Rant.....

You have created for yourself an impossible schedule. NO ONE can go any length of time with little sleep. Sorry but chances are pretty good you have a perfectly normal son it is you that is the problem.

It is a variation of why do they act up when I can't handle it. Sure it is easy to say that kids have this sixth sense that they know when we can be beat but these are kids, they just don't think like that. They react just as they usually do and then we react differently. It scares the heck out of them and then they say thinks like they hate you.

You need to figure out a way to take care of yourself!! If that means paying a little more to have a few more hours of care so you can sleep then do that!! A four year old does not nap so what you are talking about here is actually very dangerous!! To get any sleep you are having to leave a four year old unattended.

Please, figure out a different way. Eventually your body is going to demand what it needs. You are human, accept those limitations.
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I sincerely wish you lived closer to me. I would watch your son in a heartbeat after work to give you a break. I am not unique! There are people around you that after hearing your story would want to help out. Please reach out! :)

Wait, so you work nights and you're at home with an active four-year-old boy all day long? There is no way in this world that you're getting the sleep you biologically need, and that's a cause for severe anxiety right there. Will this change when your husband gets back? If not, honestly, you need to figure out some kind of care option for your son, because your body is very clearly telling you it can't do this.

My first thought is, since he's 4, does your public school system offer pre-K? Most do, though it's very part-time. That would at least buy you a few hours of sleep, and it sounds like your son would benefit from the structure.

If not, at the very least, can you build some structure into your day? Can you take him to a library story hour? Can you build in a "date" at a public playground, where you have to get there every day at a certain time? Sounds like he'd benefit from running out some energy.

On the discipline front, the two things that worked best with my son were 1. putting his toys in time-out, and 2. giving myself a time-out. On the latter, I just said (and still do), "Your behavior is not working for me right now. I need a break. I am going into X room for some quiet time. When you shape it up, I will want to spend time with you again."

And, on Christmas, a 4-year-old doesn't expect expensive toys. He'll be thrilled with things from a 99-cent store. There's no need to add that to your list of stressors.

But, really, honestly, you need some sleep, mama. You're not doing anything wrong -- you're just asking something of your body that human bodies can't do. I really hope there's a pre-K option for you!

Are you able to afford a sitter, or an hourly daycare, some kind of care for your son for you to at least get a few hours to yourself? Can you talk to your husband about it when he's home for the weekends? My husband traveled a lot for work too, of course right after we had our baby up until about age 4, some of the toughest years. He also traveled abroad to India and China while I was left alone with our baby. It was incredibly stressful and I felt alone too. All of our family is at least 4 hours away. I finally found a place called "ClubKid" an hourly daycare, it was like $8/hour and I would drop him off there for a few hours and go shopping by myself or just go home at take a nap! You need to find someone, someway to give yourself a back up or a break otherwise you'll unfortunately take out your stress on your son. I've been there, I hope you get some relief. Take care of yourself so you can be the best mommy you can, best wishes!

Is your son maybe missing his dad? Just a thought. Otherwise, I was alone with two kids under the ages of 3 for nine months except every other weekend. I did have some help and got to go to work so wasn't alone all the time but it still sucked. In retrospect though, it was a blip in time. Just remember it'll end and someday you'll barely remember it. Let your son watch some tv and read a good book for a half hour. Books on how hard motherhood is can really help bc they remind you lots of people struggle and it's not all fun. Try to call friends once in awhile...

You need to figure out what is more important. He is sleeping during the nighttime and you are needing to sleep during the day. YOU MUST STOP THIS. Find a neighbor that has kids that you can take him to during the day for a few hours so you can sleep uninterrupted.

I would make this plan. I would take some drinks in tippy cups and put them in a small cooler. Then I would take them into kiddo's room and shut the door. I would move the bed across the doorway and lay on it. Kiddo can play in his childproof room and if he needs you then he wakes you up. He can't get out, if there is a fire the smoke detector will go off and wake you up, he won't go hungry or get too thirsty. I would NEVER let him have any sort of food to eat while you sleep. If he chokes you will not hear him. He would not be able to get your help.

So get your rest, get some sleep, you won't be fully asleep anyway but more like a cat nap because your mother ears won't allow you to fall asleep too deeply.

Then make a plan of when you are going to stop working. Hubby is getting a different job and hopefully you can look for work that is during the day. You need to get your home in order for the move. That is where your priorities are right now. Plan on quitting around Christmas but until then you have to get your rest or you are going to end up in the hospital and kiddo will end up in foster care due to not having a parent to care for him in his home.

First off, redirection is your friend. Instead of negative responses, try to redirect his attention to something he likes doing, and praise him for doing it. For example: If he likes Blue's Clues, let him know he can watch one if he stays off the furniture, and praise him for doing it. If he likes giving the dogs their treat, let him know he can have that job every day, if he stops chasing them, then praise him for doing that.

