Question for Mothers of Boys

I am adamantly opposed to circumcision. However, I don't give my opinion unless asked, and I would never ever harass a friend or family member like that about their choice. I might be disappointed (even "silently judge") that they didn't see things the way I do, but that's my issue, not theirs. And I certainly would never bring it up again.

No, their behavior is not normal, and these kinds of comments are not common. It is rude and presumptuous. Whether or not you choose to circumcise him is your own business, and I'm sure you and your husband have put serious thought into the decision. Your sister and her spouse have crossed the line from offering advice to bullying. In your place I'd be very tempted to ask my sister when penises outside her immediate family became her personal problem. (But then, you are probably more tactful than I am...)

I had similar headaches with my mother throughout my pregnancies and the baby years of both my kids. I finally had to say to her that she had raised her own family, and needed to give me the respect and room I needed to raise mine as I saw fit. It was not an easy conversation to have, but I reached a point where I was tired of being lectured and second-guessed and badgered on every decision from cirumcision to drugs during childbirth to when to introduce solid foods to what kind of diapers to use to how long I chose to breastfeed.

I hope you will set boundaries with your sister now, rather than putting up with the interference, as I did for way too long. In the long run, setting boundaries now may save your relationship with her.

No, mothers of boys do not ask about whether their boys are circumcised. I have two boys and I have never had a friend or family ask about whether or not they are. It is simply none of anyone's business.

Do what you feel is right. Your sister is completely insecure with what she believes or she wouldn't have to try to convince you to follow suit on all of these topics.

first of all this baby is your child not your sister's. Do not allow yourself to feel intimidated at all. My second child was a boy and I never considered NOT having him circumcized. now that he's a tween I can't imagine that he's keep it clean - boys are notoriously funky and only bathed when forced to (until they discover girls - we're on the cusp of that now).

Frankly, if you BIL was circumcized it wouldn't even be a point of consideration for you sister - her boys it could be that she's trying to defend her own position. I am shocked that they have a cult-like zeal about circumcision. You say THEY cornered you - even your BIL? They are bizarre - ignore them. And if they push tell them flat out - "your zealousness about this is kind of freakish so I wish you'd really respect me and not talk to me about this again. You are entitled to raise your children as you think is best and so am I - whether it's organic food, breast feeding, religion or immunizations - we are entitled to our own opinion & decision so back off."

And of course, don't expect that they will - this is a religion to them. YIKES - are they like this with everything?

The only person I had ask was a friend of mine who was also having a boy but I find that most people have no problem sticking their noses in your business when you're pregnant. Talk to your pediatrician and then make your own decision. Today, it doesn't really matter whether you get your child circumcised or not. There are pros and cons on each side and risks either way. When I was pregnant I just would say "that's a decision my husband and I will be making privately". That usually ended it but if not I would add: "If I need advice I'll let you know".

I have two friends from that I've been close to since High School (15+ year friendships.) After reading up and weighing the pros/cons and social aspect of circumcising, I decided NOT to. Well, I was the first to have kids. Both of my friends have since had boys, and I did ask what they planned to do... I did tell them what I had found when I read up on it.

So, would I say something to a stranger? No way. But someone I consider family or IS family -- sure. My approach isn't as aggressive as your sister though. I didn't go back to the topic repeatedly, just told her my reasoning. I pointed out that the "looking like Daddy" concern has been proven that little boys are MUCH more likely to notice Daddy has hair and they don't and they will ask questions about that. Being different from Daddy isn't really a concern, it's a normal state. Etc. So, I just discussed it... and had either of them said they didn't appreciate my opinion or feedback - I would have shut it. At the time they were trying to decide, so the comments were appropriate.

It also occurs to me... even before they had kids I weighed in their opinions when I was trying to decide what was best. These two women are my closest friends. I welcomed their feedback. So I think that matters - we have that kind of relationship. We share very intimate details... we have that kind of closeness.

I also believe breastfeeding is the way to go but one of my friends gave her kids formula. I was her shoulder when nurses/doctors made her feel "bad" for not trying to breastfeed. That's what friends and family do.. it's easy to support someone when you agree with their choices, it's love when you can support them even when you don't.

I have two boys, not circumsized, and my 4 brothers gave me the hardest time about it!! They still think it's wierd that we didn't "cut" them.
I just think that no matter what you do as a parent you are going to get "heckled" by someone that doesn't agree with what you have done.
Be strong. Say, "well, it's lovely that you didn't circumsize your son, we are going to circumsize ours. End of discussion"

Congrats on the new baby. I am seeing a lot of people talking about this lately - I have a 15 month old son and we had him circ'd at birth. I do not regret our decision and I feel that for those "intactivists" it is thier decision as well. I am also pro breastfeeding and co-sleeping and anti cry it out. You and your husband make the decision that you feel is best - every one else can "F-off".

Just ignore her, already, and do whatever you and your husband want.

Just reading about her made me want to slap her, not because of her beliefs but because she is so obnoxious about them. Note to self, state beliefs but respect others' beliefs as well.

Your uncle, btw, was NOT being rude on facebook. A pig would feed a lot of people. Stop apologizing to your SIL on behalf of people that don't agree with her. They are entitled to their opinions and shouldn't have to walk on eggshells around her. Let me guess, she is the PC police.

I always think that when a person argues this strongly about a subject that is clearly a personal choice, that she is usually arguing to justify a choice she made for herself but that she still might doubt in some way. I have been in your position about a lot of parenting/family choices: being a working mom, breastfeeding, day care, private school, being religious, not forcing my kids to participate in a popular sport, not having a third child and on and on and on.....

