Potty Training-My Son Just Won't Catch On!!

This is what worked for us. I took a long weekend and just focused on potty training. I wasn't the potty training nazi or anything. I hid all the pullups and diapers and told my son we were out of pullups and diapers. I told him we were going to wear underwear that day. Then I drank something every time he drank something. When I would have to go to the bathroom I would ask him if he needed to go potty. It was my only priority for 3 days. We played, we had fun, and he learned how to go potty. He had 7 accidents the first day. I thought this is going to be a long process....He had 3 accidents the second day...He did not have any accidents the third day. I did not make a big deal out of it when he had an accident. I was very low key about it. "Whoops you had an accident. Let's rinse you off in the bathtub and put some clean undies and clothes on you." When his dad got home from work the first day I had to send him to Wal-Mart to buy another package of underwear--he had already gone through the 6 pack of underwear. You should have seen the look on my husband's face. But he was trained in 3 days and he has done well ever since--just a few accidents and he still wears pull ups at night.

A.,
Hang in there! Just remember boys ARE different than girls with regard to potty training. Girls tend to grasp it quicker for the most part. Boys tend to drag their feet a little and are sometimes stubborn about it. My oldest son who is 4-1/2 didn't get potty trained until he was 3 yrs old. He knew what he had to do but didn't want to do it. I tried everything also and it can be frustrating but keep at it. Have you tried throwing the cheerios int he toilet playing a game? Its easier if he was with other kids learning how to also. My son goes to Calvary full time and sometimes watching kids head to the bathroom had helped. You could try to read him a book in the bathroom or give him a treat when he is able to sit on the toilet and go. Just remember they can sense when you are frustrated with them also. Try to be patient and understanding. hope this helps.

I went through the same thing with my son. I did everything you stated. With my son, he was just too busy with his toys to go. So after shampooing the carpet for the 100th time. I had it. I told him he was a big boy, he knows when he needs to go and from now on, he will use the big boy toilet. I also told him if he peed or pooped on himself, I was cleaning him with a cold water shower. So after just 2 "accidents" or should I say lets test Mommy and see if she will really do it. He peed on himself the first time. I took his clothes off, put him in the shower and sprayed with with cold water (about 30 sec) just to make him uncomfortable. Next time he pooped. Same routine. Then after that I would ask him do you need to potty (when I knew he needed too. If he said no, I would just ask do you want a cold shower? He would run to the potty! No more accidents!

A. -
I hear your frustration. Life can get really messy and the process of potty training tends to sometimes fall into that category.
As far as your 2 yr old son being 'ready', I have to tell you - it sounds very clearly like he's not. My grandson didn't train until he was 3 y.o., and when he did it was cold turkey.
Boys tend to train later than girls, and sometimes with more of a production. If I were you, I'd put him in the pullups, but put him on the potty upon waking, at lunchtime, and in the evening before bed. If he doesn't go, no problem. But it will continue to program his brain even though he's still wearing the pullups. When you take him to the potty, if necessary put a clean pullup on him afterward.

Toward the end of the summer you can try to work with him again; if he's still saying he doesn't want to be a big boy, here's what I'd do:
I'd make a list of the 'big boy' things he does and 'big boy' toys he plays with, and have a talk with him about the 'big boy' part of his day. These things are his 'currency'. If he continues to refuse to use the potty, he loses his 'big boy' privliges.

Best of luck - and this won't last long. You'll look back years from now and think about what a tiny boy he truly is.

