Potty Training nightmare--PLEASE HELP!

there have been lots of posts on this, might be more advise you could read search 3 and half yr old potty training etc
http://www.rogerknapp.com/medical/pottytrainingrefusals.htm
suggests giving the control to the child.
have you tried both potty chair as well as regular toilet If he's scared of flushing the potty chair might help

The hiding thing for poop is very common.

I'd go ahead and put him in underwear when at home. When he poops in them, he takes off his underwear, turns them inside out over the toilet and dumps the poop in it and flushes. Then he helps wipe his butt clean.

This really helps. We are potty training my 3 year old, and he gets a little mini chocolate chip for pee and a 'big chocolate' hershey kiss for poops. It is helping.

I feel like I pretty much wrote the first 1/2 of this post! We are going through the same exact thing right now, but my son runs around saying "I dont want to poop in the toilet", holds it for days. He has been trained for over a month, and started doing this 2 weeks in, after going perfectly. He will go at school just fine, its just at home and I am realizing its a power struggle. We went to the park yesterday and I took his portable potty with us. We went back and forth about 4 times till I gave up, went home and he napped and about 4 hours later I saw him on the floor holding his rear as if to hold the poop in. I picked him up and sat him down talking him through it, and he went. Made a big deal, he got his gummys and stickers, and happy dance. I dread the next time he has to go! But I did notice that when I decided I wouldnt make a big deal about it that he did go up to the toilet himself and at least try a few times till he just couldnt hold it anymore. This has been the worst thing I have had to deal with, and it sucks! When he had the 2 accidents I did make him clean himself-I put him in the tub with some wipes, I cleaned his undies but I may start having him do it if it continues. Just try to keep calm!
S.

For my son, who was a nightmare and we can almost say is potty trained (thanks for the support ladies), we stopped with the pull ups, made him clean up after himself when he poops in his pants and whatever it was he was playing with or doing is removed for the day. Ie: video games he gets too distracted sometimes.
Cleaning up the underwear (TMI alert for some):
He has to remove his pants/underpants and over the toilet dump the poop and swish it around to get them pretty clean (sometimes I help him flush the toilet and let the running water get it off). Then it goes to a plastic baggy straight to the laundry room for a sanitary wash.
I give him pleanty of wipes to use and he places them in a plastic baggie to go to the outside trash. I have a large mirror in the bathroom so he can look at what he is doing since it can be tricky.
Wash hands/arms well since he was dealing with poop and I inform him that since he was too distracted during video game time or thomas the train time or whatever it was that it will be put up for the rest of the day. Then first thing in the morning it is back for him to access.
We have a question and answer time at random intervals
Me: Where do we poop?
Ds: In the potty!
Me: Do we poop in our pants?
Ds: NO!
Me: Who cleans it up if we poop in our pants?
Ds: "his name" does! (he does not quite get "I do")
Me: Let's have a good poop in the potty day!
Ds: YEAH!!!
Then after a few days of consistancy we do something special like take a longer walk in the snow or he gets added game time or a food related treat like fruit dipped in some dark choc that he gets to help make.
I did not want to hear it/read it myself but the pull ups are easier for YOU but not for HIM. Give it a week and see how it goes, Oh and you WILL have resistance about cleaning himself up by himself so for the first few times offer limited assistance as a teaching course then tell him he is on his own (please supervise it is poop!). Good Luck!

Many kids are scared when they see their poop in the toilet and then see it get flushed away. On some level they believe the poop is a part of themselves that gets flushed away. Try talking with him about what poop is and is not. It's waste that his body wants to get rid of.

Then don't flush the toilet in his presence.

I'd start out by ignoring the whole thing for a few days. I"m thinking part of the problem now has become a sort of battle of the wills. You want him to use the toilet. He doesn't want to. Let him know that getting rid of the poop is what is important. I agree with putting under shorts on him so that he feels the discomfort.

Then, in a few days, try taking him to the toilet 30 minutes or so after meals. That is when most of us feel the need to poop. Be light hearted about it. Perhaps read him a story or sing. Let him bring a toy. then ask him if he wants to flush the toilet to get rid of the waste or not. If he doesn't want to flush wait until he's out of the room and the sound to flush.

