Problems at Home

it sounds like you need to talk, cut back on work, and maybe make some sacrifices so that the bills and money won't be such an issue, whether you get a smaller house or just make up the money when your baby gets older, because i know by the time you pay for childcare, you're probably not making much. good luck, and just talk.

I just logged in for the first time in a long time to tell you I agree with (I think it was Valerie?!) - check out www.flylady.net. Even if you had all the help in the world from a spouse there still are not enough hours in a day and flylady has helped me tremendously! Good luck!!!

Its can be very dificult to have so many responsibilities. Not to mention to have you and your husband working so much and to be apart so much just to be able to make it.

My advise is to take it day by day. Maybe try going to a marriage encounter to help the both of you get reconnected. Its really easy to drift apart when you have so much going on. I recomend ( Bethany World Prayer has wonderful marriage encounters ) With your bills sit dow and make a plan try to cut back where you can and make a budget.

I pray that God brings you through this.
Be blessed.

beathomenow.com

I to had the same problem with my first husband, I more or less raised our first son on my own for the first 2 years. It is tuff, very tuff. I had to sit down and explain to my husband how I felt and how I just need a little bit of free time to myself. If he gets mad, he will just have to get over it. You didn't make that baby on your own so you don't need to raise him on your own. My ex husband didn't want to watch Xavier (my oldest who is now 4) from the day he was born until he was 2 1/2 years old. I had to take Xavier with me to the bathroom, whenever I took a shower, whenever I went to bed, when I went to the store, when I went outside to check the mail, when I went to just sit out in the yard, I honestly had to take him everywhere with me and it was so hard on me, because I was tired, because I was the only one ever working and trying to pay the bills. If the bills are so tough on both of you, you should think about cutting some bills back. Like if you have a house phone and cell phone, cut the house phone off or cut alot of stuff off of it to make it cheaper. If your electric bill is outragous, try considering turning off the a/c before you go somewhere for a few hours and turn it back on when you come back home or just set it on 78 degrees. If your cable bill is running you high, cut it down or some of the channels off that you know you and your hubby don't watch. Cell phones, if that bill is outragous, try getting a different plan or add a few services to it, to cut it down, like a media bundle, and unlimited text msging or something. If you want time to yourself, as a family member or someone to go with you or watch the baby for a few hours. It will stress you out, believe me, I know. Hang in there, it will get better, I promise.

I totally understand where you are coming from. I have 3 kids I have in tow with me everywhere I go. My husband doesnt clean, pickup his own clothes, let alone pay bills or anything. He does the very thing your husband does. We fight constantly. If I go to the grocery store I have to take all three kids with two in the buggy and one in the seat of the buggy. I may not know what to tell you as far as the fighting goes, just that you arent alone. Each persons part should be 100/100 in a marriage and family life. I'll be praying for you, I know how hard it is raising a family and keeping house!

I wish I had the magic answer but first of all I would not blame my 8 month old for sucking up all of the money as you said. Remember, he did not ask to be here. I does get easier. You remind me a little of me. Never a break and always had the child with or may I say I always have my child with me. She is now 7 years old, between her, work, school, homework, etc I still do not get hardly any tv time unless it is the Disney channel. I too have argued with my husband and as our child has gotten older he does help alot more. Bottom line, you will have to ask for help, even if it is just a couple of hours to go to Walmart! Enjoy your child, because before you know it he will be 7years old and you would wish that you took more time to enjoy him instead of being angry (I know, I was there). What adds fuel to your fire is that it sound like you are stapped for money and it makes the situation worse! I hope that I have helped you in some way!

I too, have a baby boy, who is 8 1/2 months old and have been married just over a year. Me and my husband sometimes have problems such as you described but, my thing is I am a stay-at-home mom so I am home all day with our son and I still hardly ever get a break. The best advice I can give to you is sit your husband down and have a heart to heart with him. Don't say anything mean, just tell him how you're feeling and ask him to start helping a little bit more. It works for me. But, he will never fully understand what you mean because, he isn't in your shoes and simply put he's a guy and guys don't always think. But, it is always worth a try.

I hope you have some luck hun.

Amy is right, you are not alone, and it is SO good to be involved in something grown up, just for you. I go to a women's group called LIVEChat for Women. It meets at Riverside Church on Wednesday nights. They provide child care, so you could bring your son if you need to. There are also some moms who bring their little ones into the group. It's very relaxed and SO fun to discuss topics that we are all facing. We always laugh a lot and help each other out a lot too. It just helps to know you aren't the only one dealing with this!

Message me if you would like to come to LIVEChat sometime.

Well, all I can say is that I feel your pain. My husband and I have an almost 4 month old baby boy and have been married for 1 year and almost 5 months. He works full time (40 hrs plus) and I work (what my office calls full time) 32 hours a week, too. He comes home and plants his bottom in front of the tv or the playstation and that is it for the day. I am expected to go pick up the baby after work (he won't if gets off before me that day), go home and figure out dinner, keep the kitchen and house clean, keep the laundry done, make sure HE has clean clothes each night (I guess he is washing machine impaired), take care of the baby throughout the night, get up and do it all over again. I finally realized that if he isn't going to step up and help without having to be asked, then I'm just going to sit the baby next to him or hand him to him when I need to get something done. For example, I've needed to mop the floors for quite some time now so lastnight before I picked up the baby I bought a new mop, went home and got the baby settled, laid him on his blanket in the floor to play next to his daddy while I did some mopping. Granted, I didn't get it all finished, but I did at least get the bathroom cleaned up (thank goodness). My point is this, no I don't keep everything spotless and caught up to perfection, but when I do have the energy to get it done, I just give him the baby without asking him to do it and do what I need to do. After NOT doing things for awhile he caught on. He'll either ask me to do a load of his laundry or do it himself now and he occassionally picks things up or will handle dinner. I think after me getting a back injury and being on bed rest for a few days at my parents house because I could walk up the stairs at home and because I couldn't move, he realized after being home alone for a couple of days that I don't have 100% energy all of the time and need some help and rest, too. Girl, just step up and tell him "this is how it has got to be.. I'm not super woman... I'm human and I need a break every now and then, too" ((Sorry for such a lengthy response... I just know how you feel and needed a little vent too I suppose)) Email me if you need to vent or anything... it helps just to have a listening ear sometimes [____@____.com]

