Problem with Husband Wanting to Go Out After Putting Our Son to Sleep....

i'm not sure how to respond. first, i am so sorry about the situation. marriage is hard work and men and women really have completely different ways of viewing and expressing everything. to him, it's his down time..to you it is hurtful and potentially devastating. i know you have talked before but maybe it's time to turn up the heat. no accusing but really talking about your concerns if you think he is having an affair. if he's not i think he will do everything in his power to convince you he's not. if he is he might get a little (or a lot) upset. either way he needs to know how you are viewing these times he leaves. your need it seems from the small snippet of info you gave, seems to be quality time. you just desire to hang out with your husband. i suggest reading His Needs/Her Needs to see what his needs are and begin to go overboard in filling them. in time, he will begin to fill yours. also a great thing that really, really helped my marriage: make a bet that you will have sex with him every single day if he will hang out with you every single night. and the best advice of all PRAY. get into church if you aren't already. and fall in love with Jesus.

Well I guess I should start by saying at least he comes home. I was married for 23 years to a man that came home at 2 and 3 am about 4 nights a week. Mine drank so I now know he was an alcaholic. We argued and had many fights about this for years. I was so miserable and I even left him once ahd he would promise to do better but it didn't ever last. I stayed with him and raised 2 kids but as soon as they were grown I got out. It was a hard thing for me to do but I am so glad now, I have a wonderful man now ahd he would never even think of not coming home after work or of leaving the house after that. It sounds like he is not going to be easy to live with. I am not telling you to leave him just that this issue needs to get resolved now so you don't end up miserable like me. Good luck and I am here if you need to talk further.

Honey, There could be alot of reasons for this behavior and if you were one of my friends I would be in denial and sugar coating everything for you. I think it is best to be blunt. I think your husband might be having na affair. I've seen it to many times before. New baby, lots of stress, less "hubby time more Baby time"I am so sorry for you but you do not have to put up with it. I may be wrong but always trust your instincts.

Hi!
First off, how often is he doing this? I can understand if it is every once in a while. Not often though. In my humble OPINION, a husband and father has no reason to "drive around" nightly after his child is asleep. That time should be dedicated to your relationship and getting stuff ready for the next day. Does he ever come out and tell you where he is going? Is he a drinker? Do you ever look at his gas mileage? He would be wasting a lot of gas and would be putting a lot of miles on his car if he is truly driving around as opposed to going to a particular destination. As his wife you have every right to know where he is spending his time. Both of you need to have time away from each other every now and again to spend time with friends. Not nightly. He should want to be with you. Not to get too personal, but is your sex life ok? It is a very important part of a marriage. Not everything, but still very important. You mentioned that he turns the complaints/situations around on you to make them seem like your fault. This is a classic sign of a guilty person trying to justify why they are doing something wrong. If you are truly unhappy, I would sit him down and tell him just that: That you feel like he is keeping something from you and you are not happy. Also ask him point blank if he is happy. If he was, he would be spending more time with you and your child.
Know your true worth as a woman and mother. Praying for you!! Message me ANYTIME. Let me know what happens...

Doesn't sound good to me. Where do you think he might be "going out riding" for 2 hours at a time? My best friend just found her husband was cheating on her and he had allot of the same behavior. Not wanting to spend time with her, leaving at suspicions times etc. - then trying to turn things around on her and blame her. Have you checked his cell phone records? If you have a bad feeling about this then you are probably more than 100% correct - I have 2 friends that have had husbands cheat on them and they had bad feelings and questions about what their husbands were doing for months before they actually caught them through phone records, e-mail etc. Do you know any one that is a computer wizard - they can find all sorts of stuff on your computer like websites he may be frequenting - emails he has been sending and receiving - unless your husband is a computer wizard he probably doesn't know how to cover his tracks. Also, check out credit card charges. Anyway, I hope I am wrong and just scaring you to death but it sounds like you have a bad feeling already about his behavior and you need to find out what he is doing because it is NOT appropriate behavior for a married father to go out after his wife and child go to bed!!!!! You are right in the way you feel and don't let him make you feel guilty for his actions!!!! He needs to start acting like the husband and father that he decided to be when he married you!!!

Could there be a chance there is another woman? I know that's not what you want to hear but it sounds like he is unhappy. When he leaves for a couple hours at time what could he be doing? Is he going to the bar or meeting up with friends? If it continues you might want to hire a PI to see where he is going.

One night after you put your son down why don't you say, I have some stuff to do. I am going to go out for awhile and leave. Don't give him the chance and if he asks where you are going give him the same answer he gives you. Do that to him a couple times and see how he likes it.

I really hope things work out for you. Good luck!!

Problem(s) ALERT.

You should ask him to see a doctor saying he is has quite a personally change since you child was born.

Or you can ask him what are his problems!

Make sure that you do this when he is in one of his good moods. To do so when he is not will only create additional problems.

Good Luck = God Bless

Maybe you should take a "turn" getting some alone time. One night let him stay home and you go out for a cup of coffee or late night Wal-Mart run. Let him get a feel for what it feels like to be left behind. If he is only doing this when you go to sleep, then maybe you should consider staying awake for a little while and watching a movie with him or play some cards. Everyone needs some alone time, but more than once a week would grate on my nerves as well.

I recommend counseling and prayer.