Potty Training and Day Care - Salt Lake City,UT

My son is great with the potty at daycare, but not at home. This doesn't seem to confuse him at all. I would keep going as you are, and talk to him about telling the teacher that he needs to go. If he starts asking to go at daycare, it seems that they will take him, or you can have him moved up early.

I think it's an okay response from her, although it's not what you want to hear!! If/when he starts telling them he needs to go, then I think they SHOULD make the effort to get him to a potty. But realistically, they are probably right that even if he's more trained at home, he probably is not in daycare. December isn't too far away so it's not much longer until he'll be in the older classroom where he will have access to a potty.

Great job with potty training!

The daycare's response sure does seem reasonable to me, Lanie. As wonderful as it is that your little guy is doing so well with the process, he is pretty much in a group of one, and they have other kids to watch and regulations to observe. You might need to find an in-home situation with only one or two other children to get the tailored attention you want for your son.

It might help to keep in mind that there's a difference between training the adults in a child's life to get him to the potty in time, and his being able to recognize and respond to his own urges in a timely manner. You say YOU are "ready to push forward," and I wonder what you mean by that. I'd be really surprised if your son is capable of taking more initiative at this point, but if he is, he will be able to lead that process, leave his play, and ask for assistance. Do you envision this as being the next step for your not-yet-2yo?

One final thought: Your boy seems happy with the process as you have worked it out at home, and you sound wonderfully consistent. As long as that's the case, he'll probably continue to progress, at home, at whatever speed his physical development allows. Just as with different rules exist in different situations, children can be pretty savvy about separating expectations in different venues. Just because the school is not able to accommodate his training yet, he may not miss a beat at home.

Well, I can see it from the daycare point of view, as well as yours. They have 8+ children per room ( I assume from your post) and need to stay within state guidelines. There are laws that govern licensed childcare centers. They can get in major trouble if the state were to find out that they are not following adult/child ratios. Now, the teacher and your son may be gone for only for a min or 5...but sometimes kids learning to go potty take much longer on each "try." It's just not a good situation for the daycare..which is unfortunate for you.

So...what should you, as the parent, do? My thoughts...

1. Ask if your son can be moved up into the 2yo room - he is very close already.

2. Continue working on things at home - esp getting him to verbalize his need to go. Maybe extra rewards when he says he needs to go and does. But know that he won't be going much in daycare. Maybe ask them if he can go if he verbalizes it. (only a couple of months til his transition to the 2yo room anyway....)

3. Find another daycare that is more flexible - maybe an in-home child care, or a friend/family member that can watch him during this transition time.

What I have seen with my own son, children I have watched in my in-home child care, and friends' children, is that when kids are really ready for potty training, it goes pretty quickly. If it is taking months and months and months, it is great practice for parent and child and he is going ot think of it as a positive experience, but he is probably not totally ready. Someday he will get it, but not until he is totally ready (mind and body). When he is ready, it will happen fairly quickly.

You only have three months before you go to the 2 year old room. I say wait it out. I would also get a book called "Potty Training in a Day" at that time. You won't have to mess with stages or anything of the sort. Just follow the process they lay out in the book and he will be going to the potty on his own. You won't have to ask him to go, help him go, none of it. My boys potty-trained close to the same age and never had an accident or melt-down.

As far as the daycare, it is unusual that your son is under two and so open to potty training but it is hard to ask them to step out of bounds on this. Especially given his age. I do think the excuse that the ratio will be off is weird since I am sure the teachers themselves have to pee once and a while, thus throwing off the ratio. Regardless, I would concede on this one. Like our doc told us once, "your kid isn't going to grow up not being able to use the toilet, so don't sweat it."

One final word of caution, I have been told numerous times to be careful teaching (especially boys) to potty so soon, they tend to revert around 3 or 4. I never had this happen but three of my girlfriends did.

Good luck and don't worry, all will work out.

I understand the Director's point of view - they have to have some policies in place that aren't always going to fit everyone's needs. Maybe just take some pressure off at home and wait it out - or you could look into another daycare- maybe at home or a smaller center with more flexibility. I think those are your two choices. Good luck!

Have you asked if he can move to the next room now? My daycare is usually pretty good about that if the parent requests it.

You need to get him in a daycare that will work with you and be on the same page with you. I have been potty training kids in my daycare now for over 13 years, some professionals frown on starting them this early, I say go for it. my sons were potty trained, dry at nap time and night time at 21 months and 19 months, my daughter was 22 months but dry at night and naps between 17 and 18 months, we did an overseas move so we put things on hold with her.

