Question About Hair

I have read over and over that it is actually better for children's hair to only be washed a few times a week and at the MOST every other so you are completely right! I know it comes down to personal preference and having a son who sweats constantly, I do chose to wash his hair every night but everything I read says there is no reason to wash each night. Any parenting magazine would validate this.

I think that the question is not about hair. It's about this woman not deferring to the patterns that you have established for your daughter. She should keep her mouth shut. She's NOT the mom. She is trying to undermine your authority.

There's absolutely nothing unsanitary about washing her hair every other day under normal circumstances. I raised two daughters and I washed their hair on alternate days.

Hi L...
I would ask her step-mother where on earth she heard it was ok to dry your hair out so much? It is actually good not to wash it everday because it strips your hair of the natural oils that it produces to keep it healthy. Coincidentally MY step-mother is the one who taught me this 15 years ago and since then I have washed my hair every other day (same with my daughter who is now 1). I happen to have very thick and naturally curly hair, and when I do wash it daily it gets very dry. Good luck with her know-it-all stepmom. :)

Goodness, of COURSE you do not have to wash hair daily at that age. daily washing becomes necessary at puberty for most kids due to increased oil production, etc. We have a book for girls that talks about how your body changes as you grow up, which explains this. When I was growing up, it was once a week, and more often during the summer. In the old days, it was sometimes even less frequent. My five year old has thin hair, and it actually gets washed every 2-3 days, but my older daughter 10 with thicker hair, prefers every other day at this point.
My hairdresser actually told me 6 months ago that I should only be washing my hair every other day, as it is relatively dry and the natural oils were needed. She was right- my hair is in much better shape these days.
Check this on a website perhaps- I'm sure you are right.

There is no reason to wash a child's hair every day - unless they've managed to get something in it : )

My daughter's skin was rather dry when she was a baby. So, not only did her pediatrician tell me to not wash her hair every day, he told me to only give her a bath every day. I did clean her with a wet washcloth everyday. But, sitting in water is very drying for skin.

If it makes you feel better, I don't wash my hair every day either. When I get in the shower every morning I do wet my hair, or it looks crazy, but I don't use shampoo on it: my curly hair gets frizzy and dry if I do.

L.,
You are fine washing your daughters hair every other day. My daughter is a hair dresser and she only washes her daughters hair every other day as well. Her daughter has white-blond hair and it very fine and static is a big problem! One thing that does help is using good shampoo and creme rinse, sometimes we think that the cheaper products are just as good, however with your daughters hair you will find it is more manageable if you spend a little extra!

It sounds like her new step mother wants to show her authority more then it is a matter of how often you wash your daughter's hair. This is often a problem when there is a new step parent involved. Don't let it bother you, remember she is your daughter and you have taken care of her from the start and know what is important for her care.

I also wash my daughter's hair every other day. She gets baths three times a week (more if she get especially dirty while playing or eating) and has her hair washed each time. I don't even wash my own hair everyday, it is way too drying. I also think it was rude of her to talk to you that way about how you want your child taken care of. She is your daughter and she should not make you feel like what you are doing is wrong, especially for something as minor as how often you wash her hair. I would stick to my guns if I were you if this is something you think is important.

L.,

There was just a study published in the British Society of Pediatrics, the equivalent of the American Pediatric Association, that stated bathing everyday lowered your childs immunity. We all have natural oils that protect us from disease. I do bathe my daughter daily, because they tend to get dirty, but if her hair isn't dirty, I don't wash it everyday either. I hope you and your daughters step mother can come to an understanding. I know how tough this can be and it is important to maintain civility for the sake of your daughter.

I wash my son's hair every other time too. My doctor told me that he did not have to have it washed everyday unless he was out playing in the dirt or sweating terribly. I think you should sit down with your ex and tell him that you don't appreciate the step-mother TELLING you how to raise your children. That woman needs to get a life. :) That is just my two cents. You are their mother not her and maybe she needs a little reminder. Have a great day and good luck!

L., I am a hairstylist of 21 years with two children, 17 & 18 yrs old. I see nothing wrong with shampooing every other bath or shower whether you are a child or adult depending on how oily your scalp is and what season you are in. In the winter when you are playing outside and sweating less it is less necessary. In the summer when the kids go out to play and come in smelling like musty dogs then a shampoo every bath is called for. For some people shampooing every day will dry out their hair even though they may use professional moisturizing products. There is no rule as to how often you should or should not shampoo your hair. The best thing to do is use common sense, if your child's hair is dirty/smelly/oily wash it. If not then wait until tomorrow. It sounds to me like this soon to be step-mother is looking for things to look down her nose at you on. Don't let her make you doubt yourself as a good mother to your child.

Lacy,
good grief, the women is showing she is going to have some control over your little girl. Don't get angry, but it would irritate me to the max. You are correct about washing hair every other day. I do that myself. It is better due to the fact the hair gets its natural oils from its own glands. Esp. With fine hair this is a must. I do have a hair license, but i always say that doesn't make a person smart, but i can tell you, you are doing what you think should be done. My sister thinks that washing hair and all every single night is a must.
The body has natural normal flora that takes care of things on their own. I'm an rn also, but like i said, listen to your gut, not hers'. This won't be the last time she starts something, be smarter than her, say, oh, really. And still do what you want. She wants to see how far she can go. Show no anger, just go on, let her blah blah around, your smarter than that. But remember, you must set boundaries in all relationships, and that doesn't mean fighting, just let expectations be known. Good luck on your future. Its best if the adults can get along, so the little cuttie can learn how to get along with others herself.
Darelne e.
Good luck

I have been a hairstylist for 13 years now, and I can tell you you aren't going to damage her hair by washing it everday. Get a shampoo and conditioner for fine hair, talk to your stylist or go to a beauty supply store and find it there. I have very fine baby hair and I wash everyday, and have no problems with breakage or anything. There will be alot of opinions and whatnot on this issue, but as long as you aren't combing it wet with a brush, or pulling on it excessively she will be fine. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer on this myself. Experience however tells me you can wash it daily, and she will be fine.

I wash both of my daughters hair every other bath..... Unless I see need to wash it Like they have something sticky in it or something along those lines... I think it dries it out to wash it everytime... I am on your side!!! Good Luck

Hi L.,

Congratulations on your new marriage and your beautiful daughter!