Great thing about being a parent is that ultimately you get to decide. You get to trust that you know what is best for your family.

well, i'm older than most of you, but i wish someone WOULD have given me more info when i had my babies. it was just assumed they'd be circumcised, almost all of the penises i had met up to that point were circumcised (yes, i'm quite aware of what that says about me) and it never really occurred to me to do anything else.
having educated myself more at this point in life, that's one of the few things i'd have changed. so i do understand your sister's desire to make sure you have full access to the data.
but they do sound awfully pushy. i think you need a courteous way to tell her 'nunya'. something along the lines of 'thanks for the information. we are taking that and other considerations under advisement, and assure you we will make the best decision for OUR family based on all of it.' and if she pushes, push back. 'thank you. we have all the information we need from you.' firm. polite. door slammed shut.
khairete
S.

I suggest you find a way to calm down. What does it matter what your sister says? She is concerned. It doesn't sound like she's doing this to be mean or disrespectful. She is a bit over zealous in a way similar to some religious people. She sounds sure that she was right to not circumcise her boys. I suggest that the opposite may be true. Perhaps she's still convincing herself, on some level.

You not only have the right but also the obligation to do what you believe is the right thing to do. I understand your confusion. There is a lot of conflicting information on the subject. My daughter and her husband asked people for their opinion and experience re: circumcision. They decided to circumcise because he was circumcised. They felt it was emotionally best for the son to be like the father since in their opinion most info for and against seemed about even.

Have you told your sister to back off? If not, I suggest that you will feel better if you take a stand and stop the conversations. I'd tell her that you would like to read what she has but from now on you do not want any further conversations about it. Thank her for the info. Remind her that it is yours and your husband's decision and that when it comes down to doing it, circumcision is a personal choice. I would be honest and tell her that you are getting irritated with the way she's insisting she knows what's best.

Relationships work best when people are able to be honest with each other. You will feel better when you're able to stand up for yourself. It sounds like now you're allowing her to push you around and that causes you to not feel good about her or yourself. Put the relationship back on an equal basis. Your opinion is just as important as hers.

Has she always been the one to put you down, to be in charge, etc? If so it is difficult for you to assert yourself. I suggest that now is a good time to take back your power.

Bottom line: this is a personal decision and that is all you have to say!

When we were having our son I was approached by a couple of people about this and I knew that my sister had chosem not to circumcise her sons. Because of this I decided to do some research on it.
There is a whole host of stuff out there both pro and con. Most of the stuff against it is the same things your sister has already said to you -- mutilation, cruelty, not medically necessary. Those are all legitimate concerns. The pro circumcision side says it IS medically helpful (reduction in transmission of STDs, won't be required later in life due to infections, some evidence for reduction in Urinary tract infections), and not cruel (they do use a numbing agent), and you'll have to decide for yourself if it is mutilation. One of the most disturbing arguments I saw from the people who are against it was equating male circumcision with female circumcision. This is an inflamatory argument since they aren't even close -- female circumcision removes the ability for the woman to feel sexual stimulation, male circumcision is said to heighten the sensitivity.
What finally made the choice for me was a conversation with my grandfather. He was not circumcised at birth, but due to infection in the Army (WW2) had to be circumcised then. He quite frankly said that he wished it had been done long before he had a memory of the pain that was involved in it.
No matter what you do in this you will probably feel judged by your sister. If you try to say it is a private matter/decision, she just might contrive a way to change diapers to find out what you decided to do. When I was deciding about this I did ask a few people, but more out of curiosity to see what they had to say or if they had even thought about it. When I finally worked up then nerve to ask my sister (who, incidentally is a nurse) she said to do it -- it's just easier and you don't have to teach your boys anything. After all that worry and research and tension of it, it turned out to be a moot point -- DH was adamant that our son be circumcised, and since I was already leaning that way it wasn't an argument worth having.
No matter what you decide, remember that it is YOUR decision as parents together. You are the parents of this child, not your sister or your BIL. I'm sure they will probably have much more to say to you about raising boys as you go along. Listen to the advice they give you, take the good, chuck the bad and refuse to feel judged by them. Good luck to you! Raising a boy (and now a girl) have been the best adventures of my life!!

He's not her child - he's YOURS! I would ask her why she needs to know. Ask her why it is so important to her. It is a decision to be made by you and hubby alone. Let her know you are not comfortable discussing it with her. Thank her for the information and her opinion, and ask her to respect your privacy regarding this matter going forward. Best of luck!

By the way: As far as "cruelty" goes, I feel it is better to have him numbed and circumcised NOW because: (a) he will never remember it, (b) it will be much more painful for him to have it done later.

I only got asked this by the doc. and for thier information when my youngest was circumcised they numbed him and he looked around and looked at the lights the whole time never cried so obvioiusly it didnt hurt. :)

No, mothers of boys do not ask each other about this. It is none of their business and it is totally your decision. I'd be really ticked off.

The key here to me is he is YOUR son it is YOUR choice. If it was me I think it would be time to just sit down and let them know how they are making you feel. As far as them judging you through my lifes experiences there is always someone judging you it seems. Its not usually a conversation I would have though with someone I knew was pregnant with a boy. Good luck and Congrats on your baby boy!

Updated

The key here to me is he is YOUR son it is YOUR choice. If it was me I think it would be time to just sit down and let them know how they are making you feel. As far as them judging you through my lifes experiences there is always someone judging you it seems. Its not usually a conversation I would have though with someone I knew was pregnant with a boy. Good luck and Congrats on your baby boy!

No offense, but your sister sounds annoying! She's one of those pushy opinionated people who think they have to educate everyone. I did not circumsize my son (his dad is not as well) but I would NEVER even bring this up with someone. It's a personal choice. And I never had anyone come up to me and talk about it when I was pregnant with my son either.

I was never asked this question by anyone but my OB and the nurses at the hospital when I had my little guy. My husband and I chose not to have him circumsized because we feel it is not medically necessary BUT I would never approach anyone, not a friend, family memeber, or stranger about taking the same path or not.

