Pregnancy Appointments

Is he a good dad to the kids once they are home?

Some people are freaked out by doctors/hospitals/etc. If he's a good husband and father otherwise, then I would forgive him for this.

My husband came to more appointments with my first baby than the other two. He had work and I made the appointments that worked around my schedule when I worked or around my other child's schedule when I still stayed at home.

However, I didn't realize how many dad's didn't stay in the hospital. My husband stayed in the hospital with me for all 3 babies. He would leave briefly to get food or go to the local library and do something for work, either way he was never gone for more than an hour. The hospital where I delivered was 45 minutes from our home. But I get that some people wouldn't WANT their spouse there all that time. I did and was blessed that my family made that happen for us.

If you WANT more from him, you need to TELL him. And why keep having kids with him if he acts this way and it's a way you don't like? I can't imagine going through a pregnancy without support, but I'm vocal enough to tell my husband when he's doing something that I see as wrong.

I have 4 kids.... my hubby didn't go to the appointments with me, either...... with the first, I had to go to the hospital for some non-stress monitoring, and I didn't expect him to be there....

He had a job he had to go to......

Of course, when the baby was born, he came, and he was my coach during labor and was there for the entire birth process.....but he didn't take off during the day to stay with me. He came to the hospital after work and visited and such....

After the first child, he also had to take care of the kids while I was gone... he did bring the kids up to see the baby, but they didn't all stay with me...

I will admit, this was 20-30 years ago, and things were a bit different back in the "olden" days.....

I didn't want my husband to go to my appts. He went to the ultrasounds, but a regular pregnancy appt is not important enough for him to take time off work for. Does he go to your regular doctor's appts? Dentist appts? I doubt it, and why should he? Unless something is wrong there's no real reason for him to go.

Now, about being in the hospital with you. Is he freaked out by hospitals? Some guys really cant handle seeing their wife in pain. Is he a good father when the children are here? Obviously you guys get along well enough to have conceived 3 children. Are the doctors appts/hospital stays the only issue you have? Have you explained to him how you feel about him not being as involved in the pregnancies as you want him to be?

My husband didn't go to my appointments.
We were working and it was hard enough to work my appointments out with MY work hours let alone getting his work into the mix.
We had no family living near by.
So when I went into labor my husband stayed with me, took me to the hospital, did everything he could to help (he took over making notes in my pregnancy notebook, and fetched ice chips when ever I needed them) and then he stayed home with me for 6 weeks after our son was born and helped with cooking, laundry, taking us to our various appointments and even to the Mommy and Me sessions at the hospital.
He saved up his leave time so he could be with us when we really needed him the most.
I don't know what I would have done without him.
But there was no need for him to come to any of the pre-natal appointments.

Did your husband want more kids?
If he was that unhelpful with the first, I would have really thought hard about having a second and a third would have been out of the question.
He's got a track record now and it's not likely he's going to change.
Some guys just don't relate well to babies but are great with the kids once they are older.

0712:

Welcome to mamapedia!

Congratulations on your baby!!!

This question has been asked before - and it's different for EVERY couple.

I was on bed rest with our first son, so my husband HAD to go to the appointments. With our second son? Eh. Didn't matter.

I don't understand what he meant when he stated "you are getting too far". Some men lack the emotional connection for child birth. Some men - even though they have been through it a couple of times? It STILL bothers them...they love their WIFE...but seeing her pregnant? Takes the "sexy" out of it....now there are men who LOVE it when their wives are pregnant and find them VERY sexy!!

Right now - it's the hormones - you are SUPER sensitive. Yes, he might be being a jerk. However, hormones can really makes mountains out of mole hills. Tell him what you want and expect. Don't assume he knows. Don't pressure him into going.

When our first son was born - my husband was at the hospital for a while and did NOT stay with me. I did NOT want him to stay with me.

When our second son was born - he was there for the birth and when he stopped breathing and flat-lined - but then had to leave to take care of our other son...he couldn't come back when **I** freaked out when he stopped breathing and flat lined on ME. So as you can see - there are reasons. We don't have family close by to take care of things.

