Our son is 31 months old and has shown signs that he is ready to be potty trained. Here is the history: On two previous occasions he has expressed interest in wearing underwear and using the potty. We set up a sticker chart with rewards and used m&m's as instant rewards when he would use the toilet. During this time he was wearing pull-ups and having frequent accidents (although he could pretty much go on command in the toilet too). He refused to poop in the toilet. His excitement and interest would last 1-2 days and then he would throw fits when we suggested using the potty. Each time he went back to diapers full time.
Last weekend we started the 3 day potty training method from Lora Jensen - basically you put them in underwear 24 hours a day and remind them to tell you when they need to go. We followed it to a T and by the end of the 3rd day he had pooped in the potty every time but was having frequent small accidents in his underwear (we would race him to the toilet where he would finish) and NEVER told us that he needed to go (we had to watch for the funny look on his face). We are now 8 days in and losing our minds! He has still only had 2 poop accidents at nap times but will not tell us he needs to go. He will tell us as soon as he is wet. At this point he is wearing pullups at night only and will pee in the toilet when we take him. We have created exactly what I wanted to avoid - a situation where I have to remember to take him every 30 minutes.
He clearly made progress in the last week, but my husband returns to work tomorrow and I also have a 1 year old to take care of. We are at the point of deciding whether to put him back in diapers until summer which we hate to do or continue with the non-stop accidents and "mom-training" that leaves us virtually housebound and is quickly draining my patience.
Any suggestions are appreciated!
I think boys are harder to train then girls. They just dont seem to mind being messy. I do not think you need to be house bound, but maybe instead of diapers use pull-ups. Keep trying the underwear at home and ask him frequently, but dont push it. He is still learning his signals and will come around when he is ready.
Do not put him back in diapers. To him that says "you did not do good enough, you are not a big boy, we do not believe you can do it". Accidence are a part of training, but once you go to underwear, it you go back you are giving the message that he does not need to train, that he can always go back to diapers if he does not want to use the potty. I know it is hard (I have 2 boys), but hang in there and it will be worth it in the end.
Stick to it mama! It's only a season (though a stinky, exasperating and exhausting one I know!!!) and sending the mixed message of going back to diapers each time it gets tough it likely VERY confusing to him and not helping him learn what it is you are trying so hard to teach him!
I don't say this to brag, I truly do want to encourage you that it is possible. I have potty trained all five of my kids (who are all 6 years old and under, including twins) and I have taken the route that the earlier the better, for them and for our whole family! I like to say it's less like potty training them then it is "un-training". Our babies show us signs of having to go potty straight from the womb just like they show us they are tired or hungry. The vast majority of parents have just ignored these signs and trained them by default that the diaper is where they are to put the pee and poo and by 2 years old they have learned this lesson so well that it takes a decent amount of work to unlearn it! My son is 11 months old now and has been going on the potty since he was 6 weeks old. He is just now learning to give me the signals of blowing his lips when he has to poo. Certainly this has been a lot of mama-training but I find it is not any harder than changing and washing all those stinky would be messy diapers! I still leave them in diapers when they are babies but once they are two, off they come. By that point they have been going on the potty so frequently and often have learned to tell me or try and climb on themselves that the step to undies is fairly unremarkable. I kindly disagree with most people who say you need to follow your kiddos lead, you are the mama, they follow you! :) You teach, they learn. Certainly we all learn wonderful things from our kiddos as well but in areas like where to put their poo, I suggest you take a deep breath and stick with it, your little man is smart, he WILL learn if you don't give up and in the meantime, yes, it is "mom-training", but it won't last forever. I know it is lame but you will be SOOOO glad in a few weeks when you can go in public again without worry of an accident! And maybe your hubby can have a professional carpet cleaner stop by when it's all over for a little "good job mama" gift! :)
I agree with the naked posts! Just take off the clothes, grin and bear it! If it is nice outside and you have a yard trying playing outside naked a few hours a day teaching him to pee on a tree, so fun! And you'll get your Vitamin D as a good side benefit!
Make a big deal out of the successes with your praise, encouragement and excitement and never shame them. But I would avoid too many complicated systems of rewards and such. They need to learn where their waste belongs, it's that simple. It is a basic skill and we don't give sugar as a reward when our kids learn a basic life skill right? First time they climb the ladder at the park? When they learn to write their name? Count to ten? You get my point...