OK...know where you are coming from! We experienced something similar in my household. If he's like my hubby (who is like most men), yours probably thinks that he works hard enough that ALL of his free time should go toward doing what he wants. Sorry, but they are very self-centered that way. Then plug you, the wife, in. We are just geared to jump up and start doing for others without thinking twice.

My suggestion would be to talk to yourself about what you are doing. Like, "Well, the supper dishes need cleaned up so I guess I'll get to work in the kitchen." Just say it to the air instead of directing it at him. If there is something else that needs done at that time, you could turn to him and ask if he could ___ (bathe/spend time with baby, get a load of laundry started, etc.) while you were doing what you're doing.

Also, I suggest getting involved in something w/other adults. Maybe just start once a month. Also talk w/him about how you really want to do this activity so he realizes you need some time too. If DH can't keep your son, then find a babysitter or ask a friend if they can keep him for a couple of hours (trade off child care to save $$!) so that you can go and do your thing and he'll see that you are more than just this person who works all day at a job and works all night at the house.

It won't be an overnight thing, and it does take some work, but keep plugging away and don't give up!!! Good luck!! You can do it!

Wow - newlyweds with an eight-month-old baby and two full-time jobs. No wonder you're both stressed out.
Have you actually sat down when you're both calm and talked about it? Since you're working less days than he is, he may not be aware of the toll it's taking on you. Many men have this idea that because women are the ones that carry and give birth to babies, taking care of them just comes with the hormones, and they don't realize just how much work it is. It's amazing how blind they can be at times. I don't mean that in a derogatory way - they just have no clue.
Tell him that you need time for yourself, even if it's just an hour a day. If he has time to play softball, the he has time to watch the baby for an hour while you do something just for yourself to refresh your spirit.
We had a similar situation not long after I moved in with my then-boyfriend, now husband. He was working at a physically demanding job, and I was working in an office situation. I would come home from work, set my purse down, and immediately begin making dinner. He would come in exhausted and sweaty, shower, and hit the couch. After dinner, I cleaned up the kitchen, and he often fell asleep in front of the tv. I felt like I had no time between the work I got paid for and the work I did free. When I fianlly said something about it, he was genuinely surprised. He had no idea that I was feeling taken for granted. After that, we made a rule that the first hour after I got home from work was mine to do whatever I wanted. Sometimes I took a bubble bath, sometimes I went for a walk, sometimes I put on my swimsuit and sun-bathed, sometimes I read or wrote, sometimes I played on the computer, sometimes I watched tv, sometimes I took a nap. But it was time that I did not have to be accountable to anyone else for. Everyone needs that. With a baby, it's harder to do, but it's also even more important. You can't be the mom you want to be or that your baby needs you to be if you're angry all the time.

Hi L.,
Wow that sounds like my story but my hubby doesn't play softball he rides his 4wheeler every weekend with his friends and i have 3 kids so i'm home alone with them.But this is what i did.We use to just sit around when he was gone but now we go out and do something with my kids i'm lucky b/c i don't work outside the home i'm a WAHM.I don't want to make them unhappy b/c he will not spend time with us.And it's working hes coming around we have plans for this weekend for the frist time in a long time.
Good luck to you and ur family!!
my website
http://www.stayinhomeandlovinit.com/cgi-bin/team.cgi?id=K...

Well, have you guys tryed going out on your own everyonce in a while i know it mite be tight but try it and have a baby sitter that will do and about doing it alone i will be done it alone for 7 mouth stright b/c my hubby is goingto Iraq so i know where you are coming form anfd i have two kids and also if you pay to much in daycare try finding a cheaper daycare that is what i did .....if you ever want to talk i am here i do everything and he sit there so i know how oyu feel.... my e-mail is..

____@____.com

I've been there! When my daughter was little we had the same problem... his excuse for laying about the house all night while I cooked, cleaned, bathed, and put the baby to bed was that his job was more physical than mine and therefore he needed more "downtime". We were SO strapped on bills and my job far out-earned his so qutting was not an option. What finally happened with us (after TONS of headache inducing fights) was I just started going. No more asking "Can I go out with some friends tonight??" It became "I'm going out with some friends Saturday night, I will be home around 11, be sure Emmy's bathed and in bed by 9." You have to stand up to him now or it will only get worse. Full time working moms NEED downtime more than a lot of people realize and we shouldn't be made to feel guilty for craving it. Some time out with some girlfriends or even a day out with your mom baby free can make a world of difference on your ability to function throughout the week. Have you considered finding a sitter (mom, sibling, dad, friend) who would watch her while you go out and leave hubby at home? Sometimes when I really need time away I get my mom to take the baby and I convince my husband that he needs some time to himself to unwind and I head out...It's SO nice to leave the house without the baby sometimes...no carseat or diaper bag to lug...Yeah, you definately need to take action; however you can, otherwise you will resent your husband later down the road and that does not make for a very healthy marriage.
Good luck; message me if you need someone to talk to!

Log on to www.flylady.net. She really helps with housework, schedules, just look at it!