Preteen Daughter &Friend

"We don't use those apps here. You're not to download it." Period.

Why waste time judging the other family? If you want to encourage your daughter to have other friends, do so. But I don't see this as the end of the world.

You decide what is appropriate for your daughter to watch and enforce your decision.

I suggest you investigate the sites first. I've found that some labeled for an older age are OK for my grandchildren at a younger age. Depends on the child.

Have you viewed the app? Before you start judging the other parents, look for yourself. Also communicate with your daughter. Let her know why you feel it's inappropriate or not. She needs your guidance.

If it is something you don't want your child to be involved with, communicate that with your child. Some children are more mature for their age and allowed to do some things others their age can't.

You don't let your daughter ride her bike alone, so I'm assuming you are pretty overprotective and that's ok unless you are over sheltering your child and in that case, she'll rebel in time.

Just keep your lines of communication open with your daughter so you each know the expectations.

Personally, I would look at the app and determine if I really think it's inappropriate. To me the ratings are guidelines. I let my kids (under age 12) play some 12+ apps, but not others.

But from a bigger picture, no two households are ever going to have the same rules. In these situations, I tell my kids "I know Joe's parents allow him to do X. He's not my kid. You know that my rule is that you can't do that, and I expect you to follow my rules."

And although I don't say it to my kids, I also accept that I can't control every aspect of my kids' lives, and they are going to be exposed to things that wouldn't happen in my house. It is going to happen, so the most important thing is to keep communication lines open.

I'd look at the app myself. The 12+ thing is a guideline and maybe it's okay. If it's totally inappropriate, I'd delete it and I'd let the other parents know that their child recommended it and they should check it out for themselves. DO NOT discuss where they let their kid ride a bike! Kids around my neighborhood are on their bikes and skateboards and scooters all day long, and it's great. I don't know what area your daughter's friend lives in so maybe it's problem, maybe it's not. It might just be different parenting styles.

Then I would take away internet capability from a 10 year old's phone! It's a lot safer for her to be on a bike than on the internet. A 10 year old doesn't need a phone at all, but if she has one, she only needs to be able to call her parents and her grandparents, not the whole world. Once they are connecting with all their friends instead of having personal interaction, apps and websites and inappropriate photos get shared. It's a very slippery slope.

you deal with your own daughter, obviously. tell her your expectations and keep checking her media to make sure she's obeying you.
what the other parents do is none of your business.
riding her bike and playing with tween apps isn't some heinous crime.
khairete
S.

What other parents allow their kid to watch is not your business.
I allowed my kid to read books, watch tv shows and movies, and listen to music that her friends' parents did not allow their kids. Had one of the other parents called me to tattle on my daughter's use of media they thought was inappropriate, I would have told them to mind their own damn business and let me parent MY kid MY way.

You are in charge of your daughter. You can take her phone away if she disobeys rules you set up.

If the girl sent a link that seems 'normal' funny to her and your daughter felt it was not appropriate and told you about it; then good job.

There are plenty of app that are 12+ and seen by much younger kids. These guideline are helpful. I just look this up on 'Common Sense Media" and it is age 16+ and it has teen dating/sexual content. I do not think I would want this for my 10 year old. There are similar ones that say 12+, but not with your title.

It's for 12 plus and so it's inappropriate for a 10 year old? Hmmm...my kids are all mature for their age and I don't go on ratings, I go on what I know my kids can handle. Have you viewed the app?

And if her parents are more relaxed, why are you even worried?

My 13 year old has one friend who has parents that are more strict than we are. If we are watching a movie, offering a soda, etc...we ask her parents. If they say no, we respect it and move on. But it's never a judging issue. Everyone parents the way they do.

The only thing I caution to parents who are TOO strict, is that the kids have to go out in the world on their own one day. At 10, they are only 8 years away from it. Teach your kids to make wise choices and how to deal with consequences when they don't. Otherwise they become societies problem.

The poster who suggested disabling internet on your child's phone might be onto something. Also, you can get a filter for your internet on your computer and monitor her usage. Give her guidelines for safe internet usage. Just let her know you love her and that's why the guidelines are there. Everyone parents differently; it's your call to decide what's appropriate for your child.

