My son will be 4 years old in May. He has an older brother, 7 years old, so we thought he'd potty train really easy since he had an older brother to watch. WRONG! We are worried because he starts 4 year old kindergarten in September and we do not want to send him to school wearing diapers. It seems like we have tried all the tricks and nothing works. We've done special treats to eat. We have a reward box filled with cool little toys he wants and likes, but when he is sitting on the potty, he likes to look at the toys, but then says he will just wait until his birthday or another time to get the rewards. We have done pull ups, regular big boy underwear, nothing seems to work. If we put him in underwear or nothing at all, he will hold it all day until his tummy hurts! We have also been having trouble getting him to sleep the whole night in his room. He shares a room with his brother, and his brother is a quiet sleeper and normally asleep before the little one is. I guess I don't remember my oldest being this difficult!! We waiting until the 2nd one was born before trying, and he was about 4 months shy of turning 4 when he trained. Seemed to go real quick once he got it!
Is this just an age thing or a younger sibling thing??
We used to throw a few Cherrios in the toilet and he thought it was fun to "aim" at them and see if he could sink any. Good luck!
try floatable cereal in the toliet like cherrios. boys like to try and sink them. All children potty train at different rates. Maybe he is doing it to get attention for you.
My first daughter was easier to potty train. My second daughter was more stubborn and would pee all over and not tell me until I stepped in it. I told her when she turned three the store won't sell me diapers anymore. Ok, so it's a lie-but it worked. When she turned three years old she stayed dry almost all the time.
I read one time that their child wanted to wait until his birthday to stay dry. So they had a few friends over and had a birthday party-even though his birthday wasn't for many more months!
I would love to hear all the advice you get on this on. Since I am in the same boat with potty training. Some people just say to wait until they are ready. How long is too long to wait????
Have you shown him that he can stand to go pee?? I know that with my now 6 1/2 yr old when we were training he wasn't getting it. Then we showed him that he could stand up to pee and he thought that was really cool and from then on it was pretty easy.
I would highly reccommend the book called "Toilet Training In Less Than A Day" by Azrin (I can't remember the first name). It addresses a lot of problems parents face when potty training children, and has a tested method for training children in just a few hours. I was a little skepitcal about it really working, but it totally worked for my 3 year old son! The author even addresses what to do if your child has resisted potty training in the past. You might want to back off on the whole thing for a few weeks and try again - maybe using the method from the book. It basically has your child teach a doll how to go to the bathroom on the toilet, and then it transfers over to your child, having them demonstrate what they taught the doll, including teaching them accountability if they have accidents. It's been clinically tested with a really high success rate and I think is pretty cool. P.S. The book suggests that you use a doll that actually wets, but I don't have spare cash to delve out $20-$30 for a doll I may not use again, so I just used a teddy bear and squirt water out of a water bottle behind it to make it look like the bear was going. Good luck to you, it will work out!
Talk to your pediatrition. Sometimes the problem is physical. I had a friend who's son had the same problem. They were able to correct it in time for him to start kindergarten. Don't put it off for very long. He needs to be in good habits before he starts school.
My son will turn 4 at the end of March and has been completely potty trained for about 2 months. He was stubborn and really liked to wear his pullups...I just got him up every morning and put him on the potty while I was doing my makeup until he went pee. And then after that he may or may not go again throughout the day...but it was a start for him. He started going more and more during the day. Now I'm having the problem with him going to the potty by himself...even in our own house. Good Luck!!
I am the mom of twin boys now 11 and what worked for me was we had special stars or circles punched out of paper that they got to put in and shoot when they went. They loved it. We just kept them in a special cup in the bathroom. They also loved to flush them down! Hope this helps. Good Luck:)
My daughter's preschool recommended the "potty-training in less than a day" approach; referring to the book mentioned by others. Her teacher would always tell me to never show positive or negative emotions or reactions when there was the icky accidents. But when she did use the potty, I should really exaggerate my positive response. Do silly dances, jump up and down, whatever silly thing to make your child feel good about what they just accomplished. Going back to the accidents and how to handle them; the child should clean it up. As a parent, you should supervise, but the child should clean up themselves and his/her clothing - taking to the laundry or put in the washer, etc. It gets them motivated to use the potty and not have to do the clean up. I like the idea of one mom asking the kid if their child wanted to clean up mom's pooh. It made me laugh out loud and I will definitely use that line when I start to potty-train my second child...which will be very soon...Ugh. (I hate potty-training.)
Dr T. Barry Brazelton has alot of advice on this subject. He had a show on the lifetime channel when my daughter was an infant (14yrs ago). It was called "what every baby knows" and he spent alot of time talking to parents about potty training. From what I remember it is more difficult to potty train boys. He wrote some books that dealt with specific age groups that you would probably find helpful. He seemed to take a relaxed/no pressure approach. One thing you've got going for you...I don't know any 30 year olds that never got potty trained!!!
I have known several moms with stubborn children that refuse to potty train. They eventually got to the point where they told their child that there are not diapers big enough for them and that they had to wear underwear. Within in a few days that child was potty trained.
I have 4 kids; 2 girls (9 1/2 and 8 1/2) and 2 boys (5 and 2). My girls were a breeze when it came to potty training. My oldest just before she turned 3 and my younger daughter on her 3rd birthday. When my oldest son turned 3 we started to encourage him as much as he would let us without forcing him. It finally got to be a month before his 4th birthday and I had had it! I asked him if he was still a baby and he said no. I told him that if he wasn't a baby that he couldn't wear the diapers or pullups anymore. I literally had to refuse to put him in the diapers and pullups. I told him he either put the underwear on and went potty in the toilet or he could go naked on his bottom and go potty in the toilet. Either way, he wasn't going to be wearing a diaper. That first day was hard. Making sure that he was going to the bathroom and not in his underwear. I felt bad for pretty much forcing him, but by the 3rd day, he was so proud of himself for going potty and staying dry. The whole family cheered him on when he would go potty in the toilet that when the 3rd day hit, it was no longer a fight. We also rewarded after 7 days with a package of new underwear that he got to choose. After 1 month, he got a special toy and lunch out with mom. Just the 2 of us. It was rewarding for the both of us.
