My dog is an 11 yr old boxer named Cash. I have had him since he was 1 year old. He LOVES me. (and of course, I love him too. He's my baby!) He's currently living at my parents house and when I go to visit him, he follows me and when I leave he just watches the door. When he was at my brother's house recently and I came to visit, my brother told me that when I left, Cash sat by the front door for about an hour waiting for me to come back. I tell you all this b/c it is about time to put him down. He can no longer keep his back legs up. He flops around and has a hard time peeing w/o getting some on himself. He's on pain meds and other meds as well. I feel like I should be in the room with him when we put him down, as I know he loves me so much and I don't want the last thing he remembers to be of be walking out the door on him. I feel like he shouldn't be in a room full of strangers wondering where I went right before he passes. I was curious what you ladies think. Any of you regret being there when you put your dog down? Anyone have any words of advice for me?
Thanks!
(btw - He's at my parent's house for the past 3 months b/c I moved into my new home. We don't have fencing or covered patio for him. This summer is extremely hot and he is and outside only dog. He was going to have it easier at my parents. They live 30 minutes away and we see Cash about once a week. He was at my brother's when my parents went out of town, b/c my brother lives right my mom and dad's).
Well thank you ladies (and sir) for those wonderful words. I have tears in my eyes after reading your responses. My brother was a vet-tech and said he was in the room for half of the times he's had to put a cat down. He said it's not easy, but it's all just a personal preference. I am not scared to be there, I am just not a fan of crying in public, plus I am not sure if later, I will be a bubbling mess. I guess I just don't know if the actual watching of it happening, feeling him go limp in my arms is too much emotional memory or not. I know already that my 3 yr old should not be there, allowing me to cry and cry if need be w/o my 3 yr old seeing me in possible hysterics. Cash has been my baby for so long, I just don't know how seeing his death will affect me.
UPDATE: August 23rd at 3pm will be Cash's last day. Mom and Dad will take my son to play at the park or back to my house for lunch. I will stay with Cash. The vet's office said that they'll let me stay as long as I want. Thanks so much for your kind words and pms. I changed my profile picture -- you can see me and my boy on there if you want.
FINAL UPDATE: I stayed with him while the vet did her job. It was not as hard as I thought it was going to be. It was harder to see him at home falling over all the time and struggling to walk and breathe. I am glad that I stayed with him. I'm sure he was happy to be with me and not get just dropped off.
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M.E.
answers from
Jacksonville
on
I would be there. I used to work as a Vet. assistant and it always made me so sad when the owners were not there. I understand that it is a very difficult thing to go through, but if it were my dog I would want to be there. I always chose to help the vet when he had to put down animals. I wanted them to know that they were not alone, and that they were loved, even if their owners could not bear to be there.
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T.F.
answers from
San Francisco
on
I can't imagine being anywhere else. It is hard but then you will know he was comforted by you being there. Tell him what a good doggy and friend he has been to you. Are you asking because you are afraid? I have no idea but thought it might be something people are afraid of. My apologies if I'm way off base. If that is the case, know that you can do this, it will be hard to say good by to Cash but you will feel better in the end.
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D.M.
answers from
Denver
on
I know you have a million responses. I think if you can be there (crying mess or not) you should. You will regret it if you aren't. However, it really is a personal decision.
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J.D.
answers from
Phoenix
on
You answered your own question in your post. You said you didn't want his last memory to be of you leaving him. So, you should make his last memory of you loving him. Sorry hun.
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L.B.
answers from
Biloxi
on
I have had to help several of my pets cross the rainbow bridge. While it is painful for me to be there, I imagine how much more painful it would be for them not to be able to look into my eyes as they leave this world. Because, for our pets, we are their world.
I could not imagine letting one of my pets go through that alone after all the times they comforted me.
Of course you will be upset when Cash leaves. But, his world was built around you, you really should be there at the end of his life.
