So I have asked on here before about potty-training my DD, who is now 3 years and 8 months (turning 4 in August). In a nutshell she's been extremely resistant to even trying to sit on the potty and has not wanted anything to do with it. We were on vacation for 2 weeks in Feb and then a couple weeks ago we were all sick with bad colds (plus DD had an ear infection, plus DH had an abscessed tooth and needed a root canal), so I've just been waiting for it to be a better time to start getting more serious about it. DD also is off from preschool next week so I figured this past Friday was a good time to start. I took a lot of peoples' advice and just put her in underpants and took the diapers away except for sleeping. I know a lot of others have said she will train when she is ready but my feeling is, knowing her, she will continue to pee and poop in diapers if she is given the option. She was NOT happy about having the underpants on at first and kept screaming at us to take them off and give her her diaper back but we held firm. Throughout the day she kept saying she didn't like the underpants and wanted her diapers, but we just kept saying no, you are a big girl now and need to start learning to use the potty. The first day she had a few accidents where the pants got wet but she did manage to pee on the potty once. We basically had to lead her to the bathroom and tell her she had to sit on the potty and she was flipping out the whole time but as soon as the pee ended up in the potty she was all excited and happy! She got 2 M&Ms for going pee and got to put a rubber stamp on a calender that we are using as her potty chart. The second day (yesterday) was the same as the first - one successful pee on the potty, a few accidents (including a poop in her diaper when she woke up from her nap), but when she started to get wet she started to try to get to the potty. She would still protest actually sitting on it but then was all smiles when the pee went in and she got her rewards! We also give her lots of high-fives and tell her how proud we are of her and doesn't it feel good to get the pee out and into the potty. As for accidents, she's been saying, "I'm sorry! I'm SO sorry!" and we just let her know it's okay, accidents happen and we just need to keep trying. This morning she woke up with a dry diaper (sometimes it's been wet and sometimes dry) and we got her to sit on the potty a short time later and pee. Later DH took her to see a movie (told her it was because she had peed on the potty 3 days in a row) and to the store and had her in a pull-up with undies on the outside (figuring it would help if she did have an accident but she would still feel the need to try to stay dry if the undies were visible). She stayed dry the whole time. They came home and she went down for a nap with a diaper, but woke up still dry 3 hours later. She got her underpants back on and a little while later DH noticed her dancing around and looking uncomfortable so he had her sit on the potty and she peed! Again, she was not happy about having to sit on the potty but was really happy and proud of herself once it was done! The thing I've noticed is that she seems to finally be sensing that her bladder is full when she has to go by the way she acts and she's gotten a lot better about just getting the underpants on and not having a diaper all the time - like she's finally accepting the situation after realizing we are not going to give in to the screaming.
But I'm wondering, when is she going to stop protesting about sitting on the potty in the first place? Once she realizes that doing so and emptying her bladder is what is going to help her feel better? Also, she is using a little potty, she doesn't want to have to sit on the big potty yet (she's okay with the flushing though - she likes flushing her own "stuff" down the potty once she goes) - is it okay to take her out in pull-ups for now, until she gets used to the idea of using a big potty out in public? Is having the underpants over the pull-ups a good idea? Am I traumatizing her by making her sit on the potty or is it finally giving her the chance to be successful and get rewarded for it?
Sorry for the long post, but it's been a bit of an uphill battle with her and now that we've finally started getting her over the hump of just being okay with wearing underpants and trying on the potty, I want to be able to keep going. Any advice is welcome - thanks!
Sounds like you and she are doing great! Keep it up!
You are not traumatizing her by making her sit on the potty. Remember that also when she is older and you make her do the homework she doesn't want to do...
I think you are doing great by giving her the opportunity to be proud of her accomplishments. Before you blink too many times, she will be over that last little hump of not wanting to sit on the potty, too.
I went the way of making it no big deal, but praising praising praising with our kids and it worked for us. So, don't give in to her not wanting to sit on the potty and don't let it end up being a big "drama" that she has to. You're doing great it sounds like! Have you considered getting one of those seat attachments so she can sit more comfortably on the regular potty? My kids liked those better than potty chairs. In fact, they only used a separate "potty chair" maybe 3 times each. Then they preferred the regular potty. Without a step stool and seat attachment, it can be pretty menacing for a small child, though, so make sure you provide those things for her (if you haven't already).
And read lots of kid books about pottying in the toilet. :)
Giving kids a chance to be successful is often the exact type of encouragement they need to get them motivated to do something.
Great job DVMMom!
Congrats on the progress! It sounds like you are going to get there. I've heard that it takes at least two weeks to form a new habit, for a new behavior to begin to feel habitual, and that's when the changer really wants to change.
Kids are pretty adaptable, though, so it will be interesting to see whether your daughter can start thinking in terms of using the potty. She's made some big advances already, I'm guessing, becoming less resistant and catching on about the physical signals.
As long as she isn't becoming MORE resistant, I think you're okay doing what you are doing. I've heard about a few kids like yours, very bright and verbal, very intent on doing things their way. Sometimes pushing such a child sets up a major battle of wills and works against the process. But it sounds like you are doing all right. Once the basic process becomes more the norm for her, you can start on related issues, like willingness to use the big potty.
I love her apologies.
(On trauma: I'm in my 60's and have surprisingly many folks in my age group who have claimed to be traumatized by their toilet training. When I was a little, kids were usually trained earlier, and some of the methods to get them there were pretty draconian. But if your daughter is happy after succeeding, she's probably okay. It sound like you have a pretty happy relationship.)
I say keep making her sit on the potty - since she is "producing" and is so proud of herself each time she goes! This is still so new for her - you may have another week or two of the protesting but it sounds like she's really finally getting the hang of it! That's awesome!
You might consider putting underpants INSIDE the pull-up - if she has an accident she'll know immediately, rather than having the pull-up absorb it.
If she's frightened of public bathrooms and the BIG SEAT, and if you have a larger vehicle (mini-van or SUV) you could get a look-alike potty chair that goes in the car. If she needs to potty, she can take care of business in the "same potty she uses at home" in the car. Keep supplies (fresh undies and pull-ups, wipes, clothes, socks, shoes) in the car plus the potty (in it's own sealed water-proof carrier) in the car at all times.
We're just starting this process with our 3.5-yr-old. I hope it "clicks" soon!
It sounds like you all have gotten over the hump. The important thing is to be consistent. You might try one of those little seats that goes over the big toilet. They come in a variety of characters...Dora, Diego, Sesame Street....they are small and you can take them with you for the times she isn't at home. Other big potties might be uncomfortable for her, but if she has her own adapter, it might help when you are not at home. I think the pull ups might hold her back from total success. Congrats on the progress so far!
I'm kind of in the same situation as you. My 3 1/2 yr. old son is on day 3 of potty training. I'm opting for no pull-up except for nighttime because he gets lazy when he has it on. I set a timer every hour to remind him to go and I'm trying to stay pretty close to home or only short outings to avoid accidents.
Good luck.
