I am having a hard time right now with my mom. She has always watched my oldest and she now has to watch my newborn. She also watches my 2 yr old neice. She is a wonderful mom and we are very close but that's just the problem. Since she started watching my newborn we fight like when was a teen. I think having to watch 3 small children may be too much for her. she is 56 and my neice has diabetes so she takes a lot of care, my mom is basicly raising her. So I don't want to put too much on her. OK here is the problem it seems like every time I see a problem with a situation when I make a sudgestion on how I would want her to handle it to teach my children a lesson she argues my point. I don't feel like I have a choice on how my children are raised. Being as close to my mom as I am she doesn't hesitate to tell me I'm wrong. But I don't feel like I am. Also she gets so wraped up in what she is doing with the older ones that she leaves my newborn there to cry. I don't feel like he gets as much attention as he needs. She feeds him when he needs it but he doesn't get the cuddle time. I try to understand but I can't help but think that something needs to change. So I have made the decision to quite my day job so I can raise my children. Do you think I am making the right choice? I don't want to make my mom feel bad and I think she will really miss the kids but enough is enough I just can't get through to her.
Regaurdless of the situation with your mom, I do feel you are making the right choice. I have been a SAHM for 10 years, and have never regreted it.
As for your mom, let her know you are doing it for your kids. I wouldn't even mention that you have any doubts about her abilities. This will let you be Mom and Grandma be Grandma!She will understand.
Good Luck, and enjoy every bit of your time with those kids, they grow up so fast!
Hi, E.
I am going through the same type of issues with my mother. Only I won't let her baby sit because she has sleep apnea and has a tendency to fall asleep. My 11month old gets into everything so my husband and I don't feel comfortable letting her babysit. But my mother has this thing where she thinks I am stupid when it comes to my child. She criticizes me for everything I do with my daughter. From not letting people take her places to trying to break her of bad habits. It can be really frustrating and hurtful. I don't think you are in the wrong at all. If you feel your mother is taking on to much at once then it is a good idea that you stay home and take care of your children. You have to do what's best for you and your children.
Hi E.,
If you can afford it, I would be home with the kids. In my opinion Mom is always best to take care of her kids. It would probably make the situation easier for you and your mom. She will be less stressed so when she sees your kids she can be just a grandma and not a disciplinary. If that doesn't help maybe sit down and first tell her how much you appriciate all that she does for you. Then maybe tell her to let you handle your own kids. It's a hard situation and you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but you should address it. Another thing about her not cuddling with him. I have a small daycare and one of my kids is 3 months old. I try and give him as much time as he needs (I love babies) but when I have other kids that need me I sometimes can't. If you send them somewhere else that problem won't be solved. Your mom loves him and gives him as much attention that she probably can. Just my opinion. good luck.
Chris
Do what you feel is right for your family. If watching the children is putting a strain on your relationship with your mother, then I think you've made a wise choice. You can always go back to work when your boys are a little older. These moments go so fast. :)
As for your mother missing them, you can always drop by to visit. Just because she's not watching them full time doesn't mean she'll never see them again. Plus, it may give the two of you time to reconnect.
Do what your heart feels is right, and have fun being home with your little ones. :)
E.- I have a simular situation right now. My mom loves and adores my oldest (6 1/2) and never sees any wrong in her but, my youngest (4) seems to get lost in the shuffle. My mom is always making her own rules with my daughter and blames me for her OCD. She even suggested that she go live with her and my dad for awhile! I have a very stable life. I have been married for 9 1/2 years, own a preschool, do trainings for Idaho Stars, and am a Discovery Toys consultant...
I am busy but, I don't think I neglect my children..EVER!
And yes, like you my mom and I fight over any thing said to my children. I guess it's hard for parents to hear suggestions/comments from their children. Maybe you could take your youngest child to a child care facility. or talk to your sister/brother about how hard it may be on your mom to watch your niece?????
Good luck to you-feel free to chat /vent with me any time!
H.
Wow, that's tough, I'm sorry. I think you're doing the right thing. Nothing replaces the mother in the home. I owned my own business until I was 7 months pregnant with my son, and just knew that I didn't want the same struggle that you're having, so I sold my entire business and stayed home. We adjusted to the salary difference, and we've been happy with this decision. My mom has good intentions too, but I wouldn't leave her for a long period of time with my kids, because she treats them like a grandmother treats her grandkids, not a mom attending to her own children. Good luck with this decision, I'm sure your children will benefit greatly from you being there. As for your mom's feelings, if they're hurt, she'll get over it, and maybe it'll teach her a lesson in humility...that her way isn't the best way when it comes to YOUR children.
SPEAKING AS A GRANDMOTHER...
Your mother is older and they are not her children. She may feel a need to take more time and attention with the one(s) who seem to need it more.
I love my grandchild but I am not her parent. I can't make the decisions and treat her as a parent would. My job as a grandparent is to love her and do the things I do best with her. That is not being her parent, or even a full time caregiver.
I hope that you appreciate the time and effort that your mother is giving to helping you to raise your child. The final decisions have to be your's not her's. Good luck
It sounds like your mom is having a power struggle with you.
Maybe it would be in the best interest of you, your mom and your children to find another babysitter. Of course, it may hurt her feelings, but maybe you could tell her that you feel like her tending your children is affecting your relationship and you don't want that to happen.
These are your children. You are the mother and you need to be able to be content with what is being done to take care of your kids. You also don't want to give young children mixed signals. You don't want to have your mom teach them one way and you try another. It's going to mix up the kids.
Maybe there is someone you could ask with the same ideas as you. You can also let your mom know you appreciate her suggestions, but you would like to have things done a different way.
Good luck. I am sure this is a very difficult decision for you.
If you can be a SAHM then grab that chance. It will be such a blessing to you and to your kids, probably to your mom, too.
Do your best to not burn that bridge either, because it is nice to have someone who loves your kids and is willing to watch them when you need a break. Maybe you and your husband could have aregular date night, and she can watch them once a week, when the neice may not be there.
We have no family nearby, so we are greatful for any friends who are willing to love and watch our kids.