I only washed my son's hair every other day when he was a little one. And he is now 22 years old. :) Washing hair that often can leave their hair and skin dry, especially in a colder winter like this one....My pediatrician suggested not bathing my son so often because of it.

It sounds like Step Mom is having a problem with it...you might ask her what her concerns are, if you are open. Maybe she has some fear about lice, or doing it wrong, or _________.

Or maybe she's just trying to push your buttons and irritate you. In that case, I would smile and answer her with "in my world, children get their hair washed every other day... sometimes once a week." :)

Love, M.

I am a hairdresser and mom of 7 and I just thought it was common knowledge that not everyone needs to wash their hair every day. Every one is different, many produce enough oil that it is necessary but lots don't and especially children with fine, fly a way hair. Their texture will change with age and hormones but for now don't worry about her ignorance and just do what is right for you and your children. M.

I think your daughters stepmom's opinion is ridiculous. As an adult I only wash my hair every other day because otherwise it gets too dried out. My little boys only get their bath/hair washed only once or twice a week (during winter). Maybe if your daughter is playing outside, rolling around in the mud daily she needs to wash her hair every day.

The only time of the year that I bathe and wash hair everyday is in the summer, b/c of the sweating. Otherwise I bathe and wash hair every other day.

L., i wash my daughter's hair every other day as well. it's what my pediatrician suggested b/c she too has very fine hair and when we were washing it everyday, it seemed like her scalp was drying out....obviously on more active days, we'll wash it as needed and do wash it daily in the summer b/c of the heat, sweating, swimming etc. my daughter is 8. ~C.

I have never washed my daughter's hair every day. She has very sensitive skin and this would really dry it up. We wash every other day and she is doing just fine! Oh, and by the way, I live in THIS world!!! Please always remember, YOU are the mom and it sounds like you are doing a great job!

You don't need validation. Your the mom and you know what's best. I'm rarely influenced by what other people say/think..... especially when it comes to my kids. For the record, I think every other day is perfectly natural.

I'm going to tell you as all of the other mothers have, you're doing just fine!! There is not a set rule about how often to wash your child's hair. The rule is you have to keep them clean! If every other day works for you, then you're doing just fine. My pediatrician also expresses the fact that kids who don't get exposed to dirt / normal everyday germs get sick more often because they build up their own immune system.

I feel for you & your daughter, this "step mom" may be a "neat freak" & a "my way is the only way" person.

I say good luck to the both of you & I hope it all works out.

I would think it would make the most sense to wash it when it was dirty. There is no hard and fast rule. Sounds like the soon to be stepmom is trying already to undermine your authroity. She's YOUR daughter, you know what the right choices are!

I agree that every 3 days is fine. My daughters are briliant redheads with very fine hair. I have to keep my 5 year olds hair short otherwise it flies everywhere. She will play in the tub, but only soap and shampoo every 3 days. I also use that No More Tangles spray on her hair (on days I don't wash it) and that helps a little with the static in her hair.

Also, regarding Mariannes comment about lice, it is a known fact that the cleaner your hair is, the easier it is for the little buggers to attach themselves to you.....

Hi! I am a hairstylist & have been since the 80's. Time changes almost everything we do but the basics stay the same! If the child has greasy hair of course you are going to wash it everyday, if the child has dry hair you do "not" want to wash it everyday as the scalp needs the natural oils to keep from getting dryer & flaking, itching, etc. I also have dry hair & I only shampoo my hair every other day! Most people think that is from the old school (so to speak) but I am only 44 I started doing hair at a younger age. So there you have my opinon & knowledge on this situation. Have a nice day!
S.

I don't know where you daughters soon to be step mom gets her info, but you should not wash a child's hair every day. It is not good for their scalp, because it will dry it out. I, as an adult don't wash my hair everyday. If you ask any hairstylist they will tell you not to wash your hair everyday, that it strips your hair of essential oils.

I liked Amber S's response! In what world does she think its ok to talk to you like that?? YOU are the mom, YOU know your daughter best, and YOU are the one to make those types of descisions. I would be livid.

Kids don't have as many oil glands in their scalps so their hair doesn't get oily every day until perhaps pre-puberty. I didn't wash my daughter's hair every day unless she needed it. You are not in the wrong. Sounds like you have to set some ground rules early on with this woman. One of them being, you don't tell me how to parent my own child. If you'd have asked her opinion that would have been different. Her smartass comment was unwarranted.

I just read in the Parenting magazine that I get, that children really only need baths and hair washing two or three times a week, that in fact it is actually rough on their sensitive skin and scalps to wash everyday. I have four children, two are girls and I only wash their hair every other day, unless they get really sweaty in the summer. Even doing it every other day, they still complain about their skin feeling itchy from being dried out, especially in the winter. I wonder what the soon to be step mother's issue is with hair that isn't washed every day. It's not like children's hair looks greasy or dirty when it is only washed every other day.

We go every three days (me and my daughter both). Unless it is hot out. Of course we both have very short spiky hair....
As a parent who knows how your daughter's hair is, that choice is TOTALLY up to you. Maybe the step-mother has really oily hair and needs to wash more often. Just be careful she does not make snide comments to your daughter questioning your hygiene. Or that she undermines your plan/system.

"in what world" is it not ok? Growing up we took a bath and washed our hair every Sunday night to prepare for the school week until puberty hit and we had to shower daily. (In summer, playing outside meant more baths to get the dirt off.) My kids get a bath at least twice a week and I wash their hair then. My 9 year old is starting to get greasy hair in between so she has started showering every other day and washing her hair at the same time. Until children hit puberty and have active sweat glands, I've never understood the need for daily bathing. Washing the hands and face is usually enough. One of the worst things I've seen mothers do these days to hurt the natural immunity development of their young kids is too bathe them too often and overuse anti-bacterial products. And maybe I'm old fashioned, but the 2 second rule for dropped food has always worked in my house too!

