I am a stay at home mom/military wife who needs new ideas on potty training my 3 1/2 yr old son. He has been using the potty to "P" since he was 2, he will even stand up in front of the big potty. The problem is, he refuses to go #2. My husband and I can see the signs that he needs to go and make him sit on the potty, he won't stay there and gives up after a few minutes, he tell us "it won't work". He will not sit on a big potty because his feet don't touch and he doesn't want to fall in, so we went back to using the training potty to try and build confidence. He will sit there, but still hold it in and not go, he will wait until bedtime when he is wearing pull ups. The handful of times that he has gone, we make a big deal out of it, we cheer for him, tell him happy we are, on occasions, even give him a new toy. Now, he is resisting more than ever. Please tell me if anyone else has had a problem like this and how you solved it, I would love to put him in pre school but can't until he uses a potty. Any ideas are greatly appreciated!
That you so much for the great advice. I did have a potty seat from his training potty and he still didn't like using the big potty, after getting some great responses, my husband and I decided no more training potty, it's time for the big potty. Well, we tried the advice for 20 min after meals put him on the potty, we took him up there, sat him on the big potty and left him in there, (our room is right across from his bathroom, he can see us and we can see him) he's the shy type and does not like an audience, he did not want a step stool, and although he screamed and cried, within 30 min he went. The next day at lunch, my husband took him upstairs and with minimal fuss, he went after about 10 min, that night after dinner, he came to us and said that he needed to poop in the big potty. Tonight, after we came home from dinner, he went right upstairs to his bathroom, pulled off his pants, hopped up on the potty and went, it has been 4 days now and he has not had an accident in his pants.
We are also using short term and long term goals. As a short term goal he can choose to have a bubble bath, bath fizzies that change the water color or use foam soap. As long term goals, for every poop in the big potty, he gets a star.
When he reaches 5 stars, he gets to go out for ice cream, (in fact we had to do that tonight), next, when he reaches 7 more stars, we are going to Kangaroo Jac's; 10 more stars Chuck-E-Cheese and so on. He likes the idea of counting down how many more "stars" to get his reward. Potty time has no longer become a struggle and isn't stressful on either of us. Thanks for the great advice!
Hi, I am a stay at home military wife/mom as well, and I know this sounds so harsh but so far it has worked for my little boy who is 3. I got the idea from my nephew's mom, and she suggested that when he has a accident on himself, to put him in a cold shower for like 5 seconds. Yes my little boy hated it and still does, but he no longer has accidents.
A. C.
Boy have I ever dealt with this issue. It's still so fresh in my mind b/c it has only been 2 months that my 3 1/2 year old son has been without an accident. I had him at the doctor's office and had a child therapist in our home to observe his resistance to #2. First, let me explain that he had trouble going everyday, even in diapers due to heredity issues. So, he was put on Miralax to make him go everyday. Secondly, the therapist had several great tips that I will pass along to you. For him on the big potty, have a stool under his feet to give him leverage. Also, we turned potty time into an exciting adventure. We read (and still do) books, play "I spy", and sometimes I tell stories to him. It takes discipline on our part (as the parent) to sit with them as long as it takes to get the job "done". Another tip, do a potty trip 20 mins. after eating. That gets him into the routine, even if he doesn't #2. The best of all tips is a calendar. I got the small size (calendar size) color poster board and made a potty calendar. It is posted right beside the potty. It has a grid for the month with the days filled in. Every time my son goes potty, he gets a sticker. Then if he goes by himself, he gets a "special" sticker. I also reward him with a potty prize (usually a peppermint patty). I change this poster out each month. He has started helping me decorate it and takes pride in it. I hope these tips are helpful! Don't give up and know that the average potty training time is 36 months from start to finish, not meaning they will be finished by 36 months old. Good luck!