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A.D.
answers from
San Francisco
on
Yes, be there when you put your dog down... I wasn't for mine and have always regretted it. My husband wanted the vet to put our dog to sleep in the back of the vet's office so we wouldn't have to see it (she was very sick with cancer). I don't know why I allowed this and have always regretted it. My last memory of our dog Scout is the vet taking her through the swinging door to the back of the vert's office and because of this I've never felt closure of her death... I'm so sorry for your situation.
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S.H.
answers from
New York
on
I have been on both sides of this debate. I have always tried to be with my animals as they passed on and have never regretted it even though of course it is hard. For reasons I could not control (I had an infant and no car seat at the time) one of my cats had to go alone and though I knew the vet for many years and trusted her to be compassionate I will never feel ok about my kitty passing by herself. She trusted me to love her through everything and when she needed me the most I wasn't there. For me it is a choice I would never make again almost 6 years later I still regret it. It has to be your own choice of course. I see my animals as members of my family and if any one of my family were leaving this world I would want them to know right until their last breath that I love them and am there when they need me, the same goes for my fur babies. I am so sorry for your loss and hope that you can find comfort in the knowledge that your compassion for Cash is the greatest gift you can give him now. Blessed Be.
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C.O.
answers from
Washington DC
on
when we put Obi, our faithful dog of 14 years, down - we were there...until his last breath and maybe 15 minutes afterwards...
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B..
answers from
Dallas
on
Would you want to be alone?
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B.C.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
You brought up a sore memory. I remember being there when my dog had to be put down. I'm remembering this with tears in my eyes asI try and type this. My dog was such a faithful companion . . . I couldn't let him die alone.
I'd recommend bringing him to your home and putting him on a leash. Set up some shade and some water misters if possible and make his last week very satisfying and comfortable. Take him to the vet and hug and pet him while the vet gives him the shot. You will remember you tried to be there for him, like he was devoted to you. After he has taken his last breath and his heart has stopped beating, let the vet take care of his body. You may be able to enjoy his spirit and his memory.
Have a picture taken of him and you when you pick him up from your mom's home.
My heart goes out to you. Good luck to you and yours.
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D.K.
answers from
State College
on
Do what is right for you. When I worked at a vet we gave a slower acting sedative first so the pet was already very calm or asleep. This made goodbyes easier on everyone and also easier for the final injection. It usually is very peaceful. I have not put a personal pet down, but have been in the room many times assisting or comforting the pet if the owners choose not to stay. Some steped out for the injection, but would then come back in afterwards for closure. Don't worry about crying, everyone Will understand and depending on how well you kow your vet you may see some tears there too.
So sorry for you, Cash and your family. It is a very hard decision to make to say goodbye, but also so nice. Whatever you decide will be the right choice for you. If you talk to the vet or receptionist before going in they should be able to tell you what procedures they follows, pre sedative firsr, iv, etc.
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A.M.
answers from
San Francisco
on
Yes!!!!!!! You and anyone else who loves him should be present, if they want to. But you for sure.
And a friend of mine did a last day for her dog, with all of his favorite activities and treats.
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A.C.
answers from
Raleigh
on
Yes you should be there. I have not regretted being with my pets and it gave me a sense of closure to see how peaceful it is. One thing to be prepared for is how quick it is. Once they give the injection it is literally seconds. Also your pet may lose bowel control moments after passing. This is normal just something to be aware of.
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M.S.
answers from
Washington DC
on
First of all, I am so sorry that you have to go through this. Putting my dog down was one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but I do not regret being in the room. My dog hated the vet and I wanted to be there to comfort her and tell her how much I loved her and what a good girl she was, as she passed away. You will not regret being with your Cash, but I'm afraid you might regret it if you are not there. He sounds like an awesome dog. Please be there to let him know how much he meant to you and to say goodbye. Good luck to you. I know how sad it is.
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L.S.
answers from
Los Angeles
on
My husband held our beloved dog when she had to be put down. She was our first baby and we loved her so very dearly. I stayed with our daughter and I'm so glad that my husband was able to be there for her. He said it was hard, but he felt good that he did it. He cried afterward, and that's a pretty big deal for him. It's going to be hard no matter what you decide. Sending you lots of hugs and strength, from one animal lover to another ...
