S., I am a little slow in offering my help - but I wanted to send you what I told another mom having daughter problems...hope you find another encouragin word.
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You have probably gotten the picture from all these good responses that your daughter is normal. I was that way with my mom and my daughter tended to be that way with me.
Those hormones are not in balance during this stage of life and it throws the thinking off. Even as a grandmom, I went through a hormone imbalance for a bit, and NO one could do anything right during that time.
I would like to add something to all this good advice...it is a phase that we in the 20th-21st centuries have accepted as a passing phase. But, I truly believe it does not have to be.
These young people are not mature enough to control themselves...they are still reacting according to their feelings - not what they know is right. I personally feel they are screaming for parents to control them, for they cannot do it themselves. The key, as others have said, is a calm, warm loving control. I think you do not have to worry about loosing a child's heart, no matter how strict you are if you work with a calm, loving spirit.
When my daughter would be in those argumentive modes, I would often say, "This conversation has ended and we will continue it when you get your attitude adjusted." Honestly, those teens admire YOU for being the responsible one. They will butt everything you do and say...but you are earning their trust and respect by not lowering your self to THEIR level.
It takes energy and work to do this - but my three adult children are honorary credentials. It's worth the sacrifice...