You could say something like this to your sis "look I understand your position but me and hubby are taking a different path. Please accept and respect what we have chosen for OUR son; we have accepted and respected the choices you've made for your family".

No, I was never asked (mine are 16 & 13).

If I were you I would say "yes, you may send me the information - great" and then refuse to talk about it further (in a nice way). Pro or con, that is highly personal and nobody else's business.

JMO.

No, she should mind her own business, and I would tell her so if she asks again. And if you do decide to have it done, just don't tell them. My boys are cut, so is my husband. I could not date an uncut man, but that is my own bias.

Personally I think this is just plain rude, no one should be asking about your child's genitals.

Make an informed decision yourselves. You must both have some idea which way you are swaying and go with what you decide, not what others think you want to decide on. Usually the doctors will ask if you have thought about circumcision so if you do decide to, they will do it almost immediately. My husband is, our sons are not.... As I understand it, it is no longer performed for hygiene reasons, but rather cultural or by choice - could be wrong. Unfortunately we can't always choose our family! They probably think they mean well!!!

I never had anyone ask me about that. However, I am convinced that I have perfected the "F-you" face, because I've never had anyone try to touch my belly, etc...

My DS is circumcised, and we would do it again. I'll leave it at that.

For the unbelievable pressure and nosyness you're getting from your inlaws, I find that responding in kind to the audacity of the question is the easiest way to shut them up. Next time they ask you about it, tell them that you've made a decision, and it's not up for discussion. Then don't tell them what you've chosen to do.

I have never had anyone say anything about it to me and I have two boys (expecting #3, too). I haven't asked anyone about this either. I had always planned to circumcize any boys I have for medical reasons mostly, but also cultural/aesthetic (I'm sorry, but I told my husband it was good he already was or I would NOT be looking there).

I have had discussions about it, but mostly with college friends who were studying things related or doing research, so the bulk of the research and opinions I've encountered support it anyway and that is what we had decided. One of my husband's uncles had to be circumsized when he was in his 40s for medical reasons, so his family is pretty in favor as a rule. If I knew someone who had chosen not to circumcize a boy, I probably would mind my own business and not even talk about it. Unfortunately, I might be startled if I didn't know and went to change the diaper.

Sorry you're getting unsolicited opinions on this. Please do not consider their attitudes when you and your husband make YOUR decision.

I am expecting our first boy in 3 weeks. We have been asked several times. My husband is from Europe and several of our friends are, where they tend not to. No one has forced their opinion on us though. I am surprised your sister would be angry about it, she can have an opinion, but really is it completely you and your husbands decision. My 2 cents.....my husband was not circumcised. Then around 8-9 years old he developed an infection, not due to lack of cleaning, but very painful. He had to be circumcised then. It was a horrible experience that he wouldn't wish on anyone. A baby will not remember it even a tiny bit, so we will circumcise. Today they have a way to do it without even cutting the skin (plastibell) I think it is called. Good luck with your decision.

I have a 19 yr old boy and we never had anyone, except the doctor, ask if we wanted him circumcised. I believe that all the boys in my family are but can't be 100% sure since we don't ask each other.

This is the parents decision and none of your sister's or BIL. They made the decision for their boys and now you have to make it for your boys. Tell your sister you have heard her view loud and clear but do not need to continue to hear it.

If circumcision is going to be done, I strongly believe it should be done as an infant because they don't remember it, healing time is quicker, and it is a lot less of a big deal now than when they are older.

This is a hot button issue that tends to get both sides riled-up. My only advice for you is to please do some research for yourselves and make a truly educated decision. Don't have him circumcised just because Daddy is, and don't not have it done just because it's what other people are doing. The ramifications go way beyond the actual procedure. This is a life long decision you are making for your son. We wrestled with this decision my entire pregnancy and are very happy with our ultimate decision.

And, just for the record, I've never had one single person ask me if my son is circumcised or not. Good luck to you!

HI--
I saw you're what happened, and I didn't read anything else, but just wanted to add some things. We are like your sister in many ways--breastfeeding, co-sleeping, eat all organic (although not vegetarian), only use natural healing methods versus western medicine, etc. However, both of my boys are circumcised. It was an awful situation for me--I felt like they are born that way, should I change it? And the added history of being raised Jewish confused me further. So I let my husband decide, as he is the boy. He did a ton of research and finally decided to circumcise. One boy we did at the hospital, and it was the most miserable experience I've had in his six years of life. The second boy the moyle circumcised (a Jewish rabbi that specializes in this). It was a totally different experience. While still not the most pleasant thing ever, it was quick and simple and he hardly cried. So if you decide to go the circumcision route, see if you can have the moyle do it. To this day I avoid all the "anti-circumcision" info because I know it will upset me to read it, and it's not as if there's anything I can do about it now.
Good luck in your decision,
J.

We have two boys and now, our first daughter. It's weird, and I never thought about it until now, but with the boys we received a TON of advice on every conceivable topic. With her, it's all about, "She's such a sweetie!" "You must love having a little girl in the house." "Finally, someone mommy can relate to!" And all other kinds of congratulations. With the boys, it was, "Make sure that you ______________." Weird but true.

On the whole matter of circumcision, yes, it is your and your husband's decision. I am not going to throw my hat into that ring. My husband felt stronger one way than the other, and that's what we did with ours. And let me say, they are both alive, happy, healthy, well-adjusted little boys.

Why can't we all just get along? Tell you sister to redirect her passions into lobbying the AMA to ban it. Tell her to contact her local senators and reps if she has some critical change she wants to make in the world. (I should mention here I am using sarcasm to highlight the excessive drama your sister seems bent on creating.)

No one...No one! Asked us what we planned to do or eventually did do for our sons.

I have been using this mantra at work and at home lately. Perhaps it will work with you sister:

At Work: Would you say what you just said if the CEO was in the room? If not, you probably shouldn't have said it and should find a way to make amends.

