Putting Twins to Sleep

you are right to hold them and calm them. this is the way babies tell you they need something. I have a degree in early childhood and i can tell you that it is very important for babies to be held when they are crying. As for the twins sleeping well i dont have any advice on this but i can say do what works for you. good luck

Your babies adjusted age would be about 3 1/2-4 months at this time - if just 5 months and 7 weeks preemie.

Your boyfriend and in-laws are mistaken - you cannot spoil a baby that young - even at 5 months. They only cry if they NEED something, and sometimes what they need is just the physical contact. In fact, it has been proven that if you give your babies the attention they need now when they need it, they will be a lot more content later on, as long as you give them the opportunity to know it's ok to do so... but it HAS to be age appropriate. And 3 1/2 months is far too young for that - as is 5 months as well!

I say, follow your heart, personally, and enjoy the time with your babies... they will be list little for only so long. Just remember, as long as they're not hurting or hungry, wet, etc, it won't hurt them to cry if they need to for a little bit, but personally, I never would have considered letting my infant cry herself to exhausted sleep when she was that little. It also makes them less likely to have a restful sleep and more likely to wake up fussier later...
Good luck!

Helo H., I'm 36yrs old with now 20 month old girl twins. I co-slept with them until about 6 months b/c I breastfed them both the same time for 14 months. Co-sleeping was the easiest way to feed them and then put them asleep. hmm. It was bout 6 months when I put them in their individual cribs. Every once in awhile one would cry and the other would sleep right through it. She didn't cry long but I was always afraid that this would wake the other one up. EVEN today at 20 months we have an occasional baby that would cry her way to sleep or one that would wake up before the other one but in the end, they both are very comfortable with the other one making the noise...they sleep right through it. It takes time but whew once they are comfortable in their cribs, that is soooo NICE!!
OH BTW...yeap I work too and my husband works nights while I'm on days. SOOO hard on the nights when they are both not wanting to sleep, that only happens EVERY once in awhile and bedtime turns from 8pm to then 10pm..whew!! They are a JOY everyday!!! My girls are WILD and sign about 70 signs now too...talking in their own language too. ENJOY!!

First of all you do not have to let them cry it out and you should show these responses to your insensitive family. I have a 14 month old son who is sleeping through the night and he never had to cry it out. My son didn't start sleeping longer until he was 5 1/2 months old. So I think with the twims being preemie you might have to wait a little longer for them to be ready. I loved the no cry sleep solution by Elizabeth Pantley. She advocates gentle methods of sleep training. The first thing is to get the girls in a consistent bedtime routine every night starting at the same time. Whatever works for you. They should have dim lights and quiet noises for at least the hour before bed. Then at the designated bedtime do whatever you have been (nursing, bottle, rocking, singing) to put them almost to sleep. Set them down awake and if they cry pick them up and do the same thing until they are almost asleep again this may take 10-15 times the first night but it gets easier very fast. After about a week they should be going to sleep on their own. You may have to have someone watch one twin while you work with the other. Good Luck. I am here if you need to talk.

The best laid intentions can sometimes not be what is best for you and your twins. Go with your gut and if you want to nurse the babies to sleep then you should. You don't have to fight city hall when you have a new baby at home. Your Mom and that is enough to keep everyone else a little off guard. The family should ask you what you think not suggest what you should think. Your young but your instinct will always guide you..Mom's seem to develop it at the birth.
I was 21 with my first and four sons later 30 with the last.
Good luck and set your boundaries..

I am a mom to twins and just had a few questions. First I was curious of how they sleep- are they together in one bed? What is the situation when you put them to bed? Here is my advice. Everything I do I try and think what habbits am I creating for another stage for them. First the kindest thing you can do for a child is help them establish a good routine for sleep. So here are some things that worked for me and many of others I have supported. Don't make bed time a punishment, make it just another part of the day. We turn the radio down low--(I have my cd with some soft music) I put my twins together until over 1. They love each other and truly felt lonely when not near each other. The music helps them learn to adjust to noise-- being a twin- there is no guarantee the other is going to be quite when the first is ready for sleep. Then I put them in their bed-- where a special item is presented-- at 8 months it might be a special blanket, as only a special stuffed animal, or toy. Something they cherish to go to bed with. (Don't we all as adults-love to go to bed with fancy sheets:-) ) Then I will sit in my rocker and read a story--(yes even at 8 months) this helps sway them to the soft melody of my voice, leaving them with ideas and thoughts to send them to slepp. When older they may be the adult who loves to read before sleep. When the book is finished, we say good night and walk out of the room. the success rate is around 80%- there are always gonna be the night where something throws it off.--If they or one is upset- then my belief is to start it over again- there is no reason for them to cry it out. Adjust their nap hour to be earlier so maybe they are more tired for bed. My story- Well my twins are 12 now and successfully have been the best go to bed kids- in addition to that I have a 15 year old that the tradition started with. I will add one of my twins has Autism. Yes around 2 our "schedule" had to adjust- but even he found a comfort in the routine and learned to establish a go to bed with ease (he did have to wake up often though) My children all went to bed and slept all night from 3 months on. And yes I breastfed them all to one year. Good luck and my best advice is think of everything you do as what will this mean years later. It also gives you great words to use for those who may not see it your way. A crying baby creates a screaming toddler which creates a difficult preteen and it goes on!!

