Problem Solving for a Mom Taking Care of Her Elderly Mother

I also had the same problem with my 94 yo Grandmother. I ended up filling her pill box weekly, making her a chart so that she could mark off when she took her pills and then I called her twice daily when it was time for her eye drops. She took them while I waited on the phone and she was then "rewarded" with a short chat. She was able to stay in her apartment for two additional years with this system. It does take time and energy but I know she appreciated it. Good luck.

My 92 yr old Mom lives with me and it is the only solution I could come up with. I work part-time and my daughters come over and help with her baths and help take her to doctor visits. Her mind is still pretty good but physically she is very weak. She can't even make herself a bowl of cereal, much less any other meals. She has glaucoma and needs eye drops twice daily. I looked into home care and the cost is 2 times more than I earn. She doesn't understand that I need to earn a living in order to stay home and take care of her she needs to pay me. If she were to go into a nursing home I could lose my home. Nursing home care is $5000/month and medicare doesn't pay for any of it. What happens is the nursing home will do a bank draft and take the rent payment out of her acount, when the money is gone they do a reverse mortagage on the house. If the family can't pay the nursing home the house is sold to pay for the care. Check in your state to see how many years the deed needs to be in your name before the nursing home can attach the house, here in Wisconsin it is 5 years. Once the value of the house is gone and the money in the bank is gone then she should be able to quilify for medical assistance. MA will pay for the nursing home only after all of her money is gone. Your Mom needs daily care and if you have no one who can live with her then she should be moved into the home of one of her children. Meals On Wheels can provide a meal at noon but here they don't provide any other meals. An assisted living facility costs about $3000/ month and if they have to assist with medications or bathing or meals another cost is added for each service. Truly having her live with a family member is the best solution.

I don't know if this would work in your situation, but there are "medi-minder" products out there. Typically they have an alarm that can be set. The one I've used has options for 4 time settings and you can use an alarm or make a voice recording. The user keeps it in their pocket with the medication so she uses it right when she is reminded. I purchased it at CVS for about $20.00.

J., here's what I've learned from having a situation similar to yours. First of all it pays to be poor ! Those with very little money/income can put loved ones in Nursing Home care for nothing more than just handing over her Social Security check over to the home. BUT, if you've saved all your life and have assets, you'll pay around $5,000 per month out of pocket for nursing home care. I've just placed my mom in Nursing Home because I had no choice. She had to have a complete shoulder replacement (at age 93) then had a stroke. The shoulder is mending but she cannot stand or walk and is very confused most of the time. Doesn't always know where she is. Medicare paid for the first 100 days of her confinement for Rehab, but now she's going on private pay because she and my dad had saved all their lives and she had money and assets. So from here on out, we will pay out $5,000 per month until all her money is gone. There's just something about this that doesn't seem right. Had we transferred her money out of her name "over 5 years ago" she would qualify for Medicaid and could just hand over her SS check to them instead of the $5,000 per month. My info comes from an Elder Law Attorney who I contacted to help me with questions I had when I learned we would have no choice but to put her in a Nursing Home.
She was previously in an Assisted Living Facility for 8 years but when she broke her shoulder and had the stroke, she no longer met their level of mobility required for residency.

Hi J.

Just spent the last year caring for my father-- he died Sunday. Medications were and ARE troublesome.
We devised a daily chart-- you might be able to do monthly since it's only 2x a day. We had the times listed the meds were needed-- a header at the top for what they were-- and then put check marks next to them when they were actually given (or an obvious notation) and if they didn't get done at the appropriate time- then we also put the time they were done with a check mark by that too-- and readjusted times as needed based on the delay for the rest.
Hope that helps some.
Kudos to you for your help. My Dad really wanted to be home-- it is indeed difficult to manage-- I'll tell you knowing his wishes-- it was MORE than worth it!!!

About me: 49 yo perfusionist, wellness coach also doing an online biggest loser webinar for $$, wife, mom to 8 yo twin girls who will soon have a lot more time on my hands after the services. Mom's do amazing things at tending to others needs while balancing their own !!!

B. J

I would find out the very last thing she does before she goes to bed. Brush her teeth? Go to the bathroom? Wash? The last person there during the day should put her drops exactly by her toothbrush and leave a sweet note to her under her drops. Grandmas love notes. It's kind of like a goodnite kiss. She'll love it, the note could also remind her of her drops.