Whatever you decide to do, try not to worry and just enjoy your little people, they do grow up too fast! You are a great mama and how long our kids are in diapers is really not all that important in the end, just do what you need to do for your family and your sanity! Cheers!
Hi
Don't get crazy yet. Boys only get the urine signal after the age of three. So you are five months early with that one. As for the poop. I decided not to get frazzeled over failures and only use praise. It still took three months.
Boys are not as quick as girls are about toilet training. My girls trained up around two years of age with no miss-up except night diapers. In six months of daytime success each one asked for no more overnights.
Why was I so patient? I had taken a psychology class at a university when my eldest was about a year old. The professor realizing how many new mothers he had in the class did one class on toilet training. He asked, "How many adults do you know who are untoilet trained?" He told us to take it easy and what the anatomical difference are between boys and girls.
Three things you can't make a child do on command: eat, sleep, or poop or pee (sigh).
My son was 4 and dry at night (12 hours) and still was not interested. I did not push it. When we went to interview his four year old preschool class she said to me in front of him but not directly to him, that she did not usually take child who were still in diapers and definitely did not change diapers.
All his friends were going. He was "trained" the next day. Easiest thing I never did. But I am an extremely patient person.
I would put him back in diapers and ignore it. I know it means more diapers, but it is easier on you, both mentally and physically. He will be "trained before he goes to school. I promise you.
My oldest son potty trained fully just after his 3rd birthday. My girlfriends little guy didn't train fully until after he was 3 1/2. Another friends son is still training at 3 years old. Everyone, including our ped. told us that boys are not always ready to train as early as girls. Our oldest son showed signs of readiness for a few months before he fully trained. We got him a potty and chart etc....., did rewards of getting a new train when he filled his chart. We did not pressure him to use the potty- just made it fun for him. He "practiced" for a couple of months, using his potty before the tub and in the morning- wearing diapers/pull ups other times. Then one day, he just went to his potty on his own and used it. It was an easy training for us, as we just followed his lead. Your son is still on the young side as far as I have heard from other Mom's of boys. So maybe just take a step back and follow his lead? Some of our friends have made it an ordeal and it seemed to take longer and be more frustrating then just following their children.
I also have a 28 month old little boy, and he has a potty. Around 22 months or so he used it all day for several days and we thought- "Wow, he is advanced!" :) Then, a week or so later he was back to just using his diapers exclusively. Since then, he has used his potty on occasion, but when asked if he wants to use it he will generally say no. We backed off, and are just waiting for him to want to proceed. We read books on the potty, and he sees older brother and Dad use the potty- so he is getting the info, just not fully ready to do it on his own yet.
A friend once told me that "all kids will train eventually- you've never seen a kindergartner wearing a diaper have you?" She was right, they all do it in their own time.
Good luck!
All I have to add is that kids figure it all out eventually. We've been potty training our daughter for over a year. About a week before her 3rd birthday (so, two weeks ago), she just started getting it. She finally asks to go much of the time, but she still has accidents. It was a real eye-opener, though, to realize that no amount of pushing and prodding would make her learn. She had to figure it out on her own. And, she had to decide she wanted to use a potty and not just pee when she felt like it. We just encourage her, remind her and clean up the inevitable messes.
It's frustrating, but the rewards as they get the hang of it are so worth it!
First off you need to be patient, relax and then stick to it. It takes much longer than 3 days or a few weeks to get them potty trained. Most kids, I believe, take three to six months to get there. Dont rush him or it'll only backfire. Your son is 2 1/2, give him more time. Accidents are going to happen over and over again, it is part of the learning process. Also, don't keep changing the game, decide what method you want to use, and stick to it!
What I did was I got two large clear containers and in one, I put in the M&Ms and in the other, I put in 30 matchbox cars (they are 1 dollar each so I figured spending 30 bucks to encourage my son was well worth it). I put the containers on the fridge so he could see them and I told him that he got m&ms for peeing and if he had no accidents then he got a car. I worked on the pee part first since my son only pooped once a day and sitting on the pot scared him. We taught him to pee standing up because of his fear of sitting on the toilet. My son got three M&Ms everytime he went pee in the toilet and 8 for poop. At the end of the day, if he had no pee accidents then he got to choose one car. After I explained it to him, it took him about 3 days of looking at the cars to decide he wanted to do this. Then it took probably 40 days for him to get all 30 cars and by the time he got all 30 he was totally pee trained in the day. At that time he was about 2 yrs 8 months.
