Preschool Behavior - Buffalo,NY

He's probably crying because his needs aren't being met, in fact he's probably being told in her actions and reactions that he is bad or wrong -- his questions are "too many", there is no sympathy for his feelings, it sounds pretty icky there for a sensitive kid (which is what you have). My knee-jerk reaction would be to shop around for other preschools.

Seems weird to me that the teacher has no patience with questions from a three year old. They are famous for asking "why?". They definitely do better when they know what to expect for the day.

I would be uncomfortable leaving him with someone that isn't very understanding of him or even normal behavior of a child his age. Kids at that age are still in the parallel play stage and don't typically interact with each other much. She isn't the one to determine when he has cried long enough and needs to stop. That's up to him. geez

I think the presence of his grandma and mom at school may be confusing for him. I could never let my child see me at school or he'd immediately melt down.

Or...he could be unhappy there. I had to pull my kids out of a seemingly nice daycare because they would cling to me desperately at drop off and run screaming to me when I would pick them up. I couldn't handle it because I knew they were miserable but couldn't tell me why.

I work in a preschool with 3 year olds. My ratio is 1 to 14, and currently I have 13 enrolled and it is a rare day when all are in attendance. My 3's are older 3's that will be turning 4 before they graduate from my class, some have indeed already just turned 4.
I will say that kids ask questions, they all want to know "what is next" a teacher that cannot take the time to answer little ones questions does not deserve the title of teacher in my opinion...I am not saying sometimes it does not make one a bit crazy, but it is what kids do...a GOOD routine goes a long way to help, the kids will start to recognize what comes next and ask fewer questions. My kids are not even to the point of raising hands yet, so when I have too many little voices at once I simply remind them I can only answer one at a time...
Your grandson seems totally normal to me...I have one or two at the very least that will say more than once during the day that they miss or want mom or dad, and I have a few who will cry...children are individuals, I might encourage or distract a child to try and get them not to cry, but I would never tell them they it was too far into the year and he needed to stop...emotions are what they are, no teacher can tell a child the way they feel is wrong!
He may take longer to warm up to the other kids, the teacher should be encouraging him to interact in small groups. Honestly though as long as he enjoys school I would be positive and encouraging. He may need to go more than two days a week to get into a routine, you may also want to explore another preschool, one with a teacher who will be more ready to address your grandchild's needs, I agree that 16 is a bit much!

I notice that asking questions is a sign of intelligence. Crying happens at age four, age five and age six. Yes kindergartners and first graders cry. I do not like this teacher.
For everyone complaining about teacher student ratio in her post she said there was an aide. so I'm assuming 16 kids and two adults, shea sked for extra help at lunch , kids cant always open their containers and sometimes spill etc etc

I own a preschool and I have to say I'm not loving the teachers responses here!! Children ask questions to learn. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt but children do cry from time to time, and it can come out of nowhere and for a reason they just can't put into words. It sounds like she is overwhelmed!! When he plays school do you at home does he pretend to be the teacher? I am getting the impression that she isn't very patient, or eager to help your grandson through this, or as I said overwhelmed. Either way her responses are not acceptable. Also, it is possible that the 2 days a week isn't enough for him and therefore he is having trouble making friends. Just based on past experience, by 3 years old children begin to form friendships, and if the current children are seeing each other daily they may have a little clique and are not letting him in. The teacher could help that by paring him up with a particular child, or group, to help him in his transition. These are tools that a preschool teacher should be teaching children, not just their ABC's. Preschool is all about socializing, and some children are shy, and need a little help. You grandson sounds like a wonderful, quiet, and well behaved little boy, some of the others can be aggressive and there is no way a child like your grandson is going to just jump in. It may come off as not interested but he may be intimidated by them. Also, in NJ the ratio for three year olds in preschool is 1 teacher to 10 children, so doesn't she have an aide?? With 16 children!! Or is that why parents volunteer? Even still there should be a teacher and an aide in the classroom, so it could be possible she doesn't have the extra time, to give to him. If it is possible I would increase his days to 3 days at least and maybe encourage some play dates outside of school. Maybe meet at a park, or something so he can build some confidence. It will make it easier for him to learn to make friends outside of school. I would also try, when he is not in school get him involved in some other activities with children. Check you local library, sometimes they have free programs for kids you can take him to. The more exposure he has with children the better he will get at making friends. He may not know why he is crying, or can't put it into words just yet, If he like going to school then I think he just has to work out a few things, unfortunately it doesn't appear his teacher is willing, or maybe not able to help due to low staffing!!