Things are to confussing if it's one way at home and one way somewhere else, it could actually hinder him. Just something to think about. Lynn if you are reading this 30 days accident free is rediculas, your sister has every right to be livid, I'm the opposite in my daycare I DON"T used pull ups only training pants and if the kids have accidents I have no problem washing them, and going at it again. J.

Wow, sounds like he goes to the same daycare as my kids! Exact same situation last year, kids separated by age, and my less than 2 year old really starting to get the potty thing at home. It's absurd that the director hasn't heard of kids being ready before age 2! Where has she been? You can do a couple of things (it is your child and your money, after all!): push for him to be moved into the 2-year-old classroom. He is only 3 months away, after all, and he TOTALLY seems ready. You don't want to lose the progress you've made to date. Why even risk it? The second thing you can do is nothing, and continue with the training at home, hoping he understands the "rules" at school. We were not able to move my daughter up to the 2-year-old classroom until just right before her birthday b/c of space issues, but boy, did she REALLY get it once she moved in there. In fact, she got it so fast that she only spent a couple of months in there and ended up in moving into the Montessori preschool at age 2 b/c she was completely potty-trained. She is offered way more educational opportunities and she has grown so much as a person, is in with bigger kids, and is being challenged in way that she was not before. I honestly don't get why a daycare wouldn't want to help out a child who is completely ready for potty training?? Hang in there and push for the best thing for your child!

I too have a potty trained son at 18 months - exactly like yours. He doesn't tell us usually, but we take him in there after asking him, and he goes. He is potty trained. The fact that the school doesn't support this is a travesty and something I would not put up with. I would take him elsewhere. For the brief time my son was in day care, they said the same thing to me too. If they will not accomodate your needs, I would change places.

We are lucky enough to have a nanny, and they never have accidents, and she supports our potty training. It is a cultural shift, not a true medical or emotional need that people wait so darn long to potty train kids, and to force you into doing it because that's what everyone else is doing is wrong, in my opinion.

My son doesn't like diapers any more (20 months) and hates wearing them to bed even. Now, when we travel on the airplane for some reason, he forgets everything so I put him in a diaper. There is no confusion upon landing that he now uses the toilet. Honestly I think your son would be fine, but may "hold it" for longer than he should because he wants to use the toilet. I just disapgree with the premise that they know better than you do - they don't. They just don't want to be inconvenienced. By the way, every time a teacher leaves the room to go to the bathroom, or any one of the other million reasons they come up with during the whole day, the ratio is off, and that is not a legal thing. As long as they are employed and showed up for work that day, the ratios are "maintained." They don't have to be in the room. Most rooms have diaper changing rooms outside of the daycare room anyway, no? Do they plan to never change his diaper? What's the difference if they are in the diaper changing room or in the potty?

I don't know - to me this says they are not putting your child's needs or your own needs before their own regimine, and this is a red flag.

Good luck.

Hi L.,

I have to say that I think that your daycare's response was reasonable... Children act very differently in different environments. I'm not sure what your process is for "pushing forward," and your son may or may not be ready for that... at home. In daycare (big or small) there's different stimuli, different level of comfort and security, different level of activity. What he does and is willing to do at home can be very different than in his daycare setting. I fall somewhere in the middle of how I do potty training in my daycare, but I also have a home daycare, so I have more flexibility than a center.

I am willing to start potty training when the child has been consistently interested and somewhat successful at using the potty at home, AND when they will willingly sit on the potty when prompted and assisted at daycare. I think too much stress and pressure when a child is not fully ready delays and sometimes derails the potty training process.

My advice is to do what you feel is appropriate and what your son is ready for at home, and accept the procedures of your care environment or find a smaller environment that can tailor itself to your expectations. Your little one will go on the potty in his own time. And if he's on track as much as you feel he is, he'll soon begin to let the teachers know when he needs to use the potty. Once a child gets really excited about using the potty and big boy underwear and the whole bit, they WANT to let people know when they have to go.

Be patient, He'll get there:)
Good luck!

I do home childcare, so I get the whole ratio's thing. Unfortunately that is a center drawback. For those nay-sayers about 2's and even younger being potty trained (someone said the adult was trained not the child, or something like that)...its bull..sorry. You can train a child to tell you when they need to go. I have had 5 living examples in my home childcare in the last year. The youngest was 22 mos, the oldest 28 mos. The most recent just this month, turned 2 on Sept 2, did the method over a 4 day weekend, and has the pee thing totally down pat, has not had one pee accident since. The poo thing we are still working on and he's had 2 of those since we began. His parents are likely using pull ups at night, as night training is different.