The whole poop thing took longer because of his fear. But, I didn't rush that, I just gave him the time and space he needed to work out his fear. He was poop trained a little over 3. As for night training, thats a whole different story... they just have to get old enough and big enough to have the control so there really isn't a lot of training that goes on there, just a waiting game for the dry night to come.
So, my advice is find a method you like and you are willing to work with and then stick to it. Be patient and know it isn't going to happen in a few weeks and likely will take a few months minimum. And most importantly don't rush him or get frustrated with him and never scold him for an accident, it'll only backfire. Also give him tons of praise when he does well. Good luck! :)
PS... edited to say... yes you definately have to remind him or ask him every thirty minutes or so. He has never had to think about this so it's all new to him and it is just natural for kids to not want to go, they don't want to miss out on anything, so they just will hold it till they have an accident. In fact, I have a clear memory of doing that when I was a kid ;)
Well, I can only empathize with you. My son turned three in February and has been pooping in the potty for a year now and regularly (meaning that he has only had one or two dirty diapers) for a couple of months now. But the problem is going pee. When we put him in underwear (we did it, too) and I remind him, he throws a tantrum, especially if I insist he go to the toilet and try. But then, usually when I'm busy with his twin baby brothers, he will pee all over the floor and usually he will do this about a foot or two from the toilet. I, too, am losing my mind over this and was just about to give up on potty training completely when he got excited about keeping his pull-up dry for the past 36 hours. He did it, too, even through the night, so I know he can do it, but he will only do it when it suits him. I've always heard that boys are slower to potty train than girls, but this is crazy! One suggestion I can give you and that I think I might try is training pants - his daycare suggested if I send him to school in underwear that I use training pants (plastic pants that go over the underwear - apparently you can buy them in Target). This way when he pees his pants, the pee won't go all over the floor, but he'll feel it. I think this is the problem for us - he is now treating his pull-ups like diapers when at school but at home if he pees in his diaper or pull-up, he wants me to change it immediately. I usually tell him that diapers aren't the same as pull-ups or underwear and that we wear them for a few hours, not change them every time we pee - I tell him this in hopes he will be uncomfortable, see the light and want to wear underwear and pee in the potty! Our parents didn't mention how hard this stage was, did they? Funny that!
I think you are going to have to be patient. This is a gradual process, and it sounds like your son is making progress. Usually something like the potty-training in 1 day or 3 days, is the culmination of months of the child practicing and becoming aware of the sensations, and is just the final step in solidifying the child getting themself to the potty.
We set the timer, and actually that helped our son, too. If he was playing, or just didn't feel the pressure in his bladder, or just didn't want us to shove him into the bathroom, we'd say, how about we try in 5 minutes? and set the timer, and he'd agree with that. Eventually when the timer went off he would just go by himself. If we were out, we told him that we were going to use a diaper so that he didn't have an accident, and helped him learn to use the public restrooms (which would be hard with a 1-yr old in tow, I understand). That helped him with the confusion of being potty trained or being in diapers.
Also it often takes quite a bit longer to get the pooping down. Our son held it in during the day when he was in underwear, and would go after his bath when he had a night diaper on. So then it got predictable, and we could talk to him about it, the feelings he might have before it was time to go, etc. Also we could tell when he was going, and we'd talk to him about it, and say that he could go on the potty if he felt it coming, etc. Eventually he could do that.
It might help you if you just tell yourself to give it another month of structured training, and by then he'll probably be 90%. You might have to do this every 30 minutes for another week, then every hour for the next weeks, etc. Every hour- hour and a half is what we do, depending on when he last drank. And we never make him feel bad about an accident; he helps clean it up by spraying the soap on the floor (it's diluted Dr. Bronners). Also please remember that kids are extremely sensitive to impatience, and it makes them feel bad and upset and that will confuse him and he won't be able to process all this new information right.
My son started showing interest in potty training when he was two and staying dry at night, so we tried all the usual methods (pants-free days, wearing underwear, rewards charts, M&Ms, etc.), but nothing would work more than a day or two. It was stressful, so we went back to diapers, but encouraged any interest he showed, kept all the "supplies" (underwear, potty seats) and mentioned when his friends were potty trained (I'd even overhear him ask his friends if they wore underwear). But I didn't push it. Then one day when he was 3-1/2 he decided he wanted to go in the potty and wear underwear, and he's been potty trained ever since (he's 4-1/2 now). No accidents and it was stress-free. He was very excited, and we called his grandma and went to the store to pick up the reward we had promised him back when we did the reward chart. Ironically, he was also about to start preschool so we picked a school that allowed kids in diapers, and then he potty trained himself one month before school started. :-) I know you are receiving conflicting advice, but what worked for us was to just wait until he was ready. When he was ready, it was like flipping a light switch and no more diapers!
