Potty Training Help - Huntsville, TX

Updated on July 20, 2009
A.B. asks from Huntsville, TX
12 answers

I know there are tons of requests and responses on potty training, but I am busy at work and can't find the time to filter through them all. BUT I do know that we need help. My 2 1/2 year old DD is in my mind ready to potty train. On two occasions since just before her 2nd birthday we have good runs with the potty, both pee and poop. But after about two weeks, she just shuts down and refuses to sit on the potty. I bought training panties (didn't want to do the pull-ups) and for a while she was doing great. Well, now it's time to refuse the potty again. I know she has the control necessary to train, as she will hold her pee and poop (sometimes to the detriment) until she has a diaper on (nap and night time).

I am just at a loss. How do we get past this so we can start successfully potty training? Yesterday she pitched such a fit saying "just want a diaper, don't want big girl panties" I ended up bribing her to just sit on the potty for a few minutes. That still didn't work. The minute she got her diaper on, she peed. UGH.

Anyone have advice other than just backing off for a week or so?

2 moms found this helpful

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

So What Happened?

A bit of back story, our daughter was born extremely premature and after all of our hard work as a family and care team, she is advanced in most areas. However, I feel socially she is still delayed. She was not consistently exposed to other children until she was 20 months old. I think this has played a huge part in the potty training issues.

So, we have decided not only to back off for a bit, but to also make some other changes in our home to help with her feeling of independence. We have now moved her into a toddler bed and are working to promote more independence. Thanks for all of the advice, I really appreciate you all taking the time to read my request and give me your ideas/opinions. Wish us luck when we got at this again!

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.S.

answers from Houston on

This happened at my house too.. when they realize that potty training is more work for them, and it is easier for Mommy to change them. NO MORE DIAPERS!! Gone, get them all out of the house, and announce it. There is no options.. TOILET only! This worked for us.. any going back and forth just confused my son, and after I did this, he fussed for one day, and then was perfect..the occasional accident, but it worked! And if you have to use pull ups..and don't want her thinking that they are 'diapers' name them something else..like night time underwear, or order some cloth pull ups, they look like undies, but can be washed etc. On Cottonbabies.com or any cloth diapering website. Good luck!

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.C.

answers from Houston on

Hi Amanda! First I know this is a challenging task and I just potty trained my daughter (2 1/2yr old) almost a month ago. I agree that a child needs to be ready for the potty training and if they show signs other wise...it's best to wait awhile. With my daughter, a few weeks before, I began reading to her books about going to the potty. Then training started...she was in underwear except for naps/night time. Every time she went potty or tried to go potty, she got to put a sticker on her potty chart and a small piece of candy. Yes, she had accidents the first few days (alot) and she also asked for her diaper. I stuck to the training though and told her that she now wears big girl panties...she didn't really push the issue.

Also, at first, I didn't wait for her to say she wanted to go potty...I would put her on the potty every 30 min and tell her to "push". When I went back to work the first week after training her...she did hold her pee and poop until she came home with me. I think she wasn't comfortable and it was still new...she wanted mommy to take her to potty. However, we stayed consistent and never gave in. Now she is doing great! She tells us when she wants to potty, even if she's going night night and has her diaper on...she wants the potty. Good luck and keep patient. Praise her when she tries to go potty...she will catch on that she gets a reward when going potty.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

V.B.

answers from Houston on

I hate to say it, Amanda, but you're going to have to let her set the pace on this. I got VERY frustrated for the same reasons with my daughter (she had been trained for 2 months when she decided to stop pooping on the potty) and in the end, they are the ones with the control in this situation and I think my daughter knew it. The frustrating thing for me was that my daughter wouldn't even ask for a diaper...she would just go in her underwear (EVERY day!) and then say she didn't want to stop playing to go. I tried everything...bribery, punishment, etc. I actually stepped up the bribery a notch (after she got so many stickers, she got to go pick out a movie at the movie store or go get ice cream, or go to the Dollar Store to pick out a toy). That actually worked for us, but in the end, I wish I had just let her do what she wanted with it because it was very upsetting for me and for her and it probably didn't need to be that way. My daughter is exceptionally bright and verbal and I just knew she knew what she was doing, but that isn't the point. Knowing how and wanting to are 2 different things and you have to wait for the second one to kick in if you want to do this without any frustration or disappointment. It's SOOOO hard when you know they can do it, but won't, but do your best and just take the pressure off for awhile. Maybe let her pick out some new undies and tell her when she wants to start using the potty again, she can wear them. Give her some incentive, but don't force the issue. Mine eventually went back to using the potty in a couple of weeks and we've been fine ever since. I pushed way too hard on my daughter and I don't plan to make that mistake again when my son is ready. Good luck! This is one of the tougher parts of parenting a kid of this age.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.H.

answers from Houston on

Sorry, but I think you need to back off more than a week or two. Potty LEARNING is not just about physical readiness - it's about emotional and developmental (read: mental) readiness as well. Reading your request, you say she's ready "in your mind". She's NOT ready in her mind, though. Until she is, I doubt you will have succes.

You see that the methods of trying to force her only make her hold her urine and bowel movements. You recognize that it is detrimental. This is an area (perhaps the ONLY area) where she has complete control and she is holding on.