At Home: Would you say that to your grandmother or teacher? If not, do not say it to me. Go take a time out and think about what you did.

With Your Sister: Would you ask your neighbor or your pastor or your children's friends this question? If not, you should probably not say it to me and in fact, I wish you would apologize for intruding on a private decision.

I have two boys and a girl. I have talked to my sister about circumcision. She doesn't have any children right now, but she is trying. I just told her to make sure to discuss the circumcision issue together with her husband to decide what is best. But, I also talked to her about my experiences as a mother with my boys and I wish I had listened to my heart and had done more research. I just let my husband make the decision in that area and it was the hardest thing for me to go through as a mother. When she does become pregnant I won't pester her or talk to her anymore about the subject unless she asks. I just wanted her to be aware of things I wish I had known.

I personally feel it's a decision you and your husband need to decide for yourselves. I've never asked anyone, and no one has ever asked me (other than the doctor who did it!) for my two boys. The nicest thing for both of you is to just say that you feel it's a personal decision and you'd rather not discuss it. If it comes up again, just politely remind them that this is a decision you and your husband are making, you appreciate the input they have given you, and you will make a well-researched decision. And doing it because daddy is is a sufficient reason in my book. Little boys do want to be like daddy. :) Either way, it's your decision, and it's not going to harm your boy one way or the other.

Wow, what ever happened to boundaries? This is not something that is ANY of your SIL's business, much less trying to sway you to their way of thinking. And the "what right do you have to decide" comment is really way out of line. You, as the child's parents, have every "right" (and obligation) to do what you think is best for your son, in this and every other circumstance. I am truly appalled that someone, especially a family member, would question what is a personal and private decision on your part. I would just politely but firmly tell her that the topic is not open to debate, and agree to disagree.

It came up once with us too from my stepfather surprisingly enough. I wasn't as bothered by it as my husband was although I agree that it is crazy that people want to offer unasked for input on some fairly personal decisions! I did research and talked to the doctor and finally decided that there is no right answer. For what it's worth, our son is two and was fine during and after the procedure. My only advice is to try not to let your relatives get to you and make your own decision! Good luck!

my son is circumsized he cried for maybe 5 mins top! and he was over it. i guess it was just expected that i would get him circumsized- no one ever questioned me or doubted my decision. dont let them sway your decision. Do what your first intentions were. maybe do some research on the pros and cons of each and next time they approach you you will be well educated on the matter and can rebutle. But you and your husband need to make the decision- dont let anyone talk you into doing something u dont want to do!! this is your child, not theirs!!

I circumsized my son because even though they say it is not necessary, it is harder to keep clean otherwise. It is easier for bacteria to collect. I just find circumsion cleaner. I grew up with that so that is my norm.

I don't think this is normal to expect when you are having a boy. I have a son who is 2 years old. I didn't encounter this issue at all with friends or family, and I am sorry that you feel pressured by them to feel a certain way.
I never thought twice about circumcising. We knew we were going to, one reason being - like u said- because daddy is. And the other, I guess just the vague flashback of Health Ed class 10 years ago--because of the cleanliness factor when they are older. Just seams like there's less to worry about when the extra skin isnt there.
I don;t think this is a common thing to run into when you are expecting a son. Maybe in different parts of the country it is more common one way or the other- but I have friends who also have sons and we never asked them whether or not they were going to or not, mostly because we didnt care what each other did I guess. It is your child, your decision. You do what you feel is right, thats part of parenting. Whether you decide to read every acticle ever written on the subject, or just go with gut instinct, its your call. 100%.
The only thing my friends and and I ever asked eachother about was the healing process afterwards. the usual "is this normal, or, did his look like that?" questions. So good luck, tell them that you've made your decision and then maybe don't tell them what your actual final decision will be- because it's none of their business.

Not commom at all. I would be EXTREMELY annoyed if anyone tried to interfere with my business like that. I never once considered not circumcising my little boys. Sorry, but it is the cultural norm in our country and I am not going to put them in an embaressing situation later in life because they are not circumsized.

Do the research on it. With the internet today, you can find many facts versus myths regarding "circumcusion". Then, sit down with your husband and discuss what the two of YOU think is the best thing to do. If anyone else tries to give you "their opinion", respond with, "thank's for your input, but this is a personal decision my husband and I need to make ourselves". Basically, you are telling them in a nice way to "butt out", it's YOUR child. Hope this helps. And, good luck.

Honestly, I ask people because I'm curious. But as another poster said, it's of the ame caliber of asking about sex of the baby, names, how far along they are, etc. Just pregnancy talk. I couldn't care either way - not my kid. Also, this was one of the decisions I struggled a lot with since all reputable sources seemed to be so split, so I was curious to see what other people decided to do, too. As family, your sister probably feels a lot more comfortable really "educating" you to her side, but I personally thing she's going way too far and crossing a line.

I had a discussion with my daughter about it, since her husband is NOT, and her brothers, Dad and step-dad ARE. She was concerned that he would be in a big minority if she didn't, and I informed her that last I heard, it was around 50/50, so either way she was good. The did decide to circ him, mostly because diabetes is rampant in his Dad's family. My Grandson's Dad, uncle and both grandparents on that side have it. His Dad apparently had problems with yeast infections and clearing them up, so he made the decision that he wanted his son circ'd. The baby was in NICU for a month, so they had to wait until he was out of NICU to get it done.

Back to the question - I don't think I've ever asked any other woman that question. I think it is not polite. Hopefully, you could kindly tell your sister "You've made your thoughts known, and I appreciate it. We don't need to discuss it anymore! My baby's father and I need to make that decision ourselves."