I feel for you...I know it can be draining to care for kids and parents...but the longer you can keep her at home, the better! My in-laws are quite elderly and we have dealt with some memory loss issues too. I would suggest asking the doc if the drops need to be at bedtime or if they could be just as effective at dinnertime, when it would be more convenient for you and sibs to do them. If it is only minor memory loss, a phone call would work, but make sure she actually does it while you are on the phone...otherwise she'll get sidetracked and forget. Good luck and keep up the good work...it is time you never get back so enjoy it as long as possible!

work out a schedule with your siblings so at least one of you is there at both eye drop times. if your mom puts them in herself you could work it out so someone at least calls her to check on and remind her at those times if the in-person visits are at different times of the day. if the calls are always at the same time, it could help her memory, give her something to look forward to, and let you know if something is wrong if she doesn't answer the phone. plus sneak in the "take your meds/eye drops" reminder. it's great when the elderly can stay at home as long as they can. good luck.

S. m

J.,
They make talking watches or alarm watches. I believe you can purchase at radio shack. I hope this helps.

There are alarm clocks that allow you to record a message which would go off in place of a beeping sound. You could record a message "Mom it's time for your eye drops" or have your kids say it even. You could call, or ask a neighbor to check in.
Here are a couple of sites that have products/services for this very purpose:

http://www.medication-reminders.com/ -$180 per year is better than making her move or paying for a nurse

http://www.epill.com/aginginplace.html

And if you Google "reminder service" there are tons of sites you can check out

J.,

Since you and your siblings are there already there daily, is it possible that someone goes in the morning to help with the eye drops and then someone goes over in the evening so the drops are not forgotten? I am sure that you and your siblings have many other commitments, but if the drops are necessary and your mom has forgetfulness, can this be worked into anyone's schedules?

I have a degree in social work, but currently, I am a SAHM to 3 kids, ages 21 months, 3 1/2 yrs and 6 yrs. Married to a great guy.

Is there a neighbor who could easily do this? My grandmother is 93 and lives on her own, but she can only do it because she barters with her neighbors--she watches neighbor kids after school (they're old enough to care for themselves, just need a little supervision) and collects mail when folks are gone; in return, her neighbors snowblow for her (she has a very steep driveway) and generally look out for her. One of her neighbors is in her early 60's and calls daily, mostly to make sure she's still alive. :) The woman in her 60's is retired and needs something to do--they bring grandma canned goods, and HUGE suppers and venison...it's too much, really, for grandma, but it's a HUGE blessing, mostly, to know that someone is looking out for her, as all of us in her family live a few hours away. I know in this day and age it's hard to ask that of people, but it would be such a shame to have to take drastic measures when she's doing so well on her own. Good luck; I hope you are able to find a solution that allows her to live on her own!

My grandmother was the same way until she had a stroke from messing up on her prescriptions. She never lived at home again.

Try www.care.com They have people who are looking for a part time "gig" similar to the one you are needing for your mom. It would be much less than a home health nurse. You can get background checks on them through the website. Using the website is FREE. You can post the job and pay and you can also view people in your area who are looking for a job like this. It may be a SAHM who could check in on her through the day for a little extra cash. This is much safer than an ad in the paper or craigslist.

Good luck. Just be very cautious of the person you hire and make your expectations VERY clear.

The NE Dept. of Health and Human Services offers Home and Community Services to the elderly. It is my understanding that any cost would be covered by Medicare. www.hhs.state.ne.us/hcs/services

Good luck to all of you!

I would think that the cost of a home health nurse would be covered, in part or whole, by Medicare.
I would talk to a social worker about the cost and what is involved. Some home health agencies offer a reminder call service for medications and you could set it up for 2x daily.
Otherwise, I agree with the chart suggestion to check off the drop dosage, and you and your siblings could set up schedule to call her when a visit isn't practical.

I wish you luck! Caring for an elderly parent is bittersweet. It's hard to not think of them as anything but capable and sure of themselves and even harder for THEM to accept that they are not as independant as they are accustomed.
Blessings on you and your mother!

is it possaible for you or a sibling to call your mom every night before bed to ask and remind her to put her drops in. this will ease your mind and then she won't need someone else there all time good luck. I hope you find a solution that works well.