Potty Training Advice Please!!! - Saint Joseph,MO

My daughter did the same thing. At first, we just backed off the potty training for a while. Then I would make it more fun by saying "Momma is going to go potty, then Megan can go potty." She thought it was fun that we were both going. As for rewards - I used them with my first, and he was potty trained in no time. They did not work with my second. As for my third, I put a calendar in her room. Everyday that she does not have an accident, she gets a sticker. if she goes 7 days with no accidents (which hasn't happened yet), she gets a Dora balloon (something she picked out). that way, she's not getting rewarded everyday, but she has a goal. Everynight that she gets to put a sticker on she loves it! And if she has an accident, she gets a sad face, but I will say "let's try to get a sticker tomorrow." and she usually does. Good luck!

Hi my name is V.. I am a mother of 3. One son 15, a daughter 11 and another son 10. When I potty trained my first son, we had a book, I do not remember the name of the book. Put the way it went is we spent the whole day togther and no t.v. nothing. We would read and play and about every 30 mins. We would go to the potty and then back to reading or playing and just repeat that the whole day. My husband went to work and came home and we where going to the potty like a big boy. Good Luck. Hang in there you will get there.
V.

I would back off for a week or so. Do you have potty videos? It's potty time and Bear in the Big Blue House are good ones. Put the potty chair in the living room and let her run around naked(as one of the other mother's suggested)when you're at home together. Let her go to the potty by herself a few times (with plenty of praising positive reinforcement) before you start a potty training regimen again, to be certain she is ready. She'll have some accidents, that's when you say, "Ot oh! We made a mess! Let's clean it up!" Have her wipe up what little she can, and while you are both cleaning explain that that's why we use potties, can you imagine what a mess our house would be if mommy and daddy didn't use the potty. It'll make it fun and humorous for her, while teaching her at the same time.
Don't despair when she has accidents even after she's mostly trained... I takes a while for them to be 100%. One time, my daughter and I were trying a free class at Gymboree when she was just 3 years old and she was so excited she forgot to ask to go to the potty and she peed all over the mats. That was so embarrassing!

My 2 year old didn't like the potty chair except to use as a hat. We got a small toilet seat, a step that he could put his feet on, so he felt more stable (when sitting of course), and his favorite books, which he loves! He will read all day. At first we read to him, and now he just wants to look at them hisself. He is getting better and better. I would also take some of his toys and do "pee pee" songs and dances for him (just silly sounding stuff) and he still loves that too. It is taking a lot of patience for us and we are not really pushing it-he still wears diapers most of the time. He is coming to get us some when he needs to go potty though. One other thing you might want to try-I found a doll at Wal-Mart that takes water from a bottle and wets into a potty chair, along with other accessories. He is not really into it, but she may be. Good luck and hang in there!

You've got to change up the reward. The one your using is not working so try stickers on a calendar that she gets to put on each time she goes potty and at 5 stickers she get a BIG TREAT.
Or a different type of sucker that she has never seen, or let her play with your cell phone that you never let her touch. Something that will make going potty the coolest thing ever and when she does go, PARTY PARTY PARTY, call grandma, have your daughter tell grandma what she did, blow up balloons, get some horns, dance around the room, but make it fun.

I agree that you don't want the tantrums to rule the roost, but this is the one thing you can't fight and you can't make her do. She has to "want it" and you have to get creative to get her there. Remember that if a sucker worked on Tuesday, it may not on Thursday, time to think of something else. Since she is throwing fits now, I would drop the subject, leave it alone for a few days while you buy all the new treats and start over fresh and if she throws a fit, say "OK, I guess Mommy will eat this cool new Barbie sucker I bought for big girls who go potty" and watch that girl RUN to the potty, if not, try again tomorrow with something new. Remember don't physically push, sneaky around the back "mommy" push.

Good luck, and keep a box of baking soda handy for those accidents on the carpet and remember, this too shall pass.

BTW, We are potty training our second child right now, she's two and a half, we are almost there, not quite, but she's doing much better each week. Also, if your daughter goes to Mother's Day Out or a daycare or a church, find someone, a cousin, a friend, anyone who is potty trained that she loves to play with and use them to help you. "Macy wears panties, she's such a big girl" Right now my daughter doesn't wear pull-ups to Mother Day Out because her best friend Macy wears panties. I love when other kids potty train mine LOL :)

I just want to say that we're trying to potty train my 3yr old son right now and some of the advice here has been great for me to read! Thanks ladies for your ideas and encouragement! A., I hope we both have luck with our kids in this area--I can't wait to be free of diapers (at least for my oldest--my daughter won't be too far behind though)

:) B.

For what it's worth, I posted close to the same question and got a lot of differing advice. What worked for me was keeping my 2 yr. old girl in an uncarpeted part of the house (but still filled with toys, books, fun stuff etc.) with no undies for the first 2 days. She had a few accidents but quickly got the point that it was either the potty or on herself. It took about 1 week to figure out the pee thing and about 2 weeks+ to figure out the poop thing. We had about 5 or 6 total nighttime accidents and we were through. We gave peanut m&ms for treats and they worked great (we don't ever really have that sort of thing readily available here) - 1 for pee, 2 for poop. just be consistent and patient (even if it nearly kills you) :) I too am not a believer in the "they'll do it when they're ready" mentality. Good luck! Oh yeah, the picking out their own panties thing was a big incentive too...Elmo, Dora, Pony were all available and she doesn't even really know who they all are!

A.,

This is a tough call, but I would recomend that you back off for a while. We went though the same thing with my daughter. On the fit thing, I do think once you have brought up going to the potty with her you have to follow through. Your right giving in to a tantrum sets a bad president. However, if it is to much of a battle wait a day or two even a week before bringing the subject up again. I figured it was like rebooting a computer. After a few days they tend to forget the original battle.

We started working with our daughter when she turned two. At first we just talked about how everyone went potty. I tried to ask her if she was ready to try going like the big girls. If she said no I did not push. Once she agreed to try sitting on the potty I tried all kinds of potty seats, reading stories, stickers, gummy bears, m&ms, and jelly beans. The jelly beans worked the best for us. When she went to the potty and had kept her pull up dry she got two jelly beans. If she was wet we would give her only one jelly bean and then only if she peed or pooped. Even with all that it was still sometimes a struggle. In the begining we had a couple of false starts when we had to stop asking her to go sit on the potty. She just was not ready at that time. We would wait a while and then try a different method.

Once our daughter caught on to the fact that I was very proud of her when she used the potty she started wanting to go on her own more. There was also some pressure from the other girls at daycare. The clincher was a pack of pony panties she got for her third birthday this May. She wanted to wear them and we insisted that she had to go potty when we told her to in order to put them on. The panty bribe seems to work well with little girls. That was the method a friend used to get her daughter trained when she was 2 1/2, but every little girl is different. My brothers daughter fought the whole process and was not potty trained until her fourth birthday.

Just be patient this takes a while for them to catch on. Good Luck!

J.

I wouldn't recommend backing off completely but I would reccommend making it fun. When things go wrong be as unemotional as you can so she isn't getting a payoff by upsetting you.

You need to evaluate her communication skills and growth spurts. She can only make one transition at a time. If she's not talking well then it's too soon to introduce something that needs a lot of communication. My boys all had speech delays so we waited until closer to 3 before we focused too hard.

You're going to need a real potty chair for my technique and a stool so she can get up to the sink and a timer that will go off every 15-20 minutes on it's own. The two of you drink lots of drinks this weekend. Then the two of you go together. She doesn't have to sit on the potty but you do then you flush, wash both of your hands, brush hair, powder noses, make faces in the mirror.

You can choose the underwear situation, I used pull ups for the younger two my sitter used underwear for the older boy.

After this weekend you can just ask, Do you need to go when the timer goes off. Then get back to the the fun time on the weekends. Once the pressure is off you can start taking her more often but you have to have fun.

A.,
I am working on potty training our daughter who is almost 2. She was doing the same thing and still sometimes does the same thing. The screaming and throwing a fit. But what we do is if she goes pee she gets one star amd if she poops she gets two stars. After she gets 10 stars she gets a apecial treat. I didn't want to bribe her with candy every time she went potty because when we go to other places if she gets candy then it defeats the purpose and if she goes and we didn't have any then that wasn't fair to her. She really enjoys the stars. But the stars aren't just for potty either. They are for good behavior in public, doing something the first time when mommy and daddy say to, being a good girl all day with no or very few time outs...etc. But with the good stars come bad ones to. If she is really bad all day she gets a no-no star. She has figured those out very quickly..and doesn't like them.
Back to potty training...she has caught on very quickly and enjoys the stars. She likes to put them on the poster herself. I take her potty every time I go. If she has an accident that is okay...don't punish her for it. I used to get upset with my daughter if she went potty in her panties (pull-ups) but after I stopped getting mad now she brings me the wipes when she needs to be changed. We are getting closer to her noticing when she has to go potty. I hope you find something that works...good luck!

