Potty Training Nightmare! - Herriman,UT

I went through that with my son. I finally got fed up with it just before he turned 4. (We'd been trying for over a year, too). He's a stubborn kid, and this is a battle mom can't win.

We put him back in diapers, and took away one of his favorite activities (it was video games). We said it was a "big-boy" thing, and big boys go potty.
Then we completely dropped the subject. Didn't bring up potty at all, unless he asked for video games, and then reminded him it was for big kids. (His older sister still got to!) We left it at that for about 4 months. Then I said "do you want to try going potty again so you can be a big boy and play video games?" He said no at first, but changed his mind. Used CLOTH training pants. Once he was on board with it, he was 100% trained (no accidents except the occasional normal kid oopses) within 2 weeks (closer to 1 I think).

It sounds like yours is also a power struggle. He knows that you can't make him go potty, and he just doesn't want to play along with your attempts. Let it go long enough that the game is over. Try to hang out with other kids his age who do use potty (peer pressure can be good! - and they don't even say anything to each other). Try again in a few months, but don't say anything (or very little) in the mean time.

Julia has the right idea. I bought my son a car set he wanted really bad, but said it was for big boys who use the potty, and I put it on the shelf behind the toilet. He was trained in 3 days.

Google Encopresis and make sure it's not that. We've been trying everything with my daughter too. She just refuses to do it on the potty. Driving me nuts! And she doesn't have Encopresis. Guess we'll just keep on keeping on ;/

Does he like to watch TV? Don't let him watch any TV until he goes, on his own, and w/o being asked or reminded. Then plan the next few days at home doing absolutely nothing. He will be so bored and so desperate that he'll do anything to watch TV.

My son was the same way. He obviously knew the theory but was not motivated with respect to the practice. What finally resolved it was when my husband and I went on our first vacation since he had been born and left him with my sister-in-law and his two male cousins, who were the same age and a year older than he was. Their example converted him to the practice. No amount of nagging, encouraging, etc., on my part was going anywhere. It took the persuasive power of the peer group/relatives to provide the motivation.

Who knows what might motivate your son?

Good luck! This is a very frustrating problem.