Well as a Licensed Cosmetologist I can tell you your Mother In Law is just flat out wrong. Some people have to wash their hair every day. Some people can go months without washing there hair. My daughter who is 3 has wavy, fine, blond hair that if I was to wash every day would become very dry and brittle and break. I would bet if you ask her pediatrician they would agree, and also agree that it can dry out a child's skin to bathe them every day. I only bathe my daughter every other day due to the fact that she has eczema, a skin condition that makes her skin very, very dry, and that bathing actually irritates. As long as your daughter's hair is not looking greasy and she isn't itching her scalp or getting scabs or flaky scalp, it is fine. I probably would wash it every other day and use a leave in conditioner or detangler everyday. Biosilk Kids is a professional one, I think it is the best. Hope this helps. Also don't be so afraid to tell your Mother in Law thank you for your opinion but this is my child and I think I am doing a good job and if I want your advice I will ask for it. I had to tell my Inlaw's that a million times. They told me when my Daughter was born I didn't need to spend a ton of money on a crib they had my husband sleep in a dresser drawer when he was a baby, and they didn't even have car seats back then. I told them things had changed since then and I wanted my daughter to be as safe as possible. My Inlaw's now have more respect for me and I am a lot happier when I don't bite my tounge. We get along better now than ever, because I am myself around them, not always trying to be polite and please them.

My doctor said every other day on my daughter's hair. I have also read time and time again in various magazines that it is not good for anyone to wash their hair every day for various reasons.

I was my 2-year old's fine hair every other day unless she gets food in it. I feel for you and that interaction with your mother-in-law. Some women only have their hair washed/styled once a week, so I don't understand her concern about hygeine.

L., I agree with you. I think unless the child has gotten very dirty during the day or extremely sweaty there is no need to wash hair every day. I don't wash my hair every day and know many other women who don't either. It depends on what you have been doing that day and what you want to do.
If I am wanting it to lay perfect and curl it, I wash it, if not and it looks clean I don't.
There was a time that it seemed I needed to wash it at least once a day, teenage years, but now my hair is more normal to almost dry. I don't want to wash it as frequently because it actually makes my scalp drier,flake more and makes it very itchy.
If my child was not that dirty or sweaty I did not wash their hair every day. They need to look and smell clean, that is what is more important.

You are both wrong. In fact, a study was done on Dateline or 20/20 (can't remember which) a few years ago that said Americans bathe TOO MUCH. A bath once a week was the norm 30 and 40 years ago. I wouldn't go that far but three baths a week is perfect. Ask a dermatologist and they'll tell you that bathing every day is not necessary. It will actually dry out your child's skin. Tell your soon to be step mother to not worry and that your daughter isn't rolling around in pig slop.

You don't HAVE to wash anything on your child. I wish I had a nice, polite way to tell that woman where to go. LOL! Personally, I wash my son's hair anytime he takes bath, but he is only 1 and well, he's a boy so you never know what you might find in his hair, or diaper, etc.
When I went to modeling school ages ago, they taught us to only wash your hair every other day because the natural oils that come out when your hair is dirty is good for your hair and scalp.
I think it's really just a personal choice. Your daughter may not need to have her hair washed every day, but maybe the step-mom-to-be wants it washed everyday. I don't seem any harm in it, I just wouldn't wash your child's hair when she comes home from dad's. There are worse things for her to disagree with you on.
Good luck!

In the winter my kids get a bath 2 or 3 times a week. I wouldn't worry about it if she doesn't have syrup in her hair! I make sure there hands and faces are washed thoroughly before bed everyday. My youngest son has skin problems (excema) and too much water on his skin creates problems. Sometimes I just sponge him off and call it good so he doesn't have a flair up. I even make my own soap for his sensitive skin.

Lacy, you are from the world of Mom knows whats best for her child. Every other day is good for a child, especially with fine hair. Shampooing to often does dry out a childs hair as it will an adults. The only time I would ever shampoo more often is if they (glisten) :) prespire alot at nap time or their hair gets extremely oily with sprays or gels. I have been a hair stylist since 71, now just a Nana to 5 gr kids.

It kind of sounds like the new step momma is going to try and buck your system. Stand your ground as mom does know best. Have a Blessed day with NO worries.
K. aka Nana

Unless you have very oily hair, it is completely okay to wash it every other day. In fact it can be unhealthy to wash your hair every day if you have dry hair or a sensitive scalp. I'm sure you have a stylist and a doctor who will back your opinion on this. After my son was a little older..potty trained and so forth...I didn't even make him bathe everyday, as it caused his skin to be very dry and itchy, especially in the winter months. In the summer when he plays outside causing him to be dirty and sweaty...he showers/bathes every day. Now he is 12 and starting into puberty, so he will need to start showering every day because of body odor. You have to do what is right for YOUR child. Stick to your guns, mom! you've raised this girl...you know what's right for her!! = )

I agree with Tammy A. Every other day is fine unless the child gets really dirty or sweaty. It's nice that the stepmom is involved in your daughter's life but you are her mother and like others said, don't let her undermine your faith in yourself and your ability to be a good mother!

I have read somewhere that if someone's scalp is dry, its more drying to wash every day. I wash our daughters hair every day, mostly because I do (mine gets oily if not washed every day) if hubs gives her a bath, he doesnt always. Shes your daughter and as long as shes clean.

I think every other day is great. In fact healthier. My entire family of 5 is an every-other-dayer. We also have fine hair and dryer skin. You are fine, ignore her. From one mom to another,
You've been validated!
Jess

I would have replied back "in what world do you think it's OK to tell me how to care for MY daughter?"

Anyway... I only wash my daughter's hair every other day, if she happens to get really dirty then of course I'll wash it as needed, but the general rule is every other day. Otherwise her hair and scalp get too dry.

You're her mom and you know what's best, so stick to your guns.

I am a nurse and it just depends on if your child has oily hair or not. It is not wrong to wash your daughters hair every day, but it can also be very drying to the skin on the scalp, especially if she tends to have dry skin.If her hair is not dirty than it doesn't need to be washed every day because it can cause damage, but at the same time it's not wrong to do that. It just all depends on your preference as a mother and the step mom needs to chill out and stop making you feel bad because you are not doing anything wrong.

My sister and I differ on this subject as well. However, I don't wash my boys hair every day. They wash their hair every other day, unless they have been outside and have gotten dirty. Washing every day dries out their scalp and causes dandruff for them.

