Hi, I'm looking for good books/methods that others have used in successful potty training.
My son will turn three next week, and I believe he is READY. We have had a potty chair for probably a year and a half, but I've never made a huge effort, just letting him get comfortable with it, sitting him on it when he is willing, and a few times have had him sit for longer periods of time (30 minutes or so) with a cup of juice until he peed (he wanted to, I didn't force it). But he's never indicated any greater desire to use the potty, and when we've put underwear on him he just pooped right in them (that was last summer). He usually says no when I ask him, right when he wakes up or throughout the day, if he wants to sit on the potty, even though he knows he will get a chocolate chip for peeing. He's never pooped on the potty, even after sitting for a long time, "trying" and just letting out gas. He eventually gives up, then poops as soon as the diaper is on. In short, the simple, relaxed approach of offering small rewards and not pressuring doesn't seem to be working - I'm ready for something more!
Here are reasons I think he is ready - he knows when he pees and tells me "I just peed in my diaper". He sometimes tells us before he poops, and if we ask him to go in the bathroom to do it he will - sometimes (not often) he does this on his own. He likes being clean and wants us to change him even when his diaper is just wet, because it bothers him. He cleans his own hands and face when he is eating, and wipes around his plate if he spills. He's also learning to undress himself, and taking great pride in the things he can do for himself.
I don't feel pressured to have him trained by a certain age, but does it sound to other, more experienced mothers, like he is ready? He is my firstborn, and I've tended not to push developmental milestones with him but just relax and let him do things when he is ready. However, his personality has been to be a bit more stubborn and to do some things a little bit delayed, and he has also been overly comfortable having us do things for him (e.g. wouldn't feed himself until +10mths when I finally forced his hand to pick up the cheerio and put it in his mouth, didn't walk until 16mths, never tried to undress himself until we walked him through the process, etc) so I think this is an area where I will have to take the lead and TRAIN, because I don't think he will do it unless pushed a bit. I do think he'll love it once he gets it though!
My husband wants me to just leave him in his wet/dirty diaper all day until he gets uncomfortable enough to figure out that the potty is a better choice. Somehow that plan just doesn't sit well with me - I'd like to try some other things first, and have a more positive "training" approach.
We already have a video and book (The Potty Movie for boys - with Henry)that we have read and watched ad nauseum - doesn't motivate new behavior much - please offer suggestions other than a book or video for him.
Thanks everyone for your advice! I checked out a handful of books at the library, including Potty Training in a Day, No Cry Potty Training Solution and 123 Potty Training. I skimmed them all, then took what I thought would work for us. :-) His b'day, turning 3, was on Saturday, so I kept talking last week about what a big boy he'd be when he turned 3, and mommy was going to help him learn to use the potty so he wouldn't need diapers anymore. On Monday morning we took the last diaper off, told him that was his last one, and put him in loose sweats, just totally bare underneath. He pooped on the floor once, then peed in the potty 2x that day, and mostly just seemed to hold it. Yesterday he woke up with a wet pull up, telling me he really really wanted to wear a diaper. We started the same thing again yesterday, except I'd told him that when he pooped in the potty we'd have a potty party with cake and ice cream (conveniently left over from his b-day) and I put together a treat tray in a muffin tin with different treats in each cup that he could choose from whenever he successfully used the potty. He had one pee accident yesterday, but otherwise stayed clean and dry (which I rewarded him for every hour or so with a choc chip), even when we went out to the park for some much needed fresh air and I put a pullup on him. During his "quiet rest time" he peed 3 x and pooped twice - all on his own since I put his potty in his room for him! This morning he woke up with a dry pull up and immediately went on his own to the bathroom, sat on the potty and peed. It went all over the floor, but the intention was there! During breakfast he told me he needed to poop and ran back to the potty, sat down and did it!
Wow, I never imagined it would go this well! I'm fully aware we may still have setbacks, but this is such a great start, I just know now that my mother's intuition was right on, he was just needing a little push (taking away the comfort of the diapers) to realize he could do it.
Thanks again for all the encouragement and positive words!! I will probably be back on again if/when we hit a roadblock. :-)
More Answers
M.P.
answers from
Seattle
on
I agree that so far, you are doing everything right!! I have read that boys can have a harder time potty training, especially bm, because they see the bm as a part of their body, and are scared to "drop" it in the toilet and flush it away.
