Race and Name Calling on a Sports Team

Sports is a training ground for life. The coach is a leader in young peoples lives. This is a teachable moment for the entire team. Coach should call a meeting and set the whole team straight. In no uncertain terms, use of racial insults will not be tolerated and anyone found in violation is off the team. It doesn't have to be something where the culprits are pointed out. Just a general meeting to let everyone know there is zero tolerance for it.

And then the team building excercises so everyone can be friends again.

Assuming you are really in Fremont, CA I can relate.
I was a white teenage girl in Hayward in the late 80's.
I was TOTALLY the minority!
Every boy I had a crush on? Hispanic. Never got the time of day from any of them :(
But I was driven. I was a cheerleader, ran track, worked on yearbook/leadership, did student government, drama/theater, etc.
Keep encouraging your son to pursue his passions. Race really does NOT matter in the long run.
Ultimately we have no control over other people, only our reactions to them. That's a LIFE LONG lesson.

I saw this on Facebook and it seems like it may be a start for what the coaches want to do:
David Gerrold
A teacher in New York was teaching her class about bullying and gave them the following exercise to perform. She had the children take a piece of paper and told them to crumple it up, stamp on it and really mess it up but do not rip it. Then she had them unfold the paper, smooth it out and look at how scarred and dirty is was. She then told them to tell it they’re sorry. Now even though they said ...they were sorry and tried to fix the paper, she pointed out all the scars they left behind. And that those scars will never go away no matter how hard they tried to fix it. That is what happens when a child bully’s another child, they may say they’re sorry but the scars are there forever. The looks on the faces of the children in the classroom told her the message hit home. Pass it on or better yet, if you're a parent or a teacher, do it with your child/children
Originally posted on David's wall
By: Gulf Watch

My husband coaches baseball and he would NEVER tolerate that type of behavior on his bench!

As assistant coach, I feel your husband can address this, generically, at a team meeting.

The coach needs to be made aware of this and he needs to lay down the law. If a player can't follow the rules, they sit. And watch. And think.

Time to tell your kid the really disgusting part about racism...that it's for no reason, travels quickly from generation to generation, and is a lack of intelligence.

Tell him that nothing and no O. should influence HIS decision to participate in an activity he clearly loves.

I heard O. of my son's friends make a comment a few months ago when referring to a black kid in their grade. He said "If it's brown, flush it down." ????!!!!! WHERE does an 8/9 year old get THAT, I wonder? I've never looked at his family the same way again. The cycle continues.

Hopefully, other parents, no matter their race, would be JUST as outraged if they heard their child say something like they said to your son.

That is absolutly horrible!!!
If your husband is the assistant coach, and can have some influence over the coach, there is something that can be done.
Suggest that the coach have a talk with the boys and explain that they are a team and teams stick together. And if a boy is cauht being anything but encouraging to one another, they will run laps.
My son's coach did that to most of the players because they were making comments to the catcher just for wearing the protective gear.

At his age, the Coaching Staff sets the tone for the team.

If they promote team spirit and team support, the kids will respond to this.
They also will do well to remind these kids, this is for fun, it is to learn how to play and learn how to improve yourself.

My Nephew has played every sport possible since he was 4. He will once again be the Quarterback for his high school football team. He is awesome with his teammates.

The thing I have always been impressed by, was that most of his Coaches have ALWAYS put emphasis of doing your best and cheering on your teammates to do their best. Not to put them down, but to encourage them, even when things did not go well.

Everyone is learning and training at all times.
They are to be treated as your brothers.

The kids are usually way harder on themselves than each other. I love seeing and hearing them say, to each other "Good job", "better luck next time".. "Or walk it off, it is ok.."

This is the age, this really needs to be encouraged. Coming together as a cohesive team is the secret to the best teams.. No stand outs..

I feel for you and your son. Growing up is so awkward and goodness gracious if you don't look and talk like everyone else. As much as I like to think all the old racist stuff is gone, really it isn't. BUT, is he throwing up because he thinks he is being called a racial slur name "whitey" or "orange face" because he is white or has red hair OR is he throwing up because the kids are ALL super-critical of whoever messes up and then they pick the racial adjective to describe whoever messes up? I think it makes a big difference. I think you should ask your son "what should we prep for next time?" or "do you like your team mates?" and see where it goes. Good luck!!

mamabear is all very well, and understandable, just not very helpful. i'm so sorry your sweet baby is being treated like this, and it's painful to see, but yelling at the other kids won't help. i think i would discuss it with the coach, though. not in an accusatory fashion, but to enlist his aid. he's there to coach a sport, not referee personal relationships, but almost all kid coaches want and expect a healthy positive team atmosphere and will take steps to stop ugly behavior if they know it's happening. but they're also all volunteers and we can't expect them to see everything. let him help.
the best thing to do is to keep working with your son, role-playing, listening carefully, and being the safe place he can come for a sounding board. it's very important that he develop the right coping tools, and mama bear doesn't foster that.
i'd take the tack of empowering and encouraging my son without making him feel like even more of a victim. but there's not really a quick or easy answer.
good luck, mama!
khairete
S.

