Preschool: for Moms of One Child

Unless it is a play based school, the under 4 crowd should be home with mom. They should have a playground and friends to play with, but evidence does not show any real benefits to early preschool for most children---low income children benefit, but evidence even shows increased aggression in middle class kids.

Formalized schooling shouldn't start until around 6 or 7. Kids learn best through play.

Nope. Not difficult, particularly if she's somewhat social. She'll probably love being around other kiddos and teachers. And it's a very modest amount of time. Go for it!

I think preschool is important for only children. They don't get the socialization from siblings, so they really need it from school friends. I highly recommend Montessori schools.

That said, my own son had sort of a hard time going to preschool just two days a week. He didn't have a concept of weeks yet, and it was confusing to him that sometimes he went to school, sometimes not. He did better with 5 mornings a week.

Keep her home and use the money that you will save to take mini trips once a week--zoo, Discovery Gardens, etc.

If anything, use the Church Sunday School or nursery for socialization.

You will not get this one-on-one chance again.

My daughter was an only child, but she was incredibly intelligent.
I had her in daycare to keep her stimulated.
Don't get me wrong, I was very hands-on and taught her many things myself, but I also had to work.
She went to Head Start and was advanced enough that she actually began kindergarten at 4.

In my opinion, you can't hold children back because they are your "only" child. I know it's hard to let them go, but if THEY are ready, that's what matters.

I know some mothers feel that their kids should be at home with mom as much as possible. I was a single, working mom and I needed my daughter to learn that there were lots of things outside our world.

She flourished in Head Start, her teachers told me she was ready for kindergarten and they really couldn't do any more for her.

Was it about me not being ready to let her go or was it about doing what was best for her?

She went to kindergarten and did just fine.

I understand that your daughter is your only child, but in my opinion, it might be good for her to socialize with other kids. I have known plenty of only children who didn't do well in kindergarten because they hadn't been exposed to sharing, taking turns, intermingling.

It sounds like you are thinking of having her in preschool 6 hours a week.
That's not excessive, by any means. I think she might likely benefit from it.
I, personally, don't think you should be reluctant because she is your only child. Daycare and preschool can give her a chance to understand that she's the only child in your family, but not the only child in the world.
Let her make friends and have experiences outside the family unit.

I think it would be good for her.

Again, just my opinion.

I do not like preschool nor retirement homes. Care for your loved ones at home, if you can.

Well you might think I was a bad mom of my only ( now 18) because I thought it was vital to her development not only to have her close knit neighbor friends but to be in an organized setting with preschool as well.

I've always been hands on, she's been raised in a highly motivated household therefore she strives for more independence and responsibility.

I have no regrets because we knew from day one on a joint decision that our one and only is just that. No regrets. She's a well adjusted, very driven child.

She has dear friends she met in MDO and preschool that she STILL has friendships with and they will graduate high school together in June.

Many wonderful memories, great opportunities for her and good lessons for our family.

Don't think about you... Let go in small steps and you will be proud of what your only shows he/she can do!!!!

Research shows that if you are willing to spend the time with her, she'll actually benefit from the one on one time with you MORE than she would at preschool. A lot of moms don't have this luxury, because they have to work, but it sounds like you do, which is wonderful! If you can spend your days playing with her, taking her on a variety of outings, reading stories, joining a play group, having her help you around the house, doing crafts, etc., she will blossom! And you'll have so many memories of these special early years that will go by in a blink. There are SO many fun sites online that help you plan fun and educational things with little ones that age. As for being ready for kindergarten, you can totally do that home.(Generations of kids STARTED school in Kindergarten after being with mommy all day- back when most moms were SAHMs- and got used to it just fine without having to attend 2 YEARS of preschool.) If it is something you are concerned about, enjoy the next year and a half with her at home and then enroll her in preschool the fall before Kindergarten.

What does being an only child have to do with it? My kids went 3hrs/3 days a week and absolutely loved it. I got to work out and do all my "boring" errands while my kids played. I can't imagine denying them the fun, learning and independence they achieved in those few short hours and years (unless cost is an issue, then maybe you can check into a less expensive co-op school or program.)