I watched a program about potty training, and the advice was to "train a baby doll". Put the baby on the potty, and pretend she goes potty, then throw a HUGE party for baby doll. Have your daughter participate in the training and party. My sister tried this, and it really seemed to help!

I also had a "potty dance" that I made up. Every time my kids would even show interest in the potty, we'd do the potty dance (which involved me swinging them up in the air..they love this).

I guess what I'm trying to say is to make it a positive experience for her. Try not to show her your frustration, and stay positive.

Hope this helps.
B.

I know that I am usually a stickler for making kids mind and I really hate rewarding fits.

But... When it comes to potty training I just don't feel that it helps anyone to force an issue that a child is not ready for. All that happens in those situations is that they become upset about potty training and it will take a long time to get through it. Everyone will be frustrated and mom and daycare provider will get burned out.

Have you sat with her and let her watch Elmos potty training video online? I personally don't see anything at all wrong with waiting til she's closer to 3 to start. I suggest testing the waters once every 2-3 weeks and between times preparing her through books, buying pretty underwear for the future, talking to her about what she will be able to do when she's a big girl etc.

Suzi

There could be a lot of things that's making her cry. When my daughter was potty training, we were at a public bathroom and she was on a toilet that automatically flushed, it flushed while she was sitting there and every time we went potty in public she threw a fit, she was scared. She also got pinched on her thigh from a toilet seat once and from then on begged me to help her onto the potty. Also, my little one did better when she had a warning, "In 5 minutes we're going to try to go potty" I never said she HAD to go potty, I always just told her all she had to do was sit on it and see what happens, if it didn't happen, never ever act negative about it, even your facial expression, or when she pees in her pull up, never be negative either. We took my daughter to pick out her own potty chair too that sang songs and made noises when you "flushed". Do you think she feels like she had a say in this potty business or everyone else is telling her it's what she needs to do and she doesn't feel like any of it is her choice?
Good luck, I know how potty training can be VERY stressful on both of you. If it gets too stressful though, then take a break, she just might not be ready.

I was always told never force them to go. That will ruin the whole thing for them and it will actually cause them to take longer to train completely. Also, another big no thing is the rewards. I've always heard never give them treats to associate with going. So the 3 of my 4 that's trained just got really great big hugs, kisses, and made it this big wonderful thing and they would call grandpa and grandma and get the same thing. So they were getting any kind of food or toys or anything.
I know they have the potty elmo's and books and all sorts of stuff. Dr. Phil recommends getting a baby that 'pees' and having the child 'potty train' the baby. When she sees everyone being so happy that the baby went it's more incentive to gain the attentionn back to herself so she'll start going. But he did say it can take more than a few tries of setting the doll on there and asking the child at the end if they want to go. And you just repeat the cycle until they do.
But every child's different. I have one daughter who took awhile to potty train, another that was completely trained in 3 days, and one that didn't want to go until she turned 3. So it just depends on the child too I think. And for my boy I haven't got any advice yet because he's still 9mos old. But that doll thing Dr. Phil recommended is good for boys and girls, although to honestly tell you I've never personally tried it. I saw it after my third daughter was training.

For what it's worth, I completely agree with those who said to not make it a battle. I have three kids, and my two older children (boy and girl) were 3 years old before we even dealt with the potty. I know, it sounds like a long time in diapers, but the great things was, once they were potty trained, they did not have accidents and they did not wet the bed. Once trained, we never used pull ups for night time or naps. For my oldest we tried a sticker chart, but she just didn't understand the concept of going potty. Once that switch turned on, no problems. My son was more of a bribe, "Big Boys don't take naps," he'd say. I'd say, "Big boys potty in the potty." That pretty much did it for him.

My third will be 3 at the end of August, and she has a potty chair, and uses it occasionally, but I don't push it. Yesterday we were in our kiddie pool and she told us twice she needed to go. I took her inside, and she went. I would say she is NOT potty trained, but she's getting closer with no issues.

try getting a doll that pees in the potty and after the doll pees throw the doll a potty party with juice and cookies or cupcakes and then when your child uses the potty she will get a party too!also i have boys but my best friend has girls and we both bought our kids their favorite charcter big boy/girl underware. with the boys i told them that if they got spongebob wet or dirty he would be upset and cry because he didnt like to get wet or dirty and that actually worked it took a couple days and a few accidents but it worked! good luck and it really does come down to whenever she is ready this is one of the few things in her little world that she has control of!

Hi A.,

I watch a little girl and a week ago I was making lunch and I had to go to the bathroom as I walk through the living room I notice her putting on a new pull up I ask her where is your other one ? I see it laying on the living room floor so I go to it and she had pooped in it, I tell her to come here so we can clean her up and she goes balistic on me and she screams for the next hour and a half. This was not fun for me or her. I call her mom and tell her what went on, we talked about trying to potty train her since she obviously knows that she needed to be changed.

So this week we tried the potty training thing in panties which went well but everytime I asked her if she needed to go potty she would break into histerics again, so at this point we are waiting and by "we" I mean her and I at daycare, mom is still gonna try at home but I am not really in the mood to hear a 2 y/o scream at the top of her lungs every 30 minutes at the fact I'm asking her if she needs to go potty.
I do not think this is directly associated with potty training because she is screaming at everything that goes on. I tell her not to run in the house (one of my house rules) and she goes into histerics, I tell her to get up at the table and she does it again. So I hope the screaming fits pass by soon and then we will pick up potty training again.
The point I'm trying to make is you're not the only one going through it, as for my advice back off the subject don't say nothing about. If she brings it up and wants to go let her but other wise give it a rest for atleast a couple of weeks if not longer. My daughter was 20 months when she was fully potty trained it probably would've been sooner but I made sure she was well adjusted to her getting a new baby sister in the house. Take a break for awhile it will come.

I know there are lots of differing opinions about potty learning -and I tend to believe that it is important to let potty time be child let. The child eventually WILL be in control --and already is to an extent.

I don't think bowel/bladder control is a place to set up battles. And I worry that forcing a child to go to the bathroom (you can't make them void though- no matter what you do.) will just make it harder to learn in the long run.

I would probably look at relinquishing the battle. Can you work with her away from day care (I suspect they will be more 'regimented' b/c of their 'schedule') ? Maybe just spending a weekend where you talk to her about using the potty in a fun way. (Maybe shop for pretty underwear?)

My kids were all out of diapers by 3 and I didn't ever force them to go to the bathroom. I used gentle reminders - 'do you have to use the potty' and tookd them w/ me when I went. I also made it easy for them - diaper free at home, potty chair in the living room.

I know it is tough, but this is one are where kids will learn to control themselves---and may control it too much --refusing to go in a 'battle' with the adults.

Good luck.

Hello A.,
I wouldn't push her, but you can make it less comfortable for her by putting her in panties. If she is using pull ups there is no incentive except the treats. Pull ups are just as absorbant as diapers. If she has an accident and makes a mess down her legs she isn't going to want to fight going to the bathroom. You might also try having her pick out a few books and read them while she is sitting in the potty. If you are not using a potty chair that she can sit on ground then you might try that, some kids are afraid of the big potty and getting sucked down in the water.
Hope something helps, but if she wasn't showing any interest it might be a battle for a little while, just don't make it an option let her know it is time to sit on the potty. Maybe you can sit on the toilet at the same time.
Good luck,
Michelle

I'm not that far yet with ELLa, so I'm not completely sure, but it sounds like maybe if you tried having certain times as potty time (right when she wakes up, after lunch and dinner, before bed, etc.) and just take her in and put her on instead of telling her "it's potty time" which might leave room for argument. That may not work or whatever, but I do agree that you don't want to give her the idea that she can throw a tantrum and get out of it. My ex-boyfriend (my daughter's father) swore by the idea that "you're not supposed to push them", his boys are 8 and 5 years old and still wet the bed every night and his five year old continued to poop his pants until he went to kindergarten-- so, I think at some point you do have to push a little and that's okay. You're on the right track and I wish you luck! :)