Potty Training Regression, HELP!

Updated on July 24, 2008
A.T. asks from American Fork, UT
11 answers

Hi. I have a 3 year old (3 years + 6 weeks) who potty trained about 3 months ago. It went very well. The potty training process itself was pretty easy and positive. She enjoyed it, was proud of herself, and liked to go potty. It only took her about a week to be completely potty trained, day and night. She never once had a poopy accident and only had a few pee-pee accidents during the process. Two months went by without any problems or accidents (well, maybe a rare wet accident, usually my fault for not taking her before outings and such). But as of the last month, she has started to wet her pants 3-5 times a day. Usually it's not a full wetting. It's enough to wet her panties and maybe her pants a little. But she still can go more when we make it to the toilet. I think it's a matter of laziness/procrastination. Like she is too busy playing and waits too long. I see her sometimes squating, trying to hold it in. And when I ask her if she needs to go, she often says no. But I know she does. And if I don't make her go right away, she'll wet her pants. So what is going on? Why did she have 2 months with a near perfect record and now all of the sudden I'm changing her panties or clothes several times a day and even at night sometimes? And more importantly, what strategy should I use to fix this? I've tried scolding her for wetting, giving her treats for dry panties, encouraging and praising her for going in the toilet, having calm discussions with her about being a big girl not a baby, making her wear a diaper when she wets (which she HATES but it doesn't change anything), refusing to give her dry panties when she wets, doing time-outs when she wets....I swear I've tried everything, both positive and negative! Some things work for a half day or so, but nothing works permanantly. I really need help from anyone who has been through potty training regression. short of starting from scratch--taking her to the potty every 1/2 hour, like it or not--I don't know what to do. (And in case you might ask, there have been no changes in her life that might be upsetting her and causing her distress--no new babies, moves, marital issues, etc. But she did start going through her terrible 3's right about the time we potty trained her, so maybe it's a control issue? Also, she was tested for a bladder infection and didn't have one.) Any advice would be great. I'm tired of changing her clothes several times a day and having to do laundry twice as often when I know she CAN go potty w/o accidents. I need some help. THANKS!

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S.W.

answers from Denver on

My middle child went through much the same. I never saw it as regression, though. To me it was simply like you were saying...she just was waiting too long to go. I didn't do anything to try to change it, just matter-of-factly had her change her own panties and pants (or whatever was wet) and put the wet ones in the laundry. I think she got sick of all the trouble she had to go through and just eventually stopped waiting so long. The stage passed.

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C.H.

answers from Denver on

Regression is perfectly normal. Stick her in pull-ups for a while.

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S.B.

answers from Pueblo on

Hi A.,
Congratulations on having babies after waiting so long. I know this is frustrating. Much too soon this time of your life of diapers and potty training will be behind you and there will be other challenges. You might try talking to her and discussing stopping what she is doing and "run, run, run to the potty." You might make her responsible for changing her clothes, putting the wet ones in the laundry room. Tell her that you are going to buy some pull ups that will help her know when she is wetting, etc. Tell her you know that she is a big girl and has lots of things she wants to do, but that this is important to learn how to go to the bathroom. As much as possible, try to take the emotion out of the issue. Assure her of your love and that she will learn soon. Help her if she needs your help as in a BM accident. At 3 years of age, there is a whole world that she is learning about and is having the ability to communicate about. I hope this helps! S.

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J.L.

answers from Denver on

I had this happen when my now 4 year old was trained at 2 and 1/2. Its either a phase and "this too shall pass" or it possibly can be a bladder infection. My daughter never had one but I have heard of that happening. You may try calling your pediatrician to see if its possible. Good luck.

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D.K.

answers from Denver on

Regression happens, sometimes for no reason at all.
Roll with it, if you be hard on her or make a big deal out of it, it will turn into a power struggle and just get worse.
Just be matter of fact, let her know if she wants big girl priviledges she has to go on the potty. Every hour set her on the potty, DO NOT ASK her if she has to go, #1 mistake parents make as kids will always say NO if they are playing even if they have to go. Just set her on the potty. Explain once she gets the feeling and starts going herself again you won't do this. Empower her, praise her and just relax. If you have to go back to pullups so be it. My daughter regressed at the same age, however this time it was due to a new baby coming but the regression was short lived, maybe three or so months and she was back on track without one accident 100%!
I will say her favorite guy at the time was Santa, a rec center nearby does a thing at Christmas they call your child if you fill out a form, I did this, Santa called her and told her how proud he would be of her to go on the potty and he would bring her cool big girl panties, she hung up and it was done!!! :) All it took was that call.
So if she has a favorite character then have someone outside the home, family or friends call and pretend to be that character and talk to her.