I never was asked about circumcision. I think that everyone has these hot button issues, and while some people are breastfeeding nazi's, etc., for some circumcision is their issue. Maybe she thought that since she is your sister, she can give you this unsolicited advice. I would just say, I know that this is your opinion and that this is how you feel, but we are going to make our own decision. (I'm sure that you have gotten plenty of opinions one way or the other, so I won't add mine.)

I feel that people that attack others like this actually do more harm than good on the topic. It makes people want to do the opposite no matter what they originally were planning on doing. I see it so often in the breastfeeding community. If you breastfeed, then you MUST do it on demand, MUST be a stay at home mom, MUST co-sleep, MUST feed around the clock and not try to sleep train, etc.

BTW, you can take Zoloft while breastfeeding. :)

I remember my dad asking if I was going to breastfeed when I was pregnant with my first. He didn't push anything and I was going to anyway. While I thought it was kind of weird, I actually like that I had some family support for my decision. If he had pushed it on me, I probably would have pushed him away and never shared my decision with him. Afterall, it really is none of his business.

Check out the following website. My son is Circumcised for religious reasons (we're Jewish) as well for the fact that it'll make it easier for him to clean himself up. It's ultimately up to you and if they can't respect your decision then that is their problem. Good luck!

http://kidshealth.org/parent/system/surgical/circumcision...

Bit late on this one, but we got the lectures from FRIENDS who have NO CHILDREN. Ugh. Dow hat is right for your family, but the pressure is out there.

I have 3(soon to be 4) boys- yeah, I did get asked a lot. I couldn't do it to my first so it made it easier for the rest and none of them are circumcised. I really had no medical opinion one way or the other and I never researched it. I just couldn't do it! But- it IS something for the parent to decide- not your SIL or anyone else. And yes, if you don't do it now, he might decide to do it when he is older, but I doubt it.
Don't feel pressured into doing something(or not doing something). He is your baby, and it is your call whether or not he is circumcised or breastfed or put to bed at 9- no one else's business. So, I would just find a polite way to tell her thank you for the information, but this decision is between me and my husband and we are comfortable with what we chose to do.
~C.

Well I circumcised both of my sons and I'm very happy with my decisions. It hurts them yes when they're little but I will tell you they're dad didn't get it done when he was first born (his mom couldn't afford it) so she got it done when he was 8 and I can tell you it's alot worse when they're older. My sons only cried the day it was done. You keep petroleum jelly on it and keep it clean and it will heal and they will be fine. My kids don't hate me or feel like I hurt them and alot of Dr's and people will tell you it's easier to clean for you and them when they're older. Do your research on the pros of doing it and no matter what in the end he's your son and don't let anyone make you feel like your harming your baby when you're not.

In the hospital where I had my 1st son, I was asked at least 40 times if I wanted it done. And they were clearly angry when I kept saying "no."
But no one ELSE asked and I don't think this is common behavior. I think you sister is being a bully, regardless of her intent.

Now, I am vehemently against the procedure. But I wouldn't ask you if you planned to do so, then attack you. If you ASKED me what I thought, I'd tell you. But not aggressively. You'd need a conversation. Not an attack.

One of my oldest friends is Jewish and I had to bite on my lip the whole time she stressed to me over planning her son's bris. But chew on my lip I did.

Long after the ceremony, in a conversation about it, I remarked that I was against circumcision and that I wished we all talked about it more. I asked if she'd do anything differently after experiencing it. She said that yes, after attending several of these ceremonies, she'd hire a moel who ONLY does circumcision, not one who is also a doctor.

Another friend who did it (because she didn't really think about it when asked at the hospital) said if she had another son, she'd never do it again.

I think both these women could have benefited from open, supportive discussions about circumcision. One might have chosen against, and one would absolutely do it but maybe a bit differently.

I am sorry that your sister can't give you that kind of supportive conversation. Some people think everything is about them. And oddly, the logic of arrogance then isn't sound enough to assume it's all good. It's all about them AND it's all bad. I have no idea what it is that makes some people like this. But I have a family member who has the same issue (everything is about her & it's all meant to attack her). It's maddening.

And not at all incidentally, congratulations!

McK5,

Here is my advice: it's none of their business and if they ask tell them as such (if they weren't family I'd tell them where they could go). Circumcision is a decision between you and your hubby, not anyone else in the family. There are arguments for both, but there are a few points to note. First, it is not mutilation; religiously it was used by the Jews as an outward expression for an inward status of their devotion to God. Second, it does have health benefits. As some others have already mentioned it prevents infection as that area uncircumcised is prone to it. It also prevents cancer from forming in that area. Third, it is easier to keep that area clean (I know this may not be a real reason, but it sure is easier). There are other reasons (check www.circinfo.net for more) but my point isn't to tell you to circumcise (just justifying my position I guess) instead to remind you it is your choice.

How offensive that she is sticking her nose in and trying to guilt you into such a decision. Just like anything there are two sides to the coin and for my money, I would circumcise. His daddy is and in todays society, most males are circumcised. You just need to remember that this is your decision!

I would tell her one of the following things;

"IT IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" and just never tell her whether you did or didn't.

Tell her that she is bullying you and you do not appreciate it. This issue is your decision and it has been made so "BUTT OUT!"

You could take the nice route and tell her you appreciate her input and have taken into consideration the site she sent and her opinion. "Thanks for your concern." Then tell her you have made a decision that you have decided to keep private. - BECAUSE IT IS!

This is so inappropriate for her to take this to a level that is insulting. Just push back and never let her bring it up again. Whatever you decide just remember it is right for your family.

Good luck and congrats, boys are great!

