Potty Training, Help

The best advice I can give you is just to leave her alone. I pushed my oldest to use the potty and it was hell. I pushed less with the second and not at all with the last. One day the little boy woke up and was potty trained...and it was easy because he was the one who decided to do it himself. That is the best way to handle it. Do not make a big deal out of it and I bet with in a few weeks she will be like..oh well I guess I will do this now.
Goodluck

Let her pick out the new underwear, make a BIG deal about big girl underwear, underwear goes on first, diaper on the outside. Leave the wet underwear and diaper on, the wet underwear will not feel so great, tell her when you change the underwear and diaper that you are sorry she got her new big girl underwear wet, accidents happen. this has worked with 5 boys and 1 girl

At this age, the idea that they are getting 'big' can be scary to a toddler. Sometimes they just need to rebel a little bit, especially if they feel like nothing is in their control. My daughter did the same thing at the same age! The best thing to do ( what people recommended and what actually worked ) was to just let her use diapers for a few weeks and not make an issue about the training. Just let it go for now and then try again in about a month. Then just kind of ease her back into it and put her on a little reward
system, like stickers. Sometimes they just need a little time. I know it's frustrating, but she'll get it!

Hi A.,

My daughter will be 3 in May and while doing pretty well, still has her moments a bit like you describe - especially in the mornings!

I did a lot of reading early on and most of the research says to always make potty training a positive thing, never punish when they don't do it, etc. (This is very hard!) But as you can see, this plays out in that this *is* an area that they have some control of. At this time in their lives control/independence is a key "skill" that they're learning. And trying to force them to do things often has the opposite effect, as I'm sure you know.

Some of the other posts had some great ideas for offering choices to your daughter that may help her feel more in control, e.g, letting her pick out panties, maybe even the treat that she'd like when she achieves, etc.

Another suggestion is to start making it a routine - even though she's in her diaper and may choose not to go. Get up in the morning "go to the potty", mid-morning after snack (or whatever) "go to the potty". You may also incorporate her into your older daughter's potty routine if that is possible. Providing the opportunity without forcing may allow your daughter to make a choice to join in.

And the bare bottom idea is a good one too! I've had many friends that have used this technique and potty-trained in just a brief amount of time (carpets, floors, are all cleanable :-).

Hang in there! And know that this is a time for experimentation - "let's see what happens when I make this choice"! And try not to take it personally :-).

J.

I recently have gone through the same exact thing except it was my little boy. He too refused to potty train, wear underwear, etc. So I gave up. Yep! I gave up. When I quit stressing about it, he did it on his own. I would ask him if he needed to potty in the toilet, I would ask if he wanted his underwear on, and wash the sheets or clothes as needed. After about 3-4 days of me backing off, he started going all by himself. I wouldn't even be in the bathroom with him!
It was a power struggle game with him. He wanted to be in control of him own body. Once I realized that, life became much smoother.

Best Wishes,

J. H.

have you tried going bare bottom :) Or try a cloth diaper, I bet she won't like that as an option.

Yep, I am in agreement with those that say wait. My older daughter practically trained herself (at 2 1/2) because she just wanted to. And my younger was not ready until 3 1/2 years old. Plus, if you wait, you will be dealing with an older (and maybe more compliant child). At two, like someone said, they have control over so little. And they aren't being defiant. God made them to start being independent. In the meantime, it really helped me to give them choices all day long. You pick two choices, both of which you don't mind like-do you want to wear this outfit or this outfit (and you like both). Do you want to leave now or in five minutes? (And you know they will say "In five minutes" if you are somewhere fun, but that is when you really want to leave). Then when five minutes is up you can gently remind them that you listened to them and waited five minutes and now they need to listen to you. Once they start to feel that they are more in control of their world they are a lot more willing to do what you ask. It worked for me anyway. Good luck. Hope this helps.

I would talk to your pediatrition, but to me it sounds as if she's either scared or just not ready. If she has older siblings that are potty trained i would recruit their help. There's something less scary when it comes to other kids their close to.