Hi L.,

It is actually much better for us to wash our hair less frequently. By washing everyday we strip the oils from our hair and skin and cause our body to have to work that much harder to "oil it back up again".

When my mother was young (in the 50's) in her area it was customary to wash hair once a week. She tells me that her hair was never oily, and it was very strong and shiny. There are other cultures and even certain hairstyles in our culture where you don't wash it often - just rinse with water.

Don't let this gal intimidate you from deciding what is right for your daughter. She sounds like a strong personality.

Everyone's hair is different, but right now she needs the oils in her hair. It is growing fast right now while she is young and it keeps it healthy to only wash every few days. Once she starts using gels, or blowdrying, or straightening... then conditioner should be used every day!, but still only WASH every other day with shampoo. MOST people shouldn't have to wash their hair everyday unless they are extra-oily.

My kids are one and two and usually get food in their hair when they eat, so I use a LITTLE shampoo sometimes everyday just to help loosen the food out, but I would not overwash it everyday... I plan on asking a professional hair-person what they recommend for my children's hair when they are older..... there are different products, and instructions for every type of hair!

I think you've got enough replies to this question so it's not necessary for me to repeat all the reaons that you're absolutely right and "step-mom" is wrong. I just wanted to suggest that might want you print out all these replies and give them to her. Just somthing ponder . . .

Good luck!

I am a licensed cosmetologist and honestly you do NOT need to wash your daughter's hair every time you bathe her. It all depends on her hair however. If she has oily hair then yes, otherwise you are fine to wash it every other time. I know many people who only wash their hair once a week. So if she hasn't been sweating or swimming then you don't need to wash it every time.

Most children's skin is way too sensitive to even bathe them daily. Washing a child's hair everyday can actually cause cradle cap because the oil glands are stripped and then they overproduce oil. And since children don't sweat as much as adults there isn't much need to bathe them everyday. Unless they've really played hard or have gotten extremely dirty they don't really need bathes everyday much less their hair. If you are going to take a bath everyday as a routine it might not even be necessary to use soap everyday since it is stripping the skin of natural oils.

I have two comments. The first is about hair. The second is about the soon-to-be step-mother.

There is no right or wrong about how often to wash hair. If you think about it, some of the ladies our mothers' ages get their hair washed once a week at the beauty salon! Granted, they aren't playing in the dirt or hitting the pool or generally getting filthy in the course of child's play day-in, day-out. But the truth is, your daughter's hair needs washing as often as it's dirty. That's gonna be different for different kids - depending on what sort of play they like most. I googled this to find out if there's a norm, and I found a website similar to Mamasource, with an entire page of women saying how often they bathe their kids. It varied from every day to once a week! www.urbanmamas.com/urbanmamas/2008/01/how-often-do-yo.html

Your child's skin, hair, etc, also contributes to your decision. My oldest daughter had eczema, and her doctor told us not even to BATHE her more than two or three times a week, if we could get away with it. Here's a doctor quote I found, at http://www.healthline.com/hgy-transcripts/kids-hygiene:

DANIEL NEUSPIEL, MD: I've found in my practice ... that there are many parents who feel that the more they bathe their children, the better. But in fact, there are many children who have sensitive skin and who may react badly to being bathed too often, by having irritated skin, something we call atopic dermatitis. It's probably better not to bathe kids, certainly, more than once a day, and many kids may only tolerate being bathed once or twice a week.

Enough said about how often. Now, about your soon-to-be second mommy. It's clear that she believes strongly in her opinions. Fine. But it's also clear that she believes she should be able to push those opinions into your household. While I think that, when there is some problem with the child, it's best to have a united front, I also believe that a new step-mother should not move in and start telling the "old real-mother" how to do things.

I think kids tolerate differences in households pretty well, if each parent simply supports the other parent by saying, "we live in two different houses, and we sometimes do things two different ways, and that's ok. I expect you to do what your mom wants at her house, and what we want at ours." Think of it this way. Kids have multiple teachers. Each teacher has slightly different rules. Kids adjust. That's true from year to year when they're young, but it's also true when they go from math teacher to social science teacher in the same day!

What happens if you don't support each other? Well, if you and your new co-parent can't agree to live and let live, your kids will very quickly figure out that they can divide and conquer, and that they can set up interesting conflicts between households. As they hit the teen years, they will blackmail you with threats to go live at the "nicer" parent, etc. You really don't need this!

I'm not sure what to do with someone who is brazen enough to tell you that she knows how to parent your kids better than you do. But if things are friendly enough that you can sit down with her and your ex, then you might be able to head this off at the pass. Try saying, "we won't always do things the same in our households, and I hope that's ok with you. I promise not to try to interfere in the things you do in your home unless it is something I believe I will still regret being mumm about 10 or 15 years from now. I will only bring up the really important things. I hope you will give us the same courtesy at our house.

I hope you feel better about all this. Good luck to you!

First of all, good luck in the future dealing with the step-mother! Wow! That's all I can (or should) say!

I have a boy, but 2 or 3 times a week is good for us, unless of course it's situational. Many adults only wash their hair a couple of times a week. It's O.K.!

My question is this...Is she always this rude?

Hi L. - this is true for ALL hair. Washing hair everyday overstrips the hair of natural oils which causes static, dryness, split ends, etc. I wash my daugther's hair every 2-3 days. The only exception is in the summer because she's a swimmer and you do need to wash out the chlorine.

Personally, I do wash mine everyday because of workouts and oily scalp and skin, but unless your daughter has this issue (which she apparently does not) then you are fine to go several days without washing her hair.

No one should wash their hair everyday.
I, myself, find that my hair styles so much better on the day that I don't wash it.
Your hair needs the oils your scalp produces!! If not you will have a very dry and itchy scalp.

What does your mother in law's hair look like?????Dry and Brittle????? That's what I thought!!!!!

Hi L.,

My daughter had very fine hair at age 4 also. She also had dry skin that could not be bathed everyday. We washed her hair about every other day or sometimes in the winter every three days.

