Question - El Paso, TX

My husband helps out a lot. He's a bit of a neat freak though, and I'm not. I think he does it because he knows I won't. If he's not helping out, try sitting him down and having a talk with him.

Hi,

You are not alone!! I am a stay at home mom of 2 and one on the way!! My husband works the evening and is home all day and still doesnt do any chores besides the trash!! Im in the processes of teaching my 4yr old to make his bed and put his clothes in the dirty hamper. So Im still chasing after them and doing my daily chores with a big belly all in my way! I can talk to my Hubbie about it and he starts helping for a while and then it kinda just stops after a while lol. I think because it stays clean maybe he feels like oh she's got it. Which really tee-s me off lol....(Hormones) But talk to him about it and maybe he will see that you are pulling most of the weight!! Hope everything works out!!

I am a work from home mommy, while my hubby goes out and does the hard labor (we own a company for which I am the secretary). I do have a lot of work to do, but I am at home, so I can usually manage to get some chores done in between, too. I don't ask much of my husband - I appreciate the fact that he works so hard so that I can stay home with the babies. I ask him to take the trash to the street only when I can't handle it myself. I ask him to put his own dirty clothes in the hamper (because you know 99% of the time they won't) and take his dishes to the sink after meals, but other than that, I let him relax when he's home. Maybe I should ask more of him since I don't ever get a break from housework or kids, but he does back breaking labor and I know he needs to rest so he can go out tomorrow and do it again. And I don't mind (most of the time) playing the June Cleaver.

Dear C.--I know my response to your question is not going to be popular with the "rest of the girls"! But I used to feel really bad about the amount of household duties I had versus the ones my husband had. When I was working full-time, it was different. We shared a lot of the chores.

However, since I quit working to stay home with my ailing mother-in-law and to take care of our mentally disabled son, it became my "job" to take care of the house. After all, my husband was working all day long in order to provide for us all. When he got home he was tired--and rightfully so.

What I am saying is this: If you look at your household duties as your way to contribute to the welfare of the family, it probably won't offend you so much that hubby isn't so helpful. Of course, there will be times when he should help out--like if you're sick or if something needs repair that you can't handle. (If he's too busy for that last one, look up "handyman" in the yellow pages. My husband was always more willing to do the work when he saw it was costing him NOT to!)

Remember, being a "keeper of the home" is one of the most honorable roles you can have. It IS a job, not just an obligation, even though you don't draw a paycheck.

God bless you,
S.

Dear C.,

Remember this truth about all of us:

If you will do it, I will let you.

That is true about everyone. If my husband will fix the coffee in the morning, I will let him. And I don't think it would be nice if one morning he got mad at me, just out of the blue, because I never fix the coffee! Believe me, if he did that I would defend myself.

So, it doesn't work to get mad at someone for not doing the things that you routinely take care of. They will defend themselves!

I think a lot of moms would say that they wish their husband would do more, and, I honestly think that most young husbands are not doing their "fair share." I think the problem is that 1)mothers expect more from their daughters than they do from their sons, so, sons grow up thinking that "mother will take care of it - I don't have to, and
2) wives usually respond more quickly to children's needs, so, the husband lets her. Not because he's mean, or lazy, but because she is doing it, so he will let her.

So, get up every day, and tell yourself what a great day it's going to be. Let everything you do be done cheerfully. Serve your husband and your children because you love them. But, remember that you don't have to do everything. It's your job to respect your husband, not be his maid. Yes, a lot of your jobs are like being a maid, but you are not a maid, you are a wife. Homes need moms with good attitudes, not moms with bad attitudes.

I wish I could explain this better - don't feel like I've done a good job. But, my husband needs me to do something now, and, I want to!

Love,
J.

We all do the housework. Neighbors seemed surprised, but my grandfather's best quote that took grandma some getting used to is " You live here, you work here, too"

We have a weekly family meeting to review who has what chores and if the week's performance was sufficient or needs more training.

We all work inside and out. Our sons are 12 10 7 &3.
The older boys do the dishes, our youngest sorts the recycle outside and I clean the appliances (inside and out) and my husband mops the floors.