Put a pull-up or panties on a favorite teddy bear or stuffed animal and many, many times pull them down and put the animal on the potty and then wait a few seconds and then take the stuffed animal off and praise it like it just did something amazing! Over and over. She will start to think "Wow, I want attention like that." Also, stickers as a reward work well.

I know what you are feeling. My 4 year pld sun is the same way but he will let you put pull ups on him. I have been trying to potty train him for two years and I am still not getting ang anywhere. I wish he would tell me when he has to go but he always tells me afterwards.

Dear A.,

Though I dont have much experience in potty training a girl, I know that my son (who is now 7)was extremely hard to potty train. I tried books, videos, good cop, bad cop... But what worked was 3 14 yr old girls who babysat for me for a week. All they did was everytime they had to go potty, they would announce it... " I am going pee" " I am going poo". %They made it seem cool to do. My son only wanted to be like the big kids... so he too would announce and then go potty. Not to say it worked everytime, but that is what got him potty trained... Hope this helps and good luck!!!

someone once told me something really wise - there are somethings you just can't make a child do and go to the bathroom where you want them to do is one of them. It is simply something you cannot make them do. She is still young and she will do it when she is ready. Trust me, you will have bigger battles to fight, save your energy.

Sadly said some kids will just start with the cool potty training on their own when they are ready. My oldest potty trained so easy done by three but my little two and a half he does like to go potty but only when he wants to not when mom suggests him to.. He likes to wear his underware so a little different but I took him and let him pick them out and when he wants to wear them I let him pick them out of the dresser an help put them on. Let her pick out some from the store and explain while doing so what a big girl she is and how we cant get this wet. Or even try a little potty chart where if she goes she gets a sticker at end of day she gets a treat of some kind ice cream, or m&ms. Dont give up she will do it when she is ready some kids will sooner than others.

I know the feeling my three year old son went through the same thing. though girls are different I can make a few suggestions that may help. Try getting something that will turn the toilet water colors such as 2000 flushes then make a game of it say I bet you can not go potty and turn the water green. or say something like I bet you can not go potty before I can count to three. set up a potty chart every time she goes like a "big girl" she gets a star when she gets three stars in a row, no in the pants on purpose mind you she can go to the store and pick out a small treat then if she goes for a extended amount of time she can pick out a big thing. Set goals for her she is not to young for that. try to make a game out of it that works the best I have found, I used this method with my son as well as the two year olds I taught in preschool it can work if you make it fun. hope this helps.

My (2 1/2 yr old) daughter refuses to go potty, too. No matter what we try, she just won't do it. She started going just before Christmas last year- so obviously knows how! The pediatrician said that most kids don't potty train until age 3- so to just wait until she's ready! He said that when she's ready, she'll do it. When I was little, I was very stubborn and if my mom forced me to go to the bathroom, I would stand in front of the toilet and pee my pants. So, I wouldn't try forcing her :) I think all kids will just do it when they're ready. Good luck!!

I have two girls...4.5 and 3. What worked with my older daughter, who had the same issue of not wanting to go when I wanted her to and proceeding to go in her pullup, was simply giving her full access to the bathroom. In my house, the bathroom was not accessibly to my children. I kept a knob cover on the door so that the girls couldn't get in without my being there. Once I took the cover off so that my daughter could go when she felt the urge to, there weren't any more issues.

First, try the Early Start Potty Training Guide. It tells you how to potty train a kid from infancy all the way up to school age. It is very gentle and wonderful. Cheap on Amazon.

My advice is to have a schedule. When it is time to go to potty then give her the choice "You have the choice to go potty by yourself or I can take you.". Kids like to be in control. Only give her the choice of wearing underwear or bare bottom. Let her know if she wants to go bye-bye she has to put underwear and pants on. This also makes her feel empowered.