I would say that in most cases people do not even think about this issue and are not going to get in your face about it. I think you have a "special" situation because you have a very demonstrative sister. I have been pregnant with boys twice, and no one mentioned it to me except our midwife who gave us the obligatory paper that discusses the topic rather unbiasedly. However, we never found out the gender of our children in advance, so that probably saved me from the discussion. Then, when my family (who is pro circ) found out we did not circ our first one, they really didn't argue about it. We were out of the hospital and they weren't going to make us go back. It really wasn't a big issue for them I guess. In this situation, we are the weirdo breastfeeding (I was the first woman in my family to nurse a child in the last 100 years) vegetarians ;)

I do have a sister-in-law (husband's sister) who is very damning of anyone who doesn't do what she sees as the right way, so I relate to your situation. Our relationship used to be ok, but the moment we announced our first pregnancy, she turned on me. It has never been the same between us. The strange thing is that I think we pretty much agree on most things. She's just mean.

I never had anyone ask me except the doctors at the hospital. Although I DID have the childbirth class lady give the entire class a nice long lecture about the "evils" of circumcision. I got up and walked out till she was done.

I have two boys, both circumcised. My husband and I made the decision, based on lots of stuff. The fact my hubby is cut, the fact it can be REALLY nasty if not taken care of (and having a brother I know how "often" he showered when he was a preteen/tween ... blech), and what can happen if things don't progress as they should as they grow older.

In the end it was OUR decision for OUR children. Tell your sister to take a flying leap if she keeps being such a witch about it :)

I have 3 boys (5, 2.5, 3 months) and no body has ever asked--and I have never asked my friends with boys. It is your choice.

You know, I think that this has become just a prefrence by parents, (not like it used to be many years ago as part of certain religions). It's become almost as minute as either having your daughters ears pierced before their one or when their old enough to ask. I would just tell them if they bring it up again that you did consider what they've told you, but you guys have chosen this.

Your sister sounds kind of insecure and a bit pushy. I would tell her the next time she brings it up that you do not feel comfortable talking to her about it since it is a personal decision.

No one asked me about circumcision when I was pregnant. The only one I talked to about it was my doula (who has 4 sons) and midwife (she can do circumcisions). The doula said her older sons were circumcised and the younger 2 weren't but it was no big deal either way. We were on the fence up until the birth. But with a complicated delivery, long NICU stay and a lot of invasive medical procedures we just couldn't stand to do any additional, painful procedures on him. My son is almost 5 and has had no health issues. I didn't have to do anything extra with keeping him clean as a baby. Father and son do not look alike but it is also not an issue so far either. That is our experience so far. I am not trying to pressure you either way; it's your decision.

I have one son. I have discussed our decision about circumcision with maybe a half dozen people...some are family members, some are pregnant moms at my dd preschool. Someone else initiates the conversation and directly asks me did you or not? I never volunteer the info, seems kind of personal! Either way, it sounds like sil is WAY overstepping boundaries in her relationship with you...

Yes, it is kind of a polarizing issue, but I have never asked anyone about their decision. I don't remember anyone questioning our decision with our son.

My opinionated adult daughter says you tell sis "none of your business", do what you want, and sis doesn't get to change the baby!

Your relatives have adopted this matter as a cause, and they want their cause to have the same weight with you. People are as adamant about their causes as other folks (or the same ones) are about politics.

But it isn't their decision. It is yours. Talk with your husband. If you need an outside opinion, talk with your doctor. If you cave in to pressure like this, you'll be expected to cave into more pressure later on.

(I wrote this before I read your "what happens next"!)

Just a quick late note - the internet isn't a good source for researching this kind of thing. You will find extreme sides of an issue and lots of scare-tactic stuff. Much in the same line as your sister. To get a realistic understanding of the procedure and what it entails, I would talk to your pediatrician, OB and men you and DH know who are not circumsized if possible. On a personal note, I don't think I would do it if I had a son but I would ultimately leave it up to my husband - and not because I feel sons and dads need to "look alike" but because he has more experience with penises than I do ;)

Absolutely ridiculous in my book. I would never ask if someone was going to circumcise their son(I have two), I would never ask if someone was going to breastfeed, stay home, pierce ears of a baby girl.... I just think that is all so inappropriate. We had some people all over us one time about something they thought our son needed and they also wanted to email us info. We said they were free to email but we would be making any decisions regarding our son and would let them know, if we wanted to. I think you should just put your foot down and tell your pushy family that you guys and your dr will be making these decisions and that their input is not required. They will get over it:D Congrats on a baby boy!! They are so wonderful!! I have two so maybe I will get my girl next time!!

We have 2 boys and they were both circumsized. It was not an issue. I think most hospitals do it unless otherwise stated by the parents..or at least around my neck of the woods.
I read if its circumsized less chance of getting infected.
They need to respect your descion (sp wr)

after your posting about your uncle's comment and your sister's reaction, i was thinking the same thing as letitia s. regarding your relationship with your sister: there are some people you just cannot argue politics etc without an argument or someone's feelings getting hurt. can you tell her you will not discuss the 'hot topics' with her? if she continues, come up with a standard comment to shut her down. hopefully she'll learn that you're not going to engage with her and back off.

if necessary, address this through her husband since she's so quick to take offense?

judging someone's parenting can be a quick relationship-ender. i would imagine that if this were a non-relative, you probably would have severed ties long ago. with luck, you can hang on until she gets stable. i think i would keep it superficial until then.

best of luck :)

Oh boy...as a mom of three sons I can assure that not once, ever, was I asked about circumcision in a judgmental way. I was a mom before a lot of my friends were and discussed a lot of things (when asked - I don't just push my opinions on people) regarding my experiences with things like breastfeeding, co-sleeping, working, childcare, etc. but circumcision? I can't recall it coming up in a debatable way ever. Some friends who were expecting boys asked whether or not we had done it and sometimes why and some questions about pain management and care/healing but that's it. Sounds like this is a hot button for your sister - I would just hold the line that you appreciate her information and your decision will be a private one. Good luck!