I only have limited experience with this (we have a boy who's 4). He was not interested in going on the toilet. Just didn't care! He would go in his underwear and say, nonchalantly "I know, I'll put on a new pair!" I was so frustrated! Then, a friend of mine said she needed to get excited every time he went. So, one morning I asked my son "When are you going to go on the toilet today, so I can get excited and do the 'happy happy dance?' He jumped up, ran to the bathroom and did his business on the toilet. I came in and did the silliest dance I've ever done (and he will be the only one who's ever seen it). From then on, I would ask him when he would go, so I could be excited. He always tried to go on the toilet. Eventually, he would go to the bathroom, and then call out "Mom, I went to the bathroom ... are you excited?" I had to do the happy dance a lot at first, but it was worth it. I don't know if this helps, but it worked for me!
One of the things that helped us was a timer to tell him when we had to go potty. We'd set it to go off every 30 minutes or so. When it went off, he knew that he had to at least go and sit on the potty. We combined this with taking the diapers away and going with underwear only. I also made sure that I was around for several days so that potty-training was our main focus. And he got it! Good Luck!
I have 3 girls so they are easier to train. But I have a brother who is as as old as my oldest daughter. He did the exact same thing. I used to watch him and after a while I told him he was gonna go on the potty. He fought me for a while and then did the spite thing. I told him if he went in pants he would have to change himself, he eventually got sick of changing himself and we never had a problem after that.
Brittany G.
Great book: Toilet Training in Less than a Day, by Nathan Azrin. There will always be a few accidents the first few days, but this really works (in fact, it works for mentally retarded children as well). It has a learning sequence that you use when your child has an accident, to practice pottying correctly. My son who was not trained with this method has more accidents and puts off going potty sometimes as a 5 year old. My daughter is almost 4 and hardly ever has even a drop of pee on her panties nor has since she was trained at 2 1/2. When she needs to go, she hurries to the potty no matter what she is doing, just like the book teaches.
Read "potty training in less than a day" It worked for us seriously in less than a day. it is old but well worth the 5-10 bucks to buy it.
for stubborn kids it really does help to just stop diapers alltogether. don't buy them. get rid of the ones you have. if he doesn't care and he wets/poops himself. make him deal with it and clean it up (obviously with your watchful eye). I would tell my boy when he pooped his pants and he asked me to clean it up that "Do you want to clean up my poop?" of course the answer was no "so I don't want to clean up yours." Just have him take it off, wipe himself off and put the clothes in the washing machine. After he is done, help him wash his hands really well.
Oh the power struggles with a headstrong intelligent child!!! :) I still have them. My boy was the same way, except he would just go in his pants - we had forced the underwear - no more pullups. What worked for me is to love, love, love him as much as I could (physically, verbally, sometimes rewards for positive reinforement of other good behaviors).... and when there were potty accidents (because he NEVER went in the potty, there were lots) he was in charge of cleaning himself. I went into the bathroom with him to instruct him how to clean himself. I wasn't mad or angry; I gave him no positive or negative attention during this time. He had a garbage bag and a box of wipes. He had to dump the poop in the toilet and flush, (I usually rinsed it there - I didn't want a clogged toilet). I would tell him where he had to wipe after he removed all soiled clothing. We went through a few boxes of wipes, and he had to put is underwear/clothing into the bathtub to await laundry (or a seperate bag if we were somewhere else)... but after a few WEEKS he finally said, "Mom, this is gross!" YEEEEAAAH! He became potty trained!!! - Now if I could just get him to flush the toilet! My guess is he needs to feel extra secure in most areas of his life and then turn the responsibility over to him.
As far as the not sleeping in his bead, I wore paths in the carpet continually taking my children back to their rooms at all times of night. When they got older I just told them to go back to bed. Sometimes I even had to close or lock my door for a while after they had been warned a few times (only once or twice) ..... keep at it, I haven't seen a little one in months now :)
ps-watch for the "sick" times... I don't know a Mom who let their child back into their bed when their child was sick who didn't go back to square one again after they got better... kids think the rules don't apply any more once they've been broken!
I've worked in day care and have been a nanny for years and I'll tell you now that boys are very hard to potty train to begin with. Try singing the ABC's or giving him a book to read because usually they don't think about what they're doing and they'll go potty it's just a relaxing thing some boys are very shy about the potty and it scares them a little.
In all honesty, I think he's not potty-training just because he has the power to do it and there isn't anything you can do about it. If he can hold it in all day, he obviously has control of his body. Is it something you are always talking to him about? If so, I would just drop it completely for a month or two. Then I would ask him if he's ready to use the potty like a big boy. Is he excited to go to school? My son desperately wanted to go to preschool but I told him he couldn't go until he knew how to use the potty. It wasn't until we actually went to the school and he got to see all the kids and toys and activities that he finally understood "no potty, no school" and he was ready to be potty trained. You just need to find that one thing that will really motivate him.
A lot of mom's I know have boys that didn't potty train until they were 4, almost 5, so don't worry too much about it. He'll do it when he's ready and when HE wants to.
Best of luck to you both!
I would wait. He seems to be in a power struggle with you right now. Let it go for a month or two. My oldest was really hard to train. He was over five before he was completely trained. I just put pull-ups on him for school. Then, my situation was a little different. My son has Autism. He took longer than most for everything.
