********* ADDITION TO MY RESPONSE *********
AWESOME RESULTS! Congrats on starting a new chapter!
I do see how many of us missed the mark with what you were asking - and you did spell it out pretty clearly. I think that most of us moms just immediately start searching our own databases for our experiences, and in that way, we tend to zone out on the specifics of what was asked, and just begin inserting our 2 cents!
I am glad, however, that you did manage to get something from your responses that helped, however much. It sounds like your little guy kind of figured it out on his own! Isn't that the way it always goes?? :)
Please give your son a big high-five for his accomplishment from all of us who were wishing him well!
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Hi C.~
I think you have received some good advice here. After reading your post, I was agreeing with you, feeling like kids shouldn't be pressured to potty train, they will simply do it when they are ready (my son kind of did - more on that in a minute)... I was also thinking that pressuring them is really nothing but counter-productive, and potentially adding to whatever anxiety they are already experiencing...
BUT, after reading your other responses, I have to agree, that at 4 1/2, it is probably time to get the show on the road... and view this as teaching a necessary life skill, rather than inflicting undue pressure and anxiety on our children. Perhaps we need to adjust what we are telling ourselves about the situation... I say "we" because my son, who turned 3 in January, is potty trained for pee, but not poop. He is willing to poop or try to poop on the potty 'sometimes', but is far more comfortable pooping in his pull-up. We have to catch him getting into the 'poop stance' and quickly redirect him to the toilet, and sometimes he's willing, and sometimes, he's not. That said, I agree that it may be time to do away with the pull-ups altogether, because it does seem they are enabling him, as with your son. And my son gets terribly upset when he poops in his big boy undies... and it seems to me that his getting upset is about disappointment in himself, as well as not wanting the poop on him. He is getting a little squeamish about that even with the pull-ups - he wants changed right away, and holds himself up out of the pull-up.
Taking the no-more-pull-ups approach will definitely be an inconvenience for a little while, with cleaning up pee and poop messes, but since your son is physiologically ready, maybe the process will be quick, and he will decide quickly that he doesn't want to deal with the whole pee/poop on his clothes and cleaning it up routine. I would just be sure to incorporate some kind of reward system to encourage him... as a teacher, I am sure you know that positive reinforcement is the best behavior modifier, whether it be much verbal praise, a sticker chart, etc... we used "potty prizes" for peeing on the potty when we were first getting into the swing of things... I stocked up on dollar (or less) toys and junk, basically, that my son would get for each successful trip to the potty. He responded well to it. I know it can be a little much, but after a short while, I stopped offering the prizes, and he forgot to ask... so they just phased out naturally.
Just a quick question... what do you do when you are out somewhere and your son poops and needs changed? We are always out and about and this is getting to be a real problem for me... My son is big for his age, 39 pounds and 39 inches tall... so needless to say, he has long outgrown the changing stations in restrooms... but we still use them!! UGH!! My son is my first and only child, so as a first time mom, I used to worry when he was just an infant that those things would hold him, and I always propped it up with my knee as I was changing him - one of my many circus/mother tricks - and now, I throw him up there and figure if the plaster starts cracking, well, maybe my son will get the idea that he is too big to be getting diapers changed!!! LOL :) Funny how we become desensitized to things!
Anyhow, you sound like a very insightful, creative mom, who is really doing all the right things... I just think you need to take the hard step for your son, and help him along with this first of many life lessons. Ditch the pull-ups... make it ceremonious, go buy a bunch of cool big boy undies (although you probably already have some), but this could be fun and encouraging for your son, and just go for it. Have him be more accountable for keeping himslef clean and dry, and maybe he will get tired of doing his diapering, just as you are...
I always pray that I will have the strength to make the hard choices for my son... and maybe this qualifies as one of those choices... In the grand scheme, I only hope they are all this easy, huh?
BEST OF LUCK TO YOU... Let us know what you decide and how it goes...