My husband and I clean our own restroom and our oldest sons do the daily maintenance in their restroom. Weekly, my husband washes the tub and toilet, I do the sink and laundry.

I sort, wash and dry the laundry, we all fold it, sort while folding and put our own clothes away, even the three year old. He only has three drawers- undies,sock and jammies, tops and bottoms. Easy enough for him.

My seven year old loves to use the vacuum, my ten year old dusts and my twelve year old cleans the mirrors. I wash the windows and my husband maintains, cleans the car.

Beds are made almost everyday before school, depending on changes to morning routine (or if the bus arrives early).

You know what helped us most, when our kids told us "we have too many clothes" And they did! I'd find bargains ..., but now, I havent been shopping in almost two years. Also, each boy has their own color coded hangers, so any hangers on the floor, I know whose it is and there are no arguments about who needs to put it away.

We used to use toy boxes, but now we have a shelve it or give it routine. If they dont have room on their bookshelf or dresser top for the item, then they either forego it or decide what to give away. Really, with a three year old, things breaking is still problematic. We have a lock on our older son's door, so the youngest wont get into their treasures.

When one son outgrows something and the next son doesnt want it, I freecycle it. Usually, I give a way bags at at time, not just items at at time.

Now, does my husband help much with the kids, yes, even the kids help with the kids:) Make it part of daily life, fun family time and dont wait to get upset- positive planning can save alot of negative reactions. Start small with age appropriate chores and build on as the kiddos grow. Oh, I get my moments, but overall, I am happy.
M.

With the kids: more than I could ever hope for! He's great with discipline and explaining things with the kids. He's also great with playing with them and teaching them at the same time. He's awesome about playing with the kids and giving me a break to go the gym, the store, or just be by myself for a bit. We also enjoy just all being together in the evenings and relaxing and not having to think about dishes, laundry, vaccuuming, etc.
With the chores: I try to do as much as possible. My husband works very hard, and I work, but I stay home. I try to get as much done as possible during the day so that he doesn't come home to a disaster (I TRY, but occasionaly disaster is just the order of the day!) Personally, I'd much prefer that he come home and spend time with us rather than cook, clean, etc. I actually do our yard work, too most of the time - just so that he doesn't have to. He'd do anything I'd ask of him, but I really try to get it done without having to ask - he does so much already. I am very blessed to have a solid, steady man who works very hard for our family and I try to show that appreciation through not having him have to do chores.
Now, when I worked full-time outside of the home.....that was a different story! It was impossible for me to keep up with the house, my teaching job, and my babies too. He was very helpful with cooking, dishes, and babies back then. We definitely had a division of labor - out of necessity and for sanity's sake. But now that I'm home all day, I really have taken on a greater portion of the everyday tasks.
The key here, I believe is to find a balance that you are happy with and that he's happy with. If you feel taken advantage of, then talk to him about it. If you feel that you can show love and appreciation through your acts such as chores, kids, and dogs, then smile and scrub on. There is no one way to have a happy family. The trick is to find what makes everyone happy! It's also amazing what the power of positive thinking can do for a person. If you're constantly keeping score of who does what, then that naturally breeds negativity and competition. If you think of how your keeping up with the laundry or feeding the dogs blesses your family, it's much less likely you'll feel resentment about the task. :)