It is ok to wash hair every other day. There is no rule about washing it every day. Some people just think that is the way to do it. So if she is visiting her step mother let her wash it everyday. Then when she is home just stick to what you are doing.

tell her "in what world is it okay to wash..." that in some areas of India its not uncommon to leave the washing of the hair like shampoo for several days but remembering that they sometimes wash with water many many times daily hair included because of extreme dust in the climate.
My daughter has my hair color with my husband's thinkness its quite bizarre in fact its fine, thick and somedays looks like afro other days like curly then flat etc, I have found that I must wash it meaning rinse it with diluted or tiny bits of my expensive shampoo and conditioner is must along with then rubbing hair oil on its ends and not one day can go by without thourough brushing and combing or it becomes a disaster to untangle.. maybe she was only referring to the grooming bit but she sure as heck inferred an insult while at it. I would strongly defend yourself while remaining calm to her, she meant to demean you that much is clear whether its intentional or how she has been learned to speak to others doesnt matter, you should however state to her that each family has their own intensity or levels of priorities and while hairwashing is certainly an issue you have already handled I am sure there are things to learn from her if she would start by not alienation you on minor issues of parenting. I think you will find in the course of your future communication if she feels you value her opinion and she doesnt get a reaction out of you while you remain calm and defend any insults that you might and i while i doubt it you might find yourselves friendly but clearly teach by example to your daughter how to defend herself I can surely imagine that your daughter might soon need these skills to deflect any barbs sent her way or your way thru her. You sound caring and sensitive and while she maybe too in her own way.. whether you wash your child's hair 3 times daily or once a month really doesn't matter, she found a way to critisize you and will continue to do so until you either reduce the amount of contact or befriend her sincerely. good luck and good wisdom to you sounds like long haul.. ahead

Hi L., You are absolutely correct, it is actually bad for anyone's hair to be washed everyday. It strips away the hair's natural oils. My best friend owns a salon and she herself only washes her hair 1-2 times per week. I wash my own hair everyday because it's just a preference for me, however I only wash my daughter's hair 3 times a week. Go to just about any book about taking care of small children and you'll read that they do not need a bath everyday when they're infants and toddlers, nor do they need their hair washed everyday.

Hey L.! I just finished reading your situation. I am a licensed cosmetologist, and have been for almost five years. I have worked with many different hair textures and I find that you have to find out through test and trial what works with what hair and which person. A child that has staticy hair as you described would benefit from having her hair shampooed every other day in order to prevent static, keep the hair healthy by allowing it to replenish itself with its natural oils, and less likely to acrue breakage from dry-out. Do what works for your daughter.

Your physical activities, your use of styling products and your hair type will usually determine how often you wash your hair. Dry hair would require less washing whereas oily hair my require more frequent washing. If your child's hair is not greasy looking by skipping a day, I would think it would be healthy to let some of the oil nourish the hair to keep it healthy. Too much washing can dry the hair out and cause damage. It sounds like the step-mother-to-be is being a little rude to you and should really mind her own business. I would continue washing the hair every other day like you have been. You are the mother and you do know best. :)

Hi :)

I am a licensed Cosmetologist in Missouri and Kansas. There is nothing in ANY book that says you have to wash your hair daily. Shampooing simply cleanses the hair, massages the scalp, and keeps your hair looking nice :) I myself have a 5 year old, she does take a bath daily. She usually washes her hair every other day. She does still get it wet in the bath tub, just because she's been playing :) BUT... I have many customers that don't wash their hair because shampooing can be very drying to the hair as well... so they may just get it wet, and just use detaingler once they get out. Its basicly up to you my dear :) and I would tell your daughters step mother.. that's fine that she washes your daughters hair nightly.... But its not necessary :)

hope that helps!!!

E. M

I have 5 children. One who died at age 2, the others are now grown. A daily bath and shampoo is something for adolecents, or sweaty or dirty or sticky or summer days. I do not have oily skin and either do children usually. Baths are fun but so are other things. If you want to give a few names I'm sure there several child rearing books in the library to back you up. Good luck, I find prayers helpful.
Nel C

I bathe my daughters every other day and that's when their hair gets washed. When I was a child, my sister and I got bathed every other day. When we got older adn was using gel, mousse, and hair spray we did wash it every day but never as a child. I think the step mother is just trying to make you feel bad. Good luck to you:-)

You are the mom and you know best. Your ex's new wife sounds like she has too much to say about things that are none of her business. I wash my kids' hair every two or three days and in the winter we cannot bathe them every day b/c their little skin gets all dried out. Again, you are the mommy and you know what is best for your daughter - no matter what anybody else says.

My daughter is 3 yrs old and I too wash her hair every other bath. They do not need it every day, especially in the winter. I can understand in summer when they play outside and get stinky, but not in winter when they spend majority inside.

L.,

Washing your darling daughters hair every other day is perfectly normal and fine! Our scalp has natural oils that protect it and our hair from everything from environment to hair brushing. Washing hair everyday can actually harm her hair, especially since it's so fine. People will always offer unsolicited advise. Do what you KNOW and FEEL are right. As long as your daughter is happy and healthy then you have nothng to worry about.

If you wash your daughter's hair every other time you bathe her then that is right. You are her mother and it is not the soon-to-be-step-mother's place to judge that ... or you. I wash my hair every other day to keep it healthy and avoid over drying/stripping the hair. If your daughter has oily hair that may be something different and she may need more frequent shampooing. I have never seen it written that we have to wash children's hair everyday.

I know you've gotten a ton of responses already - but Parenting magazine has an article about caring for kids hair in it this month. Here is a link to the article, it pretty much backs up what all the other moms have said, but it's good to see it in print:
http://www.parenting.com/article/Toddler/Health/Easy-Ways...

I am a cosmetologist and a mother of 2 children. There is no need to wash your daughters hair everyday unless she has gotten really dirty throughout the day. The thing is that children do not produce enough oils to cause their hair to be dirty everyday. Also they do not produce oil and sweat at the same rate as teens and adults do. For that matter I only wash my hair every other day to prevent my hair from being stripped of its natural oil. That way it maintains its shine, and stays soft. I hope that this is helpful.

A.

I am a hairdresser and for most hair types there is no reason to wash everyday. It is best not to. Some people even can go a week and others NEVER wash with a shampoo. I don't know where the soon to be stepmother is getting HER info

I was my girls' hair every bathtime, but they only take baths twice a week in the winter. They don't get very dirty and its too dry to be in the bathtub every day. Washing every day for kids is excessive, I think. In the summer they bathe more because they are always dirty in the summer, and then we skip washing hair, unless it smells like chlorine. My Dr told me that once a week baths are fine if they're not dirty. I wouldn't listen to the stepmom if I were you.