Hi H.,
I just went through the potty training with my 2 1/2 year old and # two was a big problem. It seems he was afraid or something. I did the cold turkey method and took the diapers off completely. Within a week he learnt to do # 1 in the potty but #2 was a problem. he kept pooping his pants. We never gave up and kept telling him that the place to do # 2 was in the potty. 2 months into the training I think he got fed up of feeling the poop in his pants and started going to the potty. No more problems. I tell you it was difficult, specially the cleaning up part but it worked for me. Good luck.
V.
Oh boy, I FEEL YA! Our 3 yr old boy is doing the SAME thing. I'm not big on the candy thing but a friend of mine (mom of 5!) said that keeping hershey kisses in a box on a high shelf in the bathroom and rewarding for #2 worked for all of her's..We are trying it now and are about at 3 for 4..he goes in the potty 3 out of 4 times..Who knows.. anything is better than cleaning the accidents up! :-)
I have 4 children. 3 trained very well and 1 would wet the bed. I always started training at 2 1/2. I would get a medium size poster board and draw lines on it like a calendar. At the top I would decorate it with the child's name and write "POTTY REPORT" across the top and put it up on the refrigerator. Then I took the child to Wal-mart and let them choose big kids underwear with their favorite character, alot of stickers of their choice and a big bag of snacks like fun bags of m and m's or gummy bears. After returning home from our shopping trip I would take my child into the bathroom I would go to the bathroom, do alittle happy dance and clap then choose a sticker to put on the Potty Report and then got my candy reward. Then I would help my child put on their favorite underwear and see if they could get a sticker and reward. This worked very well with my first child so I just continued to use it with my other children. I have not had potty training battles with any of mine. The candy was only use until the first package was gone and the stickers were used until the poster board was full. I have kept my nephews and know from them bowel movements for some reason do take long to train some children. We have always let ours sit backward on the seat. They can lean froward to balance themselves and don't feel so uncomfortable. Hope this helps some.
I agree with making him stay until he goes. That is a great time to get in some reading. We actually had some great "potty time" books that we would read in the bathroom only. The books help distract him and allow him to relax enough to go. You need to not give in, even if it takes an hour.
My son also liked me telling people about what a big boy he was to go on the potty. We had to call his gramdma after each time, and she would also make a big deal of it.
Fast forward to today, my son loves to go into the bathroom with a book every night. Unfortunately he uses it sometimes to delay going to bed, but at least he's regular! LOL
Wow, have I ever been there! My daughter demonstrated an ability to use the bathroom and then just flat out refused to do so. You name it, I tried it. I even lied to her preschool and told them she was potty trained, then when she had accidents I pretended it must be because she was nervous about preschool or afraid of their bathroom (miraculously, they told me that "this is common" and didn't kick her out).
By 3 1/2 she was reading books on her own and STILL not using the bathroom for the messier functions! I was freaking out, but feared making it into a power struggle or a huge deal. I tend to figure that kids do things on their own timetables. But a few weeks before her 4th birthday I decided that I was NOT buying diapers (pull-ups) for any four-year-old who isn't brain damaged. I told her "This is it. Here are the last pull-ups I will ever buy. You have two options: You can go in your pants or you can use the bathroom like a big kid. It's up to you." A week before her 4th birthday we ran out of pull-ups and she never had an accident again (except on 9/11, which is understandable, as that was a very scary day in DC and we were very worried about my husband who had been at the Pentagon that morning).
One thing we did try with the "big potty" was to use a small step stool (so that her feet could touch) and also a kiddie seat (so she wouldn't fear "falling in"). We even sent an Elmo kiddie seat to her preschool, and that did the trick.
Obviously I am not the person to give stellar advice on this subject, except to say that I've been there, and I believe it was the firmness of my decision that finally tipped her. I hope this helps a little bit!
Hi H.!
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I too have 2 boys and they are so much fun. Mine are 5 and almost 2. My oldest was extremely easy to potty train, so easy it was almost scary. One thing that helped him was a potty seat that sat on top of the big potty, the perfect size for his little tush. He also has a stool that he would climb on that was tall enough for his feet to reach while he was sitting. It only took about a week for him to make poopies on the potty. We would also make a huge deal of out looking at what he "did". I plan on training my youngest in the next 6 months or so and I hope and pray he is as easy to train as my oldest. Good luck!!