I agree with the post below that this teacher seems overwhelmed and not giving a very understanding or kind response. My daughter went to preschool at age 2 years 9 months since her sister was due any day. She cried every time when I dropped her off for the next 2 years and sometimes in class. I would stay for the whole class, then half a class, then 1/2 hour, then just sit in the hall for 15 minutes, then drop her off to get her used to being without me. She had only been home and to playdates where I would be present. However, she enjoyed school and generally once I was gone she engaged in the class activities. But there were also days where she would sit on the teacher's or aide's lap most of the time and suck her thumb, or alone in the reading corner on a bean bag chair just watching. I don't think kids that age socialize as much as play alongside each other. You could see if there is a child in class that you could have play dates at home with, so that he can get to know 1 child better. You could also find school with a better ratio, I think 16 to 1 is way too large a class. You could wait another year and send him next year and try to find play dates with age mates so her has the experience of being around a group of kids at least. You could wait until kindergarten. There were kids in kindergarten who had never been to preschool at all for various reasons. He is 3, give him a break and let him be a little boy. You could try the questionnaire in the front of a book titled "the highly sensitive child" which matches my oldest daughter, Amazon has it: http://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Child-Children-Ove...
If he is highly sensitive, it comes with great positives and a need to have the environment adjusted to him until he has practiced skills to adjust to the environment. I had to rehearse sentences with my daughter about getting kicked off the swing by an older child (" I waited and now it is my turn, you will have to wait until I am done") and other situations. Her fist grade teacher would give her little tasks if he saw her get overwhelmed and about to cry (take a note to the office, help sharpen all the pencils, go to the reading corner which was private to supposedly sort some book, etc. You should find a preschool that is more understanding of a 3 year olds needs.

He sounds normal. It sounds like the teachers aren't very flexible or patient, honestly. You should all be working together to find out how to make this experience better for him.

I would be looking for a preschool with better teachers. Kids are not "one size fits all" - any good teacher knows that.

I'm afraid I have a great nephew like you grandson. Always kept by family members and little interaction with other kids. He is forever asking things like "who's house am I staying at in the morning...or who is picking me up today"...to me it's like anxiety. He may have thoughts in his little brain during the day about the comfort he gets from being in the safe zone (with family). The more sheltered the more likely to have a hard time when it comes to school. My nephew starts in September....and everyone is holding their breath....he still has to hold onto someones finger when he is around outer people. I'm afraid its a catastropy in the making.

I don't know what state you live in, but I too think 16:1 is too high a ratio for 3 YO... If I'm not mistaken it should be like 12:1 or 14:1. Look that up online re: what your state guidelines are.

That being said this is what stood out the most for me in your post : "the teacher everytime tells me he asks too many questions" WHAT??? time to find a new preschool, this one does not seem like a good fit for your grandson. We went through 2 prior to finding the place my children have been in for the last 2 years (late birthdays) and we LOVE it here.

I knew we were in the right place when the teacher said "we love the spunky ones" HELLO!!! The place they were in previously, the aid RUSHED into the room during our 'parent teacher conference' to ask if the teacher had told us about making sure my daughter wasn't going into the other room during class. Really, that was the number 1 priority on their list of what we should know about our daughter?

Hi P.,

It's been a while (mine is now 11) but it sounds like the student/teacher ratio is a bit high for me. 16 3 year olds? Your grandson may be feeling like he doesn't get enough attention - and at 3 I would want something structured to provide time for him to socialize and interact in small groups. Pre-school (other than fulfilling a day care need for parents) should be set up to get them used to playing with other kids, having FUN at school, learning to wait their turn, and learning to take direction from his teacher. How many of those things are happening? Some kids just cry, but this sounds like it's not a good fit for his personality. Get him somewhere that WANTS a kid who questions (like maybe a Montessori school) and has some empathy for what his needs are.