Definitely do it. She needs it to start preparing for school -- not academically but in terms of being away from you, listening to other adults, etc. Six hours a week is very little time. Be aware that she will then probably need to go a little more the next year and the next -- many preschools have them up to three hours a day, three or four or even five days a week, the year before kindergarten. It is fine. I have one child and she adored preschool but we still had tons of time together. She had so much to share with me and talk about with me.

Remember this: As a parent of an only child, you have MUCH more energy and time to volunteer and help out at all her activities including preschool and, later, school! You do not have to work around other kids' schedules to be there for her preschool concert, go along on a field trip, spend a morning cutting out shapes for the teacher to use in some project, etc. Get involved and get to know her teachers and classmates and other parents. Do the same through the years and enjoy being involved in her other activities too -- Girl Scouts or dance class or sports teams or art program, whatever she likes and ends up doing. I have found one great advantage of having one child is the ability to be the parent who is there to help coach the 6th grade science team; lead book discussion groups at school to help the teachers; volunteer to help sell tickets for the ballet school show; etc. You may find that having one child means you can be more involved in her activities. That does not mean you'll be with her every moment or even see her when she's at school, but it does mean you will be more "plugged in" to the school and activity communities that matter to her. You'll be informed and she'll know you care -- and you will make friends of your own and have fun too.

I'm a mom of O., so I'll answer.
We did nursery, then pre K at a nearby church.
Nursery school was about 2.5 hours twice per week and pre K was 3 hours three times per week.
It was GREAT for him. Now 9, he still has friends he made at the church school.
You'll find it gives you a wee bit (and I mean wee!) of time--like O. errand, grocery shopping, things you might not want to schlep kid with things.
It's great socialization and a good foundation for Kindergarten.
I'd give it a try!

For an only child socialization with peers is important. Preschool is a good place. Not a daycare. Make sure its an actual Preschool. Expect her to get sick for the firdt 6 months while she gets her immunities up. It will also help her make connections which you can turn into play dates at the local parks etc. A Mommy and Me class would also be great for her.

I have one child and I felt he needed to go. I had to make it "not all about me" when it came to his needs.

We chose a preschool close by where we met alot of kids from the neighborhood, and for the ones who stayed the same years we did, eventually started kindergarten together, so our son didn't feel like he didn't know anyone, and my husband and I didn't feel like we didn't know any of the parents.

My son and I made some lifelong friends at preschool.

Well, I have two, and it was a hard thing to let go of them into someone else's care. It was hard to give up those two days a week at first. But... it wasn't hard to fill those hours and it soon became a very healthy break for both of us.

It will probably be fun for him, and a break for you to recharge for you! I have an only, and it really does help your peace of mind to have a short break. You can clean, do lunch, see a movie, whatever. Your brain gets to "shut down" off of mommy-radar - and that is a GOOD thing!

I don't know what you mean by it being a hard decision because she's an only...? Do you mean that you want to spend as much time with her as possible, so you're having trouble with the idea of her being away? If that's it, then believe me, it's not any easier if you have more than one. You always want to capture every moment of those sweet tender years no matter how many kids you have. But guess what...? The sweet moments continue and the quality of them changes as you watch them experience new things and grow.

Remember that part of your job as a mom is to create opportunities for your little one to grow and learn and experience new things, and to share those things with her. Most kids, by the age of 3, as READY to be with other kids their own age. They are yearning for socialization and stimulation that they get in preschool. And no matter how good of a Mom you are and no matter how many activities you two do together, you can't replace the experience of what playing with other kids on a regular basis will give. It's necessary for her to thrive and be successful later when she enters school.

It might be hard at first, but as she comes home with her macaroni necklaces that she makes for you and tells you about her friends and all of the new fun things she is learning and doing, you'll be glad you sent her. The part-time schedule will be perfect for both of you to start.

Best of luck!

Don't be reluctant. It's good for her and it's good for you :-).

No. DD was ready for school and I knew she would get more out of it than I was able to give her at home, even with the Meet Ups and groups. I wanted her to have friends, follow instructions, get to learn from other teachers, etc. I at first thought 5 days (1/2) days might be to much, but she thrives there and cries when we have a holiday. She loves school and I love that she is happy and comes home to tell me all her wonderful adventures. It wasn't about me. It was about what was good for her.