this is a question i thought a lot about when i first quit my job because when you stay at home, there are no set guidelines. after hearing a lot of contrasting opinions from my friends, i've decided on an attitude/approach and it has really worked for my family. i expect my husband to do specific tasks that are hard for me to take care of (assembling things, car problems, entertaining the kids during dinner prep or cleanup, etc) but otherwise, as a stay at home mom i try really hard to do as much around the house as possible (simple maintenance cleaning, cooking, pets, laundry, dishes, even "manly" things likelike air filters and bills.) i try to remember how exhausted i used to be when i came home from work and from hearing a few of my friends' complaints, i think it's easy to forget that feeling and see our husbands as 'not helping out', when really they've done the bulk of their job when we weren't looking (at work.) i also try to see it this way: at every job i've had i've felt like i was pushed to the limit as far as how much i had to complete within a day or week, and i often had to go in early or come back late and still feel stressed. so, when i feel like i have a lot on my plate, i try to see it as similar to any other job and just do the best i can to fit it all in. also, when my husband does something annoying like forgetting to put his dirty clothes in the hamper, i try to keep a good attitude and remember that every job also has its little things about it that frutrates us. (i'm not saying to be taken advantage of, but to keep things in perspective. for me, being at home is the luckiest job and i'll take that any day over dealing with coworkers and deadlines!) that said, of course if i'm really having trouble getting to something i ask for help. i mostly want him to save his energy for two things: doing well at his job so he can support us (because without the $ he brings in our whole lifestyle would change), and (my biggest expectation) spending time with the kids in the evenings and weekends (bedtime routines, family activities, etc.) my husband helps out when i ask because he knows i try my best to relieve his load and that i value his contribution. he also knows that i expect him to be actively involved in the kids' lives (playing outside, washing hands, talking about the day, giving baths and reading, etc) because i'm not asking him to fill his few hours of evening time with anything else but that. hope this helps and enjoy your time at home! :)

Hey C.! I have a wonderful husband who even though he works 8 hrs a day 6 days a week, he comes straight home and helps out with our daughter. He also does dishes, cooks dinner everyother day, laundry. He feeds the dogs everyday. Maybe i have a strange hubby b/c my sis has a hubby who does nothing around the house. well i hope that helped!

Well in my case this all came to a head because we had laundry backed up for days and nobody had clean clothes to wear! I didn't do it on purpose, I just couldn't seem to get everything done. So my hubby and I sat down and just divided the chores. He does bathrooms, washes clothes,the car, the lawn, and the trash. I do the dishes, floors, baby care, put away the laundry, and all the cooking. Now that we have the system in place even if somebody skips a week on their chores, they get picked up the next week, minus baby care and cooking of course! That worked for us and things do run more smoothly. We also agreed not to bother the other one about their chores. If laundry is backed up, mums the word. If we are having spaghetti the third time in a week, he doesn't say anything(most of the time!;) We may not have the cleanest house in the world but it stays reasonable most of the time. Then when it needs to be really clean for company it isn't too much work to get it together. This is what worked for us, best wishes to you!! :)

This is a subject very close to my heart because I've been very vocal for 30 years about us NOT having equal rights yet.

Here's the stats I found on the net but I believe they are for mothers who work outside the home. For those stay at home mothers - WOW - your job is more work than even I can imagine!

April 2008 http://www.livescience.com/health/080404-husband-housewor...
"Having a husband creates an extra seven hours of housework each week for women, according to a new study. For men, tying the knot saves an hour of weekly chores." .... "Having kids boosts house chores even further. With more than three kids, for instance, wives took on more of the extra work, clocking about 28 hours a week compared with husbands' 10 hours."

This is an interesting article but it's a few years old http://www.livescience.com/health/070829_men_housework.html. "Couples who viewed men and women as equals were more likely to divvy up chores equally. But even in "egalitarian households," married men still contributed less to household chores than did their wives."

I've said for years that we are not equals yet & doubt we ever will be. It won't happen in my life time. An article http://www.thirdage.com/general-money/bridging-the-pay-ga... 08/07 says "Estimates on what women earn vary anywhere from 65 cents on up to 98 cents for every dollar that men make."

So, ladies the facts is that we earn less & do more of the housework than men. At the same time, we usually get custody of the children and have to fight hard to collect child support.

We all look down on mothers who give custody to fathers because they feel it is the right thing. On the other hand, we all know a man who is working, making good $ and NOT paying his child support. Our society accepts that.

So, we are supposed to bring home a paycheck which is an avg of 75% of what our male co-workers make. We are supposed to do 50-75% of the housework. Then as single parents we struggle to collect child support. What is wrong with this picture? We need more females in govt. Period.

The statistics of single parents collecting govt aid vs how much is owed to those same families in NON collected child support will make you fuming mad. WE support those families. The fathers are off making new families.

Personally, I have mental scars from this issue. It's the main reason I've not made a marriage work. It is insulting & degrading. It makes me fighting mad to work all week and do housework on the weekends while a husb sits on the couch watching me. My question was always "Why should I be washing your stinking socks while you sit on your ass? What makes you better than me?" I made one hire a full time housekeeper.

