Punishment or Natural Consequence?

Let her have to dig through her hamper for something to wear. You said she puts clean clothes in there too. Sounds like she will have plenty of options until she decides to start helping with laundry.

My vote, let her suffer. Mine is 18 and started at that age, still does not do a good job. But before she left for college. I just learned to shut her door

My daughter was 10 when she started doing her own laundry. I told her if she wanted clean clothes, she needed to wash
them herself. It took a week for her to realize I wasn't joking. She had to wear dirty clothes one day & she did not like it. She's been doing it herself ever since.

Good luck! I say let her wear dirty clothes till she decides to wash them herself. 10 is not too young in my opinion.

Sorry mom, she's too young. What would be better is if you doled out her clothes to her, a little at a time. Strip her closet bare if you have to and give her one outfit a day. She can't go naked.

This will make an impact. After a few weeks of this, give her one extra outfit in her closet. If she behaves with that, up it ever so often.

Twelve or 13 is more appropriate. And starting out having to put away clothes that you wash is easier. Once that is mastered, go to washing and drying, with your supervision. I did this with my kids and we were both successful.

Dawn

Reading other responses , wow, glad I don't live with them. She's only 10. I think your approach is a good one but the problem is, as you have stated, now what? You can not allow your 10 year old to attend school in dirty or filthy clothes. Part of your job as a parent is to help your child with personal hygiene. If I had a patient come to my clinic in filthy clothes I would be seriously concerned about the parenting. Please choose another consequence. Does a day of friends ridicule and teachers raised eyebrows seem appropriate to you? I think not or you would not have asked.

I totally agree with the natural consequences. I would send an email to the teacher to let them know what is going on IF DD starts heading off to school in obviously dirty clothes. That would be the only concern I see.

Then, once DD does a load or two, maybe you can shift gears back to the positive. Make a deal with her. "If you can keep your laundry washed, folded, and off the floor for a month, I'll get you a new outfit." Or, "I'll wash it if you fold it, and maintain it." Or....whatever would be a low-key incentive.

I think that, at 10, you're expecting too much if you expect her to do it without being told. But you don't want your only relationship with her to be telling her to do her laundry, either. What about having a weekly "laundry time" when your daughter has to do her laundry? She can't do anything - TV, reading, talking on the phone, going out, or whatever she likes - on that day until she has done her laundry. But you go ahead and nicely remind her. Then, the rest of the week, you don't have to nag or remind her. And don't stand over her and make her do it, but do stand over her and make sure she isn't doing anything enjoyable until her laundry is done. You might even make Friday night or Saturday morning laundry time, so that if she doesn't do it, her entire weekend is ruined. I betcha it only happens a couple of times before she steps up (with a few gentle reminders). Good luck!

No. You let her learn her lesson. her friends will tell her if her clothes are dirty and stink - that will be the motivation that will get her on track.

I admit I don't make my soon to be 10 year old DO his laundry - he knows how to separate and put it in the washer, fold and put away....they have to bring it to me on Sunday and Wednesday. They DO know how to do it. Even though I have boys - at 10 - both my boys would change clothes several times a day. I told them ENOUGH - and started charging them to do their excess laundry...that hit them hard.

My daughter was doing her own laundry at 12. She helped with it - separated, put in washer and put away from the time she was in Kindergarten...all of my kids have been that way.

So stop standing over her. Let her friends tell her that her clothes or SHE stinks - she will either give in to the peer pressure or she will not care and continue. If you give in - she will have won her battle with you. STOP "whining" to her (that's how she hears it) and STOP telling her to do it. Set up a schedule for her - the days she can use the washer and dryer and if she doesn't use it - that's HER problem. NOT YOURS...she is being stubborn and waiting for you to cave....don't. just say - whatever - and walk away. If she complains...tell her - these are YOUR clothes. YOU wore them. You want clean ones? okay. Do it. I've shown you how.

Clothes Smothes! SOOOOO not the point. She is out and out defying you and refusing to do what you say, which is to behave properly and be responsible for her own things-but most of all REFUSING TO DO WHAT YOU SAY! At 10???!!!

