Problem W/being Told What to Do by Her Parents

My darling son was 6'2" at 13 and jokingly told me he was bigger than me and what was I going to do about it? I jokingly got out my cast iron skillet and told him he had to sleep sometime. End of problem. You must give her a consequence and then when she asks the question, give her the answer.

Is she hanging with a new crowd of friends??? Some times a change in attitude and rebellion happens when they hang with someone new and wants to feel apart of their group by acting bad.

Just keep putting your foot down, dont let her get her way with you or she will continue to do it. I have a 15 yr old stepson that walks all over his mother but when we get him hes on his best behaviour because he knows I wont put up with it.

"HUGS""

What kind of foods does she eat? My daugter started to be snippy and our doc had us give her extra b vitamins.and stop all junk food. The stress on kids today is crazy. We also started clarify what word fit certain feelings so my daughter could accurately express herself. Sometimes she would say she was mad but she was really frustrated or she was mad but she was stressed or she was mad and she was really anxious or nervous about doing something. I would say when your mad you feel this way when your frustrated you feel like you can't get something done etc...I also had her stop playing with certain girls who were also snippy and encouraged her to play with calm kids. WE watched the American Girls Chrissa movie about bullying , and I got her the American girl book about friends and what a good friend is. She finally realized one of her friends is a bully and stopped playing with her. I also asked her how she thought other parents would think about a person who acted snippy( I didn't say that) and did she think parents wanted their child to play with someone like that. How did she want people to think of her. I use other kids bad behavior as examples of what not to do all the time. Good luck

I read some of the posts here and I see where people are coming from but I have some things I'd like to share and it's worth looking into.
First, I don't know if there is some hurt or anger going on inside of her that is causing her to hurt herself. Who are her friends? What kind of kids does she hang out with and etc? Also, is there any change in the family or neighborhood? Change in family like separation or moved from where she had most of her friends and now they are farther away?
Second, if none of those things, she may need to be corrected and put back in her place. First of all, my boys don't dare raise their voice at me, or say those phrases or get in my face. I still believe in spankings but only when it's called for. When she says, "What are you going to do if I don't do it?" then you need to have a consequence for the actions. I have a consequence for getting in my face or for saying certain phrases and I have a consequence for not doing what they are told. How about sitting down with her and talk to her that you don't appreciate her talking the way she has been and if there is anything she wants to share, you need to listen to her and see what she is saying and feeling. You want to establish that kind of relationship with her and let her know how she feels and thinks will be heard and she can express it. I will pray for you, S. and your daughter and let us know how it went and what is going on.

I think your daughter is forgetting who the parent is, and needs someone to remind her. She can't just listen and be respectful when she feels like it. I would show her exactly what you're going to do, whether that's take the wooden spoon to her bottom or march her up the stairs and put her to bed in the middle of the day or letting her find out what the soap in your bathroom tastes like. She is asking for a consequence. Give it to her. Getting in your face and saying "try me"? Why would you tolerate that type of disrespect from a little girl? Strict discipline here. If she's hurting herself, maybe some therapy is in order. Talk to your pediatrician and/or the school counselor about this behavior. Good luck.

My heart goes out to you, this must be so difficult. I think with the smart mouth, it may be early puberty or maybe her just looking to get a rise out of you, but the scratching and re-opening the wounds is concerning. I would call her pediatrician and ask about that before it turns into something more serious like actual cutting. Im so sorry you are dealing with this already. It seems like you should have a few more years of kidhood before the teenager comes out. I hope this is helpful and good luck!

it sounds to me like this child needs to be put back in her place. 9??? please it would have put her in check along time ago. this is a build up of disrespect. I would pop her in her mouth SO FAST! and tell her go head and call 911 pack up your things so they can take care of you. I don't play that mess! my three year old just hit me back a few months ago and i bet you he won't do it again! itf you tolerate this now her next step is going to be hitting you back! you are her mother not the other way around. and if she does these things at home she will feel she can do it to others out in the street and i don;t think you want some stranger puting her back in her place. take care of at home right now! Good luck with your situation and and you are in my prayers!

You can just be angry or upset. Many times it is enough. Our kids usually love us and want to satisfy their parents. If you can - do not argue or fight, just make a disappointed face.

I'm reading a wise and practical book: How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Kids Will Talk. It explains how to bring out the best, not the worst, in our children. I think you will be amazed at how useful these methods are. You can read part of the book here:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/038081....

Good luck. Putting your daughter "in her place" is exactly what she's taunting you to do. That's likely to only escalate tensions and increase conflict, because children are constantly learning the attitudes their parents live by. Start teaching her about respect by showing her (and yourself) respect, and you'll probably have much better results.