I don't agree with waiting because you will just have to start all over and the fights get a lot worse. Children can really hurt themselves trying to "hold" it. My child has ADHD and it took a full year, but at 2 1/2 she was doing it all. Don't rush her and don't feel like your doing something horribly wrong because it is taking her extra time to get on the potty train. There are some really cute videos, too. My DD loved to watch Potty Time with Bear and sit on her chair. Maybe she is concentrating on one thing at a time...like right now she wants to master flushing so she isn't concerned with sitting on the potty...it is a mystery what goes through their little heads.

Also, lots of praise and positive rewards. Let your child help with the cleanups as much as possible....she won't like it either. Don't beat yourself up and Resolve away the setbacks!

I told my 2 1/2 year old daughter, who would go potty at grandma's but not at home or anywhere else, that if she was going to start a new school then she needed to go on the big girl potty. On a chosen morning, I woke her up & said "oops, we don't have any more diapers." Her response was "okay". I can say the accidents were few & far between after that too.
Good luck.
By the way - that 2 1/2 year old is now 16 1/2 & has suffered no ill affects at my white lie!

I have 5 daughters (all potty trained but 1) and one son. THe way I trained them was when we are home, I didn't put ANYTHING on them other than a long shirt that covered their bum....I would ask them every 5 min or so "do you have to go potty?" THere are a few accidents, but they are comfortable and feel "safe" with a covering on their bottom. They have to feel and listen to their body when they aren't wearing anything down there. This way has worked for ALL my kids.....

she will eventually do it in her own time. In the meantime try not to make it a stressful battle for her or she will resist even more. I have been potty training for 9 years now as a special needs preschool teacher. What I find that has worked the best is reading books in the bathroom. Start just sitting on the bathroom floor with her in your lap reading (preferably books about going potty). I have even made my own social stories about going on the potty and personalized it to my students to help ease worries about a new potty or going in a public toilet. This is probably just an issue of control for her. She knows that it is something that she has full control over. Give her a choice so that she feels impowered in a different way. "Do you want to go potty in the hallway bathroom or in Mommy's bathroom?" or "I will let you pick your treat after you go in the potty, Do you want a Dum Dum sucker or a few M&M"s?" I hope you have success soon. I really understand the frustration. I am leaving preschool to teach elementry next year because I am done with potty training!

Have you ever seen a kindergartener who couldn't use the toilet? Don't stress they will get it. Try putting nothing on her. When she wets on herself, she might change her mind. Both of kids needed peer pressure to use the bathroom. When they went to preschool at age 2 1/2 and saw the other kids doing it, they did it too. They didn't want to be the "baby" in the class and liked being a big kid.
K. in Derby, KS

Maybe try just letting her wear the diaper for a month or so. She may not be ready to say good bye to her diaper yet or could be worried so won't get the attention she gets from you now. My daughter is going through potty trainging right now and for the first two weeks she just did amazing, using the potty and waering panties then, she wanted to wear a diaper again for awhile. It was a little hard for me to swith back to diapers, I kept thinking, we were so close but, I obliged her for acouple weeks and now she is back to using the potty. Also my Parents AS Teachers teacher told me that kids at about 2 and 1/2 go through a little regression and don't want to do things that they can do.

She isn't ready yet but she will get there. Be patient and make a BIG deal about it when she has success using the potty. Also some fancy uinderwear may help as well.

My sons were the same way. What worked for me is not making a big deal out of using the diaper but praise for using the potty. We had a sticker chart. When ever he used the potty he got a silver star, when ever he woke up dry and used the potty he got a gold star. After a certain number of stars we went to the dollar store and he got to pick a toy.

My oldest is 13 and he still remembers to toy he picked out.
Good luck

I had to respond to this. My granddaughter was like that too. She also liked Jr. Asparagus ( Christian cartoon figure) and so I made her a t-shirt with this character that she loved. Her mom said she could only wear the shirt when she was a big girl and finished the potty training. (Her mom and I cooked this up together.) She was totally potty trained almost overnight because she wanted the shirt. This may not work for everybody, but you reminded me of the story. Good luck.

