Problem with 3Ry Old Teacher Part 2 - Milwaukee,WI

Try not to be offended. Have the evaluation done and prove her wrong. if the evaluation says he has autism get a second opinion. If this one comes back showing him with special needs take advantage of early intervention. It will only benefit him.

Well, a pre-school teacher certainly cannot make a diagnosis of any type.

However, I would get irritated at my son's pre-k teacher when almost every day (3x per week class) she would mention YET AGAIN about how my son was awkwardly holding a pencil, a crayon, slow to complete writing assignments, etc.
Well, I finally put my pride aside and asked our ped about it at his next well child check. He said it might be a slight fine motor delay and Rx'd an evaluation by an occupational therapist. Turns out he DID have a fine motor delay, and with about 5 mos. of OT, the difference was amazing!

My point, I guess, is that sometimes where there is smoke, there IS fire, so maybe there *is* "something" going on--or maybe nothing at all.

So while I wouldn't take her opinion as absolute fact, it might be smart to look into it further and discuss it with your pediatrician. And let the school psychologist take a look-see. Couldn't hurt, right? You want your child to have every possible advantage available!

Good luck!

Just read your first post, and I too had difficulty understanding what you wrote. I assume it was because you were so upset. I get it.

Your son is not doing anything wrong. And neither are you. You are doing the best you can, and you are a great mom for being there for him...

All she is trying to tell you is that it seems that he is having difficulty to change from one thing to another and needs to be evaluated to rule out Autism.

And mommy, telling him, "good job" is great encouragement. Don't stop doing that.. He needs to know he is doing good. I really don't think that is what she meant by telling you he has a problem.

My son is Autistic and its of no fault of his own or mine. He too knows his ABC, counts to 20 and backwards, he can read numbers and letters and he is only 3. He had speech delay and is also in a speech and OT class in a public Elementary school.

But there are other little things that he does throughout the day, like continuously opening and closing doors and gets fixated on anything that moves fast. Be it a toy or a car passing or the wind blowing in the trees...

The teacher is not coming down on you or your boy, she is simply trying to figure out if there is anything more going on than just your boy being "quirky". Having temper tantrums are normal at this age, but he might need that extra bit of therapy to make that transition easier from one thing to the next.

For your own peace of mind, go and have him evaluated. They might tell you there is nothing wrong with him, and you can plan your life as you were.. or they might tell you different. Just be prepared. Prevention is better than the cure. The earlier you can catch these little behavioral problems as they call it, the easier it will be to deal with them.

Good luck.

Hi S.,

I don't have any definitive answers for you, but maybe I can help a little bit.

I'm a preschool teacher myself. (Not working right now.) One of my policies is never to discuss concerns about a child while a child is present. Perhaps this is why things seemed confusing to you, "fine" at school and then this distressing phone call.

I am so sorry. I've had to make some of those distressing phone calls and get my guts in a knot over it.

That said, because I do not know your child, I can't judge as to the validity of your son's teacher's suggestions. What I can tell you is that I recently received a suggestion for an evaluation for my son from his teachers. While it did seem to come out of left field, I felt that I would be better off getting correct information from a specialist (it was regarding his non-verbal communication skills) than worrying about it. We took him in yesterday and the eval was pretty painless. We told my son he was going to make a new friend and play some games with her. She was great; afterward, she took me into a separate room and we discussed some of her observations. She gave us some ideas for games to play to help develop some of the skills he is (now, noticable to me) lacking.

I'm not saying this is the case with your son. I would say, however, that if I hadn't taken him in for the eval, I'd still be worried. This will give him a boost in readiness for the social work of being in kindergarten. For that, I am very thankful that his teachers were able to see what I, as him mom and that that lack of objectivity, missed.

I do hope things resolve well for your family. Perhaps this teacher is completely off her game? Only the eval will give you the reassurance you seek.

Maybe there is a communication problem between you and the teacher. This is your second post about this and what you keep writing does not make sense.

I think you are speaking one language and she is speaking another.

There must have been some other things she mentioned that maybe you did not understand exactly what she meant.

Of course the things you mention seem normal, but somewhere you are not getting the concerns to us.

It's very possible your son's teacher is having trouble putting her concerns into words. She may be describing it to you in such a way that it does sound like normal behavior, while she is actually observing something that isn't quite age appropriate. I wouldn't worry too much, and I definitely wouldn't take it personally. Talk to the school psychologist and take you your son's teacher and really try to listen to what they have to say. If you're not seeing what they see, try to ask some questions to help you understand better. Keep in mind that they are not trying to say anything bad about you or your son. They are just trying to do everything they can to help him succeed. Remember, you're all on the same team!

