Potty Training Regression - Austin,TX

Well, he's obviously just not ready to accept the ongoing scheduling and requirements of gettin' trained. I've known quite a few kids who "trained" as young as 18 months, which basically meant their parents/caretakers got trained to take them every X minutes every day.

The kids cooperate as long as they can be coaxed, wheedled, bribed, ordered or bullied into it, but at some point it becomes clear to more self-possessed kids that they are not getting it. The nerve impulses, bladder control, bowel sensations, ability to actually deliberately trigger a void, and even more important, the maturity to make the whole thing their own, just take whatever time they take.

The good news is, when all that comes together, the kids get it quickly. They are interested for their own reasons, they are eager to make it work, and they don't need prizes, charts, or bribes. This time tends to arrive with fewer complications if the parents can just be patient and wait for it. You can't make a child pee or poop, and trying to make it happen tends to have the opposite effect. That's when parents call it regression, but really, the kids have just had it with the external controls.

Good luck, and I'll bet your son will train right on time if you let him.

Totally feel you!!! We started mine around that age and he went pee and poo, day one. I thought we were home free!!! Not so.... Just because he can go if he is on the potty at the right time doesn't mean he has the mental or physical maturity to recognize the urge every time. I think for some kids it is just a lot of work when they are so young and they get tired of it after the "new" wears off. We had gotten my son an Elmo potty, were doing the whole reward thing and same story he totally regressed and went all the way back to diapers. So we just decide to just wait a while and drop the subject completely. Then I had another child and knew that training and adjusting to a brother was just not going to happen. So now fast forward a bit, he turned three in July and just last month got fully trained. I decided I was done with pull-ups for good, so until he was underwear ready I wasn't doing it!! My MIL got me these "trainers" they are just thick cloth underwear and they do help a lot in controlling mess. We got him a bunch of new underwear and told him that once he was ready to go potty he could use the trainers and when he wasn't having accidents he could start wearing his cool underwear. One day I just asked him if he was ready and finally he said yes!! He was trained in three days. It was amazing, because he was ready and we don't associate treats or anything with it. Although we did tell him that we would get him a computer when he was fully trained and he is very excited about that!! But we don't battle over treats to go, for us that was counter productive. So I say, if he doesn't want to, you are fighting a losing battle. Bodily functions are something he will ultimately have control over and if it gets into a battle of the wills, the parent loses in my experience!! So if I were you I would just chuck the pull-ups, get out diapers and tell him you all will try again when he is older. He will probably be relieved. Also, when my son did go back to diapers, if he did ever want to go potty, we let him, just to keep a good feeling about the potty, but we totally stopped pushing the training. Now at three he is doing great, and I have heard of kids being closer to four and that is normal. Good luck hang in there and never fear, he will not be in diapers on the first day of kindergarten!!:D

The whole potty training thing freaked me out and made me nervous, so the result is that I just totally let my son dictate the process. When he was interested, I'd work with him, but if he lost interest, I dropped it as well. Because I didn't put any pressure on him, it ended up being an almost entirely stress-free process. In about six months, my son went from diapers, to giving up diapers entirely even at night. Now he almost never has accidents. (He was about 30 months old when he started.)

I don't know if it will work for everyone, but my advice is just to follow your son's lead. Throw out all of the "how to" books. He will eventually figure it out for himself.

Don't force it. It will only take longer. My daughter did the same thing. She refused for 6 months, then she decided she would use the toilet and it was over quickly. I got very helpful information from a website: http://health.med.umich.edu from the University of Michigan. Type in "toilet training resistance" in the search field to get good info. The bottom line is that most kids are closer to 36 months of age, although there are some that are trained earlier. They also give lots of tips for toilet training. One of them is that if they are showing resistance, do not mention it at all for 30 days, then try again. You might also look up the "3 day toilet training method", but you will need to be available for 3 days, no interuptions, no outings, to make it work. I think Dr. Phil recommends it. I read in one of the toilet training books I bought "Start at 2 and end at 3, or start at 3 and end at 3" (3 years old). I guess it's that common. Also, try potty videos - we used "Bear in the Big Blue House" and "Potty Time". My daughter loved watching them over and over, and it was some time after that she started going on her own without me nagging her. Good luck and don't stress.

Hi,

I have a four year old daughter, almost five, that just got fully potty trained back in June. We started potty training when she was two and when our youngest daughter was born. She stopped wanting to go to the potty. Since she has siblings that are now three and two, we think that was part of it. The other part was she just wasn't ready. We tried different things, but was unsuccessful in getting her fully potty trained. After the tears and the frustration, I decided to let her tell me when she was ready. It saved me the continuous heartache. I had to overlook others expectations and my own and put her back in pull-ups. I stopped pressuring her and kept encouraging her. When I saw that she was interested, I asked her if she was ready and she said YES! I took her to pick out panties and the rest is history. She has had very few accidents, so I just want to encourage you. You know what's best for your child, your family and your sanity. When he is ready, he will let you know or show you. He will surprise you one day and once he does, CELEBRATE!!!

Stop trying - go back to pull up's or diapers. He is not ready. He will let you know and he might be 3-4 before he is. Developmentally, children can be trained in a day if they are ready. But society has pushed us to think we have to train our children and we end up training ourselves to take them. Wait 6 months and then ask him if he would like to wear his big boy undies today... explain to him that "we" are going to potty in the potty all day long. Put his little potty out where he can get to it. If he pees more than 2 times in his undies that day... he is not ready wait a few more weeks and try again. I had 3 boys... my older son was 4 and told me one day he wanted to wear big boy underware like his friend. I said ok but your friend does not pee or poop in them and get them dirty he uses the potty. He might have had 3-4 accidents total over the first 6 mos. He was ready. My second son was 3 and 1/2. My last son oye veh- he was 4 1/2 but he also was home with me from the get go... no day care nothing. He is more of a baby then they were. Much less independent. I would ask every day if he wanted underware today and then one day he said yes, and that was it. No pressure, no treats, no spankings nothing! Take a breath and enjoy him being little - they grow up too fast!

It's normal to have ups and downs in learning to use the potty but this sounds like a total regression. I suggest having him checked by the pediatrician. A UTI could cause this, for example. Perhaps call the advice nurse first.

If there is nothing medically wrong, I suggest that you pretend he wasn't trained and let it go for now. 2 1/2 is very young to be potty trained. I'd wait and try again when he's 3 or more.

By the way there really isn't any way to train for bowel movements. You have to wait until his body is mature enough and then he'll pretty much just naturally use the toilet with a bit of coaching from you.