That is just about as obnoxious as women that feel the need to preach about breastfeeding and how it is the gold standard and any mom who doesn't is just the worst mother ever. Really people should just mind their own business and these two sound like quite a pair!I would straight out tell them to shut it and mind their own business and if that can't respect that then distance yourself from them. If they are crusading something like this now, just wait til your son is born! Good luck, but don't beat around the bush--you need to take a direct approach.

Well I am proud to say that I have 2 uncircumcised boys. But that decision was a personal one. So I think I would tell her that you have chosen to keep his privacy intact and when he gets old enough to decide for himself HE can tell her whether or not he is circumcised :) I really think this choice is private and others need not know or talk about it unless asked. GL defending yourself whatever you choose, there will alwasy be someone who will disagree.

This subject just happens to be your sister's particular crusade. As the mom of a boy I am asked this all the time but nobody has made it their mission in life to educate me as to why I am wrong about my decision in this particular case. I have, however, endured many annoying lectures from people who don't happen to share my point of view on some of the finer points of parenting. I think it's just common for friends, family and even strangers to overstep their bounds when giving advice/opinions.

I have three boys - none were cut. Daddy is. I just couldnt imagine putting my child through any more trauma (making it through the birth canal is quite a job!), and it seems that cleanliness shouldnt be an issue in a developed country like the US. I have friends and they did choose to cut - to "look like Daddy". I dont see where that matters, but I guess it does to many. I've had no problems with this choice, all boys developing fine no extra infections or anything. One thing to watch for is some Dr.s just arent as familiar with natural, and they seem to think it should be fully retracted by age 4 or so - turns out it can be perfectly normal not to fully retract until puberty. (I have 1 that is slower to fully retract, two that already do, ages 9, 8, and 6) Its not like this is a life or death decision - but it is permanent, if you choose to do it. Do what you want and put some serious distance between you and your crusading sister, no matter what choice you make. I dont believe I'd be as courteous as you are with her.

First off, Congratulations!
My mother in law talked to me about it because my father in law is not circumcised. We flat out told her we were circumcising our boys. We have male friends who ended up having to get circumcised in their 20's due to problems from not being circumcised. It is ultimately your decision. The world has determined it to be a cosmetic thing, but it is more work for you to take care of and teach them to take care of, just so you know. I think it is rude of your sister to do that to you, it should not be any of her business. What you choose is what you choose.

My 3 boys are and so is dad. It's your choice WHATEVER the reason. People need to stay out of your decisions. Your family is extremely opinionated and pushy about their lifestyle. If she can't accept your choices in parenting and lifestyle then let her work it out with herself. Do what fits your children and family the best.

I didnt read all the answers, Im sure you got all kinds of answers.....
Bottom line this is YOUR choice. It's NONE of their business, period. What next, what kind of diet you feed your kids, if you vaccinate or not, where they go to school how they dress etc etc.

Unless you are doing something abusive to your child they need to keep their opinions to themselves unless you ask for it! I have 3 boys, all circumcised. I had considered the option of not with the second one because of someones scare tactics, but then I thought It's MY choice. And I have talked to people who are with and against. I feel its the right choice for my family, YOU do what you and your husband think is best, and tell them it's not up for discussion PERIOD. People are just too concerned with everyone else's lives, and are too closed minded. Good luck to you, and congrats on your new baby!

I have 3 little boys and all were circumcised before they came home from the hospital. Our family doctor did the procedure and assured me that they numb the area & some sleep right through it. I don't really remember anyone talking to me much about it. My husband & my 4 brothers were all circumcised and it's biblical, so it seemed the normal thing to do for us. I had a friend whose son was a few years older than my first and they didn't have him circumcised. When he was four he got an infection and had to have it done and she said it was the most horrible thing to have to go through. Needless to say when their second son was born shortly after they had him circumcised in the hospital. You just have to decide what is best for your family. Good luck and Congrats on your baby boy!

i think some people get very passionate about an issue and feel the need to "save the world" but you are right its none of her business. Just one thing though....How does your vagina compare to your moms??? yeah i didnt think youd know the answer to that. The argument to make baby match dad doesnt really work, its not like by the time your son is able to notics will your husband and him be naked and if they are so what. you can explain a bit of history to him. Good luck in whatever choice you make

I had both my both boys circumsised. I wouldn't do it any differently. I chose to do it that way, so years down the road no one would make fun of either of them. But the decision needs to between you and your husband. Good luck.

You got so many reponses that all I am going to say is good luck and if your sister is opinionated and aggressive with her opinion just change the subject (sounds like you may have already had some experience with this anyway).
Best of luck and best of luck with baby #2!
M. P

Updated

You got so many reponses that all I am going to say is good luck and if your sister is opinionated and aggressive with her opinion just change the subject (sounds like you may have already had some experience with this anyway).
Best of luck and best of luck with baby #2!
M. P

I just wanted to add that it's not a common thing for mother of boys to be asked about circumcision. No one asked me and if they did, I would just tell them not to worry about. If it doesn't matter either way, then why is she trying to convince you to choose her way. Tell your sister to leave the issue alone and take you out to lunch. lol

while pregnant with our son, i decided to do my own research because i knew the basic jist of both sides. i came acrossed 2 videos- 1 where the dr medicated him and 1 where the newborn was not. let me tell you- the unmedicated child screamed horridly, looked as though he'd lost conscisness, and vomited. i then decided to not do it. of course when the subject was brought up to my fiance he threw a fit & wanted his son to "look like him". so, against my better judgement, i agreed to have it done. we've been battling penile adhesions ever since the procedure. and our doctor who performed the circ didnt tell us you have to pull the remaining skin back to prevent this from happening. i wish i had listened to myself and went w/my instincts. God made our bodies PERFECT just the way they were.
no matter you decide, it IS your decision. good luck in doing so!