Which is not to say that preschool is mandatory, but I do think that children, especially onlies or the far youngest, can benefit from it. It is usually harder for the moms than the kids.

It's a nice thing for your child to get to go to. They get to play with or just around other kids, learn to share, follow directions, transition from one activity to another. If it's a good one, the teacher will be calm and caring and provide good structure for the kids that will really help prepare them for K. If you're really unsure, you can always wait another year until she turns 4, I know lots of parents who do that but most 4 year old programs are at least 3 days a week. Going from 2 to 3 days/week is a nice transition.

preschool is fun.. preschool is fun... my kids loved preschool.. it was nothing but fun .. in a 3 hour session.. they will have free play .. a group time with a story and a song.. a snack.. some outdoor play.. and a craft and more free play.. they get to hang out with other 3 year olds.. and play..

i do not believe in full day care for little ones.. but 3 hours 2 days a week is just the right amount of time.. you still have her home the other 3 days and you can do fun classes with her.. you can probably volunteer in the classroom sometimes.. too..

look for a happy place with a nice teacher..

PS>>> the first time kids go to preschool.. day care.. school whatever place where they are around a lot of other kids and germs.. they get sick.. so plan on her being sick.. a lot.. this is important to build up the immune system.. so figure this year of 3 year preschool she will be sick.. next year she will be sick less and by kinder.. she will be well most of the time. absences count for kinder.. so you want to get her immune system working so she wont get sick and miss so much of kinder...

I would look for mommy and me classes or story time at your local library. Preschool can wait until she is 4. Enjoy having her all to your self for as long as you can. Preschool isn't mandatory nor is it necessary. Kids learn just as well with mom.

No. The first preschool he attended was through our Early Childhood Program and they had a parenting component to it so I was with him for the first part of the session and then we had a parenting discussion group for the second half. When he was 4 we switched him to a preschool that was on a 300 acre nature preserve and had a working farm. He loved it. They were outside most of the time (even in winter) and he gained a lot of social skills which was our concern for him starting K as a barely 5 year old. I still felt like I had plenty of time with him and it was fun to hear about his day.

We have our DS in preschool. Started him at 18 months, 3 days a week from 9-4. We had a manny and my grandparents caring for him while hubs and I were at work & school.

With his being an only child, and the first grandchild, we actually thought it would do him some good to be in a place where he wasn't the sole center of attention. It forced him to interact with adults who had the needs of more than one child to contend with and forced him to interract with children, something he wasn't getting exposure to at home.

We've had nothing but positive experiences with pre-school. The structure of the day, the songs, the playtime, the stories, the socialization, introduction of basic lifeskills and decorum are excellent.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I say TOTALLY go for it!! I myself have one child. He turned 3 last June, he has been in preschool since the begginning of September of 2012. He loves it and it is a great experience for him, especially since he is an only child, I personally don't think its fair for only children to not be exposed to school at this age and have the social experience. You will be very amazed at how much she will learn and grow! And I am certain she will have great memories from it, not to mention the time it will give you to have a little "breather". Good luck!

I think this is not a difficult decision at all.... If they are social they will LOVE preschool. If they are not social... they will need to learn how to adjust to a structured setting before kindergarten - unless you are planning to home school.

Even though I only had one..... I didn't really get a choice in this because I had to work full-time. She she was in daycare and then at 3 switched to a curriculum based pre-school.

Additionally, you can have 2 (or 10) kids.... but they still won't always get what pre-school gives them if they are with a SAHM every day. In addition to socialization (which they will KIND OF get with a sibling) they need to get used to following direction from an adult who is not their parent, doing things they don't always want to do, NOT doing things they WANT to do when they want to do them, sharing, putting on their own clothes after bathroom, washing their own hands, eating lunch in a designated time, being able to open all their own lunch components (unwrapping straw and putting in juice box or opening thermos without spilling), putting things back where they go etc.

Pre-school is about SO much more than just *playing*..... except they teach the lessons using play.

It also gets YOU used to her being given direction from an outsider and her getting a piece of her life that is "hers".