My son did the same "hide to poop" thing. Whenever i could catch him i put him directly on the toilet. I realized what he just didnt like the look of it. One time after going he looked into the toilet with a frightened look on his face and said, "yucky Mommy!" Afterwards I congradulated him and made a big deal of his accomplishment. This may sound a little gross but I would tell him to sit on the potty and fart, afterall you are using all the same muscles! Hey, whateve works, right? I would take him out of pull ups. You might have to clean up dirty undies but he probably will not like the feeling of being dirty and you can save a little extra money. If you use pull ups you might as well use diapers its the same thing, jusy without the tabs and different packaging and double the cost.

Some kids get freaked because they are flushing part of themselves down the toilet, bec. they don't understand that the poop is the leftover stuff that is "garbage" that his body doesn't need.

I also think you should stop making a big deal about it (showing emotion), but do make him help put the poop in the toilet and rinse/wash out his undies (in the coldest possible water, so it's unpleasant).

I finally just stopped showing any emotion when my son would do this...I did make him clean himself up in the shower (and I would turn the water colder than he liked it...not cold cold like freezing but not as warm as he would have liked it). Then he would have to scrub out his own underpants in the toilet and then take them to the washer.

He cried the whole time first time I made him do all of the above...I never got upset, I was just matter of fact this is what you have to do every time you choose to use your underwear for a number two.

The second time he almost caught himself in time to not do it...it was really an accident, not an on purpose poop in his underwear. I followed the same procedure...uncomfortable shower, wash them out in the toilet and then to the washer.

There was NEVER a third time. It wasn't until I made him do the "dirty" work that he stopped. Good luck!!

It's always hard when you had great success with your first children. Fortunately or unfortunately each child is a "unique challenge". Do you think he is "scared" of the potty for #2, or what is behind the hiding? Does he realize before he does it in his pants, that he will get in trouble for doing it in his pants? Sometimes it takes time for them to warm to doing #2 in the potty or toilet. Reassure and try a treat, but most of all try to keep your cool! Eventually he'll get the idea that it is best to go in the potty than his pants - it can't feel the best. The cleanup is not the nicest job either but I guarantee you are not alone with this problem - I feel for you! I think potty training is one of the hardest things!!

My grandson did the very same thing. We kept trying everything to get him to poop on the toilet. He would run and hide also. Everyone kept telling us one day you will wake up and he will just go poop on the potty. We couldn't imagine. Finally when he was 4 1/2 my daughter sit him down and had a talk with him, about how proud she was of him peeing on the toilet and she just knew he could poopy ther too.. And it was past time. And gave him an ecouragement speech. Well, the next morning he went in all by himself and pooped on the toilet. We were amazed and so happy. He's been fine ever since. So give it time. I know it is hard but he will wake up one day and just do it! Good Luck!

I don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but I got great results from going to Home Depot and spending $35 on a new toliet seat that has a built-in flip down kids seat in the lid. Best money I ever spent!! No worries of falling in the big potty, no need to put a seat on the potty. My 3 yo is so independent about it now since we got the seat that he goes in there and puts the seat down himself and takes care of business. Before we got the seat, I thought he would never get potty-trained. He'd my second, btw. My first caught on quicker and didn't need this special seat. But everyone is different!

Also, we did make a big deal and showered praise on him every time he pooped on the potty for a few weeks, too. That helps!

Hang in there!

LisaD

try treating him. Tell him if he goes #2 on the big boy potty he will recieve 2 things that are his favorite. Good Luck

J.,
Just in case it's an emotional thing like some suggested about his being afraid, and it being part of him getting flushed, I would recommend the book "Everyone Poops". My son LOVED that book. Maybe if your son sees the pictures of the animals pooping (I know, it's gross, but it's kind of funny) and sees the baby and the big boy in the book (the baby poops in diapers, the big boy on the toilet) he will feel more comfortable about it himself.

Best of luck, and just keep laughing! Remember you are not alone in this! And he WILL eventually do it. I promise you he will not be pooping in his pants when he's 16! : )

Blessings, J.