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K.L.
answers from
Des Moines
on
I regret not being their when we had to put my dog down. I wish I could go back and be there with her! I would go if I were you!
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A.L.
answers from
Charleston
on
Please stay in the room. It will bring him and you peace. So sorry you are having to go through this. Thinking of you.
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J.P.
answers from
Austin
on
I know you already have a million responses, but... Please be there with him. He's your baby. When they're sick like that, you have to love them enough to let them go, and why wouldn't you want your face to be the last one they see?
Unfortunately, my family has never had a dog that just died peacefully in its sleep. They have all lived to be very old and wound up getting cancer or diabetes or having other illnesses, so putting them down was ultimately the way they passed. Being in the room with them is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with emotionally, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My animals know that I'm their M., so I would definitely want to be there to hold and comfort them when they're taking their last breaths. Don't worry about crying in public... The vets are there to take care of the animals, not the humans. They will be more concerned with what's going on with your baby. And if you have to walk thru a waiting room with other people in it who will see you crying, I guarantee you they will figure out what happened and will probably send peaceful thoughts your way.
So sorry you are going through this. My heart aches for you and your baby.
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S.B.
answers from
Houston
on
Absolutely be there! We were with our wonderful Fergie when the time came. She crawled into my lap and I held her until she died. She and I had a love/hate relationship. We loved to hate eachother but it was my lap that she wanted comfort in and I am grateful to have given it to her. She was the protector of my kids and a playmate as well. She was a corgie and had hip displasia. We attempted everything we could to help her but there was nothing to be done. She was a faithful family member and it was an honor to be with her until the end.
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S.D.
answers from
St. Louis
on
Please go. We put our dearly loved pooch down almost a year ago. My husband took her alone because we had several small children that would have made it very difficult to do together. We all loved on her before he took her. I know that she was in my husbands care, loved and comforted til the end. It will be hard, but your baby deserves it. So sorry.
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E.S.
answers from
Jacksonville
on
We actually looked for a vet that would come to the house to do. We didn't want our dog to have the stress of going to the vets too. It's hard but I would be there.
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H.M.
answers from
Charlotte
on
be there. be there to comfort him and to have a chance to stay until he passes. i have had dogs all my life... i wouldn't consider my life complete without one or two with me... and through out the years... i've had three sweethearts that i've had to make the decision. it's always hard. i was with my first two... i cried like crazy but i couldn't imagine not being there. i did have one little girl die at the vet clinic before i could get there. i missed her by 15 minutes. my vet was kind enough for me to stay after hours so i could say my goodbyes. i still kick myself for not leaving earlier but i had tiny babies back then and i had my hands full. i still wish i would have been there with sophie one more time.
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J.C.
answers from
Columbus
on
Jess,
We just had to do this in July. Same thing as you; he was my baby, had him since he was a puppy, started showing his age. Then after a year and a half of diabetes I guess the summer just go to him. It was time.
I had my brother watch my kids and I took my big black Newfie/lab to his last vet visit. I stayed in the room. I held his head and hugged him. I cried like a baby. The vet and the vet tech didn't care. They've seen lots of people do it before.
It was very quick (about 30 seconds) It was very quiet. It was very peaceful. It was the right thing to do. I didn't stay in the room long after that, thanked both the vet and the tech and had myself one of the best cries ever in the parking lot in my car. It took me about an hour to compose myself before facing the kids.
I would not change anything about my decision. It was the humane thing to do. He was begining to suffer. I didn't want him to. I held him when he slipped away and there was something precious about it. I know that's strange. But it was precious. He needed me there. I felt as if I owed it to him.
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B.S.
answers from
San Antonio
on
So sorry to hear about your Cash. I am facing the same issue with my Lab, Boomer, probably in the next week or two. I hope to be there with him. My husband can't. I was there when we put down my cat and he simply "fell asleep" in my mother's arms. My father stayed with my dogs when they were put down (one was hit by a car and the other was old and I wasn't brave enough to stay). My husband wasn't able to be at any of them and that was probably best.