Buy a couple of books about the potty. Read them. Make sure she sees y'all using the potty. Put away the big girl panties until she expresses an interest.

I waited until my son expressed interest and he learned the potty in just a few days. He was completely, physically, emotionally, and developmentally, ready - at age 3. My guess is she's truly not ready in her own mind. Don't force it.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

L.I.

answers from Austin on

Hi, first up if she is physically capable of being toilet trained, and knows what to do, and refuses, this is a clear case of a behavior problem; it's a battle of wills and you have to win!
She is at the age where this often happens. The best response is a clear consistent firm one.
Don't enter into negotiation, argument or discussion with her, she is too young. She needs to know you are in charge to feel safe.
Choose a day. Begin by visibly removing all diapers and accessories. From that day on she will be using a potty or toilet. Tell her that no one in your home now uses diapers. She is old enough to potty, and she will. This is stating your expectations clearly, in words she can understand. Don't use too many words! Keep it firm and simple.
If she wets or soils, deal with the mess without speaking, and simply remove her to time out for at least one minute. Don't enter into discussion. Just re-state your expectations. You could add 'time out is the consequence for not putting pee/poop in a potty in this house'. Remain calm but firm.
You may have to plan on staying at home for at least 3 days! It usually takes 3 days to alter toddler behavior.
Simply put; parental expectations are powerful. Use this. In a calm, firm, loving way (no need to hit for discipline) insist on your standards. Time out is a room she will not like, I used to use a small seperate toilet. No toys, no fun, and if there is a tantrum while she's in there you will have to stop that too.
I stopped tantrums by simply holding my son's shoulders and saying so firmly into his face (so I had his attention) something like 'you will NOT behave like that! this is not acceptable! stop it RIGHT NOW' Almost yelling, not quite, very firm. He rarely threw tantrums.
If you are totally clear in your head what you want to the point that there is just no other option, it will work.
Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.A.

answers from Austin on

I would say that consistency is important, yes, but just as important is a positive attitude. The potty thing should be exciting. Think back to when she was learning to walk or talk and every new development was met with cheers and praise. Same thing! A friend of mine put streamers and balloons in the bathroom and had a potty party. My daughter still gets so excited about going to the bathroom and every time she does she will run out, clapping her hands and saying, "I'm soooo proud of you"(meaning she's proud of her) So paint that smile on your face and make it fun. She'll come around.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.B.

answers from Houston on

How about back off until she is ready- mentally and physically. Obviously she is ready physically but she is telling you in plain English she is not ready mentally. Give her a little more time. They never go to Kindergarten in their diapers. And it is WAY easier to potty train when they are beyond ready ( takes a day) than to push it early. Good luck.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.M.

answers from Odessa on

In my opinion, you are doing this half-right. You did the right thing by doing training panties and not pull ups but you are not being consistent. Don't give in to her request for a diaper...EVER! She will eventually go. She can't hold it forever and by giving in to her diaper request you are encouraging regression. If you're going to potty train, you have to be consistent. It's harder on us than it is on them but continuing to give her a diaper is not only confusing her but you're letting her have her way. She is clearly ready. You can do this and so can she.
HTH

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.M.

answers from Austin on

It sounds like she just isn't ready. I would stop talking about it and just put her in a diaper for a few weeks. Then try reading some books, watching a movie, whatever about potties. Like the other lady said, they need to be mentally ready as well as physically. You have yourself locked into a battle of wills, and believe me, you are the loser here. She isn't the one who has to wash all of those extra clothes! Is there a reason why you want her to train so badly?

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

C.C.

answers from Houston on

What worked for me was putting on the big kid underwear on both of my kids and being consistent, by taking them to the bathroom every hour and sitting them on the toilet. Also giving them lots of praise and hugs when they did go. I also used the TV to teach them that other kids wear regular underwear like for example whenever a hanes commercial came on with kids I'd take them to the tv and would point out to them that those kids wore underwear and not diapers. But the biggest thing was being consistent and constantly taking them and giving lots of praise. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.B.

answers from San Antonio on

Letting her set the schedule for potty training will yield the best response. The only reason I'd ever push is if she's starting a preschool program that requires them to be potty trained and you have no other choice. Otherwise, there's no reason to rush and make things more frustrating for both of you.

My daughter used the potty for both pee and poop when she was 2 1/2 -- for a week. Then she decided she was done. Yes, it was possible for her to have some physical control, but emotionally she really wasn't ready yet. She was still in the exploring stage, and she had to let that sink in before she was ready to do that on her own. She was fully potty trained about 6 months later.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

F.P.

answers from Houston on

I always found that a regular schedule helps with potty training. If you explain to her that diapers are for babies and big girls don't wear diapers that usually helps but I would make her sit until she does her business. Have cartoons are something on so that she does not mind sitting on her potty and always reward and praise her when she does and do just the opposit when she wets her diapers. Let her know that she is stinky. Also I would tell my grandson that they would not let him into school until her learned to potty. Children want to interact with other kids so this usually does the trick. There is also a book called Potty Time that makes all the bathroom noises, it is a great help.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions