If you had a genetic mutation that you found out you passed along to one of your children, would you continue having more babies? Your chances would be 50/50.
** this mutation would cause your child to be behind cognitive, developmental, autism, high risk for seizures and many other health issues** Pretty much your child would never live a life on their own.
when my special needs child was born in 2006, my DH and i got tested to see if we passed the mutation down, we did not. we both agreed that if either of us had the mutation, no more babies. with that said, we had one more typical child who has been a blessing! all my babies are a blessing. in my support group there is a lady that has the genetic mutation that has 8 children! 4 of them have this mutation passed on through her. well....... this morning when i got on the support group FB page, she posted that she is 12 weeks PG with #9! WOW! it's her choice on how many children she wants to have but my heart goes out to the kids! i see how much my child struggles through daily life that we take for granted and cannot fathom for the life of me how this woman does it? i get stressed out with one SN child, i cannot imagine having 4 and possibly adding a fifth! I am like many of you, i personally could not do it. Had my DH or I tested positive for the mutation one of us would have gotten fixed. Lucky for me i had my tubes tied after my third child in 2009! thanks for your honest answers!
No. I would not knowingly bring a child into the world even with a 50/50 chance that he/she could be majorly disabled for their entire life.
I would get myself sterilized.
If I was that dead set on another child, I would adopt because there are plenty of healthy children who need a loving home and parents.
I want to say, no, I would not, like everyone else here.
However, I just don't KNOW, never having had to make that difficult choice.
One thing I DO know is there are still women in the world in countries where women don't have ANY choice about whether they get pregnant or not. And so I am very grateful we do.
Having a child who struggles is a perfectly acceptable reason for you to be mystified about this other woman's choice.
And a grand example of how we can never REALLY walk in another person's shoes, you know?
:)
I think she is very selfish. No I would never take a chance like that with my child's quality of life. It's not the same thing as being unaware of the genetic chance. I was tested for genetic disease before TTC. Not because I was at risk but because I did not want to put my child through a painful life if I did not have to.
As hard as the decision would be for me? I would choose NOT to have more children. Why? Because if I knew I had a gene that could cause my child to NOT have a "normal" life? I couldn't do that to him/her.
Yes, I realize that they will never really know they're not "normal" and their life will be "normal" for him/her.
Do anomalies happen? Yes. And I would accept it and do the best I could in raising the child.
Your friend that is on baby #9? My personal opinion? She's selfish and wrong. I'm sure she's getting money from the state to help support those children too. Yep...I'm sure that statement will get some feedback - but oh well. That's my opinion.
Absolutely not. I would love and cherish the baby I have, but choose to adopt if I wanted more children.
No. I would not put my marriage or myself through that. I would adopt.
No,I would not. I would adopt.
No. I would have myself sterilized to make sure I never got pregnant again.
A dear friend of mine discovered when his daughter was born that he was a carrier of a terminal genetic disorder. He had no clue until she was born with it. It's not one they routinely test for, as it's rare. The doctors had to go back to the books to diagnose it when she was born because they had never seen it before. One in a million odds.
It's recessive, so BOTH parents have to carry it for it to be expressed. But that meant that even though the odds were one in a million among the genreal population, they were 1 in four for THESE parents.
He didn't want to risk ever inflicting the short pain-filled life that his daughter faced on another child. So he had himself sterilized shortly after her birth.
I would not. A friend of mine was in this situation. They had a healthy child, then one with a severe genetic disorder. Once they realized it was genetic, they stopped having children. They wanted a bigger family, so they adopted two children.
Do not think I would, but you never know until you are in a particular situation. I never try to put myself in someone else's shoes.
No, I would not continue having babies if I knew.
In my opinion, that woman that is on #9 is very selfish and horrible if she is having children KNOWING she is passing on the mutation!! Even if she CAN handle all her special needs children now, what's going to happen when she can no longer care for them and/or is no longer around. I could not live with myself knowing the uncertainty of who would care for my children when I'm gone. I would feel like no one would take care of them as well as I have.
