Question About Public Schools Allowing Parents in the Building

I completely understand where you are coming from. I would feel the same way. I am a working mom so I always want things to work around my schedule - however, if they let you do it, then they would have to let other parents do it, too. They must have a reason why they have a nighttime parent performance. Have to think of it that way...

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Haven't seen the other posts yet, but balderdash I so (I know quite dramatic). I would threaten going to the school board if need be. I worked in a number of schools throughout the years and parents come to everything. How old is his teacher>? If she is young and new she might not know what she is saying.

Say your school has 500 kids. 1/10th of their parents work nights. They either have to miss the performance, or have to arrange to miss work for it. That's 50 parents (or 100 if it's both parents). Then... if they allow parents who are working nights to come (so they don't have to miss work) then you also have to allow all the parents who due to other commitments it would be more convienent to show up in the daytime. So everyone with a newborn, or kids in sports, or, or, or, or. Pretty soon you have half the parents in the daytime and half in the evening. Some families have 2 parents, but many have 3 or 4 (Steps) plus grandparents, siblings, etc. That's what school administrators have to look at when 1 parent wants to come to the student-only showing. And of course... all the fallout. A student-only showing just means shuttling kids back and forth from class. Having it open to parents means taking an addition 1-2 hours out of the school day (parking, arriving, asking questions, just wanting to borrow the teacher 'for a moment', photos with their children, some kids being given flowers / some not, parents wandering halls/ talking with each other, the slow trickle of leaving, the number who stop off in the office since they're already there, etc. so forth and so on). It's a logistical nightmare. Which is why they block out several hours *after* school hours in order to deal with it. Even just ONE classroom of 30 means an average of 75 - 100 adults on campus. Aside from the logistics... During school hours, if ANYTHING were to happen to any of the other students, then the school is culpable. After school hours it's understood that the parents are responsible for minding their own children. It's still on school grounds but it isn't 1 teacher responsible for 30 kids and 75 adults. It's 75 adults responsible for 30 kids.

WILL some parents show up for the student-only showing? Absolutely. But as long as that parent is breaking the rules in order to do so... it doesn't create the enormous problems of half the parents on campus.

Wow - I'm surprised at all the "just show up" and "you have a right" comments. Yet, we wonder why children have such entitlement issues?!? Gee, do you think it is because M. and daddy always think that they are above the rules or that they are special and the rules should be bent for them? Don't be that kind of role model for your child.

There are many good reasons why the daytime show is kids only. And you need to respect that reason. It could be safety, parking, seating, minimizing disruptions, and so on.

Try to reschedule the meeting for your daughter.

Riley gets it. Some of these responses really blow me away. Contact the school board? March right in like you are expected? Tell off the teacher and principal? Niiiiiiice.

These rules are in place for a reason. Difficult parents are the reason why it is so hard to find and keep good teachers. Don't teachers have enough to handle in an average day at school? Now they have to deal with parents marching in like they own the place because the school isn't catering to their personnal schedule?

I'm truly sorry you are in this position- I don't mean to sound rude, (I'm venting, sorry) but there was a reason why they don't want parents there during the day show. Please respect the teacher's request!

I am surprised at how many responses say to "just go" or tell, don't ask.

This rule is most likely for safety purposes. Would you want other kids' parents wandering the school any time, any day? No. Just b/c a person is a child's parent, doesn't mean they are a good person. The school would also have an increased chance of some crazy molester walking in off the street. I actually applaud the district for this rule. It's unfortunate you cannot make the nighttime performance, but when we have more than one child, we know sometimes we will miss something.

I am both a parent and I work in theatre, from grade-school to professional level. I have seen it all and in most cases the people involved with the play/musical try to work with the parents. The thing is once you say yes to one parent a hundred more seem to want to do the same thing, and this is just not possible to accommodate them all so we say no to everyone.