She's just being a hoo ha. I don't wash my daughter's hair everyday in the wintertime. Summer yes b/c she's a sweaty little thing but in the winter no way...not unless we had swimming lessons that day.

Just pick your battles though it won't hurt her to wash it. Sounds like you have a fun road ahead.

Washing your daughters hair everyother day is perfectly fine. Washing it everyday can dry it out and make it very brittle. I would tell your daughters soon to be step mom that she should google it and she would find all kinds of articles saying the same thing. It also sounds to me like your daughters soon to be step mom may be overstepping her boundries. She is YOUR daughter and you can make the decisions about her hair. That is just my opinion though. Hope this helps

I have two grown children and now a 4 year old we are raising. The only time they got a bath everyday was during the summer or when they were dirty and needed it. A trip to the park, swimming or even Bonkers requires a bath at our house. Baths every other day (with hair washing) is the normal for us. All three of them have had issues with dry skin and my grown daughter had very fine hair. Too wash them everyday destroyed their skin and hair. When I spoke to the ped about this when my grown children were young, he said everyone was different and required something different. I would say if your daughter is clean, there probably isn't a reason to wash her hair everyday.

My doctor told me that washing a little one's hair 2 times a week is okay unless of course they need their hair washed because they got it dirty. In an average week my daughter gets her hair washed 4 to 5 times. I hope this helps!

i don't think it's necessary to wash her hair every day, especially during the winter when hair/scalp is prone to dry out more. i don't like to wash mine every day because it gets dry and frizzy. during the summer i suppose you might need to wash it more often depending on whether she has gone swimming or is out getting dirty and sweaty, but again that would be on a case-by-case basis. i wouldn't let that lady phase you- you are in no way neglecting your daughter by washing her hair every other day!

If it doesn't look dirty, who cares? I wash my children's hair "willy-nilly" sometimes it is every day, sometimes every other and i have gone as long as 4 days!! You are correct though, you don't have to wash a childs, or your, hair every day...they do recommend every other day, conditioning in between. Good luck and hope this isn't a beginning of trouble with the step mom.

I have also heard you shouldnt wash a baby/childs hair every day. It can dry out their hair and skin. Yes if it is oily or dirty it needs to be washed even if you just did it in the morning. I tend to wash my kids hair almost every day in the summer because they get swetty, and dirty.. In the winter its not every time because of the weather being so cold and the air being so dry. If her hair is really dry you might try putting a light conditioner in her for the static and fly aways. I think if you have your daughter in your care you should do what you feel is right, don't worry about what the step mom sais, and maybe if you think it would help talk to her father about the openions from the new step mom.. Just a thought.. good luck, M.

Washing a child's hair everyday removes the natural oils from it. This causes dry scalp and other skin problems, actually dermatologists even say a child should only get a bath every other day and wash hair every few days. We are a society that is worried about cleaniness when actually we have created health problems with our obsession. During the summer when the hair smells worse due to playing outside then maybe but in the winter, defitionly not. Winter is horrible on the hair and skin, please listen to a mom with children with eczema who overwashed her children and put them in pain.

Put your foot down,
D.

You are doing perfectly fine washing her hair every other day!!! Unless she she is sweaty or dirty washing it every day can actually dry it out.

Hi L.,

When I was little the hair dresser told my mom that she should wash my hair once a week!!!! I have a lot of hair and it was very long and kind of dry (normal to fry) but if washed every day, it wouldn't even dry completely and my scalp was wet the next day, he said that the scalp has natural oils that keep our hair soft and healthy and when we wash it we get rid of it, and also that it needs time to dry completely before getting wet again or you'll get dandruff or other kind of fungus.
I think that he exagerated but wasn't wrong either, if her hair is not dirty or if she did not sweat, then she doesn't need a wash. Specially if you think of the chemicals that comes with every wash unless you use natural stuff like I do now.
I bathe my girls every day in the summer (kids tend to get very dirty or use the pool) but in winter if it gets late or they didn't even go outside and it is cold I let them be!
They are very healthy and I washed their hairs when needed during the winter time.
It really depends, my little one enjoy bath time so much that I used to bathe her every day but if she doesn't ask....I can pass:) specially if cold.
Summer is different, they take a shower at the pool before comming home eveyr day or bathe at home even if late.
We are all very clean and healthy!!! I think that bathing every day if not needed is selfish, think about the underdeveloped countries that doesn't have access to water every day? We waste too much of it! I started to live green some time ago and I am very happy with my decision that includes saving water if I can.
Hope it helps and relax....live happy!
Mariana Abadie
www.MykidsFirst.com
www.MaiaCreations.ecrater.com

hello- i am a hairdresser and step-mom. as a step-mom if mom has a request i do not argue. she is the mom. as a hairdresser a lot of us prefer our hair on the second day. there is nothing wrong with not washing your hair daily. i agree it is too drying.

i hope step-mom mellows a bit. it is just hair.

I have two little girls 3 1/2 and 1 1/2. I don't wash there hair everyday. You are right that it dries out the hair and the scalp. My oldest daughter has fine hair too and it does just fine. If I were you I would let the step mother know that she is YOUR child and that is how you want things done. Sounds like she is bullying you.

I was also told a childs hair shouldnt be washed everyday. Every other is sufficient. I never wash my hair everyday either, it drys it out.

I washed my daughter's hair when it was dirty and/or oily.

Your not imagining things :) If your child has naturally dry skin or hair it's not good to wash it everyday, or even bathe everyday (lowers children's immune systems). I bathe my 2 daughter's (ages 4 and 22 mos)every other day and my 8 month old son every 3 days to help keep their skin and scalp from drying out too much especially in the Winter. When it's Summer and they play outside more I pretty much bathe them every night. It looks like everyone is agreeing with you...maybe this future step mom needs to be forwarded these responses :)

HI, I do the same for my two girls. I only wash their hair every other day. For one, it will dry out their hair and if your daughter has very fine hair, I wouldn't wash it even every other day. Only adults are weird about washing their hair every day. Stick to what you beleive!!!