If, and I do mean "if", your son were to be diagnosed with a form of autism, it is a neurological development disorder and it is not caused by anything that parents do as they lovingly raise their child. If your child's teacher (who has seen a lot of children over time) is seeing something that she is concerned about (red flags) than I would take a deep breath and start talking to your pediatrician and have him assessed. There are many variations in autism, but the earlier you get a diagnosis and the earlier a child gets therapies the better the outcome for the child. Again, this is nothing a parent is doing or not doing that causes autism, and a diagnosis of autism is not about the parent. It is about the child and it is very important to get him the help he needs. However, the teacher should not have tried to diagnose or label your son without proper testing, etc. I can say that, as an early childhood teacher myself, it is very hard to tell parents that you have concerns for their child, and we don't always do it as well as we could. I wish you the best and I hope that you will have support from friends and family in this process.

It is never pleasant to hear that your child might have an issue. My sister-in-law switched her son's preschool 3 times because she didn't like what they were telling her about her son. She had one teacher tell her he was definitely autistic just based on her own opinions with nothing to back it up. She pulled him from that school immediately. When he started first grade, the school required that he be tested. She took him to a specialist who determined he was not on the spectrum for autism but has a pretty severe case of ADHD. He went into occupational and speech therapy, was put on medication and is doing pretty good now. If you're not satisfied with what the school tells you, take him to a specialist and see what they say. If he does have an issue, the sooner you deal with it the better. Best wishes!

You're not doing anything wrong. The preschool teacher doesn't understand early childhood development, if THESE are the reasons she thinks something is wrong.

The school psychologist is much better able to see what is going on, and her being in the room is a plus to you. Relax right now and let her come in. Tell her that you want to speak to HER about this issue after she observes your son, and leave the teacher out of it. You should work with the psychologist from now on.

If you read this site on a usual basis, you KNOW that 3 year olds cry plenty when they have to give up a toy. What a ridiculous thing for this teacher to fuss about!

Dawn

You sound like your doing a great job and that your son is coming into the world of the three year old where talking, expressing and understanding things are started to really stack up, of course emotionally he is still so young that the tantrums will still occur! I would not let this comment or referral phase you, there are certain signs that teachers are aware of to look out for and he may be displaying a few. Get the referral maybe he has something more or maybe he is totally normal or even a little brighter than average.

The difference she is seeing is that you take the time to work with your child instead of letting the school system teach your child everything they should know. I watch three 3 year olds and let me tell you - all 3 of them know all their colors, can count up to 20 or higher, recognize upper and lower case letters. They also all have excellent manners. It's amazing what a child can learn. Your son is NORMAL. I hope the school psychologist will see this. Keep up the good work!!!

Well having had two children in speech and one with behavior problems.... I learned one thing. Get a second opinion. Even if it's only the child's pediatrician. But I don't ever take anything off one opinion. My sister is a vice principle at a elementary school here so I had her watch both of them when I was getting reports about my son and she said he was a mild problem at best and the teacher obviously was overwhelmed and blowing things out of proportion. Low and behold the next year she leaves and a new one comes and she loves both my children and actually excuses my son from the service after 6 months and no real problems ever since. He's a straight A student. Only complaint now is that he takes rules toooo seriously. he tattles on everything and thinks he's a police officer or something and wants to enforce all the rules. I just keep talking to him about it.

But get a second opinion if what she is saying doesn't ring true. She might just be a sucky speech therapist and have too much on her plate. Maybe he acts up when other children are there and he needs one on one time only. Regardless I'd get a second opinion. Heck the vice principle came to observe my son at my request.

If you don't believe that there is anything wrong with your son then you need to stand up for him because he needs you to stand up for him. As his mother, you need to be his voice and say the words that he can't yet do for himself. Take it one step at a time. Did you explain to his teacher how you have worked with him? If not, I would certainly make sure that the school psychologist has the information. Remember the teacher is NOT the psychologist and for her to even suggest a diagnosis of any kind was WAY OUT OF LINE. If there are certain issues that prompted her to refer to the student psychologist, I can understand and she could have stopped at pointing those out, but she NEVER should have mentioned a diagnosis. Depending on how tunnel visioned the teacher/school are, you always have choices as far as teachers and/or schools (and also child psychologists for that matter) if this can't be resolved. Like I said, one step at time. Try to go back to the teacher and explain if you haven't already and then discuss it with the psychologist. If you don't like the responses, you can always get other opinions.
Take care.