These people have done the "3 day potty training method" by Lora Jensen. It does work! You do't take your child at timed intervals, but remind them to tell you when they need to go. Its a potty boot camp for a few days...like waging a little war..but the results are incredible. Yes, they still need assistance with pants and hand washing..but way better than diapers. I support them in this endeavor once they are back to daycare after their long weekend at home. I have yet to have anyone fail or dislike the results of their efforts.

As far as your actual issue with childcare...if you go thru with something like I mention...you need to have the support of the childcare. To do one thing at home, then back to diapers at daycare...very very confusing and I fully believe (in my 20+ years experience with children) that it will confuse him. Discuss with them moving him up early if you can show that he will tell them when he needs to go (but that he will require assistance with pants and handwashing, etc)...come to some agreement if that is a possibility, since its coming in a few short months. Your other options are to find other childcare, or wait it out.

If you can come to an agreement, I urge you to try this method...perhaps your agreement with them if you have him "well trained" they can do a trial day with him where he is telling them he needs to go? (if they even can, due to ages, etc? I am unsure how that works in centers as I do home childcare in MN and those are the rules I know)...

As I have seen repeatedly on this site....it really is hard to change peoples views on something like this....having a potty trained 24 month old is tough for so many to grasp in this day and age...not sure why? So even if you had a trial day with the older class, the staff may really not support his efforts? I would be suspicious if it were a negative outcome, yet at home things were great.

Potty training kids before age 2 1/2 is my mission...not training ME! SO far so good. I currently have 3 Full time'ers in care over age 2...the oldest of which will be 3 later this month. They are all trained during the day for me.

Good luck and let us know what happened!
You can do it!

I would continue the potty training at home if you feel that its going well and he is catching on. If you keep training at home he may eventually start expressing his need to go to the potty at the daycare.
When both my son's were in daycare there was a schdule where they would regularly take the kids to the bathroom and none of my boys voiced the need to go when they did this. It was just hit or miss.
Even though the daycare did this it was not until I really started pressing the issue at home about them going to the potty did any progress get made in potty training. When I started being more consistant at home with the training it made their jobs easier. So, It seems as I was the one who potty trained them in the end.
I had interviewed several daycares before the one my son's attended and they had the same policy of not training until the child asked to go to the potty. I had never heard of such a thing, The moment my sons turned 3 years old I put on the pressure.

I say find another daycare if possible, because they should be willing to potty train when the parents are ready, not when they are ready. Some kids don't verbalize they need to go, and the daycare needs to pick up on that too.

It seems to me like they have never had anyone under 2 potty train because they are not willing to do it. Have a face-to-face conversation with them and tell you will find a daycare that is cooperative if they will not be.

I think some state regulations say they can't move a child up to the next age group until they are within 6 weeks of their birthday. If not, ask them to move him with the 2 year olds.

It sounds to me like your child is ready, so you need to do it at home, and try to push it with the teachers and the director at the day care. If they can't accomodate your child's growing developmentally, perhaps it is time to find a day care center that will.

So... the "potty" is in the other room?
DO you mean a 'toilet' or potty... chair????

Can you, buy a potty chair, for IN his classroom.... ????
If they can put it on the side somewhere? But that would also mean that the Teacher has to clean it out... which they may not do.

Your son, is not saying he has to potty, at school.
But does at home.
That is common. As well.
He is not yet... pottying outside the home or in public 'toilets.'
This is also common.
In 3 months, he will be moved to the 2 year old room. That is not a long time.
Can he just be switched to the 2 year old room, already????

It is good, they do not 'force' a child to potty... but is child led.
That is also common.

Don't worry... young children, often start at home with pottying... getting that more routine... then, gradually start to go potty outside the home. Per comfort level etc. That is another 'stage' in pottying....

BUT.. your son is doing well... would you find another Daycare????
Some will go according to a Parent's wishes....

all the best,
Susan

As a parent you may not like their response but given the circumstances, it seems reasonable to me. Is moving him to the 2yr old room now possible? But again, he has to indicate that he has to go...will he?

I was fortunatel. My daughter was at a home daycare and her provider was great about working with us regarding potty-training. However, my nephew (just a month younger than my daughter) attends a bigger home daycare and even though he does better in underwear than in pull-ups (like w/ most kids he feels the pull-up is like a diaper and actually said he doesn't have to go potty if he is wearing one), his provider just told my sister that he has to be in a pull-up and 30-days accident free before he can wear underwear there (it is her NEW policy). Needless to say my sister is livid (her son will be 4 in January).