Now, before I'll even go for ONE date with a man I let 'em know that I am finacially independent and if you need a maid - HIRE ONE. Because this ole gal is too busy playing grandma & doing her own thing to wash your stinking socks! I'll cook IF and WHEN I want to. I've lost almost 40lbs in the last 2-1/2 yrs by NOT cooking for a man. Wow, I can have a can of spinach for dinner now! LOL

Good luck ladies. I'm old now & it is up to you all to fight this fight. But, keep fighting it or your daughters will pay the price.

We do not have equal rights yet & our grandmothers fought hard but we must keep fighting it or our children & grandchildren will.

C., I am in the minority here most likely, but my husband does A LOT. Before we got married we took a marriage preparation course through my church & among MANY other things (like finances, religion, prayer, traditions) we discussed what our "domestic" roles would be. I've never been the type of woman to be cool with the traditional roles in our home. Not that I mind doing it at all, I just didn't want it to be expected or demanded & I didn't want to be solely responsible for everything around the home. I also told him that I wanted children but I didnt want to be a single parent who happened to be married, if you know what I mean. So we agreed that he would be primarily responsible for all trash, recycling, animal care, yard work & the like. If he needs me to do something, I am happy to help & vise versa. Now that we have a child, he'll help me w/ all things baby. At the end of the day, if most things are taken care of & it was a joint effort, we're happy!

He does half the work. However, I make sure to let him know what needs to be done and ask for help when it is needed. We are a team and work together.

I have a jewel of a husband! When we first married, he was in the military, and we agreed that he would wash and iron his own uniforms since he liked them done a particular way. When I was pregnant with our first child within the year, he took up doing all the laundry so that I wouldn't have to carry it up and down the stairs...and he's been doing the laundry now for nineteen years! He also does the yard and the garage, and now that the children are older, they keep their own rooms clean and clean their own bathroom; my daughter is now in college, but before she left she was doing her own laundry, keeping the kitchen and the living room straight. Now that she's gone, my older son has taken up the kitchen, and my younger son has garbage detail. Everyone helps pick up clutter. I cook and do the detail cleaning and spring cleaning (sweeping, mopping, vaccuming, bathrooms, etc.)

Your boys are old enough to help pick up their own toys, and you should talk to your husband about taking on a chore or two. He can also help out with watching the children while you take a much-needed time for yourself.

I'm a SAHM as well.
When my DH is at work - I'm at 'work". Those hours are when the house/kids/etc are 100% my responsibility.
When DH comes home form work , we each give each other a break (he gets some quite time and a shower, then we switch out and I get soem quite time and a bath or read a book for a bit). After that everything is 50/50.
It's not that we split specific chores or child routines down the middle - just that we each take care of things so that when we are both in the home it feels as tho noone is more burdened then the other.
EX: I do all the cooking , because DH soesn;t know how to cook (and doesnt; care to learn) but he takes out all the garbage and does about 80% of the dishes. (which is great because I HATE dishes! lol)
EX 2: Our newborn is breastfeed, so obviously I do all the infant feeding. But DH does more than his share of baby holding, playing, diaper changing, burping, soothing etc.

oh - we do have pets, 2 rabbits, and they are 100% DH's responsibiltiy.

It's worked out this way I think as a natural evolution of the 1st 5 years we were married we did not have kids and we both worked full time. After havign kids I stayed home but realized that kids are a full time job. So we kept the split as much as possible.

Hi C.,

Depending on what time of the month I'm in, I would respond to your question differently ;-) hormones!!! I got tired of nagging my son and husband who are wonderful and do help out most of the time. I realized that their tolerance for disarray was higher than mine. They are comfortable with a few things out of place, clean laundry on the couch, etc. and I am not. I need the whole house to be pretty sraight in order to be relaxed. Because I work part time I hired a cleaning person to come once or twice a month. That's how I solved this problem. Lots of luck to you! I see that you got lots of great responses. D.

