to young children) you do not like or approve of it. You were complaining of how wrong it was because it doesn't suit you and your family. You wish they did not do that or wish they would go by different guidelines for clarifying what is and is not age appropriate, in your opinion for young children...like ratings on video games. How exactly would you accomplish that? The answer to that question to me says censorship. Just because something doesn't work for one person and is making it too hard for you to 'parent your child' doesn't mean it needs to be changed for the rest of us.
I have two kids who are now 5 & 9.
All along, SINCE they were Toddlers, we have taught them about the media/commercials/tv and what it is for. Marketing. To get you to buy things or influence you etc.
So by now, my kids know that. Even my 5 year old son. My son even knows the word "marketing" and "advertising" and "commercials" and what they are.
For example: When he sees those commercials for those neon colored sugary cereals, he will tell me "Mommy, that is so unhealthy but they try to make the commercial look fun so kids tell their Mommy to buy it..."
My boy as many boys, like Super Heroes.
But we of course do not let him watch the violent ones, or the one's geared toward Teenagers.
And we tell him simply: it is not for your age. You are too young. This is for Teenagers or adults.
And that is fine with him, he understands.
The thing is: kids need to be taught, about the media or what they see or what is marketed to them... so that as you guide them, THEY will be able to discern it too. With a mind of their own. That is what we do with our kids. And they are good about discerning things. Or they simply ask us about what they may see in print or on tv or what have you. Because they know they can ask us, and we will talk about it with them. Honestly.
And we explain to them and of course tell them what is inappropriate or not, per our views on it.
Each family being different.
You teach and guide your kids... per the media and this even is per social situations. You guide them so they can think on their own and understand and by the time they get older, the CAN "analyze" said situations or media influences.
And sure, parents have to monitor things.
And per our friends or relatives, we simply tell them, what is age appropriate or not.
Hmm, not frustrating, hard or irritating. Just do what I did when the kids were little and limit their TV exposure to PBS, no commercials there!
Unless he's surfing the web, or hanging around the mall (another thing I always avoided) how else would he be exposed? He's only three, YOU'RE in charge mom :)
Other than Thomas the Tank Engine wooden train sets, I find that almost all toys and games that are associated with movies are boring and poorly made. When DS was under 6, we simply avoided all those types of toys and stuck with a lot of simple, natural toys (no batteries, made of wood or cloth). Now at 8, he thinks toys made from movie themes are really lame. He prefers building products, science experiments and toys where he can act out his own scenarios.
Ummm ... my son has been watching the original Batman from 3ish and he can tell the difference between real and a Batman Cartoon and does not "act it out" or anything like that. My son saw Toy Story around 3, then Toy Story 2 about a year later and Toy Story 3 when it went to DVD, he said the Teddy was not very nice and he needed to learn his manners and that he can not always be the boss and that was that. I think if you watch them with the kids, talk about things then it is all good. What I am not a fan of (on your wavelength) is Transformers summer blockbuster gearing toys and lunchboxes and backpacks, costumes etc towards the little ones.
Well... Toy Story 3 is nothing compared to the Transformers, Spider Man, Green Lantern, Pirates of the Caribbean, Batman type movies with their toys/coloring books and such marketed towards little kids. They are all Pg-13 and have some seriously inappropriate stuff in there. My 5 yr old went as Green Lantern for Halloween, even though he wasn't even allowed to watch the movie. I try to avoid commercial Disney type stuff (toys/bedding/clothes and such as much as possible. but grandparents and other well intentioned people keep giving them as gifts, my boys would prefer to get a cool science gift set or something fun, but whatever. I return a lot, but it's hard to do when they open the gift right in front of grandma. Yes, it is very frustrating.
What irritates me is toys , normal toys not the collectable ones that ARE for adults , made for kids that are for movies that are not for kids. IE the PG-13 and rated R movies. Like Transformers, GI Joe. Green Lantern ,pirates of the caribbean movies , etc
BUT Toy Story 3 IS a kids movie. And most 3 yr olds don't have a problem with Toy Story.