Every time he says he hates you, tell him you love him.

Make sure every morning begins and every night ends with "I love you". Hang in there!

Hugs to you Mama!

I've worked nights for years. You have to find a way to get some sound sleep. Life will be much better once you get regular sleep. I agree with the suggestion made by Gamma G. You cat nap while he plays. You're probably already doing that, tho. You need real sleep.

I suggest he's acting out because you're overly tired and anxious. You naturally don't have the patience to deal with a 4 yo. I suggest that you're expecting the impossible from yourself trying to work nights and take care of him during the day.

Perhaps there is a neighbor teen who would be willing to come in after school for a few hours. I would check with the local school. Perhaps this would cost less. Or can you leave him with the night care people or take him early for just 2-3 hours so that you can get a couple of hours of sleep?

Above all, sleep, sleep, sleep when your husband is home. He can pay the rent, utilities, etc. He can even do that while he's away. Insist that he carry some of the load. Talk with him in a calm and practical way about how you're feeling and how he can help. Don't use a whiney or complaining tone of voice. Don't accuse him of not helping. Just tell him it's not working out the way the two of you have been handling this and ask for his help in trying a different way.

Because of the negative interactions you're having with your son and because your health is at risk because you're not getting enough sleep you might consider having your son stay with a trusted relative or friend for awhile. It's not the best solution but it's better than allowing this situation reaching the point that you can no longer handle him or you get sick.

My mother became seriously depressed when my youngest brother was born. She took him and stayed with her sister while the rest of us kids went to live with another sister for 3 months. It was painful but I don't think it resulted in long term issues for us. Overall we were better off than if she'd stayed home and toughed it out. It's just an idea if you reach the point of feeling like you can no longer handle it.

You have too much going on. I've found that I'm less stressed if I make a list of everything I need to do; then write them in priority order and then put them on the calendar. Plan to do just one thing extra each day.

It's helped me tremendously since I've learned to adopt the attitude that everything will work out. Over the years I've learned that everything does actually work out to be OK. It doesn't always work out the way I wanted it to and so I've learned to not want something to happen a certain way so strongly. I make flexible plans.

Do continue to take the Xanax regularly. Don't let your anxiety gain control. It is a short term solution. You are in a short term situation. Use the Xanax. If it's not helping try something else. I use Ativan for times when I'm too anxious to get things done.

First and foremost, everything IS going to be OK. Soon your husband WILL get paid! It may be only one time per month and will require budgeting it over the course of a month, but it will be a paycheck (and also benefits). Your husband will be done with training in 5 weeks, so you'll be starting fresh with the new year. How awesome is that? Even better, or husband is home from Thursday nights, Friday nights, Saturday nights and part of Sunday. Excellent. I'm a single mom of a 5yr old who also has some special challenges and also have no family nearby. I know that it can be very hard. On top of that, your son is missing his daddy and having some separation anxiety where he'll test his boundaries to make himself feel more secure with what is happening.

Take the Xanax if you need it. Try, try, try not to cry in front of your son, as it will make him more insecure and worse behavior. Do not take his "I hate yous" personally; it is just the age. Last night at Target, I was the meannest mommy in the world, as my little one pouted her way to the check-out. Guess what? I met the other meannest mommy in the world right there at Target, with her little boy pouting his way to the check-out. Funny how that works.

You need to get out of the house some where your son can burn off his extra energy and where you can have some social interaction. I used to take my daughter to McD's or ChickFilA where she could play with other kids and burn energy, and I could be around other people. It does help. You don't have to buy a meal; get a drink and a snack. In Arlington you've got that great McD's over by the Parks. Another option is to go to the park for awhile every day or to the the mall play area. In a few days, you can start taking him for walks to see the Christmas lights in your neighborhood (or drive to other areas and walk around seeing different lights every night). Any chance that you can swing a Six Flags season pass and season's parking pass, where you could take your son there regularly for Holiday in the Park? If you belong to a church....go to events where there is childcare offered...the time apart will be therapeutic. You may also have some success with mom's groups at meetup.com. When your husband is home for the weekends, give him some alone time with your son and take that alone time for yourself. You NEED a break! If hubby is not home and your budget will allow, take some alone time for yourself by taking the little one to playcare....in the metroplex Adventure Kids is great, state licensed, and CPR certified. I'm pretty sure that my sanity would be at stake if I did not take my daugher there once a week, and she has a fabulous time there. It's a win-win situation.

Most of all, remember that this too is a season of your life. Your son is little for a short time. Embrace the magic that he will feel with Christmas coming up. Five weeks is 35 days...and really you're talking about 20 days that your husband is gone. That can be a lifetime or can go quickly. I'm betting that you're far stronger than you think you are. I also am betting that everything is going to be okay.