Some friends of mine have three daughters with Muscular Dystrophy - they didn't find out about it until after the third one was born. They feel horribly guilty since they found out they passed on the disease. There had been no indication on either side beforehand.
I feel this world is hard enough and we take chances with every baby we bring into it but I would never bring a child into it knowing there could be something drastically wrong with them.
Good luck!!
my daughter has a disorder that would cause her to have a 1/4 chance of miscarrying a baby boy. and a 1/4 chance of having a girl with a disablility that might or might not be severe she is little now but I hope genetic testing will be far enough along that she can have some guidance in making this decision but when ever it comes up I talk to her about how wonderful adoption is, so that she knows she had options.
and yes we stopped having babies after she was born partially because the risk wasn't worth it even though her mutation was a sponatanious one meaning not passed on by dh or i.
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my daughter has a disorder that would cause her to have a 1/4 chance of miscarrying a baby boy. and a 1/4 chance of having a girl with a disablility that might or might not be severe she is little now but I hope genetic testing will be far enough along that she can have some guidance in making this decision but when ever it comes up I talk to her about how wonderful adoption is, so that she knows she had options.
and yes we stopped having babies after she was born partially because the risk wasn't worth it even though her mutation was a sponatanious one meaning not passed on by dh or i.
No I would not keep having more babies.
NO.
I have a relative that does not have any children. And she and her husband chose... not to. Because, on one side of the family there are inherited conditions that are or can be passed on genetically.
Theresa N. really nailed this one for me. I do not know how I would handle it. Actually, in the moment, I might even wish for someone else to be responsible for the choice.
Before I would label her with "selfish", though, I would ask her why she does it. Sharing the forum opens that door for this reasonable question. Learning her motivations might give you a different perspective.
ETA: Not everybody sees parenting through the same lens. I believe that my son's soul chose me specifically to be loved specifically by me and to set me up to learn what I need to learn. Maybe this lady's "mission" in life is to love these souls that come to her in these bodies. Your participation in that forum is not only to commiserate but also to learn and understand. The only thing that brings you all together is this one commonality. There's so much more to each of you, and you're in a unique position to understand something that you might not otherwise be exposed to, let alone understand. Maybe that is part of your calling as the special parent that you are.
I don't think I would. I have a good friend whose husband carries a gene like this, with a 50/50 chance, and they decided to have two kids. I never understood why they would want to take the risk.
Their first was born with the mutation and we thought that would be the end of having babies for them. But two years later they had another, and he also has the mutation. His disability is even more profound. Both of their kids have endured multiple surgeries and won't live normal lives physically or mentally. They are 21 and 19.
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I don't think I would. I have a good friend whose husband carries a gene like this, with a 50/50 chance, and they decided to have two kids. I never understood why they would want to take the risk.
Their first was born with the mutation and we thought that would be the end of having babies for them. But two years later they had another, and he also has the mutation. His disability is even more profound. Both of their kids have endured multiple surgeries and won't live normal lives physically or mentally. They are 21 and 19.
Wow, she is totally selfish. It sounds like she has some mental issues... like she's trying to fill some emotional void to feel needed (and having SN children makes her feel especially needed). But she is not considering her children's quality of life, who will care for them after she dies, the financial burden she is placing on the rest of the community, the burden on the school system.
I am not trying to sound heartless towards people with special needs... I think they play a very important role in society and that we all should do our best to love and support them and help them to be the best people they can be. They are just as valuable as any other person, and I believe God has special plans for them and for the people whose lives they touch. However, I think its irresponsible to continue having children KNOWING there is a 50/50 chance your children will struggle through their whole life and be a burden to the rest of society.
I also feel that is irresponsible and immature to continue having children that you can't afford. Can she financially support 9 children, and the extra care and medical costs that they require? Will her SN children eventually be able to care for themselves? If not, does she have the money to finance their care and housing after she dies? I bet not.. I bet we are paying for them and our children will continue to support them in the future.