Why would you hold your daughter back from having these experiences (fun, friends, structure, play, learning).... just because she is the only one you have?

So, definitely....I am VERY pro-preschool.... not matter what the home situation.

I have an only for now, but may have a second in the future. We are planning preschool at least one year before kindergarten for the experience. A couple of hours a couple of days a week. If nothing else you may come to enjoy the short break and then will be able to get a few things done so you two can have full attention together later. If you are not sure, you could always wait one more year. I think it is nice just for them to have the kids to play with and start to learn a little in a fun environment and how to behave in a group setting.

Yes, it was somewhat hard when I first thought about it. If I understand what you might be implying, you feel like you should have enough time to give to a single child, so why put them in preschool?

Once you start looking and find a school you really like, you may feel different.

Now is the time to start as some programs will be having enrollment in spring.

Every kid is different.

Nowadays kindergarten is equal to what I did in first grade, so it may be a good idea to get your child in a class and get him/her started.

I think its good for kids to get the socialization and intro to school setting that preschool offers. This is only 6 hours a week. I would do it. I appreciate that it is hard to see your baby growing up though :) But no major rush though since she is just now turning 3; so if you need a bit more time perhaps sign her up for a spot in the fall instead.

I totally don't quality as a mom of one, with 5, lol.
But we did 5 hours a day 4 days a week at age 3.
If I had one kid I might do less, but not much less. He loves preschool. Entertaining and trying to be constantly engaging all day is very hard! I would end up feeling guilty for not doing enough. The preschool is a great experience! Too seldom of days (in my experience) and the child cries because she/he never really acclimates. With the amount of preschool we do, the child has an easier transition. It's not just a here and there thing.

I thought my son would be our only child when he was preschool age. I did not have a hard time sending him...I thought it would be very good for him. I put him in 3 mornings a week (MWF) from 9-noon. It was a co-op preschool so I had to take turns helping the teachers or making play-doh or whatever. I loved it bc I got to know my son's friends and many of the parents. It was a play based preschool and they did the neatest things...my son LOVED it. It helped him socially and it really really helped him feel ready when Kindergarten came (And by this I mean ready to be away from mom and used to a classroom environment!). So starting Kindergarten was a very positive experience for him. Maybe you could look for a co-op preschool?

My little one was so ready to be in a two day a week preschool when she was three. Since it was just the two of us most of the time during the day, I'd do what I could to get her socializing with other kids on playdates and activities, but she just really needed this social outlet with other kids. And she also needed to learn how to listen to other caring adults and follow directions when I wasn't around. Once they get into kindergarten, they'll need those skills. I know it's tough to give up this time with her since you know she'll soon be going to school full time, but a few hours a day a couple times a week is totally worth it to help her become a well-rounded student who is ready for kindergarten. And plus, you can go to the grocery store by yourself. :)

As the mom of a singleton, I was somewhat resistant to preschool... until I started back to work running my own play-based preschool when Kiddo was nearly three. He did one session (Jan-June) with me and then attended a fantastic play-based preschool nearby while I ran my program. It was too hard having Mama be teacher to other kids. I don't regret enrolling him at all-- he was able to grow so much, and in ways I might not have been able to facilitate as his parent.

The purpose, to me, of preschool, is to learn how to trust other adults to be caring and dependable--even when they aren't your parent, to learn to follow the group through the day, to learn how to be with other children harmoniously. In a good preschool, children are guided to learn self-regulation skills, self care skills (dressing themselves, wiping their noses, independent toileting, washing hands, etc.) and after that, so much more through thoughtfully-introduced experiences.

One big thing, too, is that kids in preschool learn how to ask for what they need while in the larger group in order to have their needs met. I feel that preschool lays a great foundation for the more complex learning of academics which begins at kindergarten. Some kids also benefit from getting more practice at separating from their parent, too.

PS-- also want to add that even if your child is NOT social, being in the group setting can help. My kid went from being a child who primarily related to adults to a kid who made some sweet friendships, thanks to his inspired teachers who helped him get out of his comfort zone. It was the BEST thing he could have taken from the experience, and created a far better transition to Kinder than otherwise.