Both on the high-school level and grad-school level there is a NO PARENT rule for the weekday matinee performances because it is filled with the students and staff as a "trail run." We also sell the tickets for the high-school one to the local grade schools and we only have a certain amount of seats, if we do not sell out a parent or two are allowed but we are very cautious about not letting it get out of hand. You can say, I will just stand in the back, but many times those areas are being used as entrances and exits

I would continue to work with the principle, maybe another person on the staff involved with the play to get permission. YES they do have a right to say you are not allowed if during the school day, they have arranged that performance for another group BUT most of the schools I work with do take into consideration the busy life of the parents who might not be able to make the night time performance. In the end you have to respect the school's choice, the only time to not respect what they are saying is if it is harming your child. The school has a safety policy in place for a reason, obey it, work with the correct people to get the permission that is needed and respect their decision.

Wow. You must be very disappointed, and I can understand that. However, I'm sure you can understand that the school absolutely CAN tell you you're not allowed to see the daytime performance.

Yes, he's your son. No, they can't tell you you can't see him... but they CAN tell you you can't attend the show... so if you need to see your son at that time, they bring him out of the show to see you... but that isn't what you want. The auditorium only has a certain capacity for safety reasons. It can't accomodate all the students, and staff AND PARENTS at once. Could YOU fit in? Sure! But... I'm sure you're not the only parent who would like to attend the daytime show, and it isn't fair to put the teacher (or principal) in the position and judging the validity of each parent's request.

Now, if you absolutely CANNOT attend the evening show, I'm sure you can appeal to the teacher or principal, but I think you need to be prepared for the answer to be "no" and deal with that.

HTH (even if it doesn't make you happy)
T.

Can you imagine the turnout if all the parents who found it more convenient to go to the daytime show came?:)

That said, I do know that your situation is NOT a question of convenience, but one of very real circumstance. Please consider talking to the principal (instead of just inviting yourself--how embarrassing it would be for your son if you were asked to leave!) , or write a polite letter explaining this hardship and end with something like 'It would mean very much to me to be able to see my son's performance. Could you please contact me at your earliest convenience regarding this matter?" and leave your phone numbers to make contact easy. Use a tone that asks, but hopes that they will work with you. I believe school admin really does try to be as fair as they can. (You could also promise not to mention it to other parents, or to ask again...I don't know...) I hope they are able to accommodate your need this time. I'd be heartbroken to miss my son's school performances too!

H.

They do it for safety reasons. You can't fit the entire school AND all the parents in the "cafetorium." It would violate the fire code. We usually just didn't advertise the day program and invited the parents for the evening. Honestly, if I were the teacher, I would have told you to come but just don't advertise it. Most parents can't come during the school hours anyway. I hope they will make this accommodation for you seeing that you have extenuating circumstances.

Sorry to be nosy.....What kind of meeting is it that can't be rescheduled? I may be way off base, but I can't think of anything that would be as big of a deal as the once a year musical for your son. Maybe it would be easier to follow the school rules and reschedule your daughters meeting. The replies below are right. They do it for safety reasons. Also, if someone finds out you got to come, others will find reasons that they need to come during the day. There needs to be a line drawn somewhere.....That's why they do it at night in the first place. You could send Dad or a Grandparent to watch and videotape for you. Many moms would love to come watch during the day and avoid the hassle of driving the kids at night and dealing with all the other cars in the crowded lot, the other parents, etc. I would! Many other parents have other kids with other nightly activities too....That being said, they do have to let you into the office but only parents with prearranged reasons for being at school are allowed into the classrooms, gym, etc....

Um, no, parents are always welcome in my son's school. They have a check-in thingy at the front office. We sign in on a computer and a sticker prints out that we have to wear visibly to show that we've checked in.

Frankly, I think it would freak me out if they locked out parents during the day. I guess I appreciate the transparency. No secrets. We can come observe the classroom, and we're highly encouraged to come help.

As a parent and a former teacher, I think that is absurd. Surely they will make an exception when you explain your situation. Talk to the principal.