One article that I read suggested a gradual process:
1. Have him sit on the potty in his diaper to poop.
2. Cut a hole in his diaper, and have him sit on the potty to poop.
3. When he is comfortable w/ that, go ahead and remove the diaper.
Don't worry, no kids ever went to college in diapers! He'll figure it out eventually. :)
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S.R.
answers from
Seattle
on
Hi H.,
we got a couple different potty books from the library,
talked a lot about him going to Ikea to play in the ballroom, but he had to be 3 and always in underwear, we'd always watch the kids and explain about underwear & whats involved, not forcing or even scheduling going to the potty, he'd go every couple hours at daycare (only 2x week), daycare helped - he saw others go, ultimately my mother in law said she'd take the boys if only 1 was in diapers, so, i explained that - the reason his brother 1.5 years was in diapers was just because he didn't know what to do when he felt pee & poo coming so he just would go and we need a diaper to catch it, then I asked him if he knew when it was coming and he said he did (i knew that) and what should he do? Well, the next day...he's going himself and says he doesn't need pull-ups. I thought this was a kinda fluke but my friend was struggling too, her boy would only be dry if he was barebottomed, so she explained and he was dry day and nights in underwear for 6 days so they went to Ikea. ...and yet, my mom in law still won't take the boys as now she insists the second be weaned ...lol...i guess she's gonna have to wait. hang in there - hope my rambling helps! oh yeah, watching daddy pee standing up was pretty novel too, still prefers sitting most the time except at daycare they've got the cutest urinals i have ever seen - yes, he showed me the urinals today. ultimately, he thinks it was all HIS idea, and good for him!!!!!
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K.D.
answers from
Seattle
on
With both of my kids I picked a day that was "big boy/girl" potty day. We picked out a few of their favorite books and put them along with a glass of water next to their toilet. I let them run around in big kid underpants, drink lot's of juice and water and sat them on the potty every 1/2-1 hours. Eventually they peed. When they did they got to eat a m&m and put a sticker on a chart, if they went poo they got 3 m&m's and stickers. I made a HUGE deal over it (danced, jumped up and down, gave high fives) when ever they used the potty. We even partied when I used the potty. The kids had a hoot. My son was potty trained in a day and my daughter within 2 days. Once you start..don't go back to diapers or pull ups. I only use pull-ups at bed time. Both of my kids were 3.
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L.M.
answers from
Portland
on
My son was very similar - showed very little initiative to using the potty on his own. One of my friends suggested that what had worked for her son was to let him run around without pants on. We did that for a week or so, keeping the portable potty nearby, and he would run to the potty every time. It took some adjusting to, having a no-pants little boy running around, but it really helped to get him comfortable with using the potty. After that he still had some ups and downs about using the potty, but now (he is 3 years and 2 months) he is doing great - running to the potty to poop and staying dry. It sounds like you are doing great at being patient and not pressuring. The rewards did not work for us either - he just needed to be ready and want to do it.
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M.S.
answers from
Portland
on
I know you already got tons of advice, but I just wanted to add that if you leave your son naked, with a potty chair in the same room, chances are he'll use it without many accidents. Especially if he doesn't like messes. I use this approach and have potty trained 3 boys each in only one weekend.
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L.V.
answers from
Eugene
on
Sounds like he was ready and your intuition was right on! Love the Muffin tin with different treats...I'll definetly try that when my littlest guy is ready! Thanks for sharing your success!
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D.J.
answers from
Seattle
on
Way to go H.! Hooray!
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M.J.
answers from
Seattle
on
I can sympathize with you! Our son is 3 1/2 and still isn't potty trained. I checked out the book Toilet training in one day from the Library and that worked for my son for about 2 weeks. Then he decided he missed his diapers and started peeing on the floor. Soooo he's back in diapers... OUr pediatrician said his two boys were about 4 1/2 before they were potty trained. I think it can be a control issue for them. My son has only gone poop in the potty once and said he's scared to do it again. I found a book (it's on order) called Everyone poops. I'm hoping that might help. We have our son signed up for preschool next fall and he has to be in underwear by that time. I'm hoping that will motivate him. I wish you the best.
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K.L.
answers from
Yakima
on
Hi H.,
I think you are doing just absolutely great with him. I wouldn't change a thing. As much as we would love potty training and other processes to be quick and easy, it just isn't. It's a long daily process of constant gentle support as they finally figure it out. Also, I think it's a terrible idea to leave him in a dirty diaper! (My husband would probably come up with that lazy painful choice as well). BTW, it usually takes boys a bit longer (read a year or more) than girls to potty train, especially with bowel movements.
