Preschool Problem's

Yes!!!!!!! I'm right there with you. It is sooooo hard. My youngest son did it almost the entire year of his first year at pre-school. His school did the car side pick up and they would have to pull him out of the car. It was sooo hard, but they said as soon as he got into the school he was fine. He is doing it this year too, his first year at public school after being in montessori for two years, but not as bad.

These are the things we did in preschool... I read him the book The Kissing Hand. We made a chart for getting out of the car nicely. It worked sometimes, not others. YOu can offer to spray your perfume scent (if you have one) on something he can hold onto so he remembers you. Send in a photo of the family for him to have in his cubbie.

My son is a tough one when it comes to change so some of these things worked some didn't. It is very very hard. I know exaxtly what you are going through.

Good Luck.
B.

Hi, M....

I totally understand that you're feeling so uneasy about this situation...But I'm going to tell you the side of the child care worker (being one myself for over 20 years)...Children always have good days and bad days, just like we do...Your son might do well one day and fall completely apart another...They're really very manipulative little creatures, too...So if he sees you coddling him and giving him extra lovins before you leave him every day at school, this behavior might never end for you or him...be brave and let him see how you BELIEVE that everything's okay...it really will help him handle the situation better if he sees that you are, too.

From my experience, I know that children will cry this way on and off all the time for their parents when they come to drop their children off for day care...This might even happen occasionally after the child has been there for months/years...It's the "YOU'RE LEAVING ME" part that is so hard for them - But the minute you are GONE, they go on to something else and begin their day - dealing with things way better than their parents...The longer you stay, the longer you are prolonging that hard part for both of you... Most of the kids in my care stop crying before their parents are even out of the parking lot...Most likely, your teachers there aren't lying to you...They're telling you that he's having fun and nothing happened - They probably mean it...

We deal with insecurities with children (and their parents) all the time in the child care field - it's not just about teaching...You really need to trust your child care workers or you'll never have peace of mind...And if you sincerely don't, then you shouldn't have your child in that person's care...Your child crying doesn't mean that something horrible is happening to your child or that he hates his teachers or other children - it's just a tough moment for him...the sooner the moment is over, the easier things will be...

My advice for you is that you shouldn't stay there that long in the mornings for drop-offs - Make it quick...You're making the day more difficult for your son, the teachers, and the other students who might have to experience this negative moment along with you...Be very reassuring with your son and reassure him that you will see him later and that he will have a great time at school and that you love him...Give a hug and kiss and then, even if he's still upset, LEAVE...no matter how hard it is...staying longer to wait until he's stable and secure again might never happen some days...Then after you see him again later in the day, make those moments count even more.

I realize this is so hard for you and it will make you feel really guilty and sad ...but he will be fine...they always are...Have you noticed that he's probably having a fun time when you're there to pick him up again?

I speak to parents all the time about this - I encourage them to make the morning drop-offs quick and as painless as possible ... They'll listen at the other side of the door as their children calm down and go off to play with their friends...

Taking your child out of day care because he isn't handling the situation might not be the most effective way to teach your son to be strong...It's running away from things that are difficult...I realize you just want to protect him, but there most likely is no reason to in this situation...He WILL learn to handle this situation, even if it means with the help of his teachers...That's what they're there for - I'm sure your son is getting lots of love and compassion from them once you leave...Don't let the mood swings keep him from all the amazing things he can learn and achieve at his school...

Does your son eat breakfast in the mornings? Is he getting enough sleep? Those are reasons for anyone to have a bad start to their day.

I know - I've rambled - This is just something parents have trouble with so often and I want anyone out there who's reading this to know that the situation is so much harder for you parents than it is for the kids...They go off and play while you're feeling guilty all day...Trust your child care workers...We're in this field for a reason - We love children...

The quicker the leave, the better...the sooner the child will start to deal with the situation...

I sincerely hope things get easier for you...it's only been a short time (a week)...be patient with his adjustment time...Some children are more insecure and will take longer to adapt to this new situation, especially if he's never been in a child care setting before...he will adjust and realize eventually that you're still gonna be his mommy and he'll see you when school is over....don't quit...This is just one of those little obstacles parents deal with that makes parenting so hard...

Good luck with everything...I hope it all works out for you and your son finds a lot of love and peace at his school...

J.

What you and your son are going through is totally normal. If he just started last week and then had a whole weekend off (maybe even 4 days in a row if it's a Tuesday/Thursday program), it's basically like starting all over again for him, except that he does remember now that you leave him there. What he may not remember is that it was fun at school. I have three daughters, and my oldest went off to preschool at 3 without a single tear or look back, but my second daughter would cry every week when I dropped her at 2 1/2 (only one day a week). Within 5 minutes, though, she was calm and playing and always had a smile when I came to pick her up. Once she was in the 3-year old class there were no tears at all.

There are a few things you can do to help. First is you have to really be consistent and cheerful when you drop him off. Just smile and hug him goodbye and tell him to have a good time. Most preschool teachers are very used to kids being a little nervous and crying and will often hold an upset child's hand or hold them in their lap to help the transition to school (and allow mom to get out!). I would talk to the teacher and/or program director and let then know you're worried/upset and let them help you find the best solution. I know at our preschool, the director tells parents if the kids are still upset after 10-15 minutes she'll call them or they can even call in after they leave to make sure their son/daughter did indeed settle down. Talking to the teacher should also help you feel more comfortable that you've found a loving and supportive school for your son (if it really doesn't then you may need to consider a different school, but I think most preschool teachers do it because they love the kids).

The Kissing Hand book someone else recommended is also great - helped up with the big kindergarten send off and gives you and your child a way to be with each other even when you're apart (makes sense once you read the book). And when your son does come out of preschool at the end of the day, be sure to have lots of smiles and hugs and kisses ready. I also always made a big to-do about looking at all the crafts and projects they brought home each day and have a "clothesline" where I hang their work up. It's still a part of our daily ritual when the kids get home and lets them be proud of what they've done.

Another thing you might try is to set up a playdate or two with another child in your son's class so they can get to know each other on home territory. I would really only have one friend/classmate at a time over since larger numbers make it harder for the kids to get acquainted quickly, but if he doesn't know anyone else there this would help him feel like he's got a friend to hang out with when he gets to school.

Hang in there and it will get better. Good luck!

i M.,
Don't worry this normal behavior. I am a family child care provider (over 8 years now) and I see this happen. I tell my families that enroll that this may happen, the child will readily go the first week or two, then regress. In the begining eveything is new-fun and exciting, but it wears off and the child remembers that Mom will be leaving. Your child's teacher should know this and be working with you. Don't give up, keep going, remind your child ahead of time that he will be going and all thie things he will get to do. Ask if he can carry a picture of you with him or have another "security" item from home. Also read "The Kissing Hand" by Audrey Penn. I highly recommend it.
Good Luck and if you want to talk more here's my email
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Good Luck
C.