From what I can tell, I'm not normal. I really do it all. We live in an apartment, so there is no yard word or anything like that. I've worked a fulltime job 50+hrs/wk before becoming a stay at home mom, so I was pretty bored and just started. Every week DH lets me sleep in as long as I want as a "thank you", and I go out with the girls when I want. It is worth it to be able to have the family time when DH is home from work.
NOW, when I worked full time, everything was split up. he had to help, so I guess it depends on your situation. Don't forget to look to your boys for help. They (the 4yr olds&6 yr old)should be able to pick up toys, get themselves ready, make their beds, bath themselves, and put their clothes where they belong. Not to replace daddy, but part of being a big kid.

I think about this all the time! My husband and I laugh that we feel like a modern family but have really taken on such "traditional" roles since he works and I stay home. It's weird.
During the week I cook and clean, but he cooks on the weekends, which is something he enjoys anyway. He pretty much does all the yard work, takes care of the cars, and pays bills, that kind of stuff. My great husband also is the nightly floor mopper, which is so nice as we have white tile throughout our house. He helps me get the kids ready and off to school every morning and when he's home it's sort of unspoken that he gets to change the diapers, too. He also does the baths and toothbrushing every evening (while I get some quiet time...spent cleaning up the kitchen, but hey! It's nice to be alone for 15 or 20 minutes by that time of day, with or without the dishes!) What more could I ask for? :)
Every couple needs to figure out how to make things feel right for them. Your share needs to be not necessarily equal but equitable, so nobody feels put upon. Figure out together what you can do as a team to support each other and he may appreciate the chance to jump in there and be a better dad, too.
P. (SAHM with three boys ages 7,5, & 3)

Unfortunately to get a partner to help, you have to train them early or do it really slowly so they don't know they are doing it. Men take initiative at work, rarely at home...most need to be asked specifically to do certain things..."hey honey, can you get the drinks on the table...can you set the table, can you get the baths tonight, can you start a load of laundry, I have to do (whatever)." Also as a stay at home mom my advice is not to try to be a superwoman...you will end up depressed and nothing will end up perfect. I ended up having to get a cleaning lady to come once a week (when you work all day and no one is in the house, it stays clean, when you are home all day, the "picking up" takes so long and is so often that you rarely get a chance to actually clean...either that or that will be the exact moment when your head is in the toilet that your two-year old will cut the 5 year old's hair or decide to make a crayon mural on the wall (both have happened to me)). So the point is, if Dad has a job that is stressful or takes long hours, he needs a break and you do too so work smarter not harder! Good luck!

Have you asked for help? Sometimes men feel that they are not sure what they should do. Us ladies have a tendency(not saying you) to take over when the hubbies do something and they start to feel like they are inadequate. Therefore they do not do anything. Give him some instruction and he might come around. I too am a SAHM and my hubby helps. Although I do the majority of the work. I would Never ask him to mop a floor or wash clothes, but he sees me doing something and he just helps.

My hubby does all the yard work, though I help, and I do most of the inside work, though if I need help he gives it no problem. I tend to not ask him for much, just some trash being taken out every once in a while or helping the lil one with her homework if I'm actively cooking. I'm fully prepared to do everything around the house, but it's nice to be able to ask for help every now and then.

Good luck!

My DH does a fair amount around the house - as long as he has a list or is reminded. I hate to stereotype, but if I don't ask for the help, it will not occur to him to offer. Especially since I am a SAHM. However, we had the "conversation" wherein he was reminded that child-care is a job, just not one I get paid for and he has to treat taking care of the house the same way he did when we both worked full-time. Didn't get a lot of argument after that ;-). He now has a "chores" list, which saves time and argument. Basically, he does the dusting, the trash, drops off the recyclables (we don't get curbside here), his own laundry and keeps the cats' area clean. We trade dishes duty depending on who cooks. With the kids, he gets up when they do and takes care of them for about 45 minutes until I wake up (not a morning person). When he gets home from work, he plays with them for a bit, we all go for a walk and then we get them ready for bed together. He's a good guy and a great father, he just needed a little help remembering to help.