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N.C.

answers from Denver on

I know all too well that potty training can be really tough! I have a 4 year old daughter and found that not letting her wear pull-ups or have anything to drink after like 7 pm (she didn't go to bed until 10 pm)so 3 hrs before bed really helped in the night time training. I know you said she did really good for about 2 months and then relapsed. I think the majority of it is that she is just too busy so I would recommend going back to phase 1 and taking her every 30 mins or so and whenever you catch her squatting even if she says she doesn't have to go. And at night, maybe try not letting her have anything to drink for a couple hours before bed and making sure she goes potty before bed. Hopefully this will help, I think if I had this problem I would be a little stumped too. I would definately not go back to diapers though. my daughter had an accident one night when we were at a friends house and I didn't have a change of clothes for her (but did have a diaper in the car)so I had to put that on her and she thought it was cool and funny! I just don't think that is the answer. Plus, as bad as this sounds, you will probably find yourself washing clothes a lot in the near future anyway because if yours is anything like mine she will change her clothes 10 times a day and get all of them dirty in the 10 minutes that she wears them. It's cute and kind of funny but frustrating also. Good luck and I hope things work out.
N. Coles

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K.D.

answers from Salt Lake City on

My daughter does the same thing!! She holds it until she absolutely cannot take it anymore, but by then it's often too late and she has small accidents. It drives me crazy. But she's just "too busy" to stop and go. I hope someone gives you some good advice, because I'd sure like it to stop!

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S.P.

answers from Great Falls on

To me it sounds like a control issue. I would back off and start over. Tell her has to go back into diapers and then just let it go. It's hard but that's what I had to do with my son, he didn't completely train for several years. (He is Autistic) I started at two and a half and it took until he was five and half. I pushed hard for it do be done by the time I had my second son. But had to stop because it became such an issue of control. He'd sit on the potty for an hour and as soon as he stood up, he'd go, right there on the floor. It was a long process. I didn't know he was autistic at that time, I thought it was all behavioral. You'll have better luck if it doesn't become a power struggle. Good luck!!!!

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S.C.

answers from Salt Lake City on

A., I feel your pain! My almost three year old isn't potty trained completely yet, but my 4 year old son is. He had the exact same issue. It was usually because he got to busy doing other things. Just go back to the "potty training mode" and take her every hour or so to the potty when she is playing especially with friends and she will get it.

No fun I know but she just got so confident that she didn't expect this to happen and now that it does she is ashamed perhaps.

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K.D.

answers from Provo on

From what you wrote about what you have already tried, it sounds like you are not sticking with any one program long enough for it to work. Your daughter needs to know what to expect for accidents. If this is pushing your buttons (and I've been there the last 3 months) it is probably a control issue. For my son the thing that has been getting him to go consistently (and on his own!) is that he is completely responsible for that aspect of his life now: which means he gets to change his own clothes after an accident, clean up any pee on the floor, wash out his own poopy underpants, wipe up, etc. He has finally decided that it is easier to just go than have all the hassle of cleaning up. (and yes, I do help a bit, but I mostly just stand over him and supervise that it gets done, the whole time pointing out what a time consuming hassle it is and he could be doing other fun things instead of cleaning up if he went potty on his own).
Good luck to you and I hope this regression is a short one!

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C.L.

answers from Provo on

My three and a half year old does the same thing. We've noticed that she tends to "dance" when she has to go but doesn't want to. She gets so involved with playing that going potty is far less interesting.

What we started doing is as soon as we see any sort of fidgeting or dancing, we ask her if she has to go. Invariably, she tells us "No." So, we tell her we want her to go try. We do have to force the issue sometimes and march her into the bathroom, but it has cut down on the accidents.

I think, at this age, its not so much about control, like "I'm a big girl and am going to defy you because I can" sort of control as it is about "Oh, my gosh I'm having so much fun" and the urge to go doesn't register quite on the same scale as it should.

She's already learned how to go potty, so its not a new and interesting thing for her. Now, it gets shuffled to the back of her mind while she plays.

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