That would be tough, but no I would not. If possible, I would consider IVF if they could screen the embryos for the mutation so that they could transfer only embryos without the mutation. That sounds a bit like genetic engineering though so I'm not sure I would be comfortable with that approach either.
No, I wouldn't. Then again, I had genetic testing done before I started having children. I wouldn't have had children at all if something would have shown up...
I would be done having kids if I found that out. It sounds like from your question that "I" have multiple kids already anyway.
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I would be done having kids if I found that out. It sounds like from your question that "I" have multiple kids already anyway.
No. I didn't do an amnio with my son, we were committed to our baby, no matter what. That said, we didn't plan on having more babies, and if I'd known of something like this in advance, we'd have gotten the vasectomy much sooner. I know that there are wonderful, very giving parents who do raise up children like you describe, and I have no judgment at all toward them, I just know that this would not be a lifetime commitment that I could knowingly make, having that information in advance.
We did an amnios with our last two, due to my age. We decided before the test, that if there were a chance, it wouldn't matter, and we would keep the baby. Now, that being said, if I knew I carried a gene that could cause a 50/50 chance, etc.., I think I would have opted out of getting pregnant in the first place. There are other options for bringing a baby into the world, after all.
Interesting question. Most of us don't know exactly what we would truly do in tough situations, so these questions are pretty much hypothetical, I think.
You know, I realize more and more how blessed I am to have the three healthy children I have. No problems in any of them, they are all smart, funny, well-behaved, amazing little people!
I have never dealt with the loss of a child or having to decide if I should risk having any more children. I would think right now there is no way I would have babies thinking something could be wrong with them, but until I was put in that situation, I wouldn't know.
Aren't the children with needs a blessing too? So I just don't know what I would do if those shoes were on my feet versus me talking about it.
That is hard to say. I don't think so. I don't think I could live with the guilt if they were born with this condition. Its like playing Russian Roulette but only with your kids lives. Again, hard to say.
Wow...that's a tough one. I think for me it would have to depend on exactly what the mutation is and how it would affect the lives of the possible children in question.
Ok, I guess for me the answer would be no. Mostly because it would take a lot of work and solid finances to support all of that. I personally would not be in the position to provide the child with everything they would need.
If we were talking unplanned pregnancy that would be different and I would figure it out.
If the mutation could be detected by amnio, I might get pregnant and then abort if the fetus carried the mutation. If not detectable, no, I would never even consider doing that to a child intentionally.
What does this mutation cause. I know they have a test for autism coming down the pike and even after having a spectrum kid I would refuse the test. Spectrum kid is also 3 of 4 so I did have one more who is fine.
I guess I am wondering what exactly is the mutation because autism spectrum carries those potential risks and yet they hardly ever are that bad.
Oh wow, no, just one after and I already had two normalish before. I can't even imagine four kids with whatever that mutation is.
I imagine it would be such a personal decision. I can't imagine giving something like that to a child, knowing they'd have such a life.
I know one lady who married a man with a normal son. His wife had died. They had 6 children together. Every one of them except the youngest had mental retardation. Every single one of them except the last one she gave birth to had an IQ below 70, most were in the 60's. The youngest is quite intelligent and has a degree in something, I don't know what, but he makes a nice living.
I don't think I'd be able to have more kids knowing something was wrong.
If I knew my family had a history of "something", it would really depend. I would allow for testing, but only in light of needing to be prepared for caring for a special needs child.
If I did not know and my child was born with a special need that was directly linked to my genetics. That would also depend on the type of needs my first born had. There are different levels of need for children, but I would base my choice on how much I have to give to my first and would I be able to give to another, not out of fear for passing on genetic hiccups.
Personally, I don't think that I would cope well raising a special needs child. I definitely would not take my chances if I knew there was a 50% chance of having a severely disabled baby. I would be more likely to try in vitro techniques, where the DNA could be pre-screened for the mutation before implantation. Otherwise, I would adopt or use a surragate.
I have a lot of respect for parents that care for a special needs child. I can see how much work it is - physically, emotionally, and financially - and know that these are much stronger people than I am.
i wouldn't.
khairete
S.
