Potty Training Always a Disaster with Me!!

Updated on May 04, 2011
L.C. asks from Pearland, TX
6 answers

I am trying to potty train my son who just turned 3. I have tried at different times the last 6 months or more and it has been nothing but disaster. I had lots of trouble training my daughter when she was that age (now 5). She didn't learn until she was almost 3 and had accidents several times a week for another year after that! She was very very bright from a very early age, I just knew it would be a breeze. I couldn't have been more wrong.
Here's what we've done so far: 1-2-3 potty training (using a teddy bear to demonstrate dryness, lots of drinks and snacks), Boot Camp potty training (naked from waist down for a couple days), and even the old stand-by practicing sitting on the potty every 30 minutes or so. NOTHING works. I don't understand why this is so difficult. When I think about having to potty train my 16 month old in a couple years, I just feel miserable.
We have carpet throughout the house and have had so many accidents we've had to rent a cleaning machine several times. Today I took out the small kid potty and put it in the kitchen. He wanted to sit on it right away but nothing happened. I kept asking him all morning if he needed to try again. He did a few times but again, nothing. So as I'm preparing lunch, he urinates in the chair at the kitchen table and all over the floor - about 15 feet from the potty. Really!?!
I few people I've talked to about this have suggested letting him urinate outside. I really would rather not because I don't want him to think he can just do that anywhere anytime. I feel like this is me, something I'm doing or not doing especially considering my potty training "success" with my daughter.
I would so appreciate some feedback from all you other moms out there that have survived this! Thank you.

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So What Happened?

Thank you ladies so much. You know, you read all the literature on this which says what you all said, but you tend to forget it when you hear stories of kids who were trained really young or were very easy to train, so you go back to thinking it's you (me). I think what bothers me the most is what I THINK people are thinking or what I've heard others say about other kids we know. I'm going to just have to put those thoughts aside. Thanks again.

More Answers

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Hi L.,

From the sound of your post, my guess is that you are trying too hard. A lot of parents labor under the belief that if there was a perfect solution way to potty train, they could just teach them.

And parents are often the ones putting themselves, and their children, under the most pressure regarding this developmental challenge. I speak to this as a longtime preschool teacher/childcare provider and as a mother myself.

Years ago, I found a website I really love on Toilet Learning. I'm putting the link right here:
http://www.betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/Toile...

What's most important in helping our children to learn to use the toilet is understanding that this is *their* challenge to master; all we can do is assess for readiness, provide good support (like putting a potty chair in the common area where the child is-- that is a good idea) and then lots of patience and encouragement. Much of what you are seeing is the child's unfamiliarity with his body's cues and signals, and he will need lots of practice before he knows how to respond to them *before* the wetting happens. Some children learn this pretty quickly; other children get so engaged in play that it literally blocks their attention from acknowledging this message. Remember, some part of this is what we'd call 'multi-tasking', and at this age, young children are only just learning how to do this. Often, their attention is engaged to the exclusion of all other things.

So, have a look at the website, do some assessment on where your son is, and give yourself a break. Ultimately, this is not your job to 'teach' him, but his job to learn to respond to his body in a timely manner. Once kids feel they are in the driver's seat, sometimes this makes things easier.

A good piece of advice (I had wished someone had told me this years ago): do not ask your son "if" he has to go; just tell him "time to go potty" about once an hour until you start to see frequent success. He's at an age that "no" is going to be the likely answer to the potty question because A. He's busy playing or B. he's asserting his autonomy. When you over-ride his 'no', then he perceives that as a 'no confidence vote' from you. This is how power struggles develop.

And you can always give yourself some time and just ask him "are you interested in diapers or going potty?". See what he has to say. It might be enlightening.:)

3 moms found this helpful
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J.H.

answers from Houston on

Why don't you just let it go and stop stressing over it! I did all these same things too with my now 8 year old and it was soooo frustrating for us both that I stoped worring about it, put him in pull ups and when he was ready...that was it! There was no turning back! I was told he won't go to "big" school in diapers so no need to worry! It was so much more pleasant when he was really ready!! It is a develpmental thing and happens with each child at a different age. Don't push it, it will come!

2 moms found this helpful
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D.M.

answers from Denver on

The hard part is that they are in CONTROL, not us. AND each kid is different. My only advice is not to push. Be supportive and give options. If he is not showing signs that he's ready (wants to sit on the potty and knows he has to go) wait. My son was just over 3 and one day told me he wanted his underwear... he was done. My daughter started early and took longer...and we bribed her w/ m&ms....Hang in there and follow his lead.

2 moms found this helpful

J.B.

answers from Houston on

My son didn't train until he was three either! I totally let it go and just had some cool underwear on the counter. He would ask me about it and I would just casually say, oh yeah, that is your big boy underwear for whenever you start using the potty, then I would add, so just tell me when you want to start using the potty. One day, he said, ok! I want to use the potty! I told him that if he stayed dry in this thick cloth training underwear for one whole day, he could wear his cool stuff. He said, Ok!! Day three he was in underwear. Now this was after like three other tries of horrid potty training with all the pitfalls you described! I THINK, no expert here or anything, that because I just let go and had faith that one day he would want to initiate the potty, that is what did it. He felt in control, and as far as the potty is concerned, he has to be. He was just about to be three, like in a few days, and at his birthday party he was in undies with no problems. So if you can handle it, maybe put him in diapers, put away the potty, put out the underwear and just let it go for awhile and see what happens. It worked for me! It is hard to see a big child in a diaper, I know, but you aren't a failure, potty training is something a child has to connect with emotionally and physically, we are just along for the ride!! Good luck :D

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C.B.

answers from Austin on

He is not ready! Some kids mature later than others for this, and he's still well within the normal range. He just isn't ready. Keep him in pullups or diapers, leave the potty where he can see it, and he will want to do it eventually. Really. As for your older one, my daughters were both not interested either. The older one would come to me saying "I just did a BM in my pants, will you please come clean me up." I think she thought it was just too much trouble! It took preschool and other kids as role models for her to finally give up and do it. The other one was a bedwetter until almost age 7. It all eventually happens, just not when you think it should.
Take a break and try again in a month or two and DON'T worry.
Good luck.

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M.J.

answers from Sacramento on

I agree ... do NOT let him pee outside. My husband let our son do that one time and the very next day, I got a call from his preschool that he had peed out on the lawn during outdoor play! Mortifying ...

Our oldest was a nightmare to potty train, so I know what you're going through. What I found worked best was to skip all of the goofy strategies (Cheerios in the bowl, potty parties, etc.) and just focus on the basic task at hand. We put our son in underwear, stocked up on cleaning supplies and just took him to the potty periodically. Our son would do the same as yours. We finally started making him take off the wet clothes, wipe himself clean and scrub the areas he peed on. That was a drag to him so I think it helped. Also, let him watch you and your husband (and his sister, if she'll allow it) go potty. That can also help with the motivation.

It's tough with the strong-willed kids. Hang in there! It will happen and I promise he won't be at the prom in a Pull Up! :)

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