Blessings -
CeceD

Hi A.,

I went thru the same with my 2 boys! My first was done in a few days, easy as pie, at 2 years 9 months. Then with my second little boy, I tried a few months before his third birthday because he was showing all of the "classic" readiness signs for potty training. Well, he didn't care, 6 accidents a day in his undies, wouldn't tell me when he was wet. I too tried all the motivators: stickers, M&Ms, verbal praise/hugs when he did go, but it was RARE! I gave up after about a week and stuck him back in diapers. For a while we didn't talk about it at all. Then occasionally I would mention the potty and if he wanted to try to use it and wear big boy underwear, and he would do the same as your son, say he didn't want to, that he only wears diapers.
Well, his 3rd birthday came and went in January, and I was feeling discouraged, because I didn't know what to do, and felt like he was "too old" to be in diapers, especially since his older brother had already been out of diapers for a few months at this age, but I really didn't talk about it too much with him, or push it too much with him, because I didn't want to create a power struggle. I wanted to try and act like it didn't bother me and I didn't care about it WITH HIM....sometimes I feel like my boys will do the opposite of what I want.
Anyway, at about 3 years and 2 months in March, he just suddenly decided he wanted to wear underwear! and that was it! He WANTED to do it, and he DID it, in a few days! There is a lot to say for self motivation!!! Once he decided he wanted to do it, and wasn't doing it because I was asking him too, he was SO much more willing to try, sit on the pot, was excited about the prizes I got him (matchbox cars-because they were special "potty cars") and would tell me if he was wet, because I would remind him to keep his underwear dry. Also, the timer worked great with my first son, not with the second son. He would tell me he didn't have to go even if he was holding himself because the timer didn't beep yet.....so I had to get rid of it!
Anyway, I know you have the preschool factor, mine will be going as well this Sept. for the first time, and if you can, I would just hang it up and wait a bit, to see if he wants to do it on his own. You still have 2 months, and a lot can change. It may be kind of last min. in August, but, he won't be the only one just learning. Also, I would ask your preschool now, if he's not ready in time, will they hold his place for a month (October) before they fill the spot with someone from the waitlist? That may buy you another month, w/o losing his spot.
Good luck! I know your stressed about it, but try not to be, my husband was as well, and I keep telling him he wasn't going to go to high school in diapers and he needed to calm down and just let him do it at his own pace. Good luck!
~A.

You are lucky that it's getting warm outside so it's easier to potty train. First of all only let him wear big boy underwear. I know you are probably doing this but keep it up even if it means you have to do alot of washing. Every twenty minutes is a little bit much so I would monitor when he drinks. When he has something to drink wait about 30 minutes after and then put him on the potty. Make him sit there until he uses it even if you have to run water while he's on the potty. We used cheerios with my son. Put some kind of toy or books beside the potty to entertain him while he sits there. Tell him that he can't get up until he pees in the potty. Don't give in and put pull-ups on him except at night. And I always took my son with me to the bathroom to show him that big boys should pee in the potty or toilet like mommy did. I know that sounds crazy but my son was really into doing what big people did. Be consistent and do this as often as he eats or drinks. Get him in a routine. When he gets up in the morning feed him breakfast, then 30 minutes later sit him on the potty. At lunch feed him then 30 minutes later sit him on the potty. At supper feed him then 30 minutes later sit him on the potty. Get him on a routine. Also, if he's outside and you see him wiggling like he has to pee, pull his underwear down and let him go outside. Boys love peeing outside. It's almost like it's a right of passage. In fact that's how we sealed the potty training deal. We would use the potty while we played inside and pee in a private place while in the yard playing. He knew that if we were at a park or public place it was like being inside and he had to use the potty inside. I mean desperate times call for desperate measures. Good luck!

Hi A.,

I have six children 4 of which are boys. Boys don't usually potty train until 3 to 3 and a few months. He sounds like he is not ready. When a child is ready they will train like your daughter within a week. I never had these issues because when I tried and they had more than 2 accidents in a day I would put them back in pull ups and wait a while. Until his body and head are in it he is not ready. I wish you luck but sometimes pushing it and having a deadline adds a stress that will make it not work. Give him another month. If he doesn't start preschool until September you still have time.