Try "the happiest baby on the block" book. Good luck... that sounds very difficult.

H.,

I don't have twins, but my sister does...twin boys. She didn't have them sleeping well together until 8 months...she would rock them to sleep. Everyone wanted her to try the cry it out method, but she just wasn't ready (at 5 or 6 months). By 8 months she thought she was ready to try something and she felt the boys were ready. They did not cry very long and they got used to each other so they did not wake each other up.

Go with what you feel is right. If you aren't ready to do cry it out or you feel this is not even a method you want to do then don't. It will only make you miserable. You will know when you are ready to try a sleep method. Do some research to see which style suits you. I did cry it out with my sons (ages are 2 1/2 and 18 months now) I waited until 6 months with the oldest and for some reason waited until almost 9 months with my second...maybe b/c he was a preemie...don't know why I waited...guess I just wasn't ready.

Hope you get some helpful answers. Good luck and don't worry about everyone else...just focus on you and the twins...everything else will fall into place.

Don't wean and don't expect them to sleep longer than 6 hours right now. They may already have a risk of complications as they get older so giving them breastmilk will only help them.

Yes, 5 months old is too young to cry-it-out. Follow your instincts, they're good. By not answering your babies cry you would train them to be depressed and despondent. Crying it out works better for older babies, try it another 3-4 months if they don't sleep naturally.

Pump after you feed them to help keep your milk supply up. Freeze the milk so their father can give them a bottle if you need to go out for a while. Get a good expensive pump and some bottles with fast flow. Join a local le leche league to help offer support and advice on feeding twins.

For sleep, watch the "Happiest Baby on the Block" with Dr. Karp either DVD or on line to learn how to get your babies to sleep. Good sleep will help them go from 2 1/2 hours between meals to 4 hours very quickly. Strech out the time in 15 minute intervals using a pacifier.

You'll need 2 cradle swings, 2 yards of microfleece for swaddling each of them, pacifiers, and a white noise maker. My babies slept in their swings all night until they were 6 months old but they were fullterm.

Also, get help. Teach your in laws and their father what they can do to help rather than have them telling you what to do. If you know what you're doing they will follow your lead.

I do not have twins, and I do not have any really good advice for you on how to handle twins. I have a 29 month old son who has always had problems sleeping for me. I, too, could not bear to let him cry it out until he was old enough that I KNEW he understood exactly what was going on...and even then it wasn't a stict practice.

When a mommy hears their baby cry, it does different things to their body and they feel differently than other people do (even the dad). I was the only person I knew who didn't let my child cry it out, and I learned after a while that to a be a good mommy you have to do what YOU feel is right. Trust your instincts; that is why you have them! If you make a choice based on what anyone else things or says and it strongly goes against how you feel, you are likely to feel bad about it. It is harder on you to tend to your child more frenquently but I ALWAYS wanted my son to know that mommy would be there. I eventually got to where I would leave him in his bed and let him cry but I would sit there with him to reassure him that I would be there. I did read The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and use some of her ideas.

Sorry I rambled more than gave good advice but I do understand how you feel - just with a single child. Try to take the good advice others give you and turn a deaf ear to the criticism when you don't agree with them. You have alot of insight inside of you how best to raise your children whether you know it or not!

IMHO, as mom to 7, g-ma to 11 (including twins) and midwife to hundreds;
Every child has his or her own unique personality, and a technique that works great for one, might not work for another, even twins, so whatever method you choose, there's no wrong or right way, just what works best with that particular child.
That being said, in general, I find that letting the baby "cry it out" is not usually the best way (though for a few, it is!) A little baby does not cry to "get her way", but because she has a NEED that is not getting met. Tending to her needs lovingly, and promptly, reinforces your love toward her and makes her feel secure. A person who has had its needs met asd an infant grows into a more secure confident adult. This is speaking of NEEDS only (being fed, changed, warmed, cooled, etc), as they get older and have WANTS, then meeting all their demands just leads to spoiling, and this is a very different situation.
Do you have them in the same crib? With twins, having each other as company brings comfort. most of the time, as infants, they sleep much better if they are in physical contact with each other, as they were in the womb. My grandsons were almost a yr old before they slept in separate cribs. Nursing them at the same time saves you time and really helps keep them on the same schedule.

