Real Life, Non-communicators....

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You have a day care business, right? Parents are actually not responding when you call or e-mail them? That's horrible -- and scary. It indicates that they just want to dump their kids and not be bothered until they come to pick the kids up.

When they contract with you to be the day care provider, do you have them provide multiple work/home land line/mom cell/dad cell/another adult emergency contact's home, work and cell etc.? Or just one main contact? I would have all the above for sure (you probably do already!). For school we have not only myself and my husband but must list at least two and up to four other adults who can be alternative emergency contacts if we can't be reached.

I can picture that it will take only one incident of a non-parent contact saying to a mom, "The day care provider called ME to get Jimmy because he was throwing up and she could not reach YOU on your cell/at home/at work," for mom to take your calls. Of course, that's exactly what second and third and fourth level emergency names are for, but if mom is just not bothering to pick up, it ought to shame her into keeping her darned phone on and in her pocket.

I don't know what other things you may need to contact parents about duriing the day, but it might help if you assure them that you will never call unless the need is real and immediate -- so if they see it's you calling or e-mailing, they really need to pick up, or you will call the next person on the contact list within X minutes, no matter what.

Some people give out e-mail addresses when they check e-mail once a week or less; some give out cell numbers when they seldom remember to have the cell on and at hand. I would ask all parents to be sure they carry their cell phones with them during the hours their children are with you. I can't imagine anyone NOT doing so but I'm sure there are folks who do. My personal problem is with people who want to be on e-mail lists for things (school or church stuff that I coordinate) but who then never check their e-mails and later say, "I didn't hear about that in time!"

ADDED: I wish there were some way to do a new post because I don't know if you'll see this addition. These boys are staying with you for FIVE DAYS and mom doesn't answer her phone? She doesn't know if you're calling about bedime routines or about a grave emergency! Frankly I would never let it happen again -- I would refuse to take them next time. I would feel profoundly uncomfortable having charge of children whose parent I could not reach. (You don't mention dad here or whether he is still in town and accessible in an emergency--?) What if one of the kids ends up at the hospital, or even just the doctor's office, and papers must be signed, permissions given, etc., and you are standing there being told "You are not a legal guardian, your name is not in our records, you cannot give permission for this medical procedure," etc.? And if YOU can't reach her, can the hospital or the school or anyone else? The liability to you as a caregiver, frankly, seems huge. I find her lack of contact appalling. Maybe she left you some documentation for what to do in emergencies, or has you listed as an emergency contact with their doctor--? I hope so because otherwise I don't see how things could turn out well for her, her children or you, if there is a serious emergency (again, I'm not putting dad in the picture because he hasn't been mentioned....). I know you love your day care kids but this situation is a disaster waiting to happen. May never happen, I know, but if it does, there goes your day care license. This mom does not deserve the help you're giving her, to be honest.

What I have learned to do is to ask people, what is the best way to get a hold of you?

Or if there is an emergency what is the best way for me to get the message to you.

My husband has so many devices because of his line of work.. He is answering all of them all of the time.

I use my email less and less..

I now try to enter peoples numbers into my cell phone so I know who is calling.

If I am working for anyone, I do not carry my phone on me. Instead my family knows to call me at that work place in case of emergency. Or they leave me a message. I check my phone at lunch, break or when I get off from work.

If you know someone is bad upfront, then get them with all the details you can before they leave the kid and insist on a method of communication that works for them in an emergency - text, phone, email...whatever. I would not have kept anybody's kids for 5 days without a lot more info - school schedule seems pretty important!

There are people who just aren't plugged in. That's fine. But not if you need to reach them and they are too "laid back" to respond. I think you need to impress upon them upfront that you will only contact them when you NEED to and you NEED some way to reach them when things happen. And then only do it when you need to.

Whenever my daycare called, I called as soon as I knew about it (might have been in a meeting). To ignore a message about your kid...I get that people are busy, but my DH will even leave a meeting if I send him an urgent message on his blackberry.

today I had a semi-emerg situation with my son. I had to contact all of my moms, requesting early release today. (My son was sent from our dr to the hospital for xrays, & my older son was not allowed to sign for him.)

Instead of 5:30 pickup, I requested no later than 4:30....which allowed me time to hit the dr's office for a new xray order before they closed. (& I want to be clear about this: all of the parents are off work at that time & no one had to take off early.) I sent a text msge to all 3 parents involved. I had my 1st response before I walked across the room.....& then the next response was 1 hour later. It surprised me that there was an hour gap!

In the end, it all worked out....I left a few minutes before 4:30 & flew down the hwy to the dr's office. But it truly made me think.....what if this had been an actual emerg.? In my initial meet/greet, this is a subject which I discuss. BUT for some of my families - that meeting was years ago! My policy, which is posted in my handbook, clearly states that I will use my neighbors should an emerg arise. I KNOW that all of these families have forgotten that detail.....& thanks to you S.L.M.....I will be addressing it with them. Thank you!

On another subject: for me, I hate how FB,emails, & texts have de-personalized communication. I hate how people use these formats to "semi-communicate" rather than actually call & speak with someone. The only reason I used text msges today was because 2 of the 3 parents were in class...& it's our only means of communication. So, one "blanket" text to cover all of them, communicated my emerg quicker than individual calls.

As for socially, I hate when people send FB msges or texts for BDs....can we say assembly line communication? :) ....moving on, thanks again!

Here's the deal with these passive aggressive people...they thrive on the fact that most people deal with passive aggressive people exactly the way they'd like: Passive aggressively.

So, if you need these things, I'd advise that you make it very clear, in writing, from the get-go. Ask for alternate numbers, a second work number, if they are better reached by text message, etc.

But the answer to your question is: Yes, this is a universal problem. Nobody wants to be forthright these days because forthrightness implies commitment.