My daughter would NOT have the option to wear dirty clothes. She would also not have the option to refuse to do the laundry when I told her the first time. She would be VERY sorry if she made that choice. AS IN- "Dear 10 year-old-daughter. I bought those clothes. You are being extremely ungrateful and hugely bratty. If those clothes are not in the wash in five minutes, I will choose which ones you can keep and which ones are donated (her favorites) and any attitude about it will result in the loss of your_______(favorite item)which I also bought. From now on, whenever you refuse to do your laundry, ________(favorite thing) will also be lost. Most importantly, you will not have a rotten attitude or speak to me with disrespect or you will find your life much less pleasant. It's also time for you to start buying your own clothes. Here's your list of chores and your monthly allowance amount IF they're done. if not, it won't be easy to afford cute new clothes."

I'm not even kidding. The attitude and defiance are the real scary problems here. Allowing her to win and ignore your directions by wearing her clothes dirty would be the WRONG message to send.

She can refuse to do laundry and wear dirty clothes when she lives alone and supports herself. Meanwhile, she helps with chores and laundry. you're not doing her any favors by letting her shirk. Nothing you did made her change? At 10? I cant' fathom being able to refuse to do chores at ten with either of my parents. My 6 year old daughter washes her own clothes (and her younger sib's) and helps me fold for the whole family.

You gave her the responsibility. Now let go.

It seems to me that she will just keep not doing it as long as she has the 'mom alarm' that goes off just before she'd have to choose to do it herself.

Turn off your alarm, watch her stumble around a few days in stinky drawers - and then watch as she takes a step to adulthood and grudgingly
b(*&es and moans her way through a few loads. :)

Natural consequence all the way here.

As long as you are comfortable with her grasp of how to use the washer and dryer I say natural consequences. Take this stress off your plate mom! BTW, I was doing laundry for my family by the time I was 10 so I don't think she is too young. I agree with limiting the clothing she has access to at any given time.

I say natural consequences. Let her walk around in dirty rumpled clothes and dont say anything else about it. Don't get into a battle with her over it.

If you are at an event with other adults and she is walking around looking like pigpen and you feel embarressed, you can casually mention that she is in charge of her own laundry.

Now - at some point she will have a messy room from the laundry issue and then I thinkyou can say no playdate/playtime/etc. until its clean.

I guess, if you really hate the thought of her wearing dirty clothes, you can say no going out of the house for fun events in dirty clothes (play date, movie, etc)

Both. Punishment for sure, say for instance, no tv/phone/internet/friends... Whatever til the clothes get cleaned. And she will be stank, because I still wouldn't do it.
Btw.. I am so shocked by all the ppl who think 10 is to young for this... What???

I remember that age, I think I could wear the same clothes long over a week. I only washed them when they could stand up on their own. Granted my mom wasn't trying to teach my anything she just never did laundry.

I went with my kids helping me and believe it or not they clean their own clothes now that they are on their own.

Do yourself a favor, and make sure she doesn't go to school with dirty clothes. That's a Pandora's Box right there. I don't think teachers are going to understand the lesson you're trying to teach here.

Anyway, have you ever thought of reducing the amount of clothes she has? I know you went through her closet, but try going through it again. I would tell her that until she learns to take care of the clothes she has, this is the way it has to be. She couldn't change five or six times a day if she has only five or six outfits to choose from.

If you gave her the responsibility then stick with it.
Don't hound her about it, or stand over her.
If she wants to wear dirty, stinky clothes that's HER choice.
My girls are pretty bad about taking care of their stuff too. That's why they do their own laundry (not often enough IMO) and I hardly ever take them shopping!

You set a rule and you need to sick with it, that means she has to wash her clothes.

Yes, go ahead and let her wear dirty clothes, within reason.

If my children do not do their chores then they loose privledges. Depends on which child and the current circumstances. For my oldest, it's her computer or ipod, for my youngest it's usually not going to a friends house.

For the ones who think 10 is too young... My 2 year old helps me with laundry. Our job is to teach our children how to be self-sufficient not be their maids. Plus they feel good about themselves when they do it right and you praise them!!! And C. definitely both are good. There for a minute I thought we had the same daughter LOL.

I did my laundry at age 10. My step-daugther has been folding her own clothes since she turned 4, and no complains there. She now is 6 and she can short her clothes put them away and help load the dish washer and vacuum. And she can load a washer just not start it or so on.
But I think buyn your daughter dull clothes may help and having her do her own laundry aiNT bad either.