Take a deep breath. Think of all the other things - all the good things he does - and forgive him for being a jerk about pregnancy!

CONGRATS!!!

no-you're right-the question is, why do you keep having children with him?

Ohhhh my husband is totally creeped out by all things pregnancy. Well, he is creeped out by all things medical... but pregnancy seems to take the cake.

Some guys are just not into pregnancy and birth, it gives them the heebiejeebies and of course they can't admit that, so they act like they don't care.

I think if your hubby is otherwise a fine dad and husband, you just have to accept that this isn't his thing and enjoy it for yourself. Maybe find a female friend who can come with you and get excited for you?

Now if your husband is a jerk in general you have worse problems that him not being interested in your pregnancy...
Good luck.

Seems to me you want something because you don't have it and aren't considering you wouldn't want it if he offered.

Think about it, you schedule your appointment for when is good for you. You have kids now so maybe when you can get someone to watch them. Now you say you want to have to add his schedule to when you make the appointment?

Who needs that hassle!!

I always made my appointments and if he could make it sometimes he did. That was maybe three times out of four kids. He only came to the hospital to visit with the last three because he would rather watch TV in my room than watch the kids..... Never bothered me at all.

I am assuming by the way you worded the hospital bit, he was there for labor and delivery but didn't feel like coming up all day to keep you company?

My husband didn't come to my appointments. He is in sales, and works on 100% commission. Coming with me would have meant not making any money - he couldn't take any customers for hours before the appt, because he wouldn't be able to leave when it was time, so basically it would have been a day making no money. So he didn't come - I told him I was a big girl and didn't need him holding my hand. Plus, I always went directly from work, so I could schedule the appointments at MY convenience. He was there for the birth and at the hospital, but did have to leave a few times to take care of the animals at home. But he is a terrific husband and terrific father - very involved with our son - they are best buddies and any time he has away from work, he spends with us!

I think it depends on everything else. Is he a loving, attentive husband in other respects? Is he a good dad? If so, then he may have a medical phobia of sorts, and just be really uncomfortable at doctor's offices. Or, he may come from a culture or a family where men are supposed to stay far, far away from these types of things.

If not, then yes, this is one more piece of evidence that he's a terrible husband.

My husband went to a total of three doctor appointments over two children...and stayed one night at the hospital with me after the first was born...

He was just starting new jobs with each pregnancy and just couldn't take the time off to make appointments and why would he to watch me get measured and weighed?? (He went to the 20 week ultrasound...).

And why after the first child would I expect him to sleep on a cot/fold out chair when he is a big man...when he could be home with our older child and comfortable in his bed...

Now if I had wanted him there...maybe I would feel different...so I guess it is all about what you expect vs what he can provide...

Pregnancy and childbirth are sometimes difficult for men to deal with, especially if they have little to no exposure to it in their background.

How is your husband at all the other things in your lives?

My husband has gone to just our gender-determining ultrasounds, and a couple of appointments I had with my first pregnancy when I was spotting and had concerning lab tests. I have my 20 week u/s next Tuesday, but my husband's tooth broke yesterday, so he won't be able to come with me to it, as the only appointment that fits his work schedule is the same time as my appt.

I don't measure my husband by his involvement in the 5 minute appointments (after a 30 min wait). I measure him by all the other things that go into being a good man, husband and father.

Most men don't want to just go to the check ups. Unless they are the sono's. Some don't want to go to that. But not wanting to be there for you when you have the baby that's not cool!!! Is he from here or another country? The reason I ask is some men from other countrys that's how they are raised. Still does not make it ok. You need to tell him how you feel.

You kept having kids with him

Yeah, makes TOTAL sense.

**My husband went to a few appointments, because I was high risk. He had a job, and he didn't need to be at my side for every little thing. Not being at appointments is no big deal to me. I wouldn't want to go them with someone, either. They are a time suck, and are boring. He didn't even want to see his new child in the hospital? Does want to anything with them, ever?