Earth's mightiest heroes is a good superhero show for little ones. but then you might think that's to violent too.
I recently asked a similar question. I agree with you, and my son is more than three years older than yours.
It definitely makes our job as parents more difficult when the marketing for these licensed characters is so pervasive. Of course it is ultimately up to us to say yes or no, but how much easier would our lives be if the kids didn't even know to ask for these things? And, as you say, even if WE personally try to keep these things out of our homes, it's hard to control what friends and families bring in, either as gifts or just by what their children enjoy. I love how people are telling you that you are overprotective. If you truly were a psycho mom, it would be very easy for you to keep this stuff out of your home. But it wouldn't be easy for you to raise a child who has to live in this world. I mentioned in my post that my son's uncle gave him some Batman paraphernalia for Christmas. Am I really expected to pre-open my children's presents to make sure I approve?
It is in the toy manufacturers' best interests to expand the "window" for their markets as much as possible, which means advertising to younger and younger children. I can't think of any other area of children's development where anyone would think that an eight-year-old would have anything in common with a three-year-old, and yet you see it all the time in the marketing of these movies and their associated toys.
There are a couple of books about this whole phenomenon. "Packaging Boyhood" is the one that has to do with the images that are targeted at our sons (there is also a "Packaging Girlhood"). I've found both semi-educational as far as the sorts of conversations I try to have with my boy when he has questions about the things that he sees. But I totally agree with you. The advertising that is aimed at our children is purely motivated by profit, not what is in their or their parents' best interests.
Hmm, how old is your son? I don't think I've seen TS3 items really marketed any younger than about age 3. My oldest kid was 3 when he saw it for the first time--he LOVED it, and the dark parts didn't really resonate with him until now--and thankfully, now he is old enough to deal with those themes.
One thing that I thought was WAY off the age in marketing was Avatar. It is in no way a child's movie, but McDonald's sure rushed to make Avatar Happy Meals.
For SpiderMan, Batman, etc., I just say "No" pretty much every time we are in a toy store or pass by the aisle at Target. It is ok, we all need to practice our "No" as much as we can now--it'll come in handy when they're teens :) Good luck!
It really isnt hard.
You are the parent. You make the purchases.
Make a decision on if you want it or not.
If you decide yes, don t change your mind midstream and decide you now dont like something you got them hooked on.
Also remember that if you get them hooked on one thing, you can get them hooked on something better if needed.
If yu take the time to chat about some of the things you mentioned, you can explain the good and bad, the nice and not so nice.
But these things are everywhere.
They are in our own home.
Dont you and your husband ever argue.
Dont you and your sister ever yell at each other.
Our children see as much frustration in our homes as they do on tv.
Explaining what you feel and how things are at the level they can understand makes things better for both you and your child.
When you look at it, you are the parent.
You are the key to what and how things happen in your home.
How do you want to deal with it so both you and your child have peace of mind and knowledge.
It is easy to say the wrong thing is on tv, maybe it is not wrong. Maybe you are watching the wrong channel for the age of your child. Just because they call it a cartoon does not make it funny or childlike.
There is the history channel, planet earth, religous channels, nothing but weather. It is your choice on how to guide.
Your child will follow if you lead well.
I totally, totally agree. I try hard not to buy my kids "producted" things unless they KNOW the propaganda it's promoting and really enjoy that thing. For example, my 4 year old likes Toy Story (the original) so he got a Buzz Lightyear scooter. For me, the hardest part about it all is other people who buy for my kids. My kids have zero interest in those things, because it doesn't attract them if they haven't seen the movie. However, I have inlaws who think that every new Disney/Pixar/animated film is appropriate for kids and don't seem to realize that my kids absolutely do not watch every new movie that's out; many of them are dark and scary. My 7 year old still has no interest in The Little Mermaid because it's too scary. Luckily, we live in an area where the one and only toy store is Target--and I buy very few of their toys there. We have what we want from TArget; otherwise, I buy toys for my kids online.