Rarely, on special occasions, and when I am very sick, and he takes care of the kid when I am working.
Sorry, I have asked this same question of most of the women in my life hoping to get a different answer, but no matter where or when the man was raised, no matter his political leanings, no matter what he does for a living, no matter how many children in the house, no matter what... they mostly don't do much around the house :)
It's true that some women get lucky enough to find one that does, but the majority just don't see the need. Especially if you are a stay at home mom!
You just have to come up with an arrangement where you don't feel like a total doormat/housemaid, so make sure you talk to him if you are beginning to get to frustrated. Maybe there is some "manly" stuff that you can get him to do like yard work or painting or repairing or heavy lifting (hauling groceries). Or maybe he can help with the boys when he's home and give you a couple of hours of quiet time or something once a week or so.

My husband and I have chores around the house pretty evenly split. We actually talked about it. I actually had to say "I need some help around the house." Afterwards, I almost felt silly that I had waited so long to ask and that I felt that I was imposing on him! That's basically my advice. First, ask. Ask to talk about it.

Good luck.

We have a pretty equitible division of labor around here. Even when I stayed home with the kiddos - It was understood that my job was to nurture the children.... not scrub toilets - that was a job we split.
Hang in there -and I hope you come to a meeting of the minds.
T.

He probably thinks that you stay at home all day and do nothing while he is away working....Well, inform him that it takes to to raise a family and keep a household going and his bringing home the paycheck is only a part of it. If he expects you to have any energy at all and be any kind of partner, he'll pitch in and help. Lay out some things that will be his duties. Bathing the kids and getting them to bed at night would be a great place to start. He should also be in charge of some storytime. Weekends? No matter how many ball games are played, he needs to spend time playing with his boys and teaching them "guy things", like ball, bikes, etc. If you don't demand it, you'll never get it.

no, i require that my husband help out. he wnated to have them to. my job is 24 hours. : )my husband does things like watch the kids every other sunday so i can have a day by my slef, and then i sleep in on the other sundays. and he puts the kids to bed at least 3x a week. and he has his chores that are njto that difficult to do, but are man specific, not that i cant do them. like take out the trash.set rules, even though you can do it all by yourself doesnt mean you have to.

Well let me tell you girl! My husband and I had to sit and breakdown the chores when I was working. But now that im not I do most of it because he works and I have nothing else to do. I have 2 kids and had 2 dogs. I do dishes cook clean give baths and feed dogs. I vaccum sweep mop and all that stuff. The things my husband does are yard work and trash. The good thing is when I am worn down from kids and the house when I ask my husband to do things he will. If he were to ask me to mow I would because finally after 5 years we get eachother. You should hold MOST of the house work but he still should contribute everyday to sumthin. Otherwise in my opinion he thinks when he gets home his job is done. But my question to you is:: When is your job over for the day. Everyone deserves a break. Dont go by what everyone has said, sit down with your husband and see what works best for you guys.

You are not alone. Really mine can be worse than my boys. At times you will complain and at othertimes you will decide it takes too long to explain word for word how to help so you just do it. If i do not give mine word for word instructions it turns into a disaster and even if i do it turns out the same. Though i must say he has gotten more handier and helpful on his own... He is kind of that type. And remember when he does do something thank him and commend him. I to am a sahm and i had to finally tell him just cause he worked outside the home did not give him a right to come home and mess up all the progress i have made which is usually not much with a 3 yr and 1 yr old and now with another on the way

I never understood what women were thinking when they took on jobs too. Now we are stuck with the house work and raising a family ontop of a full time job!!! Serisouly my husband loads the dish washer, i unload, he sweeps and mops, and makes me dinner every night. He will hold our son if he wants to play with him or if i ask for help. Remember using very nice kind words and asking for more help will probley modivate anyone better than blame anger and yelling. Hang in there momma and if you need some help ask for it. Hey honey would you mind taking out all the trash? Which is another one my hubby does. Good luck.

My husband does his own laundry, takes care of the yard as needed, empties the trash, feeds the dogs, changes the air filters in our house, and sprays for bugs. He occasionally cooks a big spaghetti dinner. I take care of the kids (except when I get a mom's day out) and everything else.

