Quiet Play During Church for 18-Month-old?

One thought that popped into my mind is timing. When do you go? Is this normally a good time for you son? Is his tummy full and he is not too tired?

Maybe switching to an earlier or later service would work better for you.

It is a common problem. When my kids were little I did the same stuff...cheerios, sippy cup, special quiet toys that were only for church. I kept a special "church bag".

Another mom suggested to me that if I had to take the child out, I put him in a "time out", (we had classrooms that weren't used during the worship service)have him sit in a chair facing the wall, no running or walking around and don't talk to him. Then give him a choice, either stay here, or go back to where the people are and play quietly.
I only had to do it a couple of sundays and then he was willing to sit through the service.

I remember feeling like a bad parent because I had to take my kids out so often. (My oldest one screamed all the way down the aisle from the back row "No, mommy don't beat me!")

Now I sit behind a couple with three little ones and wonder what I was so worried about. The children are squirmy and they scrap with one another and they sometimes have to be taken out of the meeting, but they get easier and really are not disruptive as they get older and if they are used to attending church, they eventually feel the peace you find there.

When my husband went with me, we would sit at opposite ends of the row and keep the children corralled between us with paper and crayons, cars ect. With an attention span of about two minutes, we needed to keep presenting new toys, then they went away until next sunday.

Hang in there. It is a good and important work you are doing.
Jesus loves the little children!
L.

I am in charge of one of the nursery rooms at my church. Could your nursery be too loud? Are other children in there that your child will see playing? When do you put your child in the nursery? It needs to be at the beginning of the service. If the child is put in there when they are upset being pulled out of service, they will look at that as a "time out room" instead of a place to have fun. I recommend for parents to bring them to the room, stay for a little bit then say goodbye before leaving. Don't sneak out of the room. Don't look worried, they read your emotions. For a few weeks, you can check on them about every 10 or 15 minuntes then longer periods, just to see how they are doing until they get used to the room. Also you can sign up to be a nursery worker like once every other week, then to once a month, until your child gets used to the room. Then he will be okay without you. Its a learning experience for them.

It is very hard for an 18 month old to sit through a service, no matter what you bring to do unless you bring enough different things to stay occupied during the entire sermon.

It is never a waste of time to go to church. Even if only one spouse hears the message and can take notes for the other while your child is adjusting to his new surroundings and being away from his Mom. :)

My son was the same, he was more trusting being in the nursery when I worked full time and he was taken care of by relatives while I worked. Then when I quit to be a stay at home mom he became very clingy and wouldn't stay anywhere without me, the church nursery included. It took about 4 weeks for the re-train but he did it. :)

Are there any other kids near you? Sitting near two other little boys really helped our son. The boys share their trucks and tractors and snacks reasonably quietly (plus we all sit near the back so they're less of a distraction while they play for others anyway). Also, my mom suggested from the beginning having a special bag of stuff to play with only at church--that way they're not bored with it already.
Good luck! I know it's hard to keep going when it feels like a waste!
J.

I have been in your situation and can feel your frustration. But, it does get easier as they get older and if you continue a steady pattern of going to church, your kids will eventually settle down and get through longer increments until you are finally able to sit through the whole service. You may not get everything out of church that you want but you are instilling very important values in your children which is admirable.

I am totally supportive of your desire to have your baby with you in the service, but if you want him to stay in the nursery, keep in mind that the kids usually do calm down after the parents leave. I have three kids and have taken them to church all of their lives, and I grew up going to church. My husband and I used to take our kids into the service with us sometimes because we didn't want them to cry and we wanted them to experience the worship service sometimes. What we noticed after a while was that the inconsistency of being in the service one week and in the nursery or sunday school class the next was unstable for them. They never knew what to expect. They would cry to go with us because they knew that sometimes they could go. Eventually we decided to leave them in their own Sunday school classes every week because they were structured for the kids and they learned more in there than in the service. Plus, when we picked them up they had stopped crying and had really enjoyed their time there.

So I guess I'm saying that if you feel stressed out having him there and want to put him in his class, be consistent, put him in there every week, and leave immediately. Don't let him sense any hesitancy in you. Reassure him that he will have fun and you will be back, and then go. Let him learn after a week or two that you do come back and that Sunday school is fun. If he senses that you are sad to leave or if you hang around with him there, he will try to cry to get you take him with you. I teach toddlers and preschoolers in Sunday school, and the ones that have trouble with the separation are the ones whose parents hang around and don't just leave them. They cry for about a minute after the parents leave, but the teachers are trained to take care of them when they're crying and get them involved in an activity, and they always turn around and start playing.

God bless you and your family, whatever you decide to do. He will figure out acceptable behavior, no matter which one you decide to do! It's just hard to be consistent and wait!

Hi S.
I am pretty passionate about this subject so I thought I would respond to you. I worked for 5 years in our children ministries to "watched" the little ones so the parent's would be able to enjoy church service. We have since changed churches and that was one of the criteria in a church was a good children ministry. Most churches will work with your son to stay in his room so you and your husband can benefit from the service.