Good luck

well im sorry but your ped is wrong... your son should tell you when hes gone in his diaper OR that he has to go. that is the main thing you need to watch for, not if he goes every 2 hours stays dry all night. HE has to know when he has to go. when he realizes that he is wet he will be ready good luck just take a break for a while hes not ready and by forcing him you will cause him to regress. hes still young also most kids arent trained until late 2's mid 3's

A.,
I can totally empathize with you! I'm a stay at home of 4, 2 boys and 2 girls. As I was reading your post my immediate thought was, "He's just not ready yet..." Then I got to that part of your post. :) BOTH of my boys were well over 3 before they were ready, close to
3 1/2. I tried and tried with my 1st son, sounds much like you. When he was finally really ready, it was no problem. With my 2nd son, I just didn't even think about until he was 3. My daughter was 2 and SOOO much easier. I'm sorry I don't have any better advice... for us, the "little" potty, pee pee candy, lots of laundry, and time and patience was what ended up working. Best of luck and my sincerest empathy for you!!
Allison

First of all try to stick with it. And try a game out of it. I used to buy the colored froot loops and put them in the toilet and both of my boys learned there colors and hit the bowl but you have to get as excited as they do then do rewards. its worth a try It worked with both of my boys. But the biggest thing is stick with it.Also if he wants to school preschool whatever that is a good tool to use or even going to stay the nite at grandmas. I hope this help.

I don't agree with making him sit on the potty until he goes, but I do agree with consistency. A week isn't long enough. It took my son about a month to learn and he was about three and a half before he was fully trained.

Only use pull ups at night or when he naps.

every 20 minutes is WAY too often. Once or twice an hour should be enough. Watch how much he's drinking and like the other mom said, wait 20-30 minutes after he drinks to put him on the potty. I tried books and things like that with my son but he didn't have much interest. Also, for some reason, he liked having a step stool to rest his feet on, even if he was just peeing. (Using a step stool helps makes it easier for them to relax to comfortably pass bowel movements).

I used apple jacks or fruit loops or cheerios in the toilet and he had target practice to make potty time more fun. Anytime he peed in the potty we jumped around and shouted "yay" and clapped. Rewards DO work, but it takes time for them to associate the reward with the potty.

It took about a month of consistent training to get my son trained during the day, and probably two months more than that to get him trained overnight.

I also wanted to point out that the pediatrician could be wrong. Even if your son is physically ready, he may not be emotionally ready - or even if he has all the signs of readiness, there may be something holding him back, a fear or something.

Come to think of it, my son was scared of the sound of the toilet flushing, so I'd flush after he left the bathroom. When I started the training, I had him flushing, and he wouldn't go. Once he didn't have to flush and hear the noise, he was more willing to try.

Like Nike says, "Just do it". Quit 'trying everything and just do it. He DOES 'care'! He has you where he wants you (in the palm of his little hand), and he's using it as a control issue (and guess who's in control? If you're not a strong-willed person [like me], there's no way you can comprehend this! He's getting his jollies by pushing your buttons and seeing you react).

Use discipline when he does it wrong, and use rewards when he does it right. I wouldn't suggest actual spanking (although I am a 'spanker'), but make some consequence that he doesn't like when he pees on the carpet.

I'd also suggest that you listen to this week's Focus on the Family radio digest for Wed, Thurs and Fri. It's just general parenting tips, and they're wonderful. Go to 'focusonthefamily.com' and click on daily broadcasts.

God bless!

My sister had trouble with her girls so she had them wear silk panties instead of the cotton ones. When they get wet they get cold and uncomfortable.

Have you tried "aiming" for cherrios in the potty? I admit I have a daughter but that was one thing you didn't mention. I think turning potty time into a game would appeal to a boy. Make sure your reward is something your child will do just about anything for and they receive it as soon as they have a successful potty.