Hi, H.. A little crying is not going to hurt the babies. In fact, some crying will help strengthen their lungs.If you know they are clean, full, and they aren't in pain, but aren't wanting to go to sleep on their own, then you might try letting them cry for a bit and see if that works. I don't mean for an hour, but enough time that they tire themselves out to go to sleep. Running to them every time they wimper could set a pattern you might regret later.With that said, though, this is what I always tell new moms if they ask for advice; trust your gut instinct. If it tells you something is wrong, do what you need to do. There's a difference in instinct and just not liking hearing them cry. As time goes on, you'll recognize it. You are the mom. Do what you need to do, no matter what anyone says. If you aren't ready for crying themselves to sleep, then don't do it. I wouldn't run every time they wimper, but if you can't take the hard crying, and most of us moms have a hard time with that, do what you feel is best. Trust yourself as mom. I do agree with the other responses. You do need to begin a schedule. I don't know how you do it right now! lol It will take time to get it down, but it's worth the effort. God bless and Best wishes!

Hi H.!

First of all I want to let you know that you're a great mother. I'm sure everyone has told you that babies don't come with instructions, so you're going to have to do what comes naturally to you.

Have a chat with your pediatrician. I'm sure she'll tell you that babies just cry when they're sleepy. It's not because they feel abandoned or because there is something you're not doing for them. When they feel tired they feel that something is "off" and they don't feel normal so they cry. Honestly crying to a baby is like barking to a dog. It's just what they do. It doesn't have to be because something is wrong or right, it's just all they know how to do so they do it. My little guy is 7 months old now and the happiest baby I've ever been around. He giggles and coos and chatters all day and is very giving with his smiles. BUT, every night when I lay him down to bed, he screams his head off anywhere from 5-15 minutes. He always has. I do have a 10 minute rule where if he cries flat out for 10 whole minutes I will go and interact with him (pat his back, turn on the glo-worm, hum a little song to him) but I don't pick him up out of the bed. When he wakes up in the morning or in the night, he's just fine.

In regards to the other's thinking your girls are just going to want their mom all of the time. Well DUH! Of course they're going to want to have you all of the time. Whether or not you put them to sleep won't have any effect on that. The issue you may run into, however, is that they could find it hard to get to sleep without you doing your "magic sleep mojo" on them when you put them to sleep. Perhaps you could develop a bedtime routine that you do with them each night rather than rocking them or walking the floor or whatever it is you do to get them to sleep now. Each night we go for a jog then he gets a bath then eats solids then nurses while I read a story then he goes to bed. We do it every night and it works for us. I mean, Oliver still cries every time I put him in bed, but it's a lot less than when we started the routine in May.

I think it's important that you get your boyfriend on your side. That might require some give and take. You could try it his way and let him put them to bed while you do something else during that time for a week. Who knows, it could work, but he should be prepared to do it your way if his way doesn't work. I have no advice for the in-law situation. Mine live in an entirely different country. My mother lives 5 hours away so when she sticks her beak in I just thank her for the advice and tell her what I'm going to do. If those two things happen to be the same thing, yay. If not, she must just deal with it. :-D

Best of luck and let us know what you decide to do!

Do exactly what your heart tells you to do. I am a Mom who couldn't let her baby cry it out and so far it hasn't proven to be detrimental to anyone's health or well-being. And, as far as fair goes, who are your in-laws to tell you anything like that. They've already raised their kids so hindsight is 20/20. As for your husband... let him be the one to let them cry with no one else around and see how far it gets him. My hubby learned what he could and could not do that way. He is no longer a fan of cry it out. Plus, his parents come running every time our little guy makes a peep so that's kind of funny. It's hard listening to everyone's advice and going against what your gut tells you is the absolute right and wrong thing to do. Oh, by the way, my little guy is such a Daddy's boy... didn't matter that I did all the 'selfish' stuff. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Hi H.-I have 5 kids with 2 of them being 3 yr. old twins. No that doesn't make me an expert but here's what worked for me. SCHEDULE!!! Set a schedule, you and the babies get on it first then insist everyone else follows it. A schedule is the only survival with twins, otherwise they will bring everyone else down. Stick to you feeding schedule, always feed the same one first, put that one to bed and then go on to the next. At that age babies should go off to sleep with a bottle. If I am reading this correctly it takes 2 1/2 hours to feed the two!!?? Oh my, how do you stand it. If you are weaning start supp. with more formula, maybe even some cereal, one reason for crying, they may still be hungry. Get those bellys full and put them to bed. Always lay them down awake, don't rock, maybe some white noise in the room or a t.v. works great for my kids. It may take a few days to get results so the crying may have to go on for a day or two but they will turn around.
Get you schedule and make everyone else stick to it!!