I'm with Dawn. I think having a 10 year old do her own laundry is just ridiculous. (And I have a 9 year old, so I'm almost right there.)

If the issue is putting away clean clothes, then I'd work on that.

I would never let my child go to school in dirty clothes, sorry, jmo.

I'm suspecting maybe she has too many clothes. Pare it down and limit the available stuff.

Yes, been there, done that. I didn't do it as young as age 10 but you have to let them 'suffer' before they will care. Not all kids are like this but those that are just have to learn the hard way I guess. Don't let her get by with it now that you've given the 'law' and don't do it for her or you've lost a bigger battle than you know.

both
They really do get sick of the smell and it is embarrassing to be around other kids. Plus give her an ultimatum. And stick to it. It never helps when people say okay, you aren't going to Disneyland in five years if you aren't really planning to do that. And if she says that's okay I really don't want to go to Mary's slumber party, well, she's fibbin.
Then again you can also start doing the laundry yourself and hide the clothes that are left laying all around. That will get noticed eventually too.

I have a daughter almost the same age. Yes, she will wear dirty clothes. I swear what you described is EXACTLY what we have gone through here.

My solution was to put her laundry basket in the hall or the laundry room or my room - anywhere but HER ROOM. I made her dress by the laundry basket so the dirty clothes went in the basket. THEN she wouldn't wear dirty stuff.

Only after that were logical consequences able to work, cause like your daughter mine will wear dirty clothes and will switch outfits at least 4 times a day as well. So since *I* was in charge of where the clothes went, she couldn't get dirty clothes out to rewear them and she HAD to start actually being in charge of cleaning them or she ran out of clothes.

I see your already have your "So What Happened?" up. I have to agree with you! When I read your question, my initial thought was to go with "natural consequence". I have done all of my own laundry since the ripe old age of 12. I do not think 10 is too young to do their own laundry. My toddlers (almost 4 and almost 2) both help with laundry. Of course at this age I wouldn't expect them do it alone, but we have a front loading washer, so they like to be able to throw the clothes in and open the drawer for the detergent. At this point they think it's a fun game, but I figure by the time they are your daughters age, they could be able to handle running the washer themselves! ha! ha!
Sounds like you made the right call!

I think 10 years old is a little young to do laundry. I didn't start until I was 14 years old, and I don't expect my 10 or 12 year old to do it until they are teenage years. I think you need to choose your battles wisely, or YOU and her should do her laundry together.

I say do both! Loss of privileges AND being the stinky kid at school ought to bring her around pretty quickly. I have 2 daughters - the older one is 9 and she has been helping with laundry since she was old enough to understand lights vs darks (at around 4 or 5 years old).

I don't know, around here, helping around the house isn't optional, but I do try and pick chores that they enjoy. My older daughter enjoys laundry and gardening, so those are her chores. My younger one (who is 6) helps with cooking and cleaning the bathrooms. I don't know if you want to make laundry the battle (I can see your reasons for doing so, and I agree), or you could give her a choice of 1) laundry, or 2) cleaning the bathroom, or 3) weeding the garden... you know, give her the option of something she will like better, but she will still be helping you and taking chores off of your plate so your burden isn't so heavy with all her laundry nonsense.

I was that same way at her age, my mom and I went around and around. It was important to me tho not to wear dirty, wrinkled stuff, so I did manage to get my clothes washed even if it was the night before I needed them.
You've told her she has to do them herself, and the natural consequence will probably work, be patient and let peer pressure work it's magic ;)

Natural consequence, she can wear dirty clothes or she can wear clean clothes that don't match. But if you know she's wearing dirty clothes, you might make a comment while standing next to her that she must be wearing dirty clothes because they have a dirty odor about them; hope your friends don't smell that! Just to give her a little bit to think about as the day goes on. If she's a normal 10 year old girl, she will NOT want to wear smelly clothes or clothes that don't match. I know my GD wouldn't!

By the way, I don't let my GD wash her own clothes because I want to be sure that the water level/temp is set correct and the washer is loaded properly, but she DOES have to fold and put them all away. I too used to find clothes that had been worn for 5 minutes in the laundry, but now that she has to fold and put them away, it doesn't even bother me. It's no harder to put 3 shirts in the washer than it is to put 2 in.