Query Removing My 2.5 Yr Old from Typical Daycare to a Montessor Daycare?

Oh boy. I am sorry to say (and you mention it yourself) but it sounds like you are pretty racist.
I think in your situation you have a few options:
- review your values and open your mind to what a wonderful experience growing up in a multicultural environment can be for your son. Does it really matter how many kids are white in your son's class? Or does it matter that they play well together and have a caring teacher?
- look for daycare providers in prevalent white neighborhoods or suburbs or hire a white nanny. Yep, that probably comes at a premium, but if you don't want your son to be in the minority, you might as well get used to paying extra, as you will for a mainly white private school. I assume that if most kids in daycare in your area are not caucasian, your public schools should have a similar ethnic make up. If that's not what you want or can afford, see point 1.
- move to a different place. There a many places in the US that have only small ethnic populations...

Whether or not you will be moving your son should not be based on how many white kids will be in his class. I would look at the curriculum, the teachers and the general athmosphere in the facility, as well as convenience.
Good luck!

I'm a daycare provider, and not really sure what you are talking about. As a provider for 13 years and having children with me from 6 weeks to kindergarden, my opinion is not to remove a child for any reason other than he's not being well talken are of, you can no longer afford child care or you chose to become a SAHM, I'm curious as to why at 2.5 he's not potty trained, most facilities won't take them if they are 2 and or over and not potty trained, so the fact that it's OK with them may be a reason to keep him where he is. Providers don't have any obligations to disclosed when or for what reason a child may be leaving daycare. I have all military children, and parents get re stationed and have to pull their child out, that has nothing to do with the other parents or children, i had 2 kids grow up her with me the first 3 1/2 years of their lives, a boy and a girl, they were close, pertective of one another and just like brother and sister, well when the little girls mom got out of the Navy they moved back to Texas, the my little guy was devistated, but he got over it, and they are still in contact today and age 7 and 8. he's building roots and friendships where's he at, even if he is the only white child there, that can change tomorrow. if your son is happy and well taken care of leave him where he is. J.

Updated

I'm a daycare provider, and not really sure what you are talking about. As a provider for 13 years and having children with me from 6 weeks to kindergarden, my opinion is not to remove a child for any reason other than he's not being well talken are of, you can no longer afford child care or you chose to become a SAHM, I'm curious as to why at 2.5 he's not potty trained, most facilities won't take them if they are 2 and or over and not potty trained, so the fact that it's OK with them may be a reason to keep him where he is. Providers don't have any obligations to disclosed when or for what reason a child may be leaving daycare. I have all military children, and parents get re stationed and have to pull their child out, that has nothing to do with the other parents or children, i had 2 kids grow up her with me the first 3 1/2 years of their lives, a boy and a girl, they were close, pertective of one another and just like brother and sister, well when the little girls mom got out of the Navy they moved back to Texas, the my little guy was devistated, but he got over it, and they are still in contact today and age 7 and 8. he's building roots and friendships where's he at, even if he is the only white child there, that can change tomorrow. if your son is happy and well taken care of leave him where he is. J.

As far as Montessori goes... I have no idea what some people are talking about. Within 20 minutes drive time to our house there are over 70 montessori preschools. In our district there are 2 montessori public schools (and for a 20 person class, wait lists of over 300 kids for each spot), and several K-6 & 1 k-12, and 2 grade 6-12 montessori private schools. In the 5 preschools I'm most familiar with (one of which being my son's old school) there is almost NO turnover (teachers have been there for upwards of 20-30 years, new teachers are rarely taken on, although many intern for a year at these schools for their certification), and of COURSE the teachers actually teach. The teach differently than standard E.C.E teachers... but they teach and interact with the children constantly. At least the good ones do. At our school we had weekly folders that came home with their works, and daily conversations with the teachers talking about what our child had been working on educationally, socially, and developmentally that day. Far from running mad with no direction the kids are allowed to choose their own works from a *prepared environment*, on top of "focuses" that the school would also be presenting. These would vary in length according to each focus (for example The Human Body, Archeology, and Space were each a several month focuses, while Arachnids, Eric Carle, & Harvest were just a couple weeks each). Montessori can be an AMAZING philosophy & educational choice... but as with anything... there are duds out there. People who use the name, but only to get people's money.

Whew. That aside.

I think it's a perfectly valid thing to be concerned about being a minority. Because your "location" says LA, I was confused as to the whole 80% ESL thing... but your "what happened" cleared that up.