I know this is late, but I think it is somewhat normal for certain people to ask. I have 2 boys and I have been asked by people mostly family or close friends. I have a friend who just had a boy and right before she had him she asked weather my boys were circumsized or not. Her and her husband were arguing over weather to do it or not. When I talked to her later she said her husband decided it wasn't important enough to worry about it and let her make the decision. I think with kids you always get someone's importnt weather you like it or not. When it has to do with bf, circ or no, etc.etc. Just one thing I want to point out. You and your hubby need to make the decision to or not to, but if ypi decide not to your son probably won't as an adult. It takes much more healing time and causes more problems if circumsized as an older person It's also a decision you need to make before baby is born. My younger brother was adopted and his mother couldn't make that decison. By the time we got him he was 9 days old. My mom spent a while trying to make the decision (and yes asking other people) and he was never circumsized because it got to the point of well he's too old now. But I do think it's somewhat normal for people to ask weather you want them to or not. We always used the excuse Daddy is and we want him to look like Daddy. And I never thought about it with my oldest either since she's a girl. Good Luck in your decision.
I wanted to add it might be benificial to ask the dr. that would be doing it (if you decide to have it done) weather they use a numbing agent or not. My first son they didn't and he screamed for about 15 minutes after. My second they did and he hardly even fussed. Doctors say there is no reason to numb blah, blah blah, but after that I disagree. Another thing to ask is how the circ will be done. Ring, cut, etc. That might also help with your decision.

Definitely a hot-button issue, and EVERYone has a different opinion. I was NEVER asked about circumcision!!!!!!!!! Had someone asked me (even family), I would've told them that it's not their decision and to basically butt out. My 4yo son is circumsized mainly because his Daddy is, and I felt that it should be my husband's decision. I didn't do a lot of research, but I did after it was done, and if we have another boy, I probably will NOT.

You need to tell your sister that there are anti-depressants that are safe for breastfeeding, especially if her depression is affecting how she interacts with other people (ie: being defensive, taking everything personally, blowing things out of proportion, etc). Try not to think too much about what they will think. Regardless of your decision, know that YOU made the decision and be comfortable in that knowledge. Obviously, she's going to have a reaction either way, so tell her that you appreciate her experience, but your son is not her child.

Yes, mothers of boys do ask each other this and I do think it is a big deal. I think it is really important that you look into circumcision and the pros and cons of it. I was totally going to have my son circumcised since my husband is but as we drew nearer and nearer to the 10 days after birth dead line, I didn't know a doctor that would do it (I had my son naturally at home) and could not get an appointment within the time frame to have it done--so I looked into a little more and saw pictures online about what they do and that was enough--it sealed the deal, I would definitely not put my son through that torture at such a young age. I am so glad that I did not--my husband is too. I have no regrets and think it is becoming more and more common to not. After, I read more about it, it just supported my decision. However, I do not think it fair for your sister and whoever else to be cornering you. I am sure that they are just trying to help you but it seems like it is too much for you. I think that it is more common to hear the reasons to do it than to hear about why you should not-so I would guess that is why they are trying to educate you. In the end, make your own decision or every time you look at your son, you will think about it and all that went along with it...
good luck!!

I know this is a late response but I just wanted to add my two cents...I have never thought much about circision until I witnessed my nephew having his done, I was so traumatized that I couldn't make that decision...I told my bf that if it was going to be done that it was HIS decision that it isn't medically necessary, that cleanliness isn't an issue anymore etc and he decided to have it done...we know a couple of men that had it done after puberty (can't remember why) and they regreted not having it done when they were infants...good luck in your decision and tell your sis to "stick it" cause it is YOUR cedision to make (I don't think I could walk on eggshells for her like you do but different strokes)

Good luck, sounds to me like you and your husband are level-headed on this one. Let it all play out like you are and do what you think. I personally have never talked to my friends about this and they haven't asked and I am a talker! So in our circles of friends, we just don't discuss it. (I've lived in 3 different areas too when I had my sons so it isn't just this area). However, I do know 2 neighbors in their late teens/early twenties that just got circumsised for many infections and pain and it wasn't a simple surgery at that age! ( I only know b/c their grandmother they live with told me after I asked where they had been all month)

I would never ask someone if they plan to circumcise or not. We have a son and I don't remember anyone asking me that question, but my son is now 11 so maybe I forgot. People have such strong opinions about things and honestly they are not always welcomed, to say the least!

Please do the research and make the decision that you and your husband feel comfortable with. Good Luck and enjoy your son!!

Updated

I would never ask someone if they plan to circumcise or not. We have a son and I don't remember anyone asking me that question, but my son is now 11 so maybe I forgot. People have such strong opinions about things and honestly they are not always welcomed, to say the least!

Please do the research and make the decision that you and your husband feel comfortable with. Good Luck and enjoy your son!!

Updated

I would never ask someone if they plan to circumcise or not. We have a son and I don't remember anyone asking me that question, but my son is now 11 so maybe I forgot. People have such strong opinions about things and honestly they are not always welcomed, to say the least!

Please do the research and make the decision that you and your husband feel comfortable with. Good Luck and enjoy your son!!

No one has asked me about it. My MIL had my husband circumsized and did not have my BIL circumsized. Even with the two different choices she made- not one person asked me what we were going to do. We have some people in our family that sound similar to your sister. It is totally her issue. Do not get drawn into her drama!!!!! Do what you and your husband think is right for YOUR family. Just my two cents. :)

Honestly I would research it for yourself. We didnt do it cause we had twins and couldnt afford it but I am glad now. From the research I have done its purely cosmetic. However I get wanting son to look like father at the same time. In the end I believe its up to each parent to decide what is best for them and their child. Tell your sister its none of her dang business what you do with YOUR son and if she cant respect that she doesnt have to be apart of your or his life. I would not put up with the comments at all so draw the boundry lines with her now if you have to.