This could also a real ego boost for your child watching his mother get upset and frustrated. For me keeping my cool meant using pull ups. I'm sure there will be a thousand posts that will tell you not to use them. That's your call, but I think the important thing is to keep your cool no matter what. Anyone of your ideas can and will back fire at anytime. Once you have a few successes with a routine be consistent. Accidents happen so stick with something your child can count on. Good luck!

Have you enlisted the help of big sister and peers? I have two sons ages 4 and 2. My oldest wasn't a fan of the potty until his older cousin saw his diaper and asked about it. Then, we went to a play date where the older kids changed from their underwear to swim trunks and my son wanted underwear, too. With my second son, my older son helped a lot. When the older one would go potty, he would invite my younger son to potty at the same time. They would talk or read books and my older son would praise him for trying. After a while, my younger son was inviting his big brother to potty with him. I only intervened when necessary so my youngest felt like a big boy.
Good luck and don't get mad. The last thing you want is for your son to fear you. At this point, it is just an inconvenience to you.

I'm not sure if he's ready. I do think it's a good idea to talk with him about what it means to be a big boy.

I am no fan of Pull-ups. With my first four kids, we used diapers or cheap disposables. But I was working with the last two so I splurged on Pull-ups. Those two both trained much later than the other four and also had bed-wetting issues. If I had to do it again, I would choose something much less comfortable for the child, even though it is more convenient for the mom.

Btw, my oldest is 26 so I started out way before Pull-ups.

well maybe he is not ready doctors dont know everything. also you cannot force him. he is confused because you keep switching back to pullups. give it a rest for awhile and he will potty train when he is ready.

Don't get mad. it's not worth it, you'll turn it into a battle, and he'll dread "potty time". SOunds like ur already there. wait three months and come back to it.

You can't FORCE him to be ready, no matter what anybody else says. You don't control his bladder.

Altho we started at 2, my son wasn't trained until 3.5, which is average for boys. I've only ever known ONE child to go to kindergarten in pullups. More than likely he wont.

Back off, give him some time, then go back to it without all the negativity and pressure. You'll both be better off for it.

Good luck!

Hi A.,
I think your answer lies in your son's statement, "I'm a baby, and don't want to be a big boy". You might want to figure out what his idea of being a 'big boy' is. Something about that has him stalled out. What about being a baby is he afraid of leaving behind? From there, you might be able to keep what he isn't ready to let go of, while going forward into things you bring up that are great about being a big boy. Is he maybe afraid of going to preschool? Have you told him that unless he's potty trained he can't go? If he were reluctant in any way, he's smart to know how to prevent it, you see? Is there a way for you to visit his prospective preschool for an hour and let him play with the toys, games, see how many possible friends are there, etc? His motivation is key to your success, even more important than his physical ability to be potty trained right now. I hope you're able to get to the root of the matter!

Such a boy! He's thinking "why should I bother, what's in it for me!" Sounds like treats aren't doing it for him. My son was really motivated by social pressure. He didn't want to wet himself in front of his friends. Starting daycare/preschool really sealed the deal for him.

With my friends son, he was 4 and still refused to potty train. When his mother told him that he couldn't start pre-k until he was trained he never had another accident. Literally, from that moment on.

At 3 he has the reasoning skills to understand. He just needs some real consequences like an activity he otherwise wouldn't be able to do.

Also, once he's trained make sure he's aware that deliberate peeing on the floor is bad. My son tried this trick once and got a timeout and a serious talking to. Never did it again. Everyone has to try it once i suppose.

Hi A.,
Your pediatrician may be wrong. After all, s/he is not living with your son. Your son may know all the things to say, but he's not quite aware of the signals his body is sending him when he needs to go. I really wanted my older son to be potty trained by the time he was three as well, but he didn't get it until he was right at 3.5 years old. And when things clicked, they clicked in a good way. Be patient with him a few more months. Hang in there.

