Hello Everyone,
My son is a little over 2 1/2 years old. We tried to potty train about 2 and he just wasn't ready. I recently ran out of diapers and I told him that I wasn't buying anymore. For the first few days he did great and always told me when he had to go #1. We were using pull-ups and he would hide when he had to go #2. He would get a few m&m's when he went and he seemed very pleased with this. IMy husband and I were also asking him quite frequently if he had to go and he would tell us yes or no. Unfortunately by the end of the week he just wouldn't sit on the potty anymore. I switched him to training pants (underwear with some padding in it) to see if this would make a difference. We talked about this underwear and explained that you don't go potty in it. He said ok and a little while after having them on he told me that he had to go and he did, but that was the end of that. He wouldn't go on the potty again. I just don't know what to do. I know that he can do it, but he doesn't want to. I had tried a container full of little wrapped presents and this didn't work. I've tried just telling him that it's time to not wear diapers anymore. He will be starting pre-school in Aug and needs to be potty-trained. He will be 3 in Sept. Any suggestions or pointers would be very much appreciated. Thanks!!
Hey A., so my advise to you is to let him be ready i have a 3 1/2 son and i had a very hard time trying to potty triain since he was 2 everything i tried failed i gave up and about 2 months ago he just decided he was ready and started going to the bathroom on his own out of no where so my best advise is to just let him be ready. everything will be fine. best of luck.
The most usual experience with deciding FOR the child when he's ready is that he ISN'T.
Success rides on considerably more than the simple physical ability to use the potty. There is a level of emotional willingness and motivation that really must be in place before the child can complete this developmental step, which will be a satisfying source of pride to him when he is ready to make it. Before then, it is more likely to become a source of anxiety, frustration, and resistance.
An empty box of diapers is not a signal that he's ready. A tub of presents or treats will muster motivation for a little while for some kids, but really is not needed when the child is ready. Parental praise or punishment won't guarantee compliance over time. As you've experienced, these things may make a brief impression and gain temporary cooperation, only to ultimately fail. Worse yet, if you keep pushing, the process will become more emotionally complicated for your little boy.
August is four whole months away, and that's a long time for a young child. Since he knows "how" to use the potty, he may get there if you don't try to rush him.
But be aware that boys frequently need more time than girls, and even girls are not always fully trained by the age of 3. I'm hearing lately that some preschools are requiring kids to be trained (really?), but in my experience, that's not terribly realistic, especially for boys. It sets them up in a very important area of their development for failure, and expecting to fail is a sad thing for a child to learn.
Ditto Peg M.
Next, the reason why kids have to be potty trained by a certain age is not developmental based... but because kids are going to Preschool. And MOST Preschools, do not accept children in diapers. I know of many Preschools... that even say NO DIAPERS for 2 year olds! Egad... that is just sooooooo unrealistic. Then back home, the parents and child are super stressed... and the parent thinking their kid is slow or dumber than the others who are potty trained, or that their kid is just "stubborn" or they put labels on their kid. But it is not warranted nor age appropriate.
Your child has a "deadline" to be completely trained by August. A child does not know what a deadline is. And if they are stressed about it, they are more likely to NOT want to, or they will get anxiety.
To me as well, being "potty trained" means, that a child can AT-WILL know that they have to pee/poop, AND take themselves to the toilet, be ABLE to pull down their clothes, AND be fully able to "wipe" themselves for both pee and poop.... and then put their clothes back on too. Then wash their hands etc. But even if they do know this and are able to do it... a young child will STILL have accidents. So you have to accept that. Even Kindergarten kids have accidents. Then meanwhile, for night-time.... "dryness" is not even fully developed biologically until even 7 years old. Thus many kids, even Kinder kids, still wear diapers at night. So, its a process.....
All I know is, (I have 2 kids), we can't make them potty competent or able, nor 100% perfection. My son, is 3.5 years old. And only recently, on his own, has he began using the toilet and "wanting" to. But he will not always want to, nor always want to poop on it. And he is NOT dry during the night, yet... nor during naps. Yet.
Encourage.... but do not punish for any disappointments "you" have about it in your mind. Don't show him you are let down about it or stressed.... Or he will be discouraged too.
All the best,
Susan
I would suggest that you just wait until he is ready. You know he can do it but HE has to have the motivation himself. I would just put him back in diapers and he will keep that little bit of potty training knowledge tucked away in his head. One day he will surprise you and do things himself. I had one boy who could have gone to kindergarten in diapers and another who was 2.5. It depends on the child but if you let them decide when they want to do things then you will experience less anxiety.