Get him something he likes!A Potty insert w/ his favorite characters on it..Then tell him...Is it " So+So Time?"(Whoever) is on the insert..make a verbal game! You could also make a hanger for this Insert and let him get it off the wall + Put in the toliet.Make him feel like a "Big Boy" Now. Some Children don't go for Charts.Tell him when You can go all by yourself you'll start getting your favorite Cookies +milk for snack time. Next day tell him if you can go on "Your Big Boy Chair" again today we'll go to the Library or a Matinee..Set a few simple Rewards days for his efforts+ make a big Verbal deal when he starts on his own, hugs when he gets off his chair + hangs it back up!Children will rise to the Occasion, let them try!
That is exactly what happened with my little girl when we did the 3-day method. Twice we gave up and put her back in diapers but the third time we approached it just a bit differently. We did a rewards chart with stickers each time she went potty successfully in the toilet and she got to pick out a new stuffed animal that we called her "Potty Pal". This time she was more inclined to tell us she needed to go potty and also would tell us when her potty pal needed to go potty then she would go when her potty pal was "finished". Each time she got a sticker for her chart. We also Skyped grandparents once a week and she would show them her chart so proud of how well she was doing. It was much much easier transititioning from parent-trained that starting completely over. I'd say stick to it but change it up a bit so he has some incentives for being proactive. Also, we went on a long (6 hr) car trip to visit grandparents just a week into our 3rd (and finally successful) attempt. We were sure to stop every 2 hours and if she went potty when we stopped and stayed dry then she got to pick out a special snack or treat from the gas station. She stayed dry the entire trip both ways. Good luck!
Dear Kim,
We finished potty training about three months ago (our son was around 27 months old at the time) so the memories, the raw frustratingly maddening memories are still fresh in the old noggin'. What worked for us was nudity. We initially tried potty training in big boy underwear but our son would pee and poop in those as if they were diapers. He probably thought they were diapers - just better fitting and lighter with cute designs. Anyway, I remember being ready to tear my hair out by the end of the first week. I tried carrying him to the potty every fifteen minutes or so, peppering him with "do you have to go potty" questions, offering M&Ms as reward for going, had a success and failure chart with stickers for "I did it!" and "I tried!", and staying close to home. All to no avail. It's not that he wouldn't use the potty, but rather that there seemed to be no understanding that he could wait and be on the potty before going. I began to doubt he was ready and that I had seen any signs of his wanting to try at all.
And then I remembered all of my wonderful mom friends who had gone through the struggle themselves and the one thing they all did that I had yet to try was nudity - at least from the waist down. So we took off the diapers and let him run around the house nekkid. The surprising result of this was a release in the pressure because having his little twig and berries out there for the world (really just the people in our home) to see was somewhat humorous. There were still a few accidents but our son quickly became aware of his own body and began to associate certain feelings with the need to go to the bathroom. Also, turns out M&Ms weren't a great motivator for my kid - how this happened I don't know, I love chocolate - but candy canes were. So, as bad as the sugar was for his little teeth, I started offering tiny bits of candy cane to him. It took about two weeks to get him to where I felt he was comfortably trained and I could rely on his potty schedule, so to speak.
We still use diapers at night unless he requests to go to sleep sans diaper, which he has done on a couple of occasions. Thankfully, we never had trouble with pooping, which I hear can be traumatic. The last time I noticed my son having difficulties during a bowel movement, I went in and showed him how to grunt and followed that up with a faux fart sound. He laughed and started doing the same - the grunting, that is, the farting he did on his own just fine without need of my instruction. The downside to that is now I know when he's having trouble because I hear his young grunts emanating from the bathroom. I guess you have to take the bad with the good.
So, to break it all down - try nudity from the waist down, make sure your motivational device is what motivates him, relax, and have a cocktail! He'll get there before you know and the memories, well, I hear they fade.
Best regards,
C.
