H.W.
Hi L.,
From the sound of your post, my guess is that you are trying too hard. A lot of parents labor under the belief that if there was a perfect solution way to potty train, they could just teach them.
And parents are often the ones putting themselves, and their children, under the most pressure regarding this developmental challenge. I speak to this as a longtime preschool teacher/childcare provider and as a mother myself.
Years ago, I found a website I really love on Toilet Learning. I'm putting the link right here:
http://www.betterkidcare.psu.edu/AngelUnits/OneHour/Toile...
What's most important in helping our children to learn to use the toilet is understanding that this is *their* challenge to master; all we can do is assess for readiness, provide good support (like putting a potty chair in the common area where the child is-- that is a good idea) and then lots of patience and encouragement. Much of what you are seeing is the child's unfamiliarity with his body's cues and signals, and he will need lots of practice before he knows how to respond to them *before* the wetting happens. Some children learn this pretty quickly; other children get so engaged in play that it literally blocks their attention from acknowledging this message. Remember, some part of this is what we'd call 'multi-tasking', and at this age, young children are only just learning how to do this. Often, their attention is engaged to the exclusion of all other things.
So, have a look at the website, do some assessment on where your son is, and give yourself a break. Ultimately, this is not your job to 'teach' him, but his job to learn to respond to his body in a timely manner. Once kids feel they are in the driver's seat, sometimes this makes things easier.
A good piece of advice (I had wished someone had told me this years ago): do not ask your son "if" he has to go; just tell him "time to go potty" about once an hour until you start to see frequent success. He's at an age that "no" is going to be the likely answer to the potty question because A. He's busy playing or B. he's asserting his autonomy. When you over-ride his 'no', then he perceives that as a 'no confidence vote' from you. This is how power struggles develop.
And you can always give yourself some time and just ask him "are you interested in diapers or going potty?". See what he has to say. It might be enlightening.:)