For a large part of my life I was a minority (blond haired blue eyed white girl living in Japan... much of it on an island where there were only 200 americans but the population of the isalnd was well over 1 million -aka, not a small island, but not Tokyo either). There are definite positive and negatives. The positives are fairly obvious (amazing cultural and interpersonal ones). A few negatives would include things like "no whites allowed" restaurants/ playgrounds/ etc., as well as being spit on, snubbed, and the whole pipe bomb thing, which happened more than once, although most demonstrations were fairly non-violent.

Regardless of what makes you a minority, being a minority is difficult. Whether you're the only black family, the only jewish family, the only gay family, or the only white family... being an "only" isn't easy. And there are a lot of considerations that go into doing such a thing intentionally. Especially when you're dealing with language & cultural hurdles.

Would I change schools to keep my son with a friend? Depends on the schools. Part of being a kid is learning to make new friends... and you can *always* keep old friends via play dates.

I worked in a very culturally diverse daycare so I have plenty of experience with it. First off, children do not notice race or ethnicity. He will not feel like a minority unless you make him feel that way. Especially when they are that young, they just don't really notice. He will obviously notice the language difference, but it is great for children to be exposed to different languages. The younger they are, the better when it comes to adding another language. Unless there is a threat for your child's safety, I see no reason to switch.

If you are living in an area where whites are the minority, you might as well just embrace it. It doesn't matter who your children go to school with and play with. Kids are kids no matter where they came from. Your son is sure to make friends with everyone.

As for Montessori, I love her theory on child development. Montessori programs are also great, but if it is structure you want, then don't switch to that. Montessori was all about children going at their own pace. While there is structure (there has to be when children are involved) it is very loose.

As for his friend who is moving, can you not set up play dates with her outside of school? If they are really that close, then you should keep up with it. As for loss, I wouldn't call it that. Children that young might notice their friend isn't really around anymore, but they don't mourn the way that an adult might. They don't understand as well and they just don't have the ability to do so.

I hope whatever you decide, you base if off of what is best for your child's development and education not about where other white kids may attend. If you make this a big deal, he will grow up feeling out of place and have prejudice toward others. Right now he doesn't know. Everyone is a friend no matter what color, language, or ethnicity.

My reply might be a little late but just wanted to tell you I think people that say you are racist might be judging you too harshly.

I am a member of one type of minority that has now taken over some of the neighborhoods in this country (most minorities sort of have "their neighborhoods"). So, the white people here are the new minority. I think just wanting to have your child (or yourself) in an envirornment where there are others with a background similar to yours is NOT necessarily racist. After all, the reason most minorities concentrate in their little neighborhoods (the mexican neighborhoods, the salvadorian ones, Little Armenia, Japantown, K-town, etc) is that most enjoy being surrounded by the familiar: people with similar backgrounds and similar ethnicities. They usually don't get called racists for wanting to be with their own, so why should we call YOU a racist? It sounds like a double standard! As long as you don't purposely avoid other ethnicities or teach your child to avoid them, or to not play with children of other races, as long as you don't do something along those lines, who cares who you want to be friends with.
Ah...about your question, in my opinion, the lady in daycare doesn't have the responsibility to tell you when children come in or go. She might not even think you care....but as long as you do....my guess is that if your child is familiar with that daycare, it is probably more important to keep him there and keep his surroundings familiar. If you still care about having your child socialize with the girl that left the daycare, maybe you can arrange some playdates with her? Or maybe join a playgroup that is more culturally/ethinically attuned to your needs.

Hi, i wasn't getting a racism vibe from your post, i reread it twice to make sure, but on any message board where you can't hear voice inflection it is easy to misinterpret. I felt that you were just stating statistics. Either school he would be the minority. Ok here is my take as an experienced mama and somone in the field of education/preschool/daycare etc.