I think ,what you are going to have to decide, is how much you want your child to fight a battle. Its all well and good if its you but you will be subjecting your child to further grief in school etc if you go about it the wrong way. And I know you might want to pin it on the kids saying a racist remark but really the kids at that age are only parroting what they hear their parents say who are the real racist. The kid was probably just trying to be mean spirited and a bully . I think you will get absolutely no where if you start saying how kids are being racist to your kid and it will cause more hard feelings for your kid. Stick to the main facts. He was not doing good and the kids started being mean spirited and the coach did not bench the kids to teach them fair play. As someone who has coached before I would have sat down after the game with parents and kids and explain that you win as a team and you loose as a team. Instead of tearing a team mate down for messing up you should be backing him up and helping him approve. Then next practice I would have them learning to work more as a team instead of yelling at them all. I cannot believe ths is the only team in the area for whatever he is doing. Maye you have to be willing to drive to another town for your kid. I know I would if the team was nutruring him.

I was on the board of a Little League in Sonoma county in CA for three years so I can give you some help :)

Here's some steps you can take in order, if one doesn't work go to the next one.

1. Talk to the Coach in a "how can we work together to stop this from happening again" kind of way. And as an assistant coach your husband SHOULD have said something to the child(ren) who were calling your son names.

2. Talk to your player agent/board ... if speaking with the coach doesn't work or makes things worse then go to your player agent or a board member. And talk to them about the situation. The coach can be removed from his spot.

3. If this is a Little League International Chartered League ... go to your district offices and speak with them if none of the above gets results. The rules are VERY clear about stuff like this in the little leauge handbook. It is 100% NOT TOLERATED. And they WILL step in if the board doesn't. And if the district has to step in ... trust me ... people WILL toe the line. If it's a Cal Ripken League again ... find out who is above your league board and talk to them. If this is simply a small private league I don't know who you can go to.

Also if the behavior continues or gets worse after speaking with the above you can apply for a waiver to play for another league in town.

Contrary to what another poster said coaches ARE there to monitor the personal relationships of the kids on the team, at least while they are in the dugout. Not every child is going to mesh and gel with every other child, that's a given and we all understand that. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean that the coach can't keep the kids being civil to each other.

Hope that helps and good luck :) I'm SOOOOOOO glad my kids are past the ages to deal with that stuff :)

I would say something to the coach and the parents as a group, and I would use this as a learning experience for your son. Tell him that there are ignorant and immature people in this world and he will more than likely have to deal with them in one way or another throughout life, which is sad. And let him know that people, even young boys, who use words to hurt are very insecure people.

Racism like this has been going on for eons...my mother is a light half Hispanic, half English woman who grew up in Southern California hearing "Whitey" and derivatives and "Go back to Oklahoma," which she never came from... She was and is very sensitive and sadly, now that she has dementia she remembers her treatment well and it saddens me that that she may die remembering these things.

Tell the coach and other parents that no one has the right to say these things to anyone, no matter how mad they may be. They certainly wouldn't like it if your son called the Latino boys names, would they? The boys are there to learn to play a game as a team, and should stick together as such, not battle from within, and to respect each other and their differences.

I don't envy the position you're in, but I wouldn't let it go, and would say something before the next game or practice. Maybe nothing will change, but that's not the point, your son will know you will go to bat for him and what's right.

The boys who yelled out should be benched for a game. Forget the racism, this is bullying. While you may not get the support if you call it racism (because of the ethnic make up of the team), you may get better support in calling it bully as that is what is getting lots of attention nowadays.

That is too bad that the coach has not gotten involved in this. He should have a zero policy for teasing and to stop this he should make all of the kids run etc. instead of singling out the main kid. Most teams do this and when one gets in trouble, they all do and that puts pressure and usually stops this behavior because all of the other kids are mad at the person who made them run. It also sounds like this team is not functioning as a "TEAM" and they need some teambuilders. When a sport is fun the team usually plays up to their best potential. Not to say they do not need strict coaching and guidelines along the way but this just may not be the team for him.

My kids play softball/tball and this would never be allowed to go on. The kids can't say anything negative about a play. When someone makes an error, they say "That's ok" or "Good try". Most leagues have a code of conduct and players can be kicked out if they do something inappropriate or unsportsmanlike. Find out what the rules of the league are. If they don't allow racial slurs by fellow players (and I can't imagine that they would!!!), then you and your husband, who is the assistant coach should speak to the head coach and the entire team at the next practice or game. Don't single anyone out, but gather the whole team and their parents for a 3 minute talk and let them know that if any of this continues, the offending players may be removed from the team by the league. Then if any of the boys keep doing it, they will have received fair warning and the team/league can proceed with disciplinary action. I would also make copies of the league's policy on sportsmanship and give a copy to each parent.

Good luck!