K. - stay at home Mom of 2 fabulous boys
We're having the same issue here. My eldest usually won't go poop in the potty either- she'll hold it until she goes down for nap or bedtime (even if I put her on the potty right before she goes down). I honestly don't know what to tell you. She has gone #2 a couple times in the potty, and I made a HUGE deal out of it (I clapped like a crazy woman and cheered for her accomplishment). Then I gave her a small peanut butter cup & sticker. She seemed very pleased with herself. I think for her it's a privacy thing because the few times she has pooped in the potty I wasn't in the bathroom when she actually did it, and I had to make sure that my 2.5 yr old didn't wander in while she was in there trying to poop. (which is interesting because my 2.5 yr old is starting to show interest to go potty and wear big girl panties like her big sister). Anyhow, let me know if you find anything that works. I really hate cleaning up slinky bumms. lol.
Linds
Military wife & stay at home mom of Bridgette (3.5 yrs), Anya (2.5 yrs), and Leilani (5 months)
Had the same issue with my son - best advice I got was from SuperNanny - lol - no more Pull Ups. Go only underwear no matter how much mess, just clean up the mess each time and be sure to put the poop into the potty that was in the underwear and have your child flush it down the toilet so he can understand that that's where it goes. Stickers/rewards didn't really work for us, but changing only to underwear did - let him pick out underwear he wants and explain that he doesn't want to get them dirty. Don't worry if he holds it. He'll go eventually, he has to. Also, I agree with the other moms who suggested a smaller seat that goes over the toilet. There is a Sesame Street one at Babies R Us that you can also fold up and take along with you when you go out to public toilets so he doesn't have to be scared of those either.
I agree with using stickers (rather than food). Thankfully, my kids all love books, so they had special bathroom books (only available and usable in the bathroom).
Also, it's seems better to simply say, "Good job. You're such a big boy. Only big boys use the toilet." Keep it simple and quiet. If he prefers being in a corner, then he likes privacy and may be embarrassed. Try seeing whether he simply likes you sitting on the tub waiting, quietly or if he prefers you being out of the room with the door a certain level of open or closed.
You already, too, received the wise advice of trying 15-20 minutes after eating. So, that's all I have to offer. Remember, all children are different - just patiently try things until you find what works. Then, be patient when it's time to train the one you're soon to deliver - he'll need different things than your older son.
I wish I had a good answer for you, it looks like you tried everything I did - same situation, except we were sometimes yes, sometimes no on the pee-pee in the toilet, he would just forget, and he has pooped a total of 3 times in the toilet, ever, he'll be 4 in April. He didn't want to fall in the toilet either, so I put him on it backwards, which helped for peeing, but not pooping, then I introduced the little potty and I made him sit there. It was a painful, agonizing first 15 minutes. I knew he needed to go, he knew he needed to, but he just wanted to do it in the corner somewhere. Luckily my neighbor was over, my son loves her, she's like a grandmother to him, and she knew what to do. She sat next to him and read him books and just tried to distract him and encouraged him when he thought about it. That was back in the fall. He has gone only 2 more times since then, both times big struggles to keep him on the potty, one time I litterally held him on and told him he wasn't allowed to get off until it came out, he cried, then pooped and was so happy about it, that he forgot that I was mean to him.
Everything changed for my son this week! Monday night we put a clean pull up on for bed and my son has kept it dry and clean even until now. We're on the same pull up! He has never made it through the whole day in the same one. So, here's my advice, be persistent, consistant, and patient. He'll do it when he is ready... Best of luck.
Have you tried the seat that goes on top of your toilet? You also might want to try sitting him on it when you know he is starting to go in his pull-up. All children are different with potty training. The one thing I have learned since working in a daycare is to not use pull-up's or diaper's when training because it tends to contridict the whole going in the potty because they feel as though it is okay to go to the bathroom in the pull-up. Good Luck!!! Let me know if this advice helps. I have 4 children.