Washing you kids hair or bathing them daily is okay. They need to be clean. The problem with the dry skin and hair is you are not using the right soap and if you don't have a water softner. Regular water comes from the city is very hard. Drys out skin and scalp. With hard water you can't get all the soap off. Which leaves skin dry and itchy. We had a problem with our youngest skin. Always dry and rash on him. We got a water softener and the problem went away, even in the winter. And most kids shampoo out there are worthless. For winter months using a good lotion on hair and it will help with the static and dryness of the hair. I think it's important to teach kids at a young age the important of hygienes. As they get older they are going have to watch daily.

I don't wash my kids hair everyday. I have two girls ages one and four with long hair. As long as they don't have crusted food or some other nasty thing hanging out in their locks, I will only wash their hair three times a week. Sometimes I don't even use shampoo... I will just wet the hair and use conditioner to help with tangles. I will give them baths every other day (unless they are very dirty). I think I read somewhere that it is better not only to wash your kids hair less frequently , but you should wash yours less as well. This is better for the natural oils on your scalp... not to mention it saves water. I hope that helps! Just as a side note, I can't think of many places besides the U.S. where people wash their hair daily.

Hair needs its own oil, or it becomes dry and brittle, and will only make oily hair worse. I wash my boys' hair twice a week, because they have my hair, which is thin and dry, but will get very oily if washed too much. My hair gets washed every other day(summer)/every three days(winter) or else it's a disaster. The other days, just rinsing it with water during showers is plenty.
Besides, you know your daughter's hair best, and the soon-to-be step-mom doesn't AT ALL. It should be done your way. That said, you really won't have much control over what goes on in the new family, but you can certainly continue to ask nicely that she respect how you care for your daughter. Good luck!

L.-
It looks like you've gotten an overwhelming amount of responses. I am a hairstylist also and I only wash my own hair every third day. I think I would tell the step-mom that you're sorry for her condition with her hair problem that she has to wash hers everyday and recommend a oil control shampoo to her. haha... no on a real note.... If you want to suffice her, you could spray a little febreeze in your child's hair and say "here it's clean!" or if you're not worried about what she says, then tell her thank you for the concern, but you'll ask her when you need advice on the care of your child.
I just feel sorry or your ex for having to put up with her.

My sister-in-law is a beautician and she says that no one should wash their hair everyday. It is not healthy for your hair and will dry it out even more. My pediatrician also said that bathing a child everyday (unless they are extra sweaty or dirty)can dry out their skin.
I think you should keep doing what you are doing!

Your ex-husbands fiance sounds like a snot. She needs to work on her "inter personal skills". The response she gave you was laced with disrespect. This is YOUR child and even if you asked her advice her response should have been taken down a few notches.
I'm 44, a divorced mother of 2 grown boys, and when my sons step mother and I talked it was with mutual respect. No, we didn't always agree but we were not sarcastic or disrespectful to each other.
If this is the way she speaks to you, you have more problems brewing than when to wash your daughters hair.
And just for the record, it IS FINE to wash a childs hair every other day. We all have natural oils in our bodies and our hair that we need. I hope this helps.

I only wash my boys hair every other day (sometimes every third day) I have had validation from my pediatrian, my hair dresser and other moms that this is not only acceptable but the best thing for little kids delicate scalp and hair. Until puberty, they don't produce enough skin oil to require daily bathing. :)

You are right she is wrong. Always be weary of women who don't have children. My doctor, hairdresser, both of my daughter's grandmothers as well as countless books written by professional on the topic all say the same thing, washing hair that is fine and dry everyday is BAD, forget that she is a child, ANYONE who has fine or dry hair should not wash it everyday, my hairdresser told me to only wash my hair three times a week since it is so dry, very thick and very dry. Barring she doesn't come home from playing and her hair is soaking wet from sweat, you are totally doing the right thing. She's just dumb, ignore her.

L.,

first off, this is your dd, so the stepmother shouldn't be telling you what you do is wrong, but that is my opinion. Second, my dd has very fine, fly away hair also and I was told by my beautician to not wash her hair every day in the colder weather or it will make it worse. I also use a leave in conditioner on her hair most days to tame the static. In the summer my dd does get her hair washed more, but that is because of chlorine from pools, sand from the sand box, sweat, etc. In the winter when the air is drier she gets her hair washed every other day. Mel

No. Youe not alone....you don't have to wash a child's hair everyday. Each child id different & sometime one child's hair can be more greasy than the other's but it's your choice on HOW you choose to handle it. Now she NEED's to respect how you have done things with your daughter & you should have a discussion with her father & share these & other concern's. It doesn't sound like you have a problem with this woman but nor do you want her trying to over rule or under mind what you've been doing sucessfully with your daughter. I wish you the best of luck & be BLESSED!

If it stinks wash it. LOL

I'm kidding, but some people just blow my mind how they think they have the only way.

Just smile and nod.

I don't wash my or my children's hair everyday. Hair care products (even the 'gentle' ones) strip your hair of natural oils and leave hair dry and brittle. That leads to NEEDING to use conditioner every day which makes hair coated in waxes and other 'products' making for the mess that most of us as adults have to deal with on our heads.

Every other day is fine and seems AWFULLY judgemental for her to make that "in what world" comment.

I went to beauty school and I got this advice from one of my teachers. She had the most gorgeous hair I had seen in my life...so I am inclined to believe it.

I usually only wash my hair every other day. I think it mostly depends on your daughter's hair, if it is oily then I can see doing it daily. I looked around the internet a little and there are all different views posted out there. They don't even really recommend bathing daily at this age either. It doesn't hurt anything for the step mom to wash her hair daily when she is there and for you to keep your same routine when your daughter is with you.

I don't believe that you should wash your child's hair everyday. My daughter is 9 and only washes hers every couple days. My mom always told me that I wash my hair too much when I wash it everyday. I am 46 now and lose a lot of hair. It isn't necessary to wash a small childs hair everyday.

It sounds like stepmother to be is trying to imtimidate you. It is NOT necessary to wash a child's hair every day. They do not yet have the oil producing glands that an adult has. In the summer if your daughter runs around and gets very sweaty, that's a different story. But definitely not necessary at this time of year. Even adults with dry hair are not supposed to wash their hair every day!