Try shopping and setting up gift registries (for relatives looking for a gift for your son) at stores where the aim is to avoid the typical "commercial" toys. You might be surprised at the quality and variety.
Some sites you might like include:
www.hearthsong.com
www.seasonsnaturaltoys.com
www.sensationalbeginnings.com
www.happyhentoys.com
www.youngexplorers.com
www.mindware.com
www.fatbraintoys.com
www.creativebrainsonline.com
www.learningresources.com
www.educationalinsights.com
Yes I get super irritated with pretty much all movie related things towards kids. It seems every "kid" movie still has things that I do NOT want and will not allow my 3 year old daughter to see... "good" vs "evil".....well, good may win out but I don't want my daughter to be exposed to the evil at all. I haven't seen any of the Toy Stories but I'm sure I would agree with you. I have never taken my daughter to the movies and the only movies she's seen at home are things like a Dora movie or Barney. As for the toys from movies, I steer clear of those. Or I just go by the toy itself...like we do by chance have a Toy Story chair but she has no clue who the characters on it are. But i know what you mean, a lot of the kid movies are dark and scary... i am just trying to avoid all of it as long as i can!! good luck!
The good news is that at 3, you can still influence your child and control to some degree what he wants and what toys he plays with.
You can turn off the TV and have him play other things, like board games and cards. Or you can kick a ball around with him outside or go ride bikes. You can have him read books instead of watching the TV. Or if you HAVE to let him watch TV, there are tons and tons of videos he can watch that are commercial free and stars characters not so popularly marketed.
At 3, my son played in the dirt, rode his little bike, played with Duplos and Lincoln Logs, blocks...nothing overcommercialized about those activities!
You are absolutely right. And although it probably doesn't feel like it, you are not alone either.
You are right, the Disney (and other similar) movies do all have some violence and death in them, as do all the original fairy tales many of them are based on - some of those (Hans Christian Anderson and Brothers Grimm, Lewis Carroll) are VERY much more violent, in fact. BUT, just becasue it is marketed to little ones doesn't mean we HAVE to buy it. Also you have the option of buying the toys and letting the kid imagine the story (or telling them your own edited version) and still play with them, without seeing the movie yet, especially when they are gifts from others. Only way you are going to control this is to give out a strict list of allowable toys to ppl that are buying your kids gifts.
Yes! it frustrates me too!!! I don't think you are being over protective. Almost everything on TV and even some G movies are too violent for a 3 year old. Of course you can watch shows with your child and explain things but at 3 do they really understand? I know my 3 year old does not understand marketing!! After the CARS movies he wants everything he sees with Lightning or Mater on it.
I grew up in the 60's and I remember Snow White being scary and Dumbo being just plain weird when they get drunk. When my kids grew up in the 80's, they watched HeMan and Scooby doo and Winnie the Pooh. If I felt something was a problem, like when my 3 year old was using a plastic bat as a sword and battling a kitten, I took away that cartoon and explained that we don't hit anyone, not even kittens or dogs. I beleive there is a place for censorship and that is in the home. We don't watch Sponge Bob in my house because I feel they are teaching bad behavior with the name calling and belittling. I know the grandkids parents let them watch it at their house but at Grandma's house, it is a no no.
As for limiting what they are exposed to, it will be harder and harder the older they get. It is better to teach them why you don't watch those shows and how to handle it if they were somewhere and someone else exposes them to things like this. Starting it at a young age, even 2 is going to make it natural.
Interesting comments thus far! Yes its frustrating but I return gifts I don't care for. I took my kids to see puss and boots and was shocked by the opening science. Thankfully we limit Tv time and only watch select movies opting for structured games and activities that encourage. Imagination.
I agree with you that toys should be marketed towards the right age groups (not just based on safety but also content).
I really dislike all the non-kid-friendly cartoons too (SpongeBob, Family Guy, etc).
