Potty Training - HELP!

it's not about age. it's about readiness and willingness. she may be ready to you, but she isn't willing. and you can't force her to do it. so back off before this becomes a power struggle. just leave the seats available. that's it. let her lead it. i know you want her done. she will be done....when she is done. have patience!

Don't feel like a failure. I have a almost 4 year old boy who isn't going potty consistently. I know boys are developmentally behind girls on a lot of things. I would say back off and not be so pushy with it. I've been told that if I do get real pushy and try to force him then it will back fire.

It may be back firing with her going pee-pee on the carpet. Although there may be other issues going on with that. If that continues and you other issues, I would definitely get some play therapy and see if anything else is going on with her.

We've been foster parents and we had a child that peed on the floor and did all of #2 on the floor and he had numerous issues and was difficult to deal with. A lot of it was with his family. It is a sign of control that they can use the bathroom anywhere they want to. She'showing that she has control over that and also with her eating habits, you may see issues with that later on.

I would recommned Love and Logic, it helps give some of that control to the child and you keep control of the really big important things, instead of minor choices like what to wear, what foods to eat, what toys to play with, what TV show to watch, the list goes on and on. Give her 2 choices and let her pick, as long as it doesn't involve safety issues or anything that can injure her. She feels some control and hopefully that will help.

They offer a Love and Logic training course at the agency we are with, if you are interested, I can tell you more about it. There is one for preschoolers and one for the older kids. It helps tons especially with parents, keeping your cool and not getting angry by yelling, hitting,etc...On some kids it works great and others it doesn't work. You have to find what works for your child and that takes a lot of experimenting! There's no set thing/discipline that works with all children. What one way of handling conflict with a child, may not work with another.

I went through something similar when my son was 3. The difference was we just had a new baby in the house so I couldn't give him or potty training my undivided attention. What I learned through going through much of what you have described, I decided to let it go. He knew what to do, he just didn't want to because he knew I really wanted him to. Instead of continuing to battle, I told him I knew he knew how to go and that he would when he wanted to. I told him it was okay to have accidents because they happen sometimes. But if he had an accident, he had to change his own clothes and put them in the wash and help me clean up the mess. This really seemed to work because he woke up one day and went on the potty and has been going ever since. You can't make them go. It's one of the only things they have control over. I know you're probably at your wits end. Don't blame yourself. She'll do it when she wants to and not a moment sooner! Good luck!

I know exactly how you feel. I am in school also and it has been horrible. My son just turned 3 last week. I decide that we were going to potty train as soon as I got out for the summer. Well, needless to say it took us two weeks to get it down. If I was as strict as I was toward the end then it would have only taken a couple of days. He would wear training pants during the day and pull-ups during nap and night-time. I would tell him that he needs to go potty every 30 minutes (sometimes sooner depending on how much he drank). At the beginning I would ask if he needed to go and found out I don't need to ask, I need to tell him he is going to go. After a few days of this it was like a light went off. He understood how to do it and not go in his underwear and tell mom and dad he needed to go. I also told him that we were going to get baby diapers if he continued to go pee-pee and poo-poo in his underwear. He did not like the sound of that. We also gave him an incintive. We told him he would get a four-wheeler (power-wheels one) for his birthday if he showed us he was a big boy and not a little baby anymore. This also helped. Without these two things we probably would be potty training a lot longer than we did. Hopefully some of this will help.
A. Mc

I really agree with Sarah. She's not willing, that's a big difference than being able. If you don't back off it's going to take longer in the long run. Going potty along with eating is one of the first things that are in "their" control and not yours. ") It's a normal part of them becoming their own person and one of the first opportunities to respect them with it. Hang in there, in time it will happen. I'd stop for a few weeks to a month and try again.
Best Regards,
C.

I am going through potty training my first child right now...and by no means am I an expert. BUT, I've got some observations to share. I hope they might help, even a little!

1. The focus-I've got a spirited kid...well, she's going through the terrible twos and her favorite word is NO. Making her sit on the potty-well, she was acting like she was being murdered initially. This is my second stab at potty training now and we are focusing on staying clean and dry. Every time we put on a pair of underwear, we check it out to make sure it's clean and dry. And I ask her ever so often "are you still clean and dry?!?" When she responds yes, then I congratulate her and we move on. That seems to give her small successes AND she knows that panties=need to stay clean and dry. Life has been much nicer since I've changed the focus from "you must pee in the potty now!" to "great job, you're still clean and dry!"

2. Make going to the bathroom her idea. I announced to my kid "I'm going to the potty! I've got THE FEELING" and then told her she could come with me if she wanted. I got her all interested in listening to see when I go...and the other part of this trick is that I discovered she is really into coloring right now. So we pulled up a stepstool to her potty and the deal was, she absolutely COULD color...if she'd sit on the potty and wait for mommy, I'll go get the colors and a book! This got her on the potty. Then I'd get busy doing something in or around the bathroom so she'd relax and go while happily coloring away. Just stepping back and giving her some space to relax seemed to really help her just let go and well...LET GO! And of course I tell her anytime she get's the feeling, she can go get on the potty all by herself if she wants because that's what big girls do. She's always asking to go potty now.

We're still nowhere near perfect, BUT she pretty much sits and pees on the potty on demand now and that's something. I'll take it!

Let us know what happens or if you get any amazing tricks. I'm always on the lookout for other ideas! Good luck, S..

You are not a bad mom, try to relax a bit!

I think kids get really confused when they go from panties to pull ups. I know it is a lot of laundry on your part, but I would just throw all diapers and pull ups away. Go out buy her all her favorite panties and tell her she is such a big girl and it is time to learn to use the potty. My daughter loved Diego so I bought boys underwear and told her that he would be sad if she peed on him. It worked for us so maybe it would work with your little girl.