Well, first I hope you speak to her and the exhusband about respecting your wishes as a mother. Who cares if it isn't heard of (which it is) and it is your decision. Wow.

Actually hair dressers will tell you EVERYONE should skip a day. It lets the natural oils condition your hair. But this is not the point. The fact that she is not respecting what you have stated as the schedule. There is a way to ask a question about something without making it an insult. She needs to work on that when talking with you. And, possibly it is something the three of you need to work on.

But that is another point. But the hair thing is a yes, it is common. The younger, the more important. I had a sister in law that "overbathed" her son. His skin was so dry and itchy from it, the doctor told her only every other day for a shower, no more baths. So it isn't just hair. If the child isn't too dirty, especially in winter. Skipping it all together once in a while isn't harmful either.

only people with REALLY oily hair (or sweaty days) need to wash their hair every day! i wash my sons hair about every third day in the winter(cuz we dont go out and play much) and every other to every day in the summer (totally dependant on what we have done that day)and wash my own every other day because we both have VERY fine hair and i dont use any products on mine. any beautician will tell you that too clean hair wont style well. you just keep doing what youre doing! and GOOD LUCK!!!

Hi L.,
Tell the step mom that the world in which you wash your hair every other day or so is called Earth, and welcome her to our planet.
Two points-- #1: Hair washing depends on hair type and physical activity--fine hair/ dry scalp might need washing every 2-3 days, and overwashing such delicate hair and scalp can produce hair damage.
#2: My daughter's nurse at the kindergarten-shots appt. even recommended 2-3 days for my daughter's hair, and even added that lice is more prone to squeaky clean hair, so it's more than ok to not wash daily.

Maybe the step mom has thick hair and super hydrated scalp that gets greasy quickly, so for her, daily washing might have been needed.

I think she is self-conscious about herself, and I would tell her that she should ask a doctor or nurse hotline for further "proof" if she doesn't believe you.

Stick to your guns, and good luck!
Angie

My mom is a beautician, and has been for over 40 years. My 3 year old daughter also has very fine hair, and my mom recommended washing it every other day, the same as she did with me when i was young. washing it too often will strip it of its natural oils. if you do decide to wash it every day, use a conditioner, or perhaps the suave smoothers 2-in-1 shampoos instead of just shampoo.

No way do you need to wask her hair everyday. I have two girls 6 and 3 and don't wash their hair everyday. Except I am starting to more frequently for my oldest since she's been in school. But, not everyday. You need to email this woman all these responces:)! Does she have any children? I know when I first had a baby I thought I had to bathe her everyday. It didn't take me too long to get out of that routine! Hope all this support helps.

Being a hairdresser for over 20 years and the mother of 5, you are correct in washing your daughters hair every other day. In fact most adults should only wash their hair every other day unless it gets oily. 4 1/2 year olds do not have very active oil glands yet and over washing could cause brittle hair and dry itchy scalp. Good Luck with step mother!

I never wash my girls hair every night and I also grew up on a farm where unless it was full of dirt, we washed it only 2 times a week, if even that. My hairdresser now says hair doesn't have to be washed every day. I can go 2 days until I need to wash mine.

L., not to start any bad feelings but i feel that your daughter's stepmother is being completely ignorant. everyone's hair is different, first of all. people with oilier hair need to wash it more often. personally, mine is quite dry and if i washed it every day it would be horribly damaged. babies/small childrens' hair tends to be less oily and more fine - i wash my son's hair about twice a week. to insinuate that you're stupid for not washing your daughter's hair every day is ridiculous. you are the mother, and you know your daughter's hair. don't let it bother you. quick story, my husband was buying shampoo and conditioner for me one time, and they didn't have a conditioner and shampoo in the same size, of the kind i asked him to get. the lady on duty informed him that he should get the giant bottle of shampoo anyway, since "everyone knows" you use much more shampoo than conditioner. well my hair does NOT get that dirty, and it needs just as much conditioner as shampoo. again - everyone is different!

I only wash my hair and my kids hair every other day to. Unless it is really hot. Washing it to often will dry it out and cause it to break easier.

Hi L.,
First of all, I've found it depends on the race and hair texture. I say this, because for instance my son who's mixed his hair would get too dry if I washed it every day, so I have found so it'll have a chance to get some oils in it I have to wash it every other week. I know that sounds like a long time, but for his hair texture and type it's not. I mean I do have him get it wet so nothing's in it, but I don't dry it out using the chemicals in shampoo. Now, if she just has thin hair like I do, I have found I can't wash my hair everyday or else it'll not only dry my hair out it'll also dry my scalp out and cause me to have a vary itchy scalp. Make sure you do use a kids safe conditioner when you do wash her hair also, it'll help moisturize her hair and scalp. Now, if she does have thick hair then yes, you'll probably want to wash it daily, because it wont dry out as easily. I've learned not to bother with taken what everyone says all the time, think about it and if you disagree for specific reasons then ignore it. Also, see if you can find a kids safe shampoo that's for her hair type, I don't know if they have such a thing due to me never needing to look, but that'll also help keep it from getting dry, staticy, and so forth. That's just one of the other things I've found through the years to help.
Good Luck!

Since she has dry and static filled hair I would say what your doing is right. If she had oily hair then every night. Want the best answer? Ask someone who is a licensed beautician, call one of the local hair solans and get a professional answer then when you are confronted again you have an answer from a qualified person. It might have just a been a dig from the soon to be step-mom to you, just say thank you for your input and don't take it personally.

My hair stylist told me that the best thing for hair is to wash it every other day. Washing it every day takes the oils out it and can make it very brittle. I trust her professional opinion, especially because she actually trains other stylists around the country. Tell the "step mom" that you heard it from a stylist trainer that it's really not good to wash your daughter's hair every day (unless she has been really sweating or it just needs it!) Good luck!

Of what I'm told, WE shouldn't even wash our hair every day. My kids have very dry skin, if they get a bath every night they itch like crazy. Just explain to your ex that this is the way things are done with your kids and you expect them to be treated as they always have. This new step mom is going to have to parent as a step mom, not a mom. Let her know that a little respect goes a long way. Good luck. By the way, it's great that you are even talking and trying to get along, if anything for your kids' sake.