First, it is sad but children that age make lots of new friends all the time and very very rarely would they still be friends past kindergarten anyways, which is several years away. so personally i would not factor the friend into your decision. He might make an even better friend at a new school. or at the same school once the little girl is gone from the classroom.
At the beginning you seemed mad that you didn't know she was leaving , is your son's friend being kicked out?? because of behavior or not paying??? I'm not sure i understood that part. But the director really should not be telling you that the child is leaving, it violates confidentiality, in my opinion and isn't professional.
As for montessori, i think there are alot of misconceptions about that too. There actually is alot of structure in montessori, the difference is in that structure the children have more choices to make than in a typical school. They still have story time and sit and listen to the teacher read, I have even seem them do calendar time, like a typical school. But instead of eating snack all together whether your child is hungry or not, it is set out as a station (for lack of a better word ) that they can choose. The teacher will show a small group of kids a lesson about say farm animals, instead of the whole class, but each child still has a turn learning about the animals. Montessori, really slowly and delibrately shows kids how to use the materials, say for playdough the teacher will actually show them how to get it off the shelf, without dropping it, show them where it is ok to play with it (at a table not on the carpet) show them how to use cookie cutters, or texture tools or a rolling pin, AND how to clean it up. So there is alot of structure in how they use the items, it's not just a free for all. Plus the amount of children in the room should be much less than in a day care so there is more individual attention. Unless the day care that he is at now, is acedemic, i personally don't feel that it would be any harder to adjust to kindergarten from montessori that it would be from a daycare where they play most of the day. It will be an adjustment no matter what.
Just some things for you to think about. I would definatly take a half day and visit ANY school you plan to send him to and ask alot of questions about what sorts of things they learn, and what the daily schedule is like, how much time they have to play with other kids/vs working with the teacher etc.

Hope you get some good advice.

good luck.

Your kids will not make race an issue if you dont. My oldest is 9, and he still has no idea "black" is anything but the color of a crayon. Seriously. We dont bring it up. and on our block we have all the colors of the rainbow, and our kids are clueless that they different than others.
personally, I like montessori. other people hate it.

I think I can understand where you are coming from. It's not a race thing as much as it is cultural. Your cultural values are that you want to assimulate as much to the 'traditional american' culture as possible. Would people accuse Chinese people who decide to settle in a predominant Chinese community and send their kids to a Chinese school of being racist? No way! Because anyone who understands Chinese culture also understands just how important their values, standards, and beliefs are to pass onto their children. (if you want some more insight, I recommend the author Lisa See.) Same thing could be said for other very culturally strong groups such as the Jewish and Muslims.

Anyway, that said, if you are planning on remaining in this community, I view leaving your child at this daycare a big opportunity. Any exposure they can get to a second language at an early age is priceless. If I were you, I'd leave him there and ask the daycare provider to start doing classes in both English and Spanish. What a fantastic opportunity!

i had a cousin that went to montessori schools and he was behind in what a normal child should be. the teachers seem to let the children teach themselves. the school he went to he was with the same kids the whole time never really interacting with a new set of kids also it seemed like no 5 kids were working on the same work on a given day. my cousin was allowed to pick what he was going to learn i just dont see how he was supposed to learn at all. in my opinion your better off going to a private school or a religious school. but ultimately its your personal choice to put your child where you feel is best. good luck!

i think that moving your child for a reason like him being a minority in the school or daycare is probably not a good enough reason. is the daycare that he is currently in not up to your standards, are they doing things that you dont agree with? you dont say anytihg in your post about anything that they are doing for you to want to move him. so if hes happy there and they are happy with him and you are happy with them, what difference does it make. most people would benefit emencely from learning a second language and while he can learn spanish from some of the other kids, he is also teaching them some english. unless they are treating him like an outcast or being mean to him for the reason of him being a minority, then why move. good luck

You've gotta go with your gut on this one. I am sure there is a decent difference in price between the home-based daycare and a montessori program. Montessori is nice, and you certainly get what you pay for. I would be less concerned about your child being a minority and more concerned about the benefits and drawbacks. Just look at it in black and white terms. You can always contact his daycare friend's parents and see about playdates.

Good luck!

When my son turned 3.5 and was potty trained, I changed him from a commercial day care to a Montessori preschool. Actually they did preschool up to kindergarten. It was WONDERFUL! In the 3 years we were there, the staff had a few changes (one had a baby, another got married and moved away with her new husband). We were in northern Va and it was very multicultural. My son had best friends of every color and a few who were absent for a month or two to visit grandparents in India. I felt they really prepared him for higher learning and they were very in tune with various learning styles. I only wished they were a large enough facility to teach through higher grades. We stayed as long as we could. Friends come and go and many move. Each new age is an opportunity to meet new people. Interview various preschools and find the best fit you can for your child.