Look at it as a beautiful, peaceful moment. Cry all you want to, you won't be first and you won't be the last. Then be comforted with the knowledge that he was at peace with your presence and didn't have to wonder where you were.
Peace to you.
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C.W.
answers from
Santa Barbara
on
I agree with the others, go ahead and be with him. He will feel better with a loved one in the room and you will see that he is not suffering any more. So sorry you are going through this.
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V.C.
answers from
Dallas
on
Because of your bond, you should be there.
A few years ago, we had to put our dog down. All four of us stayed with her. A couple of years ago, my son's rabbit had to be put down. He and I stayed with him. That was much harder because the drugs don't work nearly as well for rabbits. I think the vet would have not stayed with him till the end. But I just think it is cruel to leave the animal. I know some people cannot deal with it and that's ok. They would probably make the animal more afraid if they stayed.
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K.A.
answers from
San Diego
on
I am so sorry.
My husband, myself and our children were there when we had to let 2 of our cats go in the last couple years. Wouldn't have done it any other way. They are family and the family wanted to be there to say goodbye and let them know we loved them. I held them until the end. I could see in their eyes they wanted us there and felt safe and happy and loved.
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Y.C.
answers from
Washington DC
on
I think you should be there. I have had animals put down, and while it's very sad being there, it gives you a sense of peace to know you acted on their behalf till the very end. Stroke his head, tell him you love him, and tell him what a good doggy he is. :'(
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E.T.
answers from
Dallas
on
yes, go. I had to put my 14 year old Lab down last week and I would never imagine not being there.
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R.G.
answers from
Denver
on
I am so sorry about you dog.
I think the worst thing about being a pet owner is that fact that they grow old and must leave us far sooner than we are ready.
I have had to put 2 cats and a dog down. It was always the hardest choice. And, in our case, always a day or two too late because my beloved pet was suffering.
I would go and have your final goodbyes as he passes. As hard as it is, I think it would be harder to not be there.
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R.F.
answers from
Dallas
on
You need to be there. You said - he's your baby. You need to love on him and reassure him when he is put down. We didn't put our lab down (our first 'baby') but he died in our house, knowing we loved him and let him go while petting and loving on him. I think you would regret NOT being there for him. 11 years for a boxer is a great, great life. I am sorry.
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J.K.
answers from
Sacramento
on
We had a cat that we had to euthanize several years ago... he was our baby before we had babies. We were lucky enough to be able to do it at home and we were with him when he died. He purred right up until the time that we passed. There is comfort in being with them and knowing that you are giving them relief from their suffering. I think it will be good closure for you to be there. Sorry for you loss :(
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3.B.
answers from
Cleveland
on
Definately be there. I was there when I had to put down my dog. I got him as a puppy and had him nearly 10 years, and he was my sidekick through some of the toughest times of my life. He always knew when I was sad, and would lay his big head in my lap and look up at me and wag his tail.
He got kidney disease and hip dysplasia, and was in pain and could barely hold his bladder anymore. It was so hard, but I can't imagine not being there with him. He was always there for me. Ugh, I'm tearing up as I type. I don't regret being there for one second. I owed it to him :)
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N.C.
answers from
Rockford
on
I know you have gotten lots of answers, but needed to put my 2 cents in too! My husband and I have had to put 3 dogs in 5 yrs, down...one was only 6 yrs old. We stayed in the room each time to say good bye and be with them as they left...hardest things I have had to do, as we treated them like kids! We did not bring them home to bury or anything like that, but you could cast a paw print to always have. It's really up to you on how and when to say good-bye. So sorry you are going through this...definitely a hard and sad decision.
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J.T.
answers from
College Station
on
This is a personal choice. I have done both.
SO sorry you have to make this choice!