I'm a preschool teacher and he doesn't sound autistic to me, from your description. But -- I only have your description to go on. I would just wait for the psychologist to do the evaluation, and meet with that person to find out what she discovered. Keep an open mind.

I know; I kind of screwed up with a similar situation. I've been getting hints from teachers since my son was 6 about his difficulty paying attention in class, and only now that he is 11 have I realized that he probably has ADD. So, don't do what I did! :o) If your son is on the spectrum, the earlier you can help him, the better the outcomes.

Oh, and keep in mind that he could just be gifted, or that he could be twice exceptional (gifted and autism, or gifted and ADD, or whatever).

I think Hazel W.'s suggestion may explain a lot, the teacher will not discuss her concerns in front of the child or the other parents, so if you've been hearing a casual "fine" at the end of the day, but this is the first real conversation you've had that sounds appropriate. Also if I as a teacher had concerns about a student I would want to take a few months to really get to know him and let him adjust to school before discussing my concerns. So the timing makes sense to me. As a teacher and parent of three, the fact that your three yr old knows colors, ABC's, matches shapes, and colors in the lines tells me nothing. Many kids learn this at three, many learn it later. It is typical for three year olds to have trouble transitioning from one activity to another but I don't know how extreme his reaction is? Ask how do his teachers try to help him transition? What seems to help? a typical preschool day has a lot of transitions he could be upset for most of the day. What three yr olds NEED to learn this yr. and next yr. is communication skills, social skills, self help skills, and getting ready to learn in Kindergarten. Not learning Kindergarten skills-learning to listen, follow directions, get along in a group, take turns. If a child comes to kindergarten with those skills they will do well even if they dont know a letter or number. If you want us to give opinions about whether your son is developing typically, Is he beginning to play with other children or does he prefer to play alone? Can strangers understand 25%, 50% of what he is saying? Is he communicating his needs, wants, and frustrations with words to his parents and teachers? Does he insist on playing only one activity or only discussing his favorite topic? What helps him transition from one activity to another? Does he enjoy listening to stories at home with less distractions then school? Does he enjoy music? Does he seem to understand the difference between friends, family VS. toys and cartoons? Can he follow simple directions? Two step directions? Can he follow a simple routine? Can he sometimes, usually, rarely or never handle a change in routine without a "melt down" ?
Those are the things the experts will be looking for, just to give you an idea. Hope things go well!

My 4 year olds pre-school teacher (she has 3 teachers but only 1 seems to have this problem with her) Is ALWAYS pulling me aside, or having a meeting with me, since my daughter was 3. She says M has a issue with Syntax and the way she puts a story together. I was so concerned when I was first told this I went to speech therapist, that didnt really think I should be seen yet as my daughter at 3 was too young to determine if that is a real issue or not. When I went to the therapist, they said she is just fine, that her imagination is getting ahead of her story. It seems like it only happened when she would try to act like an adult while telling a story. I explained and brought the findings to her, only for her to express more concern a month later, that my daughter was not telling stories in the correct order and it was hard to understand her. I came there to observe, undetected by my daughter, and it seemed like when she was in play with other kids, she acted adult-ish. Being the mom, the manager, the boss what ever it was, she was also trying to talk to them as an adult would, but didnt know exactly how to pull it off and used words she didnt know the meaning too, but sounded adult, in her conversation. The kids were the ones not understanding her. Her sentences were formed, but she threw odd words into the them at the wrong part of the sentence. Example "you lexi, are not a girl particularly, you are a baby normally" That kind of thing. When I took her to her pre-school screening and evaluation by yet another doctor they say she is very very bright, possibly gifted. They all concure she is far from Autistic but will need more guidance as she gets older to try to help her stay focused. So When I tell the teacher this, she finally stopped bugging me about it, but ever so often she reports that M, is still messing up words. I just figure as long as she is doing everything else the correct way, and only doing it during her play with other kids I am not going to go overboard anymore. I think sometimes Teachers are just wanting parents aware there might be something different about there children, and if he is autistic on the spectrum of maybe not so severe, its best to get at it rather than let it develop to something more troubling. I dont think she is trying to confuse you but just alert you to a possible bump along the road to being a great and well adjusted happy little boy.