I would never want you to switch churches but that may be one thing to consider, what is best for your son and in turn best for you and your husband. We attend The Chapel in Green and there is one in Akron also. They are wonderful with the children. They have a paging system that if your child needs you, they page you and you go get your child. They are wonderful with the children.

Take care and hope this helps. It is really nice to drop the children off and they are well taken care of and are learning about the Lord while my husband and I enjoy each other while serving the Lord. It is awesome!

It is hard when they are young. But, remember that you are starting a habit. I never did like having the workers just play with them in the nursery because before long, you can begin to actually teach them things about what is going on. Very early on, I'd whisper to my daughters about what communion meant. They figured out pretty soon that this was a special time and to be quiet.

There will unfortunately, be a lot of takig him out and you will feel like it's a waste. But, remember that you are doing this for HIM....not just for you. My husband and I would take turns so that one of us could listen while the other juggled the baby. I would try to take him out before he gets to the tantrum stage so that it's a positive experience rather than a negative one. Maybe while in the foyer where you can still kinda hear, have him practice sitting and snacking or playing.

Mostly, I applaud you for making church important at such a young age! Hang in there...it does get easier!

I know it can be difficult leaving your little guy when he's upset, but, if you trust the nursery workers, perhaps now is a good time to help him learn how to cope without you in a safe environment. You could talk it over w/ the nursery workers to make sure you both come to an agreement and that it's ok on both sides, but this could be a great way to give you and your husband some time to learn and participate at church, while your son is learning to make new friends.
BLessings!

Keep an eye on the time. If he's normally snacking or napping during church time then you should probably switch to a different service if possible.

I'd keep trying the nursery. He's 18 months old - the time when separation anxiety peaks - so of course he wants you instead of the nursery workers. However, he needs to learn he'll be OK without you. Does he have a blankie or stuffed animal (a 'transition device')? If so, hand him off to worker, hand him his security object, say a quick goodbye and walk out. It's hard at first. He'll cry. You need to watch your emotions even if you think you are hiding them. If you are confident and decisive and happy about it then he'll pick up on that. He'll stop crying soon. Or they'll call you back in if he won't settle down but give it a good 15-20 minutes. If the workers are good, they can get him involved in an activity or toy and he'll settle down. It might take awhile if he's not used to being separated from you so you may need to do it in stages.... 15 minutes the 1st week, then 25 minutes the 2nd week, etc, until you work up to the entire service.

The more he goes, and the more opportunities you give him to be with someone else, the sooner he'll learn you come back and the sooner he'll get over the separation anxiety.

My son also didn't like the nursery at church and the would page us to come get him - we continued to take him and after 4-6 weeks, he was fine. You just have to be willing to give him a kiss and walk out. The nursery workers are used to it. I worked in the nursery and so many kids cry for all of five minutes and then they are off and playing and having a great time with the other kids. Sometimes, they would start crying again when the parents walked in the room, which always made me chuckle.

My advice is similar to the other ladies. I too ran an infant and a toddler room. Consistency and caring workers will help your son adjust to being away from you. The first week he may last only 15 min and they may have to page you out but try again the next week and the week after. Before you know it he will adjust to being in the room without you and you both will be enjoying the service. You could try one sunday where you go in the room and stay with him for the whole service and the next week your husband is the one to drop him off .... just a thought. good luck.

along with what everyone else said, we have a board book that we call the Church book- it has pictures of all body parts, clothes, automobiles, animals, etc etc. i can usually get quite a while of nonsqirmy quiet time by whispering in baby's ear "where's the horse?" or whatever. they love to look, point, and feel smart when they get it right. also, my son was fascinated with the car keys, and my daughter would sit silently if i let her sneak the chapstick out of my pocket and she thought she was getting away with a "no-no". hide something little and quiet in the pockets of your shirt or jacket and let him discover it, then mess with the zipper/button putting it in and out again. hours of fun, i tell ya!!
it will get easier:)

If you cant teach him to do it then who can?

A child of this age needs to be in the nursery care in the church, no child of this age could be expected to sit quietly for all of that time.

Its only for an hour or so, and eventually he will stop it. He also knows you react to his crying out so why should he stop it, its working for him. And the sitter in the nursery needs to just keep playing and holding him and being gentle with him, distracting him, and reasuring him mommy and daddy will be right back. "Lets play and eat cookies until they do."

And mom you need to not look at him anxiously or nervously, he will be fine! And you know it. New moms need to look at things for real as they are not as the new mom sees it.
Because more aften then not, the new mom is doing it because it makes her feel better not the child. The child is not suffering, being piched or hurt. Hes just crying, he may even go to sleep. And you know what crying is not a crime, it doesnt hurt, hes getting baby frustrations out the only way he know how. After all you are with him all week long. One or two hours is fine, there are kids sitting in daycare 40 hours a week.

Let go and let God. Calm yourself and you will calm him.
Eventually you two will cut the embilical cord and he will want to play and drive and everything.

My son is now 3 years old and he has never been anywhere but with us during the church service. However, now I am ready for him to go to a class but of course we are looking for a new church and I won't send him in with people I don't know. My advice is to "practice" at home. Sit on the couch with him and make him be quiet for 3 minutes, then 5, and so on. You can choose to let him use quiet toys or just sit there with you. It takes some patience but it should work.