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J.T.
answers from
Dallas
on
I am Jess from Texas, too!! :)
I had to put my Punkin dog to sleep in May of this year. I was SOOOO glad that I was there with him when he took his last breath. I held him and loved on him the whole time. I knew I was doing the right thing in giving him relief (and I believe you would be, too). As soon as the needle went in his leg, he went to sleep. The vet allowed me to stay with him as long as I wanted to afterwards. I hugged on him and thanked him for being such a good buddy. It was such a peaceful way for him to go; and I believe he is running around loving life again!
IMO, you will NEVER regret being there when you put your dog down, but you most likely would regret not being there if you weren't. You will be helping him--not hurting him. And your sadness will fade with time . . .
Hugs to you!!
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F.H.
answers from
Phoenix
on
I couldn't actually be in the room when I put my cat down. I went to bed with her being fine and woke up to her being very sick and having to put her down that same day. Its choking me up as I type this and I'm crying and this was about 6 years ago. I was in hysterics in the lobby after they took her and could hardly drive home and I lived across the street! I don't regret being in there with her, I honestly don't think I could have handled it, it would have been too stressful for the doc, nurse and frankly, my little kitty. Ok, now Im practically sobbing all over again and tears are dripping off my face. Do what you think you can handle and stand by what you decide. Its very difficult no matter what. Good luck.
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R.S.
answers from
San Antonio
on
I held my sweet "first baby" our wonderful dog as they put her to sleep. I wouldn't trade it for anything...she knew I was there and loved her until the end.
It was very quick, much faster than I thought and gosh I am crying as I write this...
She was so sick and bleeding out internally. Me, my husband and my dad even showed up to be with her at the end.
Good luck with your decision.
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P.B.
answers from
Austin
on
My heart goes out to you! Our dog was gravely ill about 10 years ago. While I went out of town, my husband did the duty....and was in the room. He said he came home & drank a bottle of wine.
Our dog from my teen years died at home on my Dad's birthday.
Our dog from childhood -- my teen brother somehow was the one who took her in to the vet's office. I won't go into details (things were done differently in the early 70s) but he regrets being the one there.
God bless!
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M.E.
answers from
Chicago
on
My dog suffered a major seizure. We took her to the emergency hospital and they ran tests, but weren't sure what had happened. We took her home, but it damaged her beyond hope. She would have a few good moments when she looked like she recognized me, but then she would seem distant again. After a couple of days, we decided it was time and took her to our vet to have her put to sleep. I just couldn't be in the room with her. If she had been cognizant, I would have been there with her, but her brain had been altered at that point and didn't seem aware of what was going on. I guess I'm in the minority here, but it was what I could handle.
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G.G.
answers from
Austin
on
I was there when we had to put our beloved kitty down. It was horrible. My kids were not with us. Just my husband and I. I held her through the entire process. I still think about that awful moment from time to time (and wish I hadn't of been there). However, if I wasn't, I might have the opposite thoughts...(i.e. what was she feeling? What was it like?). I think if I had to do it again, I'd be there. btw...I HATE crying in public (I will do whatever I can to not cry in front of someone). I was crying like a baby in front of the vet and my hub.
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D.P.
answers from
Pittsburgh
on
I was there when I had my 15+ yr old dog to sleep.
I don't regret it in the least.
I felt it was the least I could do.
Sorry about Cash. It's tough.
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S.W.
answers from
Amarillo
on
You should be there for him he looks for you every day. It will be hard but it is a way of saying goodbye and letting go all at once. I had a dog that got ill about 6 years ago and I prayed that night while working that she would hold on until I got off of work so that I could be with her when she went but she went before I could get there. I cried and cried and still do often as she was "the two kids I never had". Later that year my daughter and I put her Doxie down and I stayed in the room with her. It was very painless and very quick.
Don't worry about the tears in the office as everyone knows when you love your pet you love your pet and you have emotions. They will understand. My vet wished more owners were like me. I now have a cat that we got as a kitten - the only cat I will ever have.
My puppies are home with me on the shelf in the sewing room with pictures and artificial flowers. Everyone knows when I go they go in the box with me.