I would wait. Wait until he's 100% initiating it. It will go SO much smoother for both of you....even though it's tough now, you'll save yourself a lot of misery! My son was 3.5, and one morning woke up and asked for underwear. I told him no. Two days later, he asked again. I told him no again, (I didn't want to deal with the accidents). So then about a week later, he went and put underwear on himself and started using the potty all by himself. It's been 4 months now and I think he's had maybe 5 accidents total. Good luck!!
My son had been showing the signs and seemed ready to potty train. He would often go through the motions, but never actually go in the potty. So we waited.
As he is a big kid, he had outgrown diapers and was wearing pull-ups. Around his 3rd birthday, I started having him change himself if he was just wet. A month or so later, there was an entire week when he would get up in the morning and take his wet pull-up off. He would then go around with a bare bum all morning. Then, when he needed to go, he would go put the pull-up on. After a several days of that, when putting him to bed on Friday night, we asked him if the next day was going to be a no "diaper" day. He said yes. We took him at his word, and with only a minor struggle, he stared using the potty. Within one week he was trained. He has had about 2-3 night time accidents since then, and that was about a month and half ago.
Best of luck!
In my family child care home I have trained children for over thirty years. There should be no pressure. When a child is ready, willing, and able it is so easy. And sorry, food is not a good idea to reward children with either.
Praise is wonderful and children love praise. When there is an accident, just be matter of fact and have him dress himself after you wash him.
Enjoy this and soon he will be trained.
F.
my boy was that age when he finally 'got it'.. but it DEFINITELY took a lot of time and patience. Its very hard when you're so eager to have them PT ESPECIALLY when you know they can and should, but you really have to step back and let them do it on their own time/thought. I have always urged mothers of boys to have them pee in a
cup.
Yes, like a green bean can, or yogurt or frozen juice cup.. That way they won't be scared of big-potty, can hold it themselves, pee, pour, rinse ;)
Then you can make it fun by putting stickers on it or whatever...
ALSO, why is he going to PRESchool so young? In my state they go a year before Kinder, and for my boy, that means he'll be 4.5
I agree with being persistent. You can put him in pull ups at night and nap-time (we call them night-night pants, never diapers). There are some times when we insist our son use the toilet, even when he refuses. and that is when he wakes from sleep, before he goes to sleep, and before we go anywhere in the car (especially for longer rides!). it can get frustrating, but since he knows what he needs to do, it is more of a struggle for control of the situation then anything else. My son had a couple days (after he was trained a week) where he didn't want to go when I wanted him to and he didn't want to tell me... but then he hated having accidents so that was incentive enough to get with the program.
Don't give up, sounds like he does understand the process, just keep being persistent and patient, Keep the training pants and try not to go back to pull ups (they are too much like a diaper for kids). He may have a few or many more accidents but will understand that his best choice is the potty, just let it be his choice, You can keep reminding him but ultimately wait for him to say he needs to go and then reward him with praise, m&m's or stickers, We made a potty chart on the back of the bathroom door ad my son got a sticker after each potty visit and then a special prize, (train or car), when he filled a row. WE turned it into a poop chart when he struggled with that. Pooping was harder for my son and after a few accidents went to the potty on his own. I had to set him on the big potty and he liked that much better the the toddler potty. The process took us 4-6 months before total consistent success , and even now we have issues with not wanting to go, which is a control thing, so I try to let him be in control, as much as possible
Good luck, you will be on the other side of this soon
I used the 3 day potty training method (www.3daypottytraining.com) when my son was about 3 1/2. I wish I would have found it sooner. It worked great!
I had three boys and my experience was that if they are not ready there is nothing in the world you can do. Constantly asking them increases resistance. Put yourself in their place and you might see how they feel. You might try a little psychology that worked for me the second and third times. Try telling him you've thought it over and decided he's not quite big enough or old enough to use the toilet yet. (They don't really like potty chairs it seems.) Be really understanding when you tell him. Then don't mention it for about 6 weeks. Then one day just before his bath, when he has his clothes off, say something like "I don't think your quite big enough yet to go like Daddy does, but you will be soon". Then a week or so later say "you sure are getting big lately, if you keep growing like this you'll be going to the bathroom like Daddy before we know it". A couple of weeks later you might have your husband (or your dad if you're divorced) take him to the bathroom and tell him he might be big enough to go like him now. I just know that you need to make him feel he's doing it because he wants to and feels more grown up, not doing it for you. I would not make a big deal out of it or reward him. That sort of takes away from the self satisfaction that he gets just from accomplishing it. And then when he does, let him alone to go when he has to. Don't keep asking and do expect mistakes. Probably quite a few for awhile. Reward him for something else that's fun if you like rewarding. Just don't ever make him feel like a bad boy for not doing it right or going in his pants. You'll create more problems than you would ever want, not to mention the poor little guys feelings. One more thing,--boys seem to (as a general rule) toilet train later than girls, and three is a good average for boys.
