Punishments

creative punishments are one thing. creating a thoughtful, respectful young person is another. are you speaking to her in a respectful tone? engaging her in conversation? letting her have a voice in family decisions? none of that means abdicating parental authority. but teenagers need to learn some autonomy, and just finding more ways to shut them down isn't productive in the long run.
khairete
S.

I have three sons so I am not sure this is identicle but here goes~ First of all, Kids this age have hormones raging. Sassy can be normal and part of growing and testing their independence. I would look right at them and say, Its OK, I love yoiu and when you turn 16 a really nice young man is going to come out on the otherside of this. This tells the child that you love them and understand they are going through a rough time and that it will definately get better. I now have one son with an MBA, one working on a PHD and one graduating jr college and going off to a four year college next fall. None of the kids got into trouble and guess what? They all came out of their raging hormones nice young men. Keep your humor going and don't forget the nice young girl she used to be. I also used to joke that they just had a case of TMS ~ Teenage Mouth Syndrome. KEEP YOUR HUMOR!!!!! They will repond positively and appreciate your kindness..

It wasn't easy to be 14. Perhaps she will be more likely to treat you with respect when you treat her with the same.

I don't see that taking away everything that matters to her, especially her privacy will in any way motivate her to continue her journey towards adulthood. By this point your goal should be for her to be internally motivated. She should have an internal compass and want to treat people the right way because that is how she would want to be treated and how she wants to treat people.

i made my kids work puzzles instead of being grounded. It could be a 100 piece, 500 piece or 1000 piece depending on their "crime"..lol They couldn't go anywhere or watch TV until it was finished. Sometimes they enjoyed it more than they said. It taught them a little patience too. Put them to work. Who wouldn't want to sit in their room and listen to music or watch TV. Good Luck!

It all depends upon how YOU are treating her. If you yell and scream - she has learned it from you. Sassy mouth? most likely learned it from you - at this age, it's not "do as I say - not as I do" - you must be the example you are wanting her to be.

Is she being told what to do instead of being asked and allowed a decision in how her world goes? If not - she will rebel. She, at this age, needs some semblance of control in her life. Even if it's two choices - she needs to be allowed to make choices.

You need to speak to her the way you want to be spoken to.
Lead by example.

I don't have a teen girl, but I was one. :) It's a weird age, and there is so much going on in their bodies and heads. Would it make sense to talk to her when you're not upset? I know she's not your "equal", but she has feelings that are valid to her. You specifically talk about how she is when she's upset about something. I think as adults we sometimes minimize the feelings of younger people. Their feelings may not be "mature", but they're not less valid. Maybe helping her learn to communicate when conflict isn't happening might help when things get bumpy?

Find out what is important to her and take that away from her for awhile and have her earn it back. If it gets bad and we all know that 14 year olds value their privacy, take her door off the hinges. That would be extreme but if nothing else work. I would still take away her phone and ipod and any other media device. Trust me all that combined, that would bother a 14 year old.

My daughter got like that quite a bit but during this one time, it was really bad. It just happened to be around the time she wouldn't get up in time for school quite a bit. I would literally have to go in 20 times to get her up. She was 16-17 at the time. Definitely old enough to get herself up. So one day she got up late again and I refused to take her to school. So I told her since she wanted a day off, she was going to do some work here at the house. I had her mow the acre lot we live on, scrub the tile grout with a toothbrush, wash all the baseboards, do the floors, dishes and oh some laundry. Wouldn't you know, she started getting up on time and her mouthing stopped. Of course the mouthing started up again later on but that's expected. Sometimes, us moms have to get creative. Good luck!

OMG I would NEVER want to be 14 again!

She won't be your equal until she can do everything you do for her, for herself. If she gives you lip, stop doing things for her. Like... EVERYTHING. Don't make her food. Let her fix her own stuff. If she can't figure it out, she can go hungry. Don't wash her clothes. Let it pile up. Split her stuff from the rest of the families and let her stuff just stay gross until she does it herself. Only respond to her when she talks to you politely. If she bursts into a room full of piss and vinegar... pretend like you can't hear her. If she gets belligerent, tell her, "I'm sorry, I won't respond to you until you can talk to me in a civil manner."

Maybe if she realizes how much you actually do for her on a daily basis. How much you fetch and clean etc, maybe she'll stop taking you for granted and respect you a bit more.

I found this little article on Pinterest the other day (did I happen to mention that Pinterest is my newest obsession??). It's creative consequences for misbehvior. Some will not apply to your situation, but there are a few for teens. I especially like the delayment (is that a word?) of getting a driver's license for a day when they don't wear their seatbelts. Hope this might help. Good Luck! Here's the link: http://imom.com/parenting/tweens/parenting/training/21-cr...

no hanging out with friends that weekend... grounding from phoine and internet, miss one game per mouthing of episode.

I'm sorry you got responses assuming you are yelling at your daughter. Anyway, I think I remember a parenting class/book that suggested sitting down and talking to them about what the consequences for said behavior would be. So, whatever you decide on, you could tell her beforehand and get input from her - but the final decision is yours and at least you can then say she was forewarned.

I had boys, no girls, but this is what I did, especially with my oldest. He would get emotional at times and start talking back. I told him to do what I did as a teen: go to your room and think about all the things you'd like to say to me (talking back was a huge no-no when I was growing up). He did that, and after a while he came out calmer and ready to be part of the family again. Oh, I also told him he could tell me all the things he wanted to say when he's thirty. He'll be thirty this summer. I wonder if he remembers. (I'm sure he understands me better, now that he has kids of his own.)