At that age they have very little control over things and potty training is one of them, let her go for a little while and then give her the option you may wear pull ups or underwear, you choose. Kids are learning their independence and on things we have no control over it is more about making them want it then making them do it.

I will say I tried some of the previous ideas of others listed and when they didn't work on my first daughter I flat out made her wear either padded underware (at home) or Pull-ups (in public). If she had an accident on the floor I made her clean it up. She thought I was joking when I told her she was to clean up (with mom's re-cleaning afterwards of course) but by the second time that happened she was cured! I hope that helps...

I had a similar problem with my daughter when she was potty training. I always used cloth diapers, and they were thick and soft. She didn't want to wear "pretty panties", but would come to me and tell me "undo pin" when she wanted to go. I don't know what it was - maybe that the pretty panties weren't thick and warm, but one day she just up and decided she'd wear them.

I don't know what I have to offer, but know that you're probably not alone. I even let my daughter pick out the pretty panties that she liked and that didn't matter. I finally chalked it up to her not being ready to give up the cloth diaper.

Of course in the process of potty training, I let her put a sticker on the potty chair lid and one on her hand as reward for using the potty chair. I also used M&M's I kept in a jar on a shelf up high in the bathroom that she could see. I recall there were times she'd "sit on the pc" just for the reward. It didn't take her long to learn that unless she "went" she didn't get the reward. (Smart kid, huh? Isn't it interesting what they figure out or how they think, but we can't convince them to use the toilet until 'they' decide to! tee hee) I'm sure that you are frazzled, but relax, keep your sense of humor and good luck! When you're less stressed over it, she probably will be too.

L.

BTW, my daughter will be 20 next month and hasn't suffered any ill effects due to the potty-training tactics we used.

I have a 3 yr old daughter who knows how to go potty but used to never initiate it. Only if I remembered to make her try would she keep her pull up dry. I know you can try to intice them with rewards, and haven't tried much more than a board w/ stickers on it for everytime she goes. Anyway, I was getting frustrated and a friend recommended a book, "Toilet training in less than a day". It's written by phycologists who combine different techniques that help people learn. Positive reinforcement, repetition, wanting to please those they love, treats ect. They get lots of practice going potty in several hours and learn the difference btwn wet and dry and have to clean up after themselves if they do have an accident. I have yet to get a day off when my husband is not home (you need a good 4-6 hours to concentrate on this and no interuptions. I haven't used it yet but I'm planning on doing it in 2 days. Check out the book from the library and give it a try.

HAve you tried bribry? My son would not go on the potty. He loves Malted Milk balls. So one day I brought in a sealed jar into the bathroom. He wanted one, of course. I told him, if he pottied on the potty, he could have one. 5 minutes later, he went! We worked this way until he had the hang of it. However he was not allowed to have milk balls at any other time.

I have a 2 year old that knows how to use the potty to and sometimes will tell you when she needs to go. I also have a 5 year old little boy. They say boys are harder to potty train. I started using pull-ups when he was about 3 to 3 1/2. I also tried to force him to use the bathroom, and that did not work. That method actually had to opposite effect. My husband and I treid everything even potty video's and nothing. I finally came to the realization that when he was ready he would do it himself. I would still get frusterated but by the time he was almost 4 1/2 he finally desided to stop wearing pull-ups and have been good ever since, even at night. with being in that position myself, my suggestion is to let her do it herself when she is ready. The more you fight with er the more problems you may have. Eventually she will not like wearing diapers and do away with them. but be patient she is just showing her independence in that you can't make her do everything you want her to. Ultimatly she has a lot more control then what we give them credit for. My niece was 4 years old before she decided to stop going in her pants. Hope this helps :)

An idea is to make plans to go anywhere like shopping, go eat pizza, etc., she cannot go if she is in diapers. Just tell her that the diapers are not allowed there and then stop buying them. Find out what she really would like to do as an award for potty training. I used M&Ms for my daughter whenever she went on the toilet. After a while the award became bigger when she would be dry for a certain amount of time. Have you tried a sticker board to let her see her accomplishments? We put stickers on a calender for each day she did not have an accident. I would just let your daughter know that diapers are not being bought anymore. I hope something helps.
D.