I also agree with getting him in some social settings that are geared toward things he enjoys - swimming lessons, karate, art - where he can develop his ability to interact with other kids.

Good Luck!

He sounds completely normal to me. I think it's the preschool that might be a bad fit. My son still sometimes cries when we drop him at school, and he's been going over a year (new school starting this past August). His teachers and the preschool owner don't seem bothered by it at all. They take him to play or feed the fish or distract him in some way, then he's fine and has a fun day. One of our friends told us their younger daughter cried every day they dropped her at school until she was in 1st grade (a now perfectly adjusted 16 year old)! When I've asked my son why he's crying, it's just that he'd rather be with us then going away from us for the day.

As for the playing with other kids, I think that's normal too. At 3, kids start moving away from parallel play and into interaction, but not every minute. Plus he's new to the school and, therefore, the kids, and only goes twice a week. My son still sometimes doesn't play with, only near, the kids. Even last night, with one of his best friends, they were playing like crazy, then we heard silence. We went in to check and they were sitting near each other playing with different things. Totally normal.

You may want to consider another school if this teacher doesn't understand this. Also, with 16 kids, there should be 1 teacher plus 2 aides. If not, the kids aren't getting enough supervision and help to socialize, IMHO.

It just seems to me that the purpose of preschool is to teach kids to socialize, learn to listen, learn to sit for circle time, etc. These are things that take some children a little longer to learn. I mean, when I went to school, most kids had never attended any type of preschool - we all went straight to kindergarten where we learned those things. Reading, writing, etc. didn't come into play until 1st or 2nd grade.

So I don't understand why anyone would become a preschool teacher if they are not patient, nurturing and well-versed in early childhood development? What teacher says a 3-year old asks too many questions or should have stopped crying in class by now, only a few weeks into the session?

He sounds normal to me. Don't a lot of 3-year olds still parallel play? I don't get it.

This is a pet peeve of mine. We went through so many issues with my son's teacher last year I still get angry thinking about it. This year's teachers, at a different school, have been fabulous. You might want to have a conversation with the school's director regarding your concerns. You don't have to be accusatory or anything, but I think this teacher is overwhelmed and undertrained.

He's acting like a normal 3-year old for his circumstances.

Kids ALWAYS ask "what's next?" or "What's are we doing today?" I've been teaching for 20 years and they ask those questions up through ALL the grades. As a teacher it does get irritating, but seriously, they ALL do it. I either make a joke of it or tell them no more questions. My daughter does it to me at home. She wants to know EXACTLY what's going on. Finally I explained that she doesn't know what toys she's going to want to play with that day or what exactly she is going to do with them. So it's the same with me, so stop asking! She's 10. She seemed to get it okay. I do have a dry erase board in her room and I every night I do let her know roughly what's going on. Plus we have a big calendar. That seems to help a lot too.

When I worked at daycare, we had kids that cried every day for a YEAR or more! We had kids that cried easily as well. You just handle it. Especially between the ages of 2 and 4. If he was 5 years old and still crying then you might need to worry. Not at age 3.

He's adjusting. Interacting with other kids sometimes is something they learn. He might benefit from hanging with kids in smaller numbers. Or one-on-one. He might need some extra guidance on what to say or how to act.

The idea that all kids just automatically know how to play with one another like fish in water is false. Depending on their personalities they may need more help.

The teacher needs to work WITH you. And perhaps he needs a schedule that is more predictable. Sometimes kids like him need the sameness of the same schedule every day. Throwing him in preschool twice a week may be too much off a change. Do you do preschool on consecutive days? It may help to do it Monday-Tuesday rather than Tuesday Thursday or Monday Wednesday. He may also need more reassurance on the schedule for the day.

Good luck!

Children are so different and maybe he is the 'worrying' type and just doesn't say what is concerning him. He may be thinking of what's next, like you said, or where his mom is, etc., etc. He may just want to be at home. ( Or home with you ). If it was me I would continue doing what you are and talk about it at home, the fun it is, mention some of the kids names and talk about how nice they are as friends, etc. Maybe you could set up some play time with some of the other little boys in a play place. I know many little boys are just still not ready at 3 years old and some are very mature. If it continued I'd wait a year for preschool. He may not be ready yet. One of my grandson's said he'd 'run away' from preschool and he did run out in the parking lot and the teacher hadn't missed him. That was scary. Not the typical thing though but he was 3 and did not want to go. He went at age 4 and did fine in another preschool. In fact he did two other years before kindergarten and did fine in both.

I don't know, sounds like a normal three year old, but perhaps an impatient teacher. He's three, never really away from mommy/ grandma, etc plus his day to day is routine is always different from the day before. Children need security to feel safe and part of that is knowing what happens next and he's not at a point he's figured out the schedule to anticipate the next move. See what you can do to help him understand what's next. Maybe the night before begin to tell him about the next day and what he can expect. I would also suggest speaking with the director to see what he/she would suggest. Is the teacher early childhood certified? I'd have more concerns about her and some of her comments quite honestly rather than what's wrong with your grandson. He sounds normal. If you don't think so, call the pediatrician. They can check for signs of autism and rule that out if it's a concern. Hang in there!

I'm sorry but this doesn't sound like a very good preschool to me. When I was looking at preschools for my daughter, most of the schools I looked at had a 6 to 1 teacher to student ratio for 3 year olds. Maybe 8 to 1 at a few schools. It sounds like this teacher has way more than she can handle. Also all of the teachers at my daughter's shcool were extreemly supportive of the childern who had some difficulty with the transition into preschool. They were very patient with all the kids and whatever developmental stage they were at. I'm sure a child asking a lot of questions would not have phased them and they would have fostered his curiosity when the time was appropriate and redirected him when the time was not approriate. It is the purpose of preschoool to help the kids socialize and fee secure.
Your grandson sounds perfectly normal to me. I think it is great theat you are able to be there to help him. I realize that you may not be able to switch schools, but maybe you could talk to the director of the school. Hopefully he or she has a degree in child development and can help.
There were a few childen in my daughters preschool who had some transition issues similar to your grandson. They all got though it before the end of the year. I was amazed at how outgoing and confiident they all were by kindergarten and now first grade.
You've gotten a lot of good advice from other posters and with your help I'm sure your grandson will do great!
Best wishes.

I can't believe... that there are 16 kids... and only ONE Teacher????

At my son's Preschool, there were 12-15 kids, and 4 Teachers. 3 at the very least.
When my daughter was in preschool, at her school there were 2 Teachers for a class of 15.

The Teacher, does not seem real nurturing. Well she can't be with that many kids and only her.
And kids DO ask questions.
By know, a Teacher, always tells the kids what their daily routine is. Your Grandson should know that.
At Preschool, it is typically the same routine, everyday.
A child knows, that.

Have you asked him, why he is crying???
Or maybe, he has to use the bathroom???

At 3, if he's had pretty much no contact with other kids, no playdates, no babysitters, it may be very overwhelming for him. You mentioned lunch. If this is preschool and not a daycare, he should only be there for a half a day. I would suggest finding him a preschool where he can attend half days, and maybe 3 or 5 days a week. I think two day a week programs are hard for kids, they can't get into the routine of school when they get out on Thursday and don't go back for five days. Your presence may also make it more difficult for him. It's time for him to have some separation from parents and grandparents.

This little guy sounds overwhelmed. On the non-shcool days, why don't you put together a little picture schedule for him? Get on google images and put them in the order of his day.

For example, have a picture of his favorite breakfast cerial first, then a picture of a book for story time next, then a picture of a swingset to show it's time to go outside... personalize it for his day. Add a picture of mom, dad or whatever grandparent is picking him up that day. You can even laminate it and let him carry it around. This gives him a guide to his day and he can check it whenever he needs to know what is going on. It may cut down on alot of the questions.

I would also look into a different preschool. To go from very little interaction with other kids to this many is just too much for him to handle all at the same time. It also sounds like the teacher is not very patient. This is so normal for kids this age to ask a lot of questions.

Good luck and keep us posted!