Ok, so here are my two cents worth. I have twin boys. I tried potty training them since they were about 2 1/2. I, like you, would try and then give up and return to diapers. I did this about 3 or 4 times. Finally when they turned 3 1/2 I decided to try and only train one at a time. My first son, who was the one I was most worried about, was potty trained in about 3 days. I was shocked. I resort to a M&M for rewards. The second boy, on the other hand, was a different story. I gave myself about 2 months of having good potty skills with the first one before starting with the second. My mind had to be committed to this. We tried stickers, sweet rewards, praise, everything. He would would do pretty well most of the time. At daycare (I only send them 2 days a week) he never had an accident. I put them in pull-ups at nap and bedtime. I figured out if I left him in a pull up for too long then he would be in them when he was up. So I had to decipline myself to stay on top of it. So know I had that under control, we needed to work on the poo part. He didn't care if he pooped in his pull up, or underwear. So my last resort was to buy him a handheld electronic game. I found one at Walmart for $10. It was a CARS one. Thats what they are into. I would set him on the potty and he could play the game. Thats the only time he could play the game. I worked out wonderfully. We still do M&M rewards when THEY think about it too. We no longer use the CARS game as it accidently got dumped in the tub one day and shorted out. So I guess what I am saying is when he is ready he will go. I didn't believe that statement either when people told me. Make things a game for him. He will come around, it may just be a little early for him. The only thing I have to say is don't put him back in diapers or pull-ups if he is going most of the time. I would use that to threaten them and they were ok with it. Reverse psychology never works when you really want it too. haha. Good luck!!
My kids were very slow (and stubborn) when it came to potty training. I just finished training my daughter (she's 3 1/2 yrs old). We started the process almost a year ago. We started in pull-ups and did a sticker chart. She would have weeks where she would seem to make a lot of progress, and several weeks when we were sorely tempted to put her back in diapers. Then just a month ago she started staying dry all day and telling us when she needed to go, even taking herself to the potty. So a couple of weeks ago we put her in underwear and we still remind her to go at certain times of the day.
My best advice is: don't give up! Slow and steady does it. You don't have to stay housebound. Pull-ups can still work for training. It can feel like an endless process. But I can safely say that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck!
-B. M.-
Why don't youuse a timer or something that when he hear it go off he needs to try and use the potty. He should be able to go longer than 30 minutes and still stay dry. Maybe tell him if he goes potty all day no accidents you will take him to the park to play. Reward him with something he likes to do. Let him know what a big boy he is. I would take short little trips with him going potty before you leave the house and as soon as you get home. Take spare clothes if you need them . I wouldn't go backwards and go back to diapers. If you need to be gone from the house for a long time put a pull up over the underwear. Take him to the bathroom a couple of times while you are out and about.It takes time and he is slowly getting there.
My thoughts are with you at this time - I remember it well! Hang in there. He will get it.
We also did the Lora Jenson method, and our daughter was trained for pee within a day and a half. She pooped in her undies though for the next 3 months. She finally got it! (we have a 5 month old right now as well)
We put a basket of books beside the potty and encouraged her to sit, and she loves to look at books so she'll sit there. It takes her about a half hour to finally go, but it works!
I say stick with the undies, and above all, this is the really hard one - have patience! It will happen eventually, but he needs to learn to recognise his own body functions, which only comes from time.
Good luck!
There are different kinds of readiness: physical and emotional readiness to pee in the potty, and physical and emotional readiness to poop. Your son seems a little unusual (to me, anyhow) in that he's not reluctant to poop in the potty.
But he may not be completely ready on every level for training. Close, but not quite there. And you can actually upset his emotional readiness by being too eager for his success. The resulting pressure, no matter how unconscious you are of it, will be all too apparent to your little guy, and could become a setup for failure. Which becomes a setup for even more failure. Not a pretty situation for you or for him.
You have the idea that the 3-day system should work. The problem is that it didn't. How about backing off, now that he's had this introduction to the process, and giving him some time to process and decide? He'll probably end up succeeding by about the same age, with less stress and cleanup of accidents for all of you to deal with.
If you search this site for other potty-training questions, you'll see many responses from moms who were surprised and delighted that their kids were suddenly ready to try the potty once they let up on all pressure.
I suggest that even if your son is ready for the idea of potty training. His body is not mature enough to make it happen. Boys usually do not train this early. Their body is not ready. You said that he tells you as something is happening but not before. This suggests to me that he doesn't feel anything until it starts to happen. I'd let it go for now and try again when he's 3.