Hi C.,
I have been a SAHM for 6 yrs and my husband helps me out a lot. We have T. children 6 and 3. When our first born arrived we would take turns in the middle of the night to feed our baby. We did the same thing with our second one. I feel that we (women) did not create this babies alone. The father need to be very involved. Even today he helps me with baths, watching them so I can have "me time." I feel very blessed that he is very involved with his kids too. Does your husband think staying home is not work at all? I wish you a lot of luck.

Elisa M

I am very lucky and blessed to have a husband who helps out around the house with the daily chores and also helps me with our 5 1/2 yr. old son.

I do everything around my house. All my husband does is work. I cook, clean, do the clothes, I do the yardwork, I do the dishes, I take care of the pool, I take care of the dogs. So your not alone in this.

I stay at home with our boys and for the most part the home front is my responsibility while he is at work. So I try and get the big things done, but somedays it gets done and other days things fall by the way side. But we are a partnership and for the most part work that way once the fatigue of the work day is over. Again some days we both slack, others days we're both on the ball and then there are those days that one will pick up the slack for the other. It has it's own ebb and flow.

Now I must say as a mother of two boys I constantly think of how their father is and how I want my boys to be fathers and husbands, so it is my job to teach them to take care of themselves and not let mom do everything for them. So, they have to help pick up their toys and put their garbage away and the like. I don't want my boys to grow up expecting that a woman will do everything for them. But then that's my little soap box ;)

I mostly do everything around the house, from cleaning,laundry, shopping, taking care of our son, dishes, cooking, and pet care. My husband does yard work, repairs, bills, trash, recycling. He does help a lot with our son (but not at all when he was an infant) when he is home but he works a lot. By helping I mean playing with him and he'll change his diaper but I am peeking in making sure he has eaten, wearing a sweater things like that that he is just not good with. I work two saturday nights a month, and every sunday morning and I could take my son with me but since he is home he stays with his dad, they have fun together and it gives me a break cause I can do stuff myself before or after. I don't mind doing this stuff as long as he doesn't complain or criticize.

C. hi,
I asked that question when our first son was born. Am I responsible gfor evrything around the house, since my husband is responsible for bringing home the money. mm When is 5pm and my husband comes back from work, is my work day over mmmm???
Not at all!! Moms work is 24/7 this is not an 8 to 5 type of job. I truly believe after dad comes home from work, then his other job starts, which is being a dad and a husband. Then it becomes a team effort, which is way easier for mom. YOu need to talk ti him about your concerns, before you actually become bitter towards him not helping around thehouse.
Good luck

My husband and I split everything down the middle. It works out pretty good. Good luck!

My husband does the dishes and cleans the kitchen every night while I put the kids to bed. He also cooks a bit on the weekends but I do most of the cooking. He does 95% of the laundry but only wash and dry not fold and put away. We kinda live out of the laundry basket or from the clothes line. I get out some on the weekend without the kids with my sister or a friend for lunch but not every weekend. He also sometimes takes my son out with him on Sunday to church or to a playground. He also picks up the house most nights a bit. As far as heavy cleaning, he does all mopping and scrubbing but I do most organizing. We have lowered our standards a lot since we have had kids. No one makes the bed except on occasion but we are in and out of it for naps with my 8 month old all day so what is the point?

I am a stay home mom also and I can tell you that I do most of the things around the house and with the kids and even with my husbands business and my own moonwalk business. I don't really know how fair is that, but I don't mind as long as my husband does not complain about the house being a little messy from the kids toys and his own toys. Now if he starts to complaint, then I will star to complain. If I ask him to help me giving the 4yr old a bath, he will not say no, but since I don't really go to a job, per say, then I don't mind doing the house work and kids stuff myself, but when it gets too overwhelming I call for help to my husband. He usually will help, but he is a landscaper and his work is very hard and stressful, so I understand. My husband takes care of the outside of the house and I do the inside, unless is repairs, then he is the one who does that. I also have a group of friends (like 20 of us girls)we get together once a month to get our minds off of our daily routines. We usually get together in one of the girl's house and take a dish and drinks to share. We talk and laugh. We also go to the movies to see the so called "girls movies" and we have a blast, because we either go eat before the movie or have coffee after it. That is one thing you can do to help you relax and get your mind off you daily routine. Hopefully I was able to help. Good luck to you!!!