What are your hours that you work ? Where are you in Arlington ? I work during the day but it might be where I can help out so you can get some sleep. I agree with most of the other posters - you are sleep deprived and your son is reacting to this and dad not being home and the changes going on. It will get better ! And it will be better if you can sleep some.

I'm sorry to hear that things are tough right now, but it will get better.

Your son is feeling the stress too. And he doesn't know how to deal with his emotions. You have to help him. He doesn't hate you, and you need to hug him and love on him every time he says it. He NEEDS you, but you are unable to give him your best because you're exhausted. You need a plan so you can give him some of your time. Even if it means that you leave him at the sitter's for an hour after work so you can come home and get a shower, and then take him to the sitters early before work so you can come home and crash for a few hours, just try to make it so you can give him some time between where you aren't yelling at him for waking you up.

Try to sleep at the same time every day, even if that means that you use most of the day to wear our your son so he'll nap a bit with you. If you're working nights, I suggest that you don't come home after work and crash right away. Stay awake and play with your son. Get a shower. Sleep before your shift, and then wake up and go.

Try to say "no" a little less. Think: Is this a battle I really need to fight? How about "you can't jump on the couch, but you can go jump on your bed for 10 minutes." or, if you want to chase the dog, you have to go out in the back yard to do it."

Lastly, find out if you can change shifts. It's worth asking.

Best of luck!

♥
C. Lee

wow what hours can nightcare start and end and what hours are work
if nightcare can be from 10pm-10am and you get out of work at 6 or 7, go home and sleep from 7am-10am and then get him. if you can tack on a few hours beforehand try that but you need SOME sleep while he's not there
if you can do that then do the suggestions gramma says on top of it. play with him from 10am-2pm (hardcore, tire him out, go to the park, hike)and then take a 2 hour nap in his room while you lay and watch a movie together . if you have to bribe him with a snack do it with something he can swallow and not choke on mini mm's cheerios, then when its over play some more and then drop him off.

it stinks because you only have 1. if you werent dead tired it would be a fun time of taking him out and bonding when daddy's at work. solve your sleep problem and then you can enjoy your kid

I went through this 3 times so I feel ya! When we moved from AZ to NC I had to pack by myself while still working full time and taking care of my then 3 year old son. Then again when we moved from NC to Orlando which was the hardest because my son was going through a lot of changes, and it was the longest away from his dad, it was over 2 weeks between visits. The last time was this last June when we moved from Orlando to Clearwater. I just had a baby in feb so I had her and my 6 year old. I would try and keep him as busy as you can, crafts, parks whatever you can to occupie him. Like I said I've been there! If you need someone to talk to you can pm me :) keep your head up!

I have 3 kids ages 6, 4 and 3. My soon-to-be ex has traveled 99% of the time their entire lives. We just got through years worth of financial calamity due to a bunch of impossible to describe sh__ and I had to wrangle the IRS alone paperwork, paperwork, paperwork for three years until Chapter 7 yada yada-all up to me to handle alone with three kids-so anyway, I know your fatigue and stress BELIEVE ME.

But your son's behavior is not related to that. YES it's hard to take ON TOP OF all that, but it does not need to be happening. Why would you have 5 more weeks of a child telling you he hates you? How should he get away with that even one more time? My kids have never gotten away with a hostile remark to me unscathed and they would NEVER say that. Their discipline (from me alone, no husband) was SO consistent in all areas, that when I nicely explained "Saying you hate someone is not nice. You NEVER say "I hate you" to me." was all it took and they KNEW they would be sorry if they ever did it again. Yes they are allowed emotions, yes we discuss frustration, but tantrums, mean behavior, etc are not allowed, and you CAN control that. Get the book Back to Basics Discipline by Janet Campbell Matson. Once your son is acting well, you can enjoy your time with him and your relationship will be BETTER for all this time together not worse. My kids have been my salvation in all this stress, and I enjoy all my time with them. The other stuff will all get better with time. Hang in there, but your son's development is completely up to you. I have an even firmer and more effective book to if you want to PM me.

I feel ya. Take him to a park and let him wear down. Then let him come home and sleep.

Here's a suggestion......

Rather than telling him "no" all the time, try distracting him to go do something else when he is doing something he isn't supposed to do..... Then praise him all over the place when you catch him doing something right! You might begin to see an attitude change with him.

I'm sure he isn't enjoying being told No all the time, and you aren't enjoying it, either.

Mama, I read Gamma's response, and I think it is sound advice. I have to tell you that you MUST change things if you want your child to learn not to treat other people the way he is treating you. You are TOO tired to properly discipline him, and discipline him you MUST unless you want to raise a hellion.

It is not normal for children to be jumping all over furniture and saying "I hate you" when you tell them no. The reason is that parents who are not totally sleep deprived train them not to do it in the first place, and give children who talk ugly consequences for it, consistently, so that children learn not to. You aren't able to do it because you are about to lose your mind with no sleep.

Sending you strength to get through this...
Dawn