Hi A.,
I had a similar situation with my 3 yr old son. He was ready to use the potty before he turned 3, however he did not want to use the potty, the teachers at daycare said that he was using that as a control thing. What I did and actually worked, was just wait until he was ready, lots of patience and be positive with everything, don't try to force him. Also, don't be stress, that don't work too. One day he just decided that he is a "big boy" and he doesn't want to use pull-ups anymore, within 3 days he was completely trained, that happened just a month ago and he is doing pretty well even at night. I know sounds easy, but you really need lots of patience.
Good luck!!

I know you don't want to hear this, but he doesn't sound ready. Girls train easier and earlier than boys (most of the time). Don't expect him to do what his sister does.

Other than that, I'd take him every hour. 20 minutes is too frequent.

I use a red plastic cup for my son. He was a big boy and I had a hard time pick him up because I was down in my back. So when we where in public rest rooms to reach the toilet so instead I would bring out the red cup that I took everywhere. He would hold the cup pee and then he would pour it in the toilet and flush the toilet. It was fun for him like a game. I wish you the best of luck. Keep trying he will get the hang of it.

Just because all the signs seem to be there doesn't mean he is fully ready. The neurological connection between his bladder being full and his brain may not have completely developed yet as well as the connection between stopping the flow and starting the flow once back on the potty.

My son wasn't able to train until after he was 4 years old. It didn't matter how many times we'd put him on the potty, how many rewards that were offered, he just couldn't make the connection. He couldn't release the urine on demand and he couldn't stop the stream once it started.

We'd try every 2-3 months for a day. If he wasn't making it to the potty, we'd stop and wait again. No need to get him stressed about it because that will just make it take longer.

I had taken him to the doctor to see if there was anything wrong and his doctor said that boys especially train late and that as long as they were trained 80% by 5 years old, there was nothing to worry about, just have patience and don't push it. It will happen when he is fully physically and emotionally ready for it to happen and not a second sooner.

When we finally had success. We'd just had a new baby and we started talking about the difference between the 2 diaper sizes. How he was a big boy and how tiny the baby was. We let him know that when the diapers he had were finished, that was it and it was time to wear the big boy pants that he had picked out. One night while he was sleeping, I removed the last 1/2 pack of diapers and in their place was underwear. We had a potty that he could move from room to room so that he didn't have to run so far when he needed to go. After his first diaper change that morning, he put on his underwear and promptly peed in the floor. He sat on his potty, but it was too late. He did that about 3 times until he started getting to the potty before he finished. By the end of the day, he was getting there every time and has had only a hand full of accidents since. He had a potty chart that he got to put stickers on. He picked out the sticker and he put it on the chart. He also got a sticker to play with each time.

The more stressed you are about it, the more stressed he will be about it and the longer it will take. Back off and just let nature take its course. It will happen only when his body is fully ready for it to happen and no one can know for sure when that will be as you aren't inside his little body, you can't see his neurological connections and read his brain function.

Hi just some suggestions your son may have A.D.D an when he fills the urge to use the bathroom he doesn't go to the potty an does something else an forgets about the potty so therefor he wets himself.my sisters ped told her thats y it was so hard to train her son he is now in kindegarden an still uses the bathroom in his pants every now an then... don't be so hard an demanding of him hes only 2

Hey A.,
You need to buy only real little boys underwear no more pull-ups because he knows they can get away with it just as u said he did. Make him stay on the tolet for at least 30min. until 1hr. It won't him just stop spoiling him and letting him stay at about 5 or 10min. that's about how much time your letter seems it is. It will make him much more stonger. Know in my situation with my son I also sent him to the bathroom with his granddad,uncle, and dad when they were around so he understands of what boys and men do. try this and good luck and much stenght in flowing through.
M.

Having 5 girls and 3 boys i can tell you that Girls are way easier then boys to potty train..But thought i would suggest a little target practice :D
If you can stand in front of the potty and stand him on top of your feet you can have him pee in the toilet with a few cheerios in there that he has to try and sink..
Hope that helps some
S.