Have you tried letting her run around the house with nothing on the bottom---this worked with my daughter in the beginning when she did want the big girl panties-- A friend also suggested getting white panties and letting her paint them with fabric paint so she would not want to wet her "creation"

Hello A.,
I have 3 children. A 9 yr. old son, 23 month old duaghter, and a 4 month old bay girl. I have my 23 month old potty trained and she has been since she was 17 months. She was still wearing pull-ups but she was using the same one all day and she was letting know when she needed to go "potty". Then she went to panties when she was 22 months and she sleeps in panties. She has an accident probaly 2 times a week. I don't know any tricks but I can tell you what I did. When I changed from diapers to pull-ups I never went back to diapers, and then when I started panties I never went back to pull-ups. Also, I have a really good family and group of close friends that helped out and showed their interest in her being a "big girl" and how cool it is. I think that really helped out to, her always having the encouragement from people she looked up to. When I first started I took her to the bathroom every 20-30 minutes and had her go. I was constantly asking her if she needed to go and if it had been a while then and she said no, I would make her anyway and she would go! It is one of the toughest to conquer but it feels good when you do! Last, PATIENCE!!! lol It is mainly love, patience, and consistence. I hope that helps you. Plus, there is always the reward system. Just little sweet nothings that make a big difference like coloring together, painting fingernails together, or baking, etc. Okay, wishing you well
T.

Hi A., I have a 3 /12 year old Daughter who I am having a similar problem with. I don't know if this will be helpful at all but her is what has happened with us. When she was 2 she was almost totally potty trained, she wore a pull-up at night but panties the rest of the time and had less than one accident a day. Well I had been laid off from a job that permanently closed one of it's stores so it was permanent, so I had been un-employed for 3 months, she never went to day care or anything, when I was employed it was at night and she stayed home with her Dad. Well right before I got laid off my Husband and I closed our home based business, due to Missouri canceling their Health Care for anyone who couldn't afford it program, and he started working evenings 3:00pm to 11:30pm. So after 3 months I find another part-time job as an office assistant for one of our Customers from when we had the business. Even though she never had to go to day care and there was not a huge change other than I was not here right when she woke up, she just totally regressed. That was right at her 2nd Birthday because I quit the job after only 3 months because they called me 3 times on a Saturday that I had off and after I had told them that I was having her Birthday Party they needed to try and figure it out themselves. So any way, she has not wanted to have anything to do with it since even though I was un-employed again 1.5 years this time, and I tried everything during that time, I even asked her Doctor, he told me when she is ready I won't be able to put a pull-up on her. The thing that has helped the most and this was totally against anything I wanted but after being un-employed for 1.5 years and not qualifying for unemployment because I always stayed at home and only worked part-time, I took the first job that was offered to me and it is full-time but only seasonal, with the IRS. So she had to go to Pre-School, and being around other kids that are potty trained has helped so much she goes in the potty all day at school and sometimes at home. Her teacher says she is totally ready, she is just being stubborn but at least she does it at school, she came home like the second or third day and told me "Mommy that girl called me a baby!" I of course asked why did she do that and she said "because I wear a pull-up" so I told her that Babies wear diapers and that big girls wear panties, so until she was out of pull-ups she was a little girl not a big girl,because she wants to be a big girl. So slowly we are getting back to where we were August of 2006, which is so frustrating, but like I told her teacher I am just glad she is going in the potty at all, because she wasn't. I never wanted to put my Daughter in Pre-school and it still bothers me that I had to because we are so far behind on everything, but honestly I thing it is good for her overall, because her Father and I are not schedule type people and now we have to be so it has really helped us all. Good luck hopefully this will help some at least it lets you know you are not alone.
Thanks, M..