So every animal owner feels different but we all love our four footed/fur/babies and that includes the snakes and other unusuals.
The other S.
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C.B.
answers from
Austin
on
My gut reaction is that you should be there for him. It will be hard, of course, but I think you'll be glad you were there. From my understanding, it is painless and peaceful. You are the person he loves the best, and having you there will ease the transition for him.
That said, if you decide otherwise, don't load yourself with guilt. He won't know this is his last moment, and will just think he's there for another vet visit.
I know that in people terms, we were present for my father in law's death, but no others. It was hard, but so peaceful. My hubby and I feel better about that than the loss of our other parents for whom we could not be present.
I'm so sorry you're losing your beloved pet.
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J.T.
answers from
Victoria
on
our dog passed away suddenly when she had a hard time with her pregnancy (english bulldog) i watched them from the hall way through the door window of the emergency room. we took her in on a thrusday and the vet said they just have hard time and it was normal for this breed. but she looked awful and we took her in after calling all weekend on monday morning. suddenly her toung turned white and the vet walked by i said she is not doing well. they took her to the back room and tried to giver he oxgyen and were working with her. i watched her die and it was so horribly sad. all the puppies were gone too. it was my husbands dog that we got as a puppy and had for two yrs. i cried like a baby AND I HATED THAT DOG! it was a horrible dog very hard to train and so annoying. but it still made me cry and sob all over that vet assistant. i am not a big cryer (like at movies, or when someone else cries i usually am thinking suck it up). i brought the dog home and burried her in the back yard with my neighbors help. we both cried like idiots. i dont regret seeing her go. i regret not knowing if i could run back there to be next to her. but she went so fast. i think your dog would really appericiate you being there. i have love for boxers (i had one before i married but in my first divorce we gave it to our friend that loved him as neither of us had a yard after the divorce to keep him). i think boxers understand a lot more and have so much love that he would know he was safe as he was put gently to sleep. many prayers its not easy but i think if you can you should be there.
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L.S.
answers from
Spokane
on
Personally, I wouldn't....but I think it's a very personal decision.
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J.C.
answers from
Anchorage
on
Hold him, look in his eyes, so the last thing he knows is your intense love for him. Blessed be.
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R.L.
answers from
Houston
on
I know I'm late but wanted to add my 2 cents. Last year we had to put our cat down, she had feline leukemia. It was very tough but I was glad that I stayed in the room with her. The vet was super kind, Dr. Smiley (nice name for a vet). Anyway I think you will do fine. Like most moms I'm sure you can keep it together then fall apart later when you are alone!
So sorry for your loss!
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C.N.
answers from
Baton Rouge
on
I can't imagine not being there and actually holding them when I have a pet put down. I want their last memory to be one of being held in the arms of someone they know loved them.
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M.M.
answers from
Houston
on
I worked at a vet and have had the opportunity to hold many animals being put down.
There are two options, one is an injection that literally takes seconds to stop the heart. The other, you can do slow iv so you can hold your animal as it slowly passes. By you being present and holding him, you can offer a loving and sweet atmosphere with whichever method you choose, he may feel less fear and have a peaceful memory as his last. So many animals are left alone and scared, I always tried to pet them softly and make them feel somewhat loved and less scared their last moments... not all vets do this.
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C.B.
answers from
Austin
on
I would definitely stay with him until he draws his last breath. You are his pack and his passing will be made more peaceful if you are with him. Rub his face and tell him how much you love him. He understands it is time to go and is waiting for you to help him. As his pack leader and the one with thumbs, it is your responsibility. I am sorry for your loss already. May you have peace.
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R.
answers from
Houston
on
It's so hard to be there, but for every pet I've put down, I've been there, and I'm so grateful for it. (I hope I don't have to put MY Cash down anytime soon) I think your desire not to have him remember you going out the door is a good one. Go with it.
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C.T.
answers from
College Station
on
You absolutely need to be with Cash on his final journey. When we love them they are family. You love him and he will know this and you will have no regrets.