American girls have some books that are similar than the app that the friend has sent to you daughter. It's actually kind of interesting but depends on your childs maturiy.

Why don't you look into the app and discover if it is appropriate or not together with your child. She then still has your guidance but will share her interest with you.

My daughter is 9. We do talk a lot about things she learns from other kids. Some stuff is not quite age friendly but I try to keep it open to a point where she can understand why it is probably not yet ready for her.

I allow her to drive her electrical scooter or bike in the neighborhood. She is going over to see friends. Typically the mothers are texting when she arrived and let me know when she is on the way back home.

My daughter has no phone but we have a second cell phone for my kids when they are going to camp or other occasions. No need for a cell phone otherwise to chat with friends. She can use mine if she wants to call or text someone.

I guess first I would go try the app and see what it is like myself. Then I would have a talk with my daughter. It might be completely fine. If I decide to allow the app or not allow it I would still have a talk about how many apps are not meant for kids her age and that I have to decide first if it is appropriate or not. Does your daughter have her own phone? Does she have the passcode to download apps herself? Probably not. A choose your own story app might be available for kids your daughter's age so I would find one for 10 year olds if you decide the 12+ one is not appropriate. It's good to talk to her about friends showing her things on the internet also...it's an ongoing conversation in our house. You can't control other kids...especially when your daughter is at school or over at someone else's house. I would not worry about the other family and what they decide...every child and every family is different.

P.,

You're the parent. You need to talk with your daughter to find out what she is capable of understanding and doing. Please keep in mind, if you are too strict with your daughter, she will most likely end up rebelling or doing something behind your back. That's NOT for certain, but it can happen.

Did your daughter SHOW you the apps or were you looking on her phone? Why does your 10 year old have a phone? Does she NEED it?

You seem to keep a VERY tight reign on your daughter. If you let her do things, give her responsibility? You might see she's able to handle things better. Why can't you allow your daughter to ride her bike places? That's the idea of riding a bike, you know? Not just riding up and down your street.

Ultimately, you are the parent and decide what is best for YOUR CHILD.

If you are not happy with the content that is being shown? You need to either talk to your daughter about blocking it or talk to the other child's parents and tell them that you would appreciate it if she didn't share inappropriate things with your daughter.

"You can't make someone do something, you can only help them to want to do it." I don't know who said it, but this little tidbit applies to children as much as anyone.
If your daughter is in school and extra-curriculars she is going to be subject to all the good, bad, and ugly influences that the world has to offer, and at the end of the day she is going to make choices. If you want her to make good choices, than you need to educate, and convince her of why said choices will be in her best interest. And if you want to have any hope of being able to be one of the people that influence her about these choices (just being her parent does not guarantee you this ability) than you need to have a strong and open relationship with her.
This kind of relationship starts with a secure attachment, trust and openness. It is your responsibility as a parent to make these things happen and are a part of your relationship. The biggest tip I have for you in fostering these things, is that carrot and stick methods DO NOT WORK. They will undermine your relationship, and send your daughter in the opposite direction, hiding and rebelling at every turn. You are heading into one of the more challenging times in parenting P.. Good luck, build and protect the relationship you have with your daughter, and you will do great!

Ok, so first thing you should know is my daughter did this kind of thing to. It's perfectly normal for tween and teen girls to have a curiosity in "off limit subjects". Honestly, it really depends on how inappropriate the apps are and what she said. If I was really concerned, I would tell my daughter not to see her friend. Otherwise, I would just tell my daughter to be mature and responsible.

I would call the mom and ask her to please ask her child to not share those things with your daughter. That you've told your daughter she isn't allowed to watch them and whatever you want to say.

On the other hand. Your daughter sounds very protected and out of touch with what pretty much every other kid in the world is doing. On one hand I see your point, you want to keep her as innocent as possible but on the other hand kids see and do more things than we can imagine. There comes a time when they need to decide what they see and can choose to not watch it on their own. If she wants to see it there isn't much chance of her not watching it and hiding it better from you.