My three-year old son is going through the same stage right now. He was doing sooo well at pottying in the toilet. Then for the past two or three days, I ask him if he needs to go potty; and he'll say, "No, I potty in Pull-up." It's just a stage. He'll start going again in the toilet soon enough. If there's one thing I learned from my five-year old, it's they'll potty-train when they are ready. I'm a firm believer in allowing kids to develop at their own pace.
Hope that helps.

K.

My son is 2 1/2 also I potty trained him in 2 day with a book that you can get off of the internet called 3 Day Potty Training. I have told other people about it and 5 of my friends have used it and it has been successful. If you would like to try it, it is 3daypottytraining.com

You may not want to hear this, but she simply is not ready. This has nothing to do with intellegence or ability. At this age, going potty is the only thing she has control over. She is, in a sense, expressing her independence. Let her do it when she wants to do it... she will then be proud and have a self confidence in herself for having done it on her terms.

She is still relatively young, too. Chances are, if you keep reminding her and physically putting her on the potty- she will be more apt to have accidents throughout the next few years. I have trained sveral kids and am still in the process of one- with very similar results as you-but I must admit I want her to train more than she does, at this point. So I just have to take a step back and know that when she decides to do it, she will.

Good Luck

Once my Dr. suggested using character panties that they love and plain white ones. Play up wearing the 'cool' ones. When they wet them just put on the white ones. "Oh, now we have to wear plain panties, Dora doesn't like to get wet"

My last one NEVER cared to pee in the potty even after he got his cool new underpants. But, once I determined that I could clean up the messes in the short run and that I was willing to stick with it he came along. Within a month we were pull-up free.
I will say that we tried candy as a reward (even just for sitting), doing the "pee-pee in the potty" dance of celebration, and many other things, He could not have cared less. The "thing" for him was a scrapbook page with little stickers. At the end of the day we would count up how many times he went potty and he got to put that many stickers on. He was excited about that!
Maybe try a little Love and Logic on her? Feel free to come out of your room or feel free to come play this game, watch this show, eat this ice cream with me as soon as you put your panties on. They are smarter than the family dog. They get the point and they can do it.
Sometimes I think maybe kids are not ready...However I tend to lean toward thinking that they are not ready b/c we make it sooo easy for them not to be.

I wish you the best I know that it is not easy!!

I work with toddlers so I see this a lot. As many other moms have suggested, give it a break for a little while, then come back to it when she brings it up herself. It sounds like a control thing--maybe give her more control over other things like, "do you want peas or carrots with our dinner tonight?" When you do start back up again, if she feels like she has a little more control over some other things, it may not be such an issue.

Also, some other moms/teachers suggested treats after going potty. I personally do not agree with this. This is a normal body function that everyone does and I don't think rewards really have anything to do with using the bathroom. I've seen so many kids learn to use the potty as "just something you do" rather than something you get a reward for.

best wishes!

A., let her be. She will go when she is ready. My daughter did not care until she was almost 3. I tried all kinds of insentives. What worked was an incentive that she was interested in. She wanted a puppy. So I told her that if she told me potty, she would get a puppy for her birthday. Overnight. I had no more messy diapers of any kind. For the 3rd birthday we bought a shepard collie.
A. B

I've found that ikt's easier to potty train before two or after three. It seems like two year olds are just too busy to be bothered. I'd back off leave the panties to her access and some day she'll decide to put them on. The other thing I've found to help is having her thange her own diaper/pull up when possible. It may take a while- being around other kids her age who are potty trained sometimes helps. Just back off on the pressure- two year olds want control!

well sounds a lil harsh but i was the same way till my mom told me that everytime after she poop in the dipper to put her in the bath tub and wash her butt with cold water and tell her why i was doing it and if she did it again it was gone be same thing and so on .. well it took like 3 times and since then she started going on her own thank god ...