I find it interesting that you are worried about the ethnicity of children that your son is around and that of the caregiver. But more interesting is the fact that you never mentioned how the caregiver interacts with your child. Does your child love going to school? Does the caregiver comfort and nurture your 2.5 year old? Since most parents have to work then many caregivers are of a different nationality and many times speak a different language.
My 2 year old Granddaughter's mother speaks Spanish, her dad speaks English, her caregiver speaks Tagalog, and she lives in HongKong where most businesses, etc. speak Mandarin or Chinese. I am so happy that she will be at the least a bilingual speaker and we're hoping that she learns as many languages as she can. Her caregiver is wonderful, gentle and very loving toward my Granddaughter and my Granddaughter loves to be in her presence. That is all that we care about.
I hope you just consider your son's happiness and worry more about how they care for your son. Lot's of parents move their children around from daycare to daycare. Montessori has followers and it also has it's critics. Good luck in your decision.

First, after a few days, it is likely that your 2.5 year old son will not even realize that his friend is not there any longer. 2.5 year olds don't seem to form serious BFFs or cliques (thank goodness), so you probably don't need to worry about him missing his friend. In reality, he probably has a lot of friends in his class and they likely will find many ways of communicating other than proper English. Second, you should feel lucky that he is with a class of (most likely) Mandarin-speaking kids -- maybe he'll pick up some of the language. As the world is becoming incredibly multi-cultural and China's population and influence are becoming more and more prevalent, many experts will tell you that Mandarin is the language to learn for ALL children. I live in southern California and there are a few foreign language immersion schools (one of which includes Mandarin) and parents (of all ethnicities, but primarily caucasian) are clamoring to get their kids into these specialized grammar schools. And, third, no matter what, your child will learn English as soon as he leaves his current environment, whether that occurs in the next week or in a few years, which is a sad thing. To not be multi-lingual or even aware of other cultures is a bummer. Really. You should at least try to embrace the multi-cultural environment he is currently exposed to. Every other minute of his day will be surrounded by you and your family. Isn't it nice that he gets to experience something different during a few hours of each day?

Montessori is a very different and unique type of learning system. They will teach your child skills at his individual level. All my 3 kids are gifted and they all got their start from Montessori. Unfortunately our Montessori only went uptil 1st grade but when they went from Montessori to 2nd grade they were doing upper 3rd grade level Math and English.

I have 3 very successful kids who have loved the Montessori way of teaching and talk about it very fondly as well. Hope this helps.

I also have a hard time embracing the people fleeing to our country to better themselves because it effects so many poor people in our country negatively. I also have the feelings that if I went to a foreign country to live I would be expected to speak their language, understand their money system, learn how to drive and follow basic laws, and provide a living for myself if at all possible. Many people I deal with at Head Start don't even park in parking places, they just park where ever they want ans when you ask them to move they sign they don't understand and start laughing. It makes it very hard to accept and embrace them as a whole.

As for the Director telling you when children are coming or going is a breach of privacy. They would/could not tell you even if you went in the office and asked. If your child is this close then arrange play dates outside of school hours.

On the other part, I hate Montessori school programs. The children act like heathens in the classroom and have absolutely no structure. During circle time if they don't want to participate they can go do whatever they want, play toys, play in the food area and smear stuff everywhere, run around wildly, etc...and then the other kids see them and want to go do it too.

I wanted out of the preschool age class and moved to the school age kids. I can tell you that nearly every day 3-6 kids brought home notes that said it took hours for these kids to calm down after getting off the van at school. It was just as bad during breakfast and before the kids left for school as it was during the rest of the day....

I was an Assistant Director and the staff turnover at Mont. schools is very high. They leave and go to regular child care facilities so they can actually teach and interact with the kids. They can say, let's do this instead, and not get told kids need to be free to do whatever they want. That is truly the objective of Mont. philosophy.

I don't recommend Mont. schools to anyone. If you are not happy with your child's center then look for a different one.

Your child will make new friends quickly if you decide to move to another center. Either face the fact at the current center that its likely to stay or increase that way, or get ready to move your child. You can also consider going to a different part of town that is more populated with your own ethnicity. I do think however, if there are adults coming in and out of your current DCP center while caring for your child, you do have the right to know, especially if they are staying there. I dont know all the info, but consider that you are entrusting your child in your DCP's care, and if you can't get answers, why continue to leave your child with the DCP!, so that should be more of a concern to you rather than ethnicity. And good luck with potty training, it takes more than a couple of weeks to get it down.