In my daughter's school district you can't just show up and wander the campus. I must sign in through the office and have an approved purpose. Keep trying the principal and maybe your son's teacher can help out to bridge the communication with him/her to make the exception.

It is a good example to your child to go through proper channels and be there with permission instead crashing it.

I suspect that the teacher's answer is the standard one that is in place to prevent a lot of people from showing up. I would call the principal and expain the situation. Tell her that while you respect the "rule" you are requesting special permission to attend during the day and be willing to stand in the back out of the way if necessary.

I don't think they can stop you from coming to the school but they may be able to stop your entrance into the performance so don't demand but request.

Call the principal or administration and go from there..

Maybe you could phrase it that you would like to come be a "parent volunteer" for the daytime performance. You could help set up chairs or something beforehand.

Ummm ... JUST GO! I understand they do not want a ton of parents during the day they rather they come for the night show but REALLY?? Just go!

I would just go and be discreet. What are they going to do, kick you out? You may get a stink eye or two, but I would rather have that happen to me than miss the show. I had a similar situation when my kids were in a school play. The day show was supposed to be kids and staff only, the evening show was for family. I understand the school's point of view if they are like mine, and space is limited. However, in my situation, my kindergarten DD was a little under the weather and needed the reassurance that I would be there if she didn't feel well. If I hadn't told her I'd be there, she wouldn't have been up to going to school and would miss performing her part in the play. I sat on the sidelines with a few teachers I was friendly with. No one said a word about it to me, and I would have gladly explained if anyone cared to push the issue.

call and ask at the office and ask to speak to the principal. they say that because they don't want a million moms with younger siblings disrupting the school day.

not allowing you to see it during the day likely has something to do with them wanting to keep it a surprise or to keep parents from seeing the day one and not bringing their kids to the one that night.

Is there anyway to reschedule the meeting?

You have a right to be there. If they are explicitly telling you you can't come, then if it were me, I would absolutely be there because that seems suspicious to me. I understand if it is a matter of space- them having the play in a smaller venue the one time, etc and not having space for a ton of parents, but forbidding you is a whole other ball of wax. I'm pretty sure you have a legal right, as long as you sign in, etc. to be on that campus whenever you want.

It's strange that they won't let you in. Schools in California, for the most part, want parent volunteers. I would definitely speak to the principal but in a casual, not upset way.Don't pull out the big 'guns' until you have too.

Also, if the answer remains a no, have another parent video it for you, not the same but at least you can see it.

Hmmm, I don't see how you even need permission. Sign in in the usual place, tell them (not ask them) why you're there, and enjoy the show.

:)

Your first mistake was "asking" instead of "telling", maybe if you would have lead off with "I will be coming to the afternoon performance because of a meeting" you could have avoided this. Maybe not. If it is a public school and your child is a student at the school I don't think they have any right to tell you you can't come see him. I would let the principal know when she calls back that you are uncomfortable with this, what are they doing that a parent cannot come to the school during the day? Good Luck, don't let them intimidate you I think sometimes public schools are forgetting WE TAXPAYERS pay them!

I would wait till I hear from the Principal

How long did you you know about the musical? If you had enough notice taking the night off would have been the best bet. Have you tried stopping at the school to talk to someone? I know why they say no extra adults during the day its a space issue

I do not know your area and what kind of social issues they maigh thave to deal with. I am very fortunate to be in a area that has a very strong open door policy. It has it downfalls, with many parents "trying to control" the school. But he up side, is the strong parent involvement that does alot of good. Sometime they do need to put their foot down, for safety reasons, and for social reasons.

I say talk to the principle. Do you have PTA/PTO? Get involved. I would defiently pick my battles. But unless, they have good reason for it, I would encourage you to push them envelope a little. Once they hit middles school, it is a whole different ball game. You should be able to enjoy this precious younger